"Y-... you what?" MICHAEL STARED AT ME, EYES SWIRLING WITH HURT AND something else. An emotion that I only found recognizable because I had seen it only once before.
When we had broken up.
We were standing in the middle of the lounge room, where we had been getting things ready for the upcoming wedding in the next two months. But I couldn't do it. And I had been holding off telling him why for the past few days.
"I.. I just don't....-"
"No," he crossed his arms over his chest expectantly, but I knew that he was only guarding himself, "No. I want an answer"
But I wasn't sure that I had one. I bit my lip and reluctantly welcomed the silence that blanketed us. My eyes looked anywhere but at him, and I shied away when he took a step closer to me.
He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him, "No. You're going to look at me when you say it" his voice was cold, and as I looked up into his eyes, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do this or not.
I didn't want to hurt him. I really didn't. I loved him.
But I wasn't inlove with him.
And that was the problem.
I gently took his hand off my chin and held it in my hand as I looked down. My eyes took their own sweet time meeting his again, and I struggled to get what I wanted to say off of my chest.
"I... I don't want to...-," I bit my lip to stop it from shaking, and I took a breath, "I don't want to get... to get married—I..-I'm sorry-"
"Is that it?" his voice sounded strangely hopeful, and his next words allowed me to understand why, "You don't want to get married but.. but you still love me, right?"
I nodded my head, yet my eyes betrayed me and welled with tears, "I.. of course I love you Michael. I'll always love you-"
He took a breath of relief, but I wasn't finished yet.
"Michael I... I don't want to.. I don't want to marry you"
He tensed, the words sinking in, "You don't want to marry me?"
I bit my bottom lip. As far as rejections went, I had never been the one to really give them.
"I've just.. I've been having doubts and-"
"You're leaving me?"
I wiped under my eyes, "I'm always going to love you-"
"Stop," he cut me off, turning away from me, "Don't say that"
"Michael," I had to keep going, "I'm just not ready to settle down and live life by somebody else's rules... I want to go to university and travel and fall in love-"
Michael whipped around to face me at those words.
The wrong words.
"That's... that's not what I meant-"
"Then what did you mean? Huh?" he rose his voice, hurt, "How could you say that to me? 'Fall in love'," he scoffed, "What is going on with you?"
"I didn't mean it like that...-"
He huffed, hurt, "I don't want anyone else, Miley. I just want you"
"You've had the chance to figure that out, though," I told him gently, "It just doesn't feel right... to stay here"
I waited for him to say something, but all he did was rub his hand over his mouth. I knew that he didn't know what to say. I was doing a horrible job at explaining what I wanted to him, and I decided to continue on, though it was nervous rambling at this point.
"Calum had noticed that.. that I loved you, but it's the inlove part that's the problem. I thought that they were the same thing but... I just want some time before I settle down, you know? I mean, we're 19. We should be going to university and taking some time to live, don't you think?"
"You're not making me feel any better about this," Michael's first words in the last few minutes, and he ran a hand through his hair, still slightly speechless, "I don't... I just don't... I.-"
"You know that I love you," I cut him off gently, taking a step towards him. It was my turn to get him to look at me, and I cupped his jaw in both my hands, "I've loved you all my life. You know that"
He tried looking anywhere but at me, "I've loved you all my life too, Miles"
I nodded my head, a ghost of a smile on my lips, "And you know that no matter what, you'll always be my best friend"
I mocked a cringed look, "Friendzoned by the only person I've ever really been in love with? Ouch"
He had the courage to smile slightly, and I gave him a small, soft chuckle, and that had my heart swell with affection for him. Because I cared about him. I always have and I always will, and that's never going to change, no matter what.
"I just want some time to explore the world.. To get to know myself more, you know?"
He bit his own bottom lip, "When did you lose yourself?"
The question spoke volumes, but it was easy for me answer, "When we broke up"
He nodded his head, understanding where I was coming from, "Me too," he paused, before, "But when you came back into my life, I found myself"
Michael placed his hands over mine that were still cupping his face, and he held them tightly, "I want you to find yourself too"
That alone had a wisp of a smile tug at my lips. I pulled my hands from Michael's and instead, wrapped them around his neck, hugging him tightly as I buried my head in his shoulder.
