“Oh, come on, Bellamy. You could do so much better than that troll.”
The bathroom was a surprisingly satisfying place to cry. It was secretive, so when I leaned my back up against the wall and sobbed into my hands, there was a good chance no one would be able to see how pathetic I was. The only flawed factor was that when those odds were beaten, and an unsuspecting girl walked in and my best friend, Serena Caldwell ended up yelling at them to beat it. But at that moment, I couldn’t quite care who walked in or where I cried, because it felt like I’d explode from the inside.
“I don’t want to do better,” I told her, feeling pathetic. The only thing I wanted to do was be with Henry again, but I couldn’t—he’d cheated, and I was furious. But at the same time…
I looked up at the two, and I was sure I looked like a mess, “Should I just hear him out?” I asked, my voice tiny and hoarse.
Serena sneered, aghast, “Hell no, Bellamy!” She scolded, using my surname to address me, as she always had. She grimaced, “That bastard put you through hell, regardless or not if he meant to. You need to move on,” she said, and was about to continue, but we heard the doors open and a young girl sauntered in, her eyes gone wide when she spotted us. Serena scowled, balling her fists, “We’re busy here, freshman! Beat it!”
The girl looked flustered, and her cheeks turned a bright red. “B-But, it’s my lunch period, and I have to go—”
I was about to excuse her and say it was alright, but my abrasive buddy, Serena, wouldn’t allow that, “Like I care? Pee in your pants and scram!” She seethed, shooing her out. For a skinny and cute blonde girl, Serena could be quite the frightening character when she planned on it.
After the girl had darted out of the room, Carlee furrowed her brows and tried to ignore Serena. Carlee was the perfect opposite of the tiny blonde bombshell, and was a tall, soft and sweet type of girl. She put a tiny hand on my shoulder, “I hate to say it, Hal, but Rena’s right. It’s his loss.”
I thought of almost defending him for a moment. It was more of a reflex than something I would’ve been able to control—for as long as I’d been dating him, neither Serena nor Carlee were that keen on him. Serena usually went more for the bad boy type and Carlee had always said he wasn’t going anywhere in life; that his head was too high up in the clouds. And it was, but that was what had made him quite so captivating. But I supposed someone else had found that captivating, and that’s what had gotten me in this problem.
“I just…I can’t believe he’d do that,” I said, sniffling. I tried to gather myself and pull myself together and began adjusting my air and clothing, hoping I still looked presentable.
Suddenly, Serena’s eyes lit up like twinkling stars, “Why don’t we just put a frog in his pants while he sleeps? Miss Davenport’s got a whole bunch of them in the biology lab.”
Carlee rolled her eyes, “How distasteful.”
“So is sticking your tongue down another girl’s mouth when you’re dating someone else,” Serena rebutted coldly, crossing her arms, frustrated, popping a hip out.
“No, Carlee’s right,” I said, wiping my eyes dry with the back of my hand. As much as I was angry and hurt, I didn’t want to resort to revenge.
Serena grimaced, “You guys are crazy. He carved out your heart and fed it to wood chipper!”
I sighed. I had to admit, moments ago, I would’ve thought Serena’s idea was brilliant. I’d wanted nothing more than to see him suffer, just the way I had—but now that I sat in the bathroom, reflecting on everything, I’d decided it was just plain low. I didn’t want to resort to his stupid little games.
“Well, if you won’t get mad, we’ll get even,” Carlee said, looking rather satisfied, smirking wide. “We can go out and get you someone better!”
I almost recoiled at that idea. I was far from a party sort of girl, and Serena knew that. Every time she or Carlee went out, I stayed in with Henry and we’d watch a movie together and cuddle up on the couch. A sudden pain hit my chest. Henry.
Serena lit up at the idea, “That’s a great idea! We can go out to that new club in town,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
Suddenly, Carlee paled. “Don’t you need to be 21 to get in?”
Serena tossed some thick, blonde waves behind her shoulder and grinned, “Not when you’re hot.”
I tried to think of an excuse, but only feeble ones came to mind. “My mom will never let me out on a school night, Rena.”
Serena giggled, as if I was a child that had done something foolishly cute. “Just get big bro to cover for you. ‘Sides, your mom’s probably out shopping for a veil with the hubby-to-be, or some shit.”
