MADDIE POV
One Year Later
"Madeleine Fell," there was a knock on my door, "it's time to check out. The ink on all the papers is dry."
"All packed and ready." I threw my backpack over my shoulder, which consisted of nothing more than a couple books. I reveled the feeling of jeans on my body after two years in an ugly, gray jumpsuit.
"We sure are going to miss you around here." The guard led me down the hall, away from the room that had been my sanctuary for my time here. "You were the only one who was actually nice."
"I'm going to miss you guys too," I lied.
"What are you going to do now that you're a free woman?"
"I honestly have no idea."
I didn't know what was available at the moment. I had no job prospects, and no money whatsoever. Thankfully, I wasn't completely down and out. I had gotten the chance to complete my upper education while in lockup. I filled my time with courses and finished a couple years of schooling easily within just two. I now had a degree in literature, which didn't really help me in the real world, but at least it was something. Still, I was fucked big time. I just wanted to make it outside, and then I would take it from there.
"Just make sure you stay away from that family. They're no good for you," he warned.
"I'll try," I lied again. The Biebers were the only family that I had left. I was still pissed at them somewhat, and I had a few things to say before everything was peaches and roses again. I didn't think we would ever truly get back there, though.
"Okay, well, this is where I leave you. Have fun." He waved to me and turned back around.
I went inside of a room with a singular table and sat in one of the two chairs to wait. This was usually the place where you came to get your stuff when they let you leave. When I was arrested, I didn't have anything, so I didn't particularly know what I was doing here. Couldn't they just let me go already?
I checked the watch on my wrist-Justin's massive watch-and a small smile crept onto my lips at the thought of him wearing it. I put my arm down when it started to become heavy from looking at the timepiece for too long.
I didn't cry anymore, over Justin or our child. I didn't have any more tears to give. The past year had been rough. I had literally cried myself dry, and I was surprised that my eyes hadn't fallen out. Now it didn't matter how I felt about him anymore; he was gone and would never hear it. I loved and I cared for Justin, although, I was still mad as hell. If only I had one last chance to at least talk to him. I never got that closure, which I desperately longed for.
He was gone, and he was never coming back.
Over the past eight months, things began to surface about Justin's death that made it sound like a bloodbath. It was all Aro's doing. He'd heard of Justin's return and took it upon himself to get vengeance for his sons. In the papers, Justin was revered and seen as more of a hero, which I was happy about. His name wasn't slandered, and I didn't have to read about all the bad things he had done. I gathered almost every article I could get my hands on, because I just wanted to read about him. It was the only way I could feel close to him again.
The flowers stopped coming-just another reminder that Justin was gone-and the family visits became fewer, but I still saw Pattie from time to time. She looked nothing like her old self. I had never seen her in distress and after Justin died, she just looked sick. It was as if the life had been sucked out of her. Jeremy was almost the same way, but hid it well. The family was just now getting over everything, although, as I heard, their standing in the underground world hadn't diminished one bit. They were still feared and still on top, which I assume irked Aro immensely.
"Madeleine Fell, you just have one thing," a soft voice said from the door.
"I don't remember having anything when I came." I stood up.
She handed me a small manila envelope, and I opened it. I tipped it over, and a ring fell out. It was shining silver with a nice diamond on top. It was the same ring that Justin had brought me from Maine; the last thing I ever got from him.
"It's very pretty," she said.
"Thank you," I sighed, slipping the ring onto the fourth finger on my left hand. I was determined not to cry when I saw it there. "Can I leave now?"
"You sure can. Do you have a ride? You can't leave without a ride."
"I have one." I nodded and slipped past her. Jeremy had made sure to send someone over so that I didn't have to stay here any longer than necessary.
"Well then, we'll be seeing you."
"I hope not." I waved and strode out of the doors.
I stood on the stone steps of the minimum-security prison and took a deep breath. The July air was still hot, but not unpleasant. It wasn't as if I hadn't been outside during my stay, but this was a new type of freedom, which I would never take for granted again.
I walked down the long, winding road and towards the gates, which opened for me.
"Looks, like the criminal has sprung the coop," a deep voice said. He was leaning on the side of a black Mercedes with sunglasses. His strong shoulders made him look menacing, but I knew there was a heart of gold inside.
I ran and wrapped my arms around Jaxon's neck as I was lifted off of the ground. He now stood well above me and was probably over six feet.
"They sent you to get me?" I clung to him tighter.
"I volunteered," he chuckled lowly.
"I can't believe it. You haven't come to visit me in a year." I hit his arm when he put me down. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I was busy." He nursed the spot. "Ouch, that hurt."
"You deserve it." I examined him up and down. "Oh my God, look at you. You're massive."
He wasn't Keegan's size, but it was obvious that Jaxon had gone through and taken well to puberty. His muscles were extremely defined, and he looked like a man, not like the little boy I remember. His dark hair was short but still covered his deep blue eyes.
"And what's this?" I ran my hand over his stubbly jaw where small whiskers were peeking out.
"I know, cool, right?" He smirked. "And I shaved last night."
"You're all grown up. What happen to my little Jaxon?"
"Don't get teary-eyed on me. We have a long trip ahead." He picked my backpack up and threw it over his shoulder.
"Where are we going?" I went around to the passenger's side of the car.
"Don't start with the questions. Just let me drive."
"And you're driving?" I hadn't even realized as I sat in the plush leather of the seat. He was sixteen now, so I guess it was normal, but I never thought I'd see the day when he was behind the wheel of a car. "Who taught you?"
"Keegan tried, but I ended up teaching myself. He has no idea what he's talking about, by the way. I think he needs to take some kind of class." Jaxon started the car, and it roared to life.
"Where are we going?" I asked again, hoping he would tell me this time.
"I said I wasn't answering that." He easily pulled out of the driveway and maneuvered onto the road.
"How are things back home?"
Jaxon sighed, "Tough. Ma won't come out of her room most days. I really think she's sick. Jeremy doesn't know what to do, but she's starting to get better. Keegan's busy and Finn's keeping an eye on me, so we all have our jobs. Ma obviously isn't herself anymore."
"It must be tough to lose a child," I said without even thinking about it. My chest started to contract and I had to push the pain out. I wasn't going to cry, not now. I couldn't think about that. I had trained myself to keep the hurt at bay.
"She's seeing a therapist and everything."
"How are you boys doing?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. It was so weird at first; going from four to three. I think we're just getting over it. How are you doing?"
"I cried for months." I looked out of the window and remembered the horrible time I had with Justin's death. "I felt so weak. I wanted to tell him so many things, but I never got the chance."
"I see your ring." He pointed to my left hand. "He would want it there."
"No, he wouldn't." I shook my head.
"Justin loved you, Maddie. As much shit as he talked about not wanting to get married and not having a family, I think he would have gone through with it for you."
Obviously, Jaxon didn't know about the major argument Justin and I had just before everything went downhill.
"I miss him," I thought out loud.
"We all miss him."
The ride was silent after that. I wanted to go to sleep, but figured I should soak up the bright sun. I watched the trees pass us by for about an hour until the car started to slow.
"Where are we?" I sat up in my seat.
"Private airport," Jaxon answered simply and turned the car onto the tarmac.
"Why?"
"Because we're leaving." He reached into the backseat and got my bag. "Let's go." He jumped out of the car.
"Wait, I can't leave. Aren't I on probation or something?" I quickly ran after him and had to shout over the whirl of a plane engine.
"I don't know. Do I look like a lawyer? Just get on the plane."
It was hard for me to just trust a Bieber after everything I had been put through, but what else was I going to do? It wasn't like I could run to Daddy and make my life miraculously go back to normal.
I glared at Jaxon inquisitively for a couple of seconds. "Are you kidnapping me?"
"Yes." He started to climb the descended steps. "I'm leaving you here if you don't hurry up."
I ground my teeth together and went up after him. The plane was nice and expensive, just like the Biebers wanted it. There was no one inside, but I could hear the voice of the pilot from up front. Jaxon went to tell him that we were ready to leave, and the stairs folded shut.
"I don't like this." I sat in a seat next to him.
"I promise everything's going to be all right. Oh, and by the way, we're not to be going home for a while."
"So you are kidnapping me. Where the hell are we going?"
"I can't tell you that, but if you want to stay here, now's the time to say so."
I debated on what to do, but just decided to stay put. It was a mixture of curiosity and lack of enthusiasm over my present situation in life. I theorized that he couldn't be taking me anywhere bad.
"This is very fishy." I sat back and crossed my arms as the plane took off.
I tried to stay awake so that I could scope out what exactly I was doing on this adventure, but my eyes wouldn't stay open after the third hour. The rumble from the plane engine put me to sleep quickly, and I dreamed about God knows what. Most of my dreams nowadays weren't memorable.
"Maddie, time to wake up." I was softly nudged.
"No." I turned away.
"Maddie, I mean it. The plane can't stay on the ground very long," Jaxon's deep voice filled my head, "and you need to change."
"Change?" I opened my eyes. His jeans and tee shirt from before were replaced with a light blue button up and white board shorts. "Are you going swimming?"
"No, but it's hot as hell out there. Go change." He pulled me from my seat and shoved me into the back of the plane.
I went into the bathroom and stripped out of my clothes, putting on the jean shorts and green tank top that were provided for me. I was still confused as hell when I came back out, trying to stumble into my sneakers.
"Where exactly are we?" I asked as the stairs came undone.
"Brazil." Jaxon smiled and went outside.
"Brazil?" I followed him. "Are you serious? We can't go to Brazil."
"Why not?" He shrugged. "It's awesome here."
"I can't believe this." I grumbled my way to a car that was waiting, and Jaxon took the driver's seat.
I saw signs that said 'Rio' when we were pulling out of the private airport and large buildings started to surround us on all sides as we went deeper into the city. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but Jaxon seemed confident and didn't question anything.
"How the hell did we get out of the country? Aren't they following you?" I asked, trying to take my mind off of the uneasiness that I was feeling. I should be excited since this was the first time I had ever been out of the county and to Brazil, no less, but I was too anxious.
"We're all good. We have clearance."
"What does that mean?"
"Stop asking questions." He rolled his eyes. "I forgot how annoying you were."
"Well, maybe I wouldn't be if I had some answers."
The car started going through the streets, and I noticed that the tall skyscrapers thinned as we reached the far eastern side of the city.
"Alright, time to get out." Jaxon shut off the car when we reached the docks.
"Now a boat?" At this point, I was just going with the flow.
"I don't want to hear it. Just get on." He left the car right where it was and walked through the rows of bobbing ships in the harbor. I followed with my mouth shut.
We reached a small boat at the edge, which was built for speed and not luxury since it only sat two. It looked kind of like a bullet. Jaxon helped me down, and then started the boat thunderously.
He masterfully took off, not even bothering to check a manual or directions, which made me curious as to how many times he had done this. I, for one, had never heard of him driving a speedboat, but he was doing well. I still gripped the side with white knuckles as he ripped through the waves. Like his brothers, Jaxon had a proclivity for going fast. I'm sure there was some sort of speed laws that he was breaking.
Even at our rapid pace, the boat trip still took about forty minutes. It was light enough to see the massive island where Jaxon was headed. Even though I was confused out of my mind, I had to admit that the scenery was gorgeous. The blue water surrounded us everywhere, and if we weren't going so fast, I bet I could see straight down to the bottom. The island in the distance was mountainous and green foliage covered every hillside.
"What exactly is that?" I asked him over the hum of the engine.
"Isle Pattie."
"As in... an island for Pattie?"
"Yup, Jeremy brought it for her years ago. He said they haven't been back for a while, though. It's just been sitting here."
I was at a loss of what to say. I had never been around people who had enough money to buy someone their own island. I didn't even think the Biebers were that rich, but I had obviously misjudged their wealth even after all these years.
We neared the island and I saw a dock, but Jaxon just slowed the boat in the water and let it coast slowly. It stopped on the beach, still in the water, but not that far from the sand.
"Alright, final leg of the trip. Everybody out." Jaxon took off his shoes and jumped over the side of the boat, landing in the water with a splash. The waves only came up to his knees since he was so tall.
"Are there jellyfish in there?" I looked into the water, remembering the now infamous trip to Miami two years ago. It was disgusting at the time, but it was pretty hilarious now. Finn and I laughed about it on occasion.
"I'll carry you." Jaxon held out his arms.
"I can walk." I stood up in the boat and of course my clumsy ass almost fell overboard, but Jaxon caught me and lifted me up over his shoulder.
"That was easy." He started sloshing through the water, spraying it in my face.
"I'm not going to win this, am I?" I felt the blood rushing to my head from being upside down.
"Nope." He continued to walk through the waves, and suddenly, the water was replaced by sand.
He carried me all the way up the beach, and I couldn't really see where we were going because my head was bobbing against Jaxon's back. I think I stayed that way for about ten minutes, but it could have been longer.
"This is getting ridiculous. I need some answers." I slapped his butt. "Tell me where we're going."
"Calm down there, Maddie. You can't tame the stallion once he's free."
"Wow, that sounded incredibly Keegan-like."
"Of course it did," he chuckled.
He finally set me down and my feet sank lightly into the sand. I noticed that we were in front of a massive beach house. It had giant windows and from the outside, it looked like there must have been at least three floors. I thought I was staring at a postcard with palm trees flanking the path that led up to the house.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Our new place."
"I don't understand."
"Did jail make you stupid?" he groaned. "I've kidnapped you and now we're going to be living here for a while. You don't have anything better to do." We started to walk up the path. "No one knows about this island besides Jeremy."
"What about Freddie? I have to call him at least."
"No can do, Maddie-roo." He opened the door to the house, and we went in.
It was all very beachy-if that made sense-with plush white furniture, hardwood floors, open windows, and a rustic feel.
"Come on." He ushered me inside.
"I didn't even get a choice in this?"
"Not really. What else did you expect to do?"
"I... I don't know, but Brazil wasn't on my list for my permanent destination."
"Stop with the questions."
"What the hell is going on?" I stood still, crossing my arms. "I don't like this one bit."
"Too bad. You're here, and you'll like it." Jaxon took my hand and led me up the stairs quickly to the second floor. He pushed me into a room. "I'll be right back."
I noticed that I was in a colossal library. The stacks went up to the ceiling and there was even stairs to another floor. The room looked totally different from the rest of the house, and I thought I was in an antique castle or something.
"Wow." I looked around, open-mouthed and in amazement.
I wondered where exactly the hell I was. Brazil, for sure, but that was it. I didn't even really know if this was Jeremy's house, but it was obvious that someone was living here. I could tell just from walking through. And what was with Jaxon? He was taking this very well for a guy who just picked up and left his home. So many questions with no answers; that had become my life lately.
I went over to the dark, wooden desk in front of the open window and picked up the copy of Wuthering Heights. It was one of those old copies and probably a first edition. The computer was warm, so someone must have just been using it.
I turned the book over in my hands, trying to see who it belonged to, but there wasn't a name or anything like that.
"I never understood why you liked that book. It's so dark," a husky voice said from across the room.
I dropped the book from my hands and it landed with a thud by the time I turned around.
I was staring at a ghost; I must have been, because if I wasn't, then jail had made me go insane.
Justin was standing in the doorway, the perfect picture of masculine beauty. The white shirt on his body was unbuttoned all the way, showing off a tight set of muscles that were rolling underneath tanned skin. The bronze hair that I remembered was a little lighter now with more blonde in it and still wildly tamed, but his face was the same; strong, defined, chiseled and clean-cut.
"Hello, Maddie," he said, and the grin that I had dreamed about creased his lips.
My body was shaking so badly that I couldn't see straight. I backed into the far wall. "Who the hell are you?"
He sauntered into the room further, and I wanted to jump out of the window every time he took another step. The man got so close to me that I could smell his scent, and I shut my eyes, wishing that I would wake up from this nightmare.
"You look exactly the same." I felt a warm hand cup my cheek. "I hoped you would."
"Stop doing this. You're not real; you can't be." I shook my head.
"Maddie, open your eyes."
"No, you can't do this to me. You're dead." I shoved him hard in the chest, but I wanted to hold him. "You're not Justin!"
"I am."
"You're fucking dead. Just stay dead. I know how to deal with it now."
I opened my eyes, and the man had the nerve to still have that smirk on his face.
I couldn't control myself as my hand just slapped the shit out of him. Skin met skin and a loud sound echoed off of the walls. I needed that sound to make sure this wasn't my imagination. Maybe I was trying to see if he was real, or maybe I just need to get out some frustration, but I did it again. My frustrations would never be truly gone, but with each slap, they got better.
After the fifth hard slap to the face, the man's cheeks were red, and his hair was falling into his face.
"Justin's dead." My voice cracked.
"I'm right here, Maddie." The man's deep voice was remorseful and sad, but firm.
"Justin Drew Bieber, I swear to God if that's you, I'm going to shoot you myself."
"It's really me." He tentatively moved forward. "All I can say is that I'm sorry."
He opened his mouth to continue, but I had a few things I wanted to shout first.
"Is that all you have to say to me?" I pushed him. "You left me. You left me to rot for two years and all you have to say is that you're 'sorry'?"
"I..."
"No, you don't get to speak. How could you do that to me!" My throat was already hurting from the screaming and it was only going to get worse, "I thought you were supposed to fight for me or do something. I got no note, not one call, or anything!" I slapped him again, because I now had no control over my rage.
"I couldn't." Justin didn't stop my hand. "He wouldn't let me."
"He?"
"Jeremy."
"That's not an excuse. You sent me fucking flowers for a year and you think that's all I needed from you? I wanted to know where you were and how you were doing. I wanted you...there for me. No one told me anything. I took the fall for you, Justin, and then you left me in the cold! I lost everything because of you. I kept your fucking secrets and what did I get? Nothing!"
He didn't say anything, and I suspected that he was waiting for me to continue, but my breathing was coming too quickly to speak coherently.
"I didn't want to leave you. I swear, but things happened so fast that I couldn't stop them, and then I couldn't come back to get you when I realized you're weren't going to get off. I fought with him for a year to let me come back."
"So while you were sitting here in Brazil, you left me by myself in jail?" I asked the obvious, just to clarify, "I have no family, I don't have the education that I should. I lost...everything."
Of course I was somewhat overdramatizing, but the gist of it was there. If he thought that this "rise from the dead" solved everything, he was in for a world of hurt.
"Do you think it's been easy for me? I went crazy because there was nothing I could do." If I didn't believe this man was Justin before, I couldn't deny it when he ran his hand through his hair and tugged. "If there was anything I could have done, I would have."
I slapped him again, just because I could and debated on whether I should knee him in the balls. I didn't so that he could keep some manhood about him.
"Why are you alive?" I spat.
"It was all fake. That whole shootout was staged by Jeremy. Aro and Brown were breathing down my neck, trying to find me, and I had to go further underground. I moved here from Switzerland. Jeremy found a decoy and paid him to take the fall for me." He explained quickly.
"He paid a man to get shot for you?"
"That's how it works, Maddie; that's how it's always worked in situations like these. I wanted to tell you so badly, and I hoped that you didn't hate me for this, but it had to be done."
"I cried over you." I was determined not to let the tears fall. "No one told me a thing, and I was sick to my stomach for a full year because I thought you were dead; not that I care, because I'm still pissed at you. And what about your mother? Did you tell her?"
"No, no one knows except you, Jeremy, and Jaxon. Everyone else thinks I'm dead. That's the way it has to be."
I left his side and darted towards the large desk by the window. I started pulling out drawers haphazardly and shuffled papers around.
"What are you doing?" He asked me.
"Looking for a gun. I'm going to shoot you and then I'm going to go downstairs and shoot Jaxon and then I'm going to get on a plane to shoot Jeremy. You all deserve to fucking die."
My hands found the metal of a large pistol, and I cocked the thing easily. It was heavy, and I noticed it as the same gold one that Justin loved. I pointed it straight at his chest across the room.
"Are you going to kill me?" Justin raised his eyebrow.
"Yes," I said with determination.
"Maddie, listen to me. I know you're hurt, but I brought you here to ask for your forgiveness."
"You think I can forgive you after everything you did?"
"I will beg you if that's what you want." His voice almost cracked. "I will crawl for forgiveness."
I pulled the trigger and even though my arm blasted backwards, I held the gun up straight. I had been to the shooting range enough times in the past-with Justin ironically- to know how to handle it.
He didn't flinch at the bullet and, of course, it didn't strike him like I wanted, but it got my point across. The wall behind him now had a huge hole in it.
"I'm sorry, Maddie." Justin was walking towards me slowly, seemingly not afraid of the firearm I had in my hand.
"I don't care. I don't want to hear you apologies." I was shaking.
The barrel of the gun was now pressed up against the flesh of his chest as he made the final steps forward. For a second, I figured that a bullet wouldn't hurt him. The muscles were rock solid, so if even I did shoot him, it wouldn't have done any good.
Justin's hands took the gun away from me, breaking it apart easily and throwing it behind him.
"You're disgusting. Pattie is at home and can barely move because she thinks she lost a son and you can't tell her that you're here, or me for that matter? After all the shit we've been through, I can't get a fucking phone call? Did you think I would rat you out?"
"Of course not. Everyone needs to think I'm dead; you're not even supposed to be here. I sent Jaxon for you before Jeremy got a chance to sweep you up."
"Jaxon." I became furious with him as well, "He knew you were here from the start and he couldn't say anything?"
"He's a good actor. I told him that he had to keep quiet until you got here."
"I fucking hate you. I almost can't even look at you."
Justin hung his head. "I needed to see you. I can't just sit here anymore and think about talking to you or seeing you or... kissing you. I need you here with me."
"What if I don't want to be here?" I felt a warm tear streak down my face.
"Maddie, I'm sorry for everything I put you through and not just in this past year, but before that. I never meant for this to be your life and..."
"Just stop talking." I held my head, which was starting to hurt. "I can't take this anymore."
"Do you still you love me?"
"Is that what you have to ask me after two years?"
"Yes, that's all I need to know. You can go back to Thorp or Chicago or wherever; I don't care as long as you answer that question." He took my hands out of my hair and held them. "Do you still love me?"
"I don't know." I was crying pretty badly by this point. "I can't answer that."
"Why not?"
"Because you hurt me so badly, Justin. I haven't talked to you in years, and then you just show up out of the blue? Do you know how... crazy this is? I can't handle it."
"I wanted to call you every single day and tell you that I was thinking about you, but I couldn't risk it. You have to understand that. I haven't touched another woman or even looked at anyone else in two fucking years; I can't get you out of my head."
I took my hands from his and tried to calm down. I needed to think about this and without the new Ghost Justin staring me in the face. Could this really be happening? Was Justin really here after all the tears I had cried over him? It had to be a trick.
"What have you been doing all this time?" I asked, just to talk about something.
He shrugged. "Sit on the beach and read mostly. It's a boring life. Everyone thinks Jaxon went to boarding school, but he followed me to Brazil when I came. Jeremy calls maybe once every two months. We can only talk for a second, but I always ask about you. No one else knows I'm alive."
"This is so implausible. I can't believe this. I lost everything because of you." I reiterated.
"I know that this isn't the ideal position to be in right now. You're a smart girl and I'm thankful that you stuck around this long, but you deserve so much better. I think you know that."
"You left me." I felt like I was a parrot, repeating myself every five seconds.
"And for that I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't make it all better."
"You're not supposed to be here. Jeremy's going to be pissed out of his mind, but I had to see you. I just need your forgiveness."
"So you didn't come back to Chicago a year ago? That wasn't you?"
"No," he shook his head, "I was right here the whole time."
"Can you ever go back?" I sniffled.
"One day. I'll probably have to return soon for something and all hell's going to break loose."
I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to scream and shout and cry, but just being this close to Justin was bringing back deep feelings that I had missed. As much as I hated him, I just wanted him to hold me. That sounded pathetic, but I didn't care.
"I see you kept the ring," Justin noticed my hand, "and you got the watch."
"Yeah." I nodded, "Is Embry working for you too?" I snorted at the possibility. I heard about who Daniel really was and what his purpose was in my life. He basically just watched me for the entire semester we were in class together while playing the undercover cop. His role was "essential" as Jeremy put it. All the lying made me sick.
"No, I just told Jeremy to make sure you got it."
"I don't want it." I took the watch off and threw it on the desk. It landed with a loud thump.
"Do you still love me, Maddie?"
"Stop asking me that." I turned away from him.
"Why? I need to know and I'll let you go, but just tell me what you're feeling."
"I don't know. I want to kill you, but I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I still fucking love you!" I shouted out everything I had to give. "I can't help it and I should have just dropped your ass the second I was put in jail, but that's not an option. I can't explain it."
"Jeremy calls it once-in-a-lifetime, Romeo and Juliet love." Justin took my hands again. "Maddie, I know we have so much to talk about, but I need you. I have never admitted that about anyone before in my life. These past two years have put everything in perspective. I'll let you go if you want, but I'm asking you... begging you to stay here."
"No," I said with as much gusto as I had, "I can't. I've wasted too much of my life over you. I'm not doing it again. I love you, but I'm not putting myself through this shit."
"I'm sorry. I can't say it enough."
"I feel like you just except me to forgive you and I can't do that right now. I don't even know you anymore."
"I'm still the same Justin."
"No you're not."
"Yes, I am, Maddie," he said forcefully, taking my hand and placing it on his chest, over his heart. I could feel the tattoo, which he had gotten for me, and his skin was warm.
"Why are you doing this to me? I could have just gone home and..."
"And done what?"
"Lived." I shrugged.
He dropped my hand and went to his desk. He picked up the phone and started dialing.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm calling a plane so you can go home and live. You can be gone within the hour."
My feet carried me over unconsciously, and I unplugged the phone from the wall.
"I'm giving you what you want. You won't ever hear from me again and I won't bother you." He didn't lift his head. "I'm sorry I brought you here."
I didn't know what to do. I had so many questions that he was going to answer, but suddenly I didn't want to hear it all. His excuses didn't mean anything to me. I wasn't ready to forgive him.
As much as I hated him with my head, my heart wouldn't shut up. Justin was here and I was here; finally together again. He was right. We had a bond that was unbreakable, and that was only intensified now.
Once again, my feet carried me towards him. I couldn't help myself.
"Forgiveness comes with time, Justin. You can't just show up and expect everything to go back to normal." I spoke calmly.
"I realize that. I'm asking you to give me a chance. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you. Anything you want, you can have."
"I don't know if I even care enough about you to give you that chance." I lied.
"I will walk through fire, Maddie. What can I do? Tell me, and I'll do it."
"I don't know but you can't just keep me prisoner on this island. We haven't seen each other in forever and I have so much I want to say to you."
"Then say it," He almost begged, "Tell me everything."
"We need time for all of that. I need to hit you and scream at you and ignore you so that you know how it felt."
"We have all the time in the world, Maddie. We're not going anywhere. At least...I'm not going anywhere; ever again. I'm here whether you chose to believe that or not."
This was so wrong and he was starting to convince me that I needed to be here...with him. On some level, I wanted to stay and make him suffer. I didn't know what that entailed, but I wanted to just burn his ass so that he was charcoal. Then on another level, I wanted to stay for me. Who gave a fuck about him? I deserved some happiness after all of this. The only problem: Justin was my happiness.
"Look at me," I said.
He raised his head slightly, but didn't say anything.
I couldn't help the smile that I tried to fight as I stared at him. He was still exceptionally attractive and looked younger, if that was possible. I could tell that his eyes were sad. The gold had dulled somewhat, and I couldn't remember him looking so tortured.
"Your hair is lighter." I ran my hand through his soft tresses.
"It's all the sun." He exhaled. "Your hair is darker."
"I haven't noticed."
"You still look the same, though." His fingers traced the lines of my face.
"I should hate you right now; I still do, but... I love you." I wanted to kick myself for sounding like some fickle, romance novel, dumb heroine with no spine. Now I understood why there were so many of them. They all had great loves who had thrown their asses in jail. Well, maybe not, but it was the same concept.
I touched his face, running my hand along his cheek. I had to make sure that he was real.
"I was waiting for you." He kissed my palm, which shot an electric current trough my veins. For the first time in two years, I felt like I could breathe again.
"I don't like all this secrecy."
"I know we have a lot to discuss. I'll answer any question you want. No more lies."
"What about Freddie and Rebecca and... everyone else? They'll know I went missing if I stay here."
"I'll tell Jeremy in a couple of months. It doesn't really matter where you are, though; we just need to stay hidden. As of now, we've both fallen off the map."
"I feel like there's no resolution to any of this."
"That's why we need to talk," he said hopefully. "I have a lot to tell you."
"I have a lot to tell you too." I sighed, remembering the most important thing, "I lost the baby."
He breathed deeply. "I know."
"You know?"
"Well, I figured when I didn't hear of you showing that something had happened, so I made a few calls and talked to the doctors secretly. I actually hacked their records from Switzerland. It was incredibly easy to keep tabs on you electronically." He said mater-of-factually.
"I guess you got what you wanted then."
"Maddie, don't say that. I was a dick and I know it, but if... that's what you wanted, then I would have dealt with it. Children have never been my goal in life, but with you it might not have been so bad. I couldn't see that then. I just needed time."
"Time that we didn't have." I pushed the tears back. "I just needed you there and you weren't."
"I'm sorry."
"You're so good with your emotion words now." I choked out a laugh, "What happened?"
"I've been practicing since the day I got here. I've had my speeches memorized for a long time." He pulled off his already unbuttoned white shirt, and I really wanted to let my fingers dance across his stomach. It was a wonder that I hadn't exploded yet.
"What are you doing?"
"I got this after I found out about the baby." Justin pointed to his right shoulder. I lightly touched the small set of angel wings that were done all in white and stood out against his newly tanned skin. "I wanted to at least send more flowers, but it was too late at that point."
I was too choked up to say anything.
"I had a standing order with the flower shop to deliver roses each time they got a new shipment." Justin wiped my face. "In case you were wondering."
"I was, actually," I said stupidly. "That was really sweet, with the tattoo and everything. Fuck those roses. They only made me madder every time I got them."
"I know how much you loved that baby, and even though I didn't agree with it, I understand."
"Did you tell anyone?"
"No, did you?"
I shook my head. "I didn't think Pattie could take another shock."
"I figured I would let you say something, if you wanted."
"Do you still love me?" I asked, needing to know.
"How could you even ask me that question?" He rested his forehead on mine. "I don't think I've ever loved like this in my life. It actually hurts. You have my heart and my soul; I'm willing to give you anything else. Just...stay with me. I need you here."
I couldn't help myself as I rose on my toes and meshed my lips to his.
It was one of those explosive, eruptive, electrifying, epic kisses that should only be shown in movies. After two years apart, neither of us was holding back and flashes of memories started flooding back of