"You'll come back, right?" Michael wrapped his own arms around my waist just as tightly, "I'll wait for you-"
I pulled myself out of his grasp abruptly, yet he still held me in his arms, "No," I shook my head, "I don't want you to close yourself off from possibly finding someone you're better with then me-"
"Are you telling me that because you want to find someone other tha-"
"Don't say that Michael, that's not what I meant" I stopped him before he could finish his sentence, because he was wrong. My intention with this 'break up' wasn't to find someone else. Though I mentioned 'falling in love', I had only said that as a cliche. I really just wanted to find myself, to know what I really wanted in life. If that meant with someone else, than I would figure that out along the way, but that wasn't going to be my priority.
"Sorry," he apologized, sighing, "I just... I don't want you to go"
I hugged him again, "I know"
"I want to wait"
After a couple of seconds, hugging each other, I pulled away from him and took a small step back, "How about... how about you give me.. How bout you give me two years. Two years to just let me try and be me, to go to university, to discover what I want to do. And in two years, I'll come back. Tell you what I figure out"
He nodded his head at my offer to compromise, "Another two years without you?" he chuckled a bit, "It'll be hard but, anything for you"
I rolled my eyes playfully, "Promise to just keep an open mind? I mean, your parents might make you marry someone else-"
"Absolutely not. I think they'll be holding off on the whole 'marrying' concept after everything that has happened" he chuckled, and I shook my head humorously at him.
A thin blanket of awkwardness surrounded us, and I cleared my throat, not sure what to do next.
Michael didn't seem to know either, "So are you just... gonna leave? Today?"
I rolled my eyes, "We still have to finish high school, dipshit," I shook my head as Michael rolled his own eyes at me, "But I can move back out into my old place-"
"No!" He immediately stopped me, "I mean, no. You can stay here as long as you need to" he offered kindly.
But I knew that the right thing to do would be to move out. Gauge a sense of what it would be like without Michael for a bit, and then head off to Uni after high school. Take the next few years to really figure out who I want to be, and if it were meant to be, I would come back here, if Michael were to have me, of course.
Michael sighed in defeat, "No. You're going to move out, aren't you"
I gave him a sheepish smile, "If that's alright with you"
"I mean it's not," he gave a small smile before reluctantly nodding, "But it's probably what would be best for you. I get that-"
"Thank you," I cut him off, unable to wait until he was finished, "For everything"
"Always" he smiled. Michael opened his arms and pulled me back into another bone crushing, yet comfortable hug. I held him back just as tightly, knowing that after this moment, we would be going our seperate way. Maybe for a while, maybe forever. And the thought was nerve wracking. Michael had always been there for me, even during those two years of us not being together, I still got to see him everyday at school. We only had a couple months of school left though, and then that would be it.
"I'll always love you," I felt my eyes well with tears again, and I sniffled, "No matter what happens"
"I know," his voice was soft, and I knew that he was feeling just as fragile as I was, "You'll always be my firecracker"
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I'M BACK!!!!
Thank you to EVERYONE who sent my dm/pm's and msgs/comments saying that you hoped I would get into a better frame of mind and just get into a better mental state in general. This time off has really helped me alot, and it's helped with my writeres block as well.
As some of you may have noticed, I have published a new book, The Bad Boy's Good Lips, and I have entered it in the Watty's.
During my time off, I've had a lot of time to self reflect and regroup, and I ended up getting back into the groove of things and finishing up the new and improved last few chapters of this story.
APOLOGIES FOR THE WAIT.
Also during my time off, I found myself revisiting a lot of files of other story ideas that I've had, and with the watty's upon us and all, decided to push myself into entering for this year, thus The Bad Boys' Good Lips was born!!!
The first few chapters are posted, and though I don't care whether I win or lose anything, I felt as though entering would be a good reminder for me to stay ontop of things and that I started writing because I love it.
If you guys could maybe check out my new story, I would really appreciate it, but you guys have already done so much for me for this story and all ❤️❤️❤️.
With one more chapter left, I thank you guys again for the long wait, and you won't have to wait as long for this next one.
Thanks again!!!
~Macbeth-845 😜😝😛😘