Hello to all my wonderful fans. Thanks for sticking with me during the last couple of months. They've literally been hell as my gran died and I had my A level exams. But I'm back now :) I can't believe I finally reached Chapter 20!
Hope you enjoy this chapter :) Please comment, vote and fan me if you haven't already. Thanks!
EDIT: Don't know about anyone else, but I've just got this crazy new format for reading (I actually quite like it) and the vote button is now WAAYYY down there at the bottom of the page on the left ;) haha.. anyone want to try clicking it as a test? :P
Chapter 20
The classroom was bustling as I stumbled in, bleary-eyed and over ten minutes late. Somehow I had managed to completely sleep through my alarm, only waking up when the bell for the end of lunch went. I still felt ridiculously tired and my stomach rumbled noisily from missing breakfast and lunch. At least my headache had finally started to wear off.
I squeezed my way through the students, who were armed with lab coats and goggles, trying to find Mr Cooper. At last, I spotted a familiar figure crouching down in a corner, passing out Bunsen burners to a queue of classmates. Quickly, I grabbed myself a lab coat from the rack and a pair of goggles and joined the end of the queue, hoping he hadn’t realised I was late.
As I approached him, we made swift eye contact and surprise flitted across his features.
“I didn’t think you were coming.” He said quietly, appraising me with a cool expression. “You’re very late.”
“I know- sorry.” I hovered beside him awkwardly, waiting for him to pass me a bunsen burner. To my confusion, he shut the door and securely locked it, before beckoning me to follow him to the front.
“I’ve already had the technicians prepare you a different practical- one on the effect of concentration on the rate of reaction.” He explained as he passed me a sheet of paper. “Instructions are on here and all the necessary equipment is in the tray on your desk. If you do need any help, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thanks,” I smiled at him, but he merely averted his eyes before turning away.
My heart sunk as I remembered how cruel I had been as I ordered him to get out of my life. I had over-reacted and I longed to take back those words. But what was the point now that it was no longer possible to be with him anyway? We had been doomed from the start.
Glumly, I sat down my desk and started to read through the practical. It seemed fairly straight forward, so I simply got on with it, mixing up the different concentrations and measuring the time of the reaction with a stopwatch. It left my mind fairly free to wander, so I whiled away the lesson, day-dreaming about our first kiss. It stung my heart to dwell on it, but it was preferable to anything else; it being the only moment of total bliss in my recent life.
I was so absorbed in my fantasy that I didn’t realise the bell had gone, and that all the students were packing up and leaving. Shaking myself, I hurriedly packed up my equipment, keeping my eyes away from Mr Cooper who was hovering by the door. I could feel his gaze upon me, and no longer bearing it, I sneaked a quick glance in his direction. His expression was torn and filled with hurt, his careful coolness falling away as the last student left the room.
We were alone.
‘Uh oh,’ I thought in a panic. I shoved my pencil case into my bag, slung it over my shoulder and scuttled towards the door, my eyes planted firmly towards the floor.
Suddenly, Mr Cooper’s arm stuck out across the doorway, blocking my exit. I snapped my eyes up and my stomach flipped over as I realised how close our faces were. His eyes were darker than usual, reflecting his sober mood.
“If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to speak to you for a few minutes, Miss Miller.” His minty breath fanned across my face and my heart sped up as I gaped at him. The urge to close the distance between us was almost overwhelming as my eyes flickered towards his lips.
Suddenly I came to my senses. My mind was filled with the thought of Stacey spying on me, catching us together and destroying both our lives. I hurriedly stepped away from him.
“Actually, I do mind.” I babbled. “I’ve really got to go.”
Mr Cooper sighed, his eyebrows scrunching together. “It wasn’t really a choice, Miss Miller. If you refuse to stay when I ask, then I’m afraid I’m going to have to enforce it. You were late to my lesson. This can be your detention.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but he swiftly cut across me.