I felt a twinge of annoyance hit me. My brother, Ryan, would gladly cover for me if it was in the name of mischief, but I could only imagine how devastated my mother would be if she found her little girl breaking the rules. But what hurt even more was Serena’s dig at the wedding—my mother had been divorced from my father for about a year, and only a month after the papers were filed, she was back on the dating scene; that’s when, on the second month, Eric entered the picture after driving my drunken mother home after a night of one of her wild parties. They were so passionately in love that only a month or so ago did they decide to call on a marriage, which seemed to be arriving much too quickly, and my mother was already picking out the flower arrangements and her dress for the big day. My mother was happy, though, and Eric was nice enough. The main issue was that he wasn’t my dad, who hadn’t been himself since the divorce was enacted and the shackles came off.
I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind, though, and focused on the bigger task at hand. I frowned and chewed on my lower lip, unsure of Serena’s spur of the moment idea. I’d never been with Serena or Carlee when they went out to parties and such, and it made me unsure, especially when we were underage. Serena wasn’t the most aloof person to ever walk this world, so it wasn’t an impossible idea that we’d get caught. I twiddled with my thumbs, pondering it over in my mind and weighing the pros and cons very carefully in the back of my mind.
“Alright, then I guess it’s settled,” Carlee said with a grin, looking excited. How could they be so worriless? My stomach churned, and I felt sick to my stomach. I’d be like an elephant in short grass once we got there.
I was about to object, but it was then when the bell rang, cutting my voice off. Carlee after the bell silenced, “Come to my house at eight thirty. We’ll get ready and leave then,” she said.
Serena and I nodded, myself more glumly than her. Serena and Carlee helped me adjust myself and fix my smudged eye makeup before we abandoned the bathroom and left for class.
I went through the rest of the school day avoiding Henry and trying my best not to be seen by any of his friends. I kept quiet, skipped my lunch period with him, and excused myself from my trig class with him, saying I had a bad stomach ache. I wasn’t too in the mood to see the mayor of Hoeville, either, so I did my best to sidestep Cayla whenever need be. I couldn’t lie, though, and say I wasn’t curious to what Henry had to say or why he did what he did. All I remembered was surprising him with a visit and a box set of Full House and coming up to his bedroom to see Cayla sitting on his work desk, my boyfriend pressed against her, with her slim legs straddling him like some common prostitute. I couldn’t imagine him finding a way to talk his way out of that one, but I wasn’t sure on whether or not I’d give him a chance yet.
“Twelve missed calls.”
I sat in the center of Carlee’s pink, princess-esque bedroom with Carlee’s hand bunched around my thick dark locks. We were planning on heading out after I got my hair done by the quite capable Carlee—she was working on getting all the tangles out, but we’d been interrupted by my phone the moment I turned it on to see if I’d gotten any messages from my mom or Ryan. Serena frantically told me to turn it back off, but half of me wanted to call him up and hear what he had to say. It was probably just the sentimental part of me, but I was beginning to feel the stinging ache in my heart that yearned to see him again.
Carlee frowned, her soft blue eyes glaring down at my phone. She smacked her pouty pink lips, glossed with a soft shimmery color, and sighed, “I have to give it to him—he’s persistent.”
I sighed, throwing my head back, much to Carlee’s dismay. I must’ve made a whole new mess of tangles, but I truly didn’t care, “Maybe I should just call him. This is getting ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous is that you’re sympathizing with the douche bag!” Serena hissed, pointing a brush at my face almost as if it were a loaded gun. She had already gotten ready and looked like a walking disco ball, in a sparkling silver dress that fit her like a glove and black pumps. Her pale skin popped against the radiant color, making her brown eyes seem much darker than they were.
“She’s right,” Carlee agreed complacently with a shrug. She got the last of the tangles and smoothed my hair with the back of her hand once, setting the brush to her side. She adjusted her own dress, a bright red number that matched her hair, making the flecks of orange, red, and gold in her hair stand out like a roaring inferno. She pushed some of her tied back hair out of her eyes, “We’re trying to make him jealous. So do just that,” she said, and immediately plucked my phone from my hands and placed it in her white leather bag.
I chewed apprehensively on my lip. I wasn’t so sure about this plan, “Guys, I’m not so sure this is the best idea. Maybe we shouldn’t be trying to get even.”
“Ugh, you’re so safe that it’s making me nauseous,” Serena said with a roll of her eyes. She sat down on Carlee’s bed, kicking her head back against the throng of plush throw pillows, “When will you learn that the best things in life are things that you shouldn’t be doing?”
I brushed my hair out of my eyes and hung my head contritely, “I guess…”
“I mean, honestly!” Serena exclaimed, throwing her hands up exasperatedly with a tragic laugh, “When was the last time you did something that bent the rules?”
I frowned and thought back, long and hard. My mind skipped from shady instance to instance, but none of them quite seemed notable. But then again, I’d never been the type to defy authority, and I didn’t think I ever could be without feeling like the villain. I sighed and scratched my head, almost as if it would stimulate some sort of recognition of a time of impudence. I replied meekly after a moment of thought, “Well…last week, I forgot to check out Atonement from the library, but I took it anyway.”
Serena looked positively bored to death, “Well, call the fucking authorities, because we’ve got a real wild one on the loose!”
Carlee waved a hand at our friend and scoffed, “Shut up, Rena! That’s just the kind of person she is.”
“You’re both so naïve,” Serena said with a light laugh, rolling her eyes as if it was amusing. She was grinning now, almost wickedly, “Bellamy, you were so cool today, standing up for yourself. But now you’re willing to crawl back to that little son-of-a-bitch. Don’t let him bring down your mood and make you worry. Besides, you guys don’t know how fun life can be unless you take a risk every once and a while.” She said philosophically, grinning like a madwoman. I didn’t know whether to call her smart or ridiculous. “So, what do you say, Bellamy?”
I raised my freshly manicured hand to my lips, ready to chew on my nails in nervous apprehension. Perhaps Serena was right, though, and I was too safe. I hadn’t ever taken much of a risk in my whole life, once I truly thought about it. And Henry had done something reckless and irresponsible, so why couldn’t I? It wasn’t as if he’d done me much of a service, so why should I do him one by staying home and hoping I’d work up the courage to call him back? No—I couldn’t be that girl; that girl that waited and hoped. That girl never got anything.
I looked up to Serena’s shimmering and excited eyes and felt a rush of excited adrenaline pump through my veins, beating like the rhythm of a drum, “I’m in.”
¤ ¤ ¤
Watching Serena in her natural habitat was like watching the Nature channel—interesting, weird, and more uncomfortably sexual than to your liking.
The bouncer had to be at least twice our age, I thought, as Serena snuggled up to him and whispered things into his ear that made him laugh. I watched from a distance, disgusted but enthralled at how she could stomach such a thing. I turned to Carlee, who seemed rather calm and used to Serena’s actions—did she usually do this to get her way? Neither of us said a thing when Serena smiled after he whispered something to her that made her plant one on his mouth, and she left to saunter over to us. She grinned innocently, as if she’d done no wrong, “Alright, Nick says we can go in.”
My mouth hung, ajar, “Nick? You’re already on a first name basis?”
Serena chortled, rolling her eyes as if I were naïve, “Please, you don’t think this is the first time I’ve met him, do you? There are only so many bouncers in Philadelphia, Bellamy,” she chuckled with a sly smirk that stretched across her smug face.
Carlee rolled her eyes and pushed through Serena, sighing, “You’re ridiculous,” she mumbled under her breath, and they began to walk in. I glanced back towards the street, not sure what I was quite checking for or if I was only being paranoid. I quickly followed after Serena, looking in disgust as she winked seductively at the bouncer.
I sneered in disgust and filed in after them, hoping to avoid eye contact with either of the sleazy men. I’d come here dressed in something I wasn’t quite to comfortable in, which was a short, tight, sleek black dress that came above my knees and showed my arms. I felt half naked, but Serena and Carlee had forced me in it, almost like it would kill me if I didn’t at least try it. The upside was that I blended in with the dark ambience of the club, but the downside was that it seemed as if every drunken scumball I passed had their eyes glued to me as if I was a piece of meat. I crossed my arms, covering my bare skin with my hands conservatively. I still wasn’t so sure this was the best idea…
“See? Told you we’d get in!” Serena said giddily over the roaring beat of the music in my ears. I’d never expected that a DJ could be so loud, but the music rang in my ears, practically deafening me. The beating lights from up above bled prink pinks, greens, and blues, making Rena’s eyes shine with excitement. If this is what she and Carlee had been doing while I was with Henry, I didn’t exactly see the thrill.
“What do I do now?” I asked nervously, gripping onto my two best friends like a lifeline. Serena squeezed my hand reassuringly and grinned.
“Relax, Bellamy. Just follow me, and you’ll never even remember that stupid Henry’s name.” She promised, giving my arm a friendly punch. I rubbed my arm, flinching from the impact and grimaced, about to ask her a question, but I’d already begin to see her walk off towards what looked like a bar. I frowned and dutifully followed her and Carlee, keeping my eyes on Carlee’s recognizable fiery locks so I wouldn’t get lost. When I finally approached the two, Serena had waved over the bar tender, “Three beers, please!” She called, and the bar tender immediately rushed to pull out three bottles of beer from a cooler under the counter. Wasn’t he checking ID’s? I supposed it didn’t really matter, though, because Serena would probably just try to woo him, too.
Once the bartender handed us our beers, I set mine far away, not intending on drinking it. The man grinned slyly at Serena, “They’re on the house. Happy early Valentine’s Day.” He said, and Serena simply tossed a lock of hair behind her shoulder and bit her lip a little, which seemed to satisfy the bartender enough. After Carlee put her unopened beer down, Serena was the only one that popped the cap open and took a long, hearty swig from it, and let out a sigh of relief. She slammed the bottle on the counter and grinned, throwing her arms in the air and letting out an excited scream. “Don’t you just love this place?!”
I looked around at the place Serena seemed to adore so much, with its intoxicated customers, cheesy retro décor, and heard the crappy music to which was so loud, I estimated I’d lose half my brain cells by the end of the night. I forced a fake grin, “It’s peachy.”
Serena seemed to blissfully be ignoring the fakeness of my comment, because after she took another drink of her beer, she was smiling wide. “Okay, girls! Now we’re gonna get Bellamy some ass tonight.”
I felt my cheeks blush and my eyes widen, making Serena only laugh. Carlee looked at me sympathetically and wrapped an arm around my shoulders supportively, “Rena, stop embarrassing Hallie.”
“Poor baby Bellamy,” Serena said, faking a pout. She guffawed, “Please, sweetheart, you’re 17. You can have a one night stand now,” she giggled, but I could only hang my head and hope she didn’t see my burnt red face. I sputtered a bit, trying to find something to comeback with, but I couldn’t quite manage much. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see Serena squinting her eyes at me curiously, almost as if she was suspicious. After a moment of puzzlement, her eyes lit up, like she’d cracked the DaVinci code. “Oh my god!” She screeched, laughing like a madwoman. “You’ve never had sex before, have you?!”
I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks burn even brighter, if possible, which was a clear enough clarification for Serena, who didn’t seem to think that it could get any funnier. She slammed a hand on the table, still unable to contain her laughter. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed, embarrassed, “It’s not that funny, Rena.”
She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye and let out one last laugh, “Y-You’re right! Sorry.” She told me, taking in a deep breath to compose herself. After she seemed to regain her composure, she smirked slyly like the Cheshire Cat, “But don’t worry, my dear Bellamy. We’ll fix that conundrum in a jiffy.”
Carlee looked aghast, “Serena!” She gasped.
Rena looked up, unsure of the big issue, “What’d I say?” She asked, sounding genuinely unsure.
“What you said was that Hal should just give up her virginity like a free sample at Costco,” she said, crossing her arms. She glanced at me then back to Rena, if only for a moment, her eyes radiating a maternal warmth that only Carlee could possess, “She can’t do that!”
Serena scoffed, “Sure she can!” She said with a giggle, taking another large gulp of beer, finishing off the bottle. She beckoned the bartender for another, and he came forthwith, looking almost entranced by her beauty like everyone else in the club seemed to be. Serena thanked the man and took another swig before pointed the bottle at me, sounding a bit slurring with her words already, “Bellamy’s a big girl and can make big girl decisions! If she wants to get her V-Card punched by a total stranger, I say, by God, go for it!” she said, raising the beer to the sky dramatically, spilling a few drops on the messy counter.
I grimaced, “N-No thanks, guys. I’d really rather not.” I told them bashfully, playing with the ends of my dark hair.
Serena rolled her eyes that twinkled in the overhead lights, “Come on! I thought we talked about this! You’re going to go for it and get even with that damned ex of yours!”
“That doesn’t mean I have to have sex with someone!” I said indignantly, drawing the unwanted attention of a few passersby. I blushed, and continued on, a bit more quietly this time, “I’m not like you, Serena. I can’t do that.”
Serena grimaced, her eyebrows furrowing. Looking rather annoyed, she took a long gulp of her new beer, and when she spoke, I knew she was definitely getting a bit tipsy, “Are you calling me a slut? Because I am not.”
I felt something spark in me, and I immediately fought back at her, “Well, I’m sure Nick would testify against that,” I said matter-of-factly, regretting it the moment it left my mouth.
Suddenly, she sneered at me. She gripped her beer tightly, her knuckles turning white, “Well, you know what, Bellamy? Maybe I am kind of slut,” she said with a careless shrug, as if nothing could bother her less. “But at least boys like me.”
It felt like someone had pierced me all too suddenly with an arrow, and I was taken aback by her abrupt comment. Wasn’t this supposed to be one of my best friends? Someone who was supposed to be punching people in the face for saying stuff like this to me? I looked at her angrily, gritting my teeth. Carlee looked at me sadly, like she wanted to hold me back. I snapped at Serena, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Serena shrugged, leaning up against the bar, “Well, have you ever thought of why Harlot Henry might’ve cheated on you?” She wondered obviously, “I mean, he is a guy. Guys do have needs.”
I felt anger build up in me, like a bubble ready to burst. “You don’t know anything,” was the only thing I could think to scream, because nothing else in the English language could match what I thought.
She laughed for a long while, her head thrown back and looking at the ceiling. “Please, sweetheart. I’ve been in relationships before, and I know that you have to be a slut sometimes to keep your man.” She said, shrugging a bit, as if that was simply a fact of life.
I felt my hands clench tightly around the edge of the countertop, anger coursing like hot blood through my veins. I didn’t know what had gotten in me, but I felt some sort of intuitive spark set off inside myself Maybe it was her words, or my frustration from the whole day, or maybe it was just because of the fumes wafting in the air, but what I had set to do was the craziest thing I’d ever done. I snapped back at her, “Really? You want me to be a slut, huh?”
She smirked, and her eyes scanned my body, inspecting my dress. She laughed one, bitter laugh. “Well, in that dress, you’re halfway there.”
That was the match that set the fire ablaze, because after that comment, I couldn’t take hearing her anymore. I spun around immediately, ignoring the shouts from Carlee telling me to come back, and I sauntered off immediately. I didn’t scan the crowd at all for anyone who seemed like a suitable person, but just someone who looked tall and built enough to make Serena satisfied.
Once I’d summoned up the courage to march up to him, the rest was easy, because it seemed to fade into an in comprehensible blur—it was like one swift motion, fluid and harmonious, like the single stroke of a paintbrush. I remembered approaching a man who’s back was turned to me and seemed to be speaking to a group, but I didn’t care. I’d made it far enough, and I was going to prove a point.
Caught in the heat of the moment, I grabbed the man by the back of his shirt and spun him around, catching him off guard. I didn’t get a good look at his face, but I noticed a head of shaggy, dirty blonde hair and bright green eyes before I pulled him towards me, slamming my lips against his.
I only wished I was facing Serena so I could see her face. I, myself, could barely believe what I was doing, so I could only imagine the shock and surprise that would be on her face, and as well as Carlee’s. I didn’t really care, though, because I was doing precisely what we’d set out to do. I was getting even. With Serena and Henry. However, once the initial boldness of the kiss wore off, however, I was rather unsure of what I was doing. The only person I’d ever kissed other than Henry was my mother when she tucked me in as a kid, which was why when the stranger began to stick his tongue in my mouth, I pulled away it a fit of surprise and embarrassment.
In that moment, I could get a glimpse of his face in the pulsating lights above us. Luckily, he seemed about my age, and he wasn’t a dinosaur like Serena would’ve probably preferred. He had fair skin and dark blonde hair, the color of aged gold and his eyes were blue-green, like an ocean that twinkled and danced in the bleeding neon lights. He stood, gaping at me, unable to find words—likewise with me, as well, because all I did was make the best attempt at a straight face at him after I’d completely embarrassed myself with that. But merely seconds after we’d parted, a small smirk worked its way onto his lips, dancing across his face. I blushed, unsure of where he believed it would go, so I quickly turned off and backed away towards Serena and Carlee, hoping he wouldn’t follow me. I couldn’t believe I’d just been so stupid.
Serena was incredulous, and as I approached, her shocked expression turned to joy. Once I’d returned to Carlee’s side, feeling nauseaous, Serena began to clap and holler theatrically, “Wow, Bellamy! You showed me. I didn’t think you had it in you!”
Neither did I, I thought, wondering how I could’ve ever mustered the courage to do that. I couldn’t believe that my first kiss after Henry was with a stranger at a club…
“Now that I’ve made my point, can we go?” I pleaded, my voice faltering from its confidence that only just existed, but had just faded into oblivion.
Serena sighed and rolled her eyes, finishing off her bear. “But the night’s still young!” She protested with a surly grin.
I felt the boy’s eyes on the back of my neck, and I knew he must be planning to speak to me or get me to dance with him any moment now. I couldn’t bear to do that—not right after a breakup. I’d been careless and hasty, just like Henry had, so I was ready to leave. Now.
Carlee suddenly put a head to her forehead and arched her eyebrows, “O-Oh, guys…I think I’m, um, coming down with something.”
I smiled, thankful that Carlee was a good enough friend to back me up. I put a hand on her shoulder, “We should probably get you home.” I played along.
Carlee nodded, and when we looked back to Serena, she merely groaned in annoyance. She took her keys out of her bag and threw money on the counter, slinging the purse over her arm. I only wanted to get out of here, go home, and forget that any of this happened. Serena smacked her glossed lips and put a hand on her hip, “Let’s go, killjoys.”