[warnings ; mild sex scene with kuroo + oikawa, angst]
[ I crash, you crash, you were the one, I told myself, I don't even know myself, or control my self at all. - Lil Peep ; I crash u crash
questioning of existence and identity, lack of self-awareness, self destructive instinct ]
oikawa had never went over what he succeeded in his life. he probably didn't do it because subconsciously he thought he hadn't done enough. he didn't have his reasons for existence.
,,oikawa you can cancel to today's customer, right?" the tan boy had asked him, causing a shiver down his spine. his voice was laced with pain and pleading. he shook his head lightly, curled hair bouncing as he bit his lower lip.
iwaizumi tried to place a hand on oikawas face, only to touch air where the other boy stood seconds ago. the brunet was already running far away from him.
oikawa had his fingers laced around kuroos wrist, as they stumbled towards his room. they were mildly drunk, oikawa more than kuroo. it took a while to unlock the door. the benefits of your customer being a friend. ,,tooru, it's so nice to see you. after you left home you didn't talk to us much.." kuroo mumbled, tracing kisses along the others collar bones.
quickly, they removed shirts, kuroo holding tooru tightly in the cold. ,,tooru, your room is as messy as your mind." he laughed, his fingers tapping along oikawas spine jokingly. oikawa let out a sigh, followed by a soft giggle.
he pushed kuroo towards the bed, the other laying over him, hands tracing over his pants.
soon enough they were both out of clothes, and sheets were tangled around both. moans filled the room, oikawas fingers gripping the sheets lightly.
cries were heard from the other room this time.
,,so tooru, what song are you thinking about?" kuroo questioned. it was their thing, expressing thoughts throughout music choices. ,,I'd go for crybaby by lil peep. bo and I are having some problems.." he added, reaching to the pocket of his jeans that were discarded on the floor to find a pack of lucky strikes. he offers them to tooru, of course.
tooru waves his hand. ,,I smoke black devil now. they burn your lungs better and last longer." he smiles, the edges of his lips twitching along with his fingers. ,,I guess I crash, you crash always worked for me." he muttered, biting his lower lip. a disgusting habit. he had plenty of those.
but so did kuroo. that's why they helped out to each other. for a second he stared at the others wrist. ,,ah, you were always more self destructive. I was more poetically tortured." kuroo finally says, air around them smoking out, scented with the chocolate scent of black devil.
their breaths were low and steady, no conversation needed. ,,I'm not sure if I would like this boy to crash along with me." oikawa says, finally, voice lower than usual, thoughts deeper than scars on kuroos wrists.
the other laughs, and it's a lightly hysterical laugh, but expected. ,,you always question the same thing, yet you always crash everyone. you can't change that tooru. you're dying."
they fall asleep, but all oikawa wants is more poetry, etched into his skin as a memoir.
[558 words]
EVERYTHING IS ANGST IT SHOULD BE MY MIDDLE NAME