“I am well within my rights to give you detention, Miss Miller.” He reminded me. “Despite everything else, I am still your teacher and must act accordingly.”
I nodded, and his expression cleared slightly and he let his arm fall down.
“I’ll talk to you,” I mumbled. “But not right now. I already have another detention.”
I took a step towards the door again but he immediately held his arm out in front of me.
“That’s perfectly fine. I’ll call the detention room later and tell them you served it here with me.” He insisted.
I sighed slightly, but made my way back to my desk and slumped into my chair. I prayed that Stacey had better things to do than to actively spy on me. I couldn’t afford to have her catch me in here, alone with him. I heard the classroom door click shut and Mr Cooper’s footsteps echoed on the floorboards as he approached my desk. Dragging his wheelie chair over, he settled down on the opposite side of my desk, directly facing me.
“Phoebe, we really need to talk.” He said gently, his voice full of concern.
I gulped slightly, and lowered my eyes to the desk. I couldn’t trust myself to answer him, knowing that if we talked, I would be too tempted to take him back and that was the one thing I could never do. It was too dangerous. I couldn’t put his job at risk like that, especially as I could see how much teaching meant to him. He honestly cared about every one of his students doing their absolute best.
No, I had to keep silent, and keep him far away. My heart ached at this decision, but the terror of being caught by Stacey would keep me strong. I hoped. I kept my eyes glued to the desk just in case though- looking into his eyes always made me feel so weak.
“Please look at me, Phoebe.” I heard him beg, pain seeping into his voice.
My eyes stayed resolutely down, tracing two pairs of initials scratched into the wooden surface.
‘ST loves AW’ I read silently, wondering vaguely who they were. In a way, I envied them. They were able to proclaim their love to the world, rather than have to hide it away like a nasty secret.
“Are you even listening to me?” He snapped, and I jumped in shock, my eyes finally meeting his.
His eyes were honestly like windows into his soul. My heart stuttered as I stared into those deep pools, filled with both hurt and anger, before shrivelling up in guilt. It was all my fault.
“I’m listening,” I managed to whisper back, and the creases in his forehead smoothed out.
“Look Phoebe, I know that I hurt you with my sudden changes of mind,” he began slowly and carefully. “And I’m so sorry for all that. But I’ve made my choice now, and I’m praying it’s not too late. Phoebe, I don’t just want to be with you, I need to be with you. The reality of not being with you made that blindingly obvious to me. ”
I stared at him in shock, unable to comprehend what he was saying. My stomach knotted as I finally realised that he was offering me what I most desired, right after I could no longer accept it. Sometimes I could not believe how cruel life was.
“Please.” His voice broke, and I could see how much this meant to him. “Just give me one more chance.”
Tears sprung to my eyes and I closed my eyelids, unable to meet his scorching gaze any longer. Knowing that I must say no was agony to me. A soft hand brushed my cheek and my lips trembled. His chair creaked as he leaned in closer towards me, and I could sense his closeness. His fingers lightly brushed across my lips, parting them slightly before cupping my chin and tilting my head up.
“Forgive me?” He pleaded, and once again, I felt his breath wash across my face. He was so close…
‘Yes, I forgive you!’ My thoughts screamed out, but I fought back the words. I couldn’t do this with him. Not here, not now, where Stacey might see…
My eyes flew open at the thought and I pushed him away with all my strength. His wheelie chair glided backwards, crashing into his desk and he gasped in surprise. I stood up quickly and my own chair toppled backwards. I raced towards the door, before turning around at the last second.
“No.” I croaked. “I’m sorry. I can’t. You wouldn’t understand.”
Tears now freely falling down my cheeks, I opened the door and hurried down the corridor.
“Phoebe!” I heard him call after me and increased my stride, practically sprinting up the stairs towards my room.
My blood seethed with hate and anger as I burst through the door and into my bedroom, flopping onto the bed. I hated myself for hurting him, and I hated Stacey for forcing me into this. I even hated Jared for giving me what I wanted, only when it was too late.
I balled my hands into fists and pummelled the bed violently. Burying my face into the pillow, I screamed as loud as I could. It didn’t help. My throat burned fiercely and I started to cry again, soaking the pillow with my tears. I pulled my rumpled covers over myself and curled up into a ball underneath, sobbing for what felt like eternity. Eventually, I ran out of tears and my eyes ached with soreness. I was no longer hungry, but weariness was spreading through my limbs, and my eyes inexorably started to close. I sniffed occasionally, my breathing irregular as I finally fell into a troubled sleep.
******
My nightmare returned that night to plague me, my scream of terror piercing the silence of the night. Disorientated, I sat up shakily, my uniform sticking to me uncomfortably. I buried my face into my sheets, wiping away the cool sweat. Clumsily, I yanked my jumper off, pulled my skirt down and fiddled with my shirt buttons, quickly undressing myself and throwing my clothes in a jumbled heap on the floor. I slid back under the covers, trying not to dwell on the sickening images in my mind.
I concentrated on my breathing, the only sound in the otherwise penetrating silence. I frowned unconsciously, wondering why tonight felt so different. I tried to shake the feeling off, and was on the brink of sleep when it hit me. I sat up wildly in bed, gazing towards my door.
Jared hadn’t come. There had been no footsteps, no knocks, and no words of support.
I was alone.
Trembling slightly, I lay back down, my eyes glistening with moisture. My bruised heart battered against my ribcage and my throat felt raw.
I’m so sorry, Jared.’I thought, fervently wishing he could hear me, before crying myself back to sleep.
******
In the morning, I rushed through my usual morning routine- shower, hair, uniform, make up. I kept my mind as busy as possible, my heart now weirdly numb. My only comfort was that I had no chemistry lessons today, though I dreaded the thought of seeing Mr Cooper in the hallway.
I cautiously poked my head out of the door, checking that he was nowhere to be seen, before slowly trudging down to breakfast. As I passed groups of students on the way, their chatter died down and they all stared at me with wide eyes. I looked away, disconcerted, but put it down to all those unbelievable rumours still flying around. The stares continued as I slowly picked at my toast in the canteen, suddenly not feeling as hungry as before.
I jumped slightly as I rounded the corridor from the canteen. Stacey was striding confidently towards me, an ugly expression upon her face.
“So you didn’t listen to me, b*tch.” She hissed in my ear, and I shrank away from her in shock. “Looks like someone’s little secret accidentally slipped out. I did warn you. I sure wouldn’t want to be you right now.”
Without another word, she sauntered off, and I whipped my body around to follow her, my heart racing. She couldn’t have seen... could she?
My eyes flickered over the students walking down the corridor. They all stared at me warily and I stared right back, my stomach knotting in dread.
Suddenly, the intercom crackled, and Mr Jackman’s voice echoed throughout the school.
“Could Miss Miller please report to my office immediately.” His voice ordered and my stomach lurched like I was going to be sick.
‘Sh*t!’
It was over. I could hardly believe it. I was going to be expelled, and Mr Cooper would be fired. Numbly, I began the torturous walk towards his office, my palms clamming up with sweat.
As I approached his office, the door swiftly opened, and Mr Cooper stepped out, an expression of shock clouding his face.
“Oh my God…” I murmured, my heart thumping sickeningly. It had really happened…
Mr Cooper turned towards me, his face wretched as his eyes met mine. Slowly he walked towards me and his eyes burned with regret.
“Phoebe, I’m so sorry.” He whispered to me. “I don’t know how it happened and I don’t know why. I’m guessing you must have told someone else after all. But everyone knows. It’s over.”
And with those few words, my whole life came crashing down.
Eeeek! Yes, I really did it! I left you all on a cliffhanger! Let me know your thoughts, people! And please vote and fan if you have enjoyed Chemical Attraction so far :) 20 chapters is a big number for me :D So thanks for all your support so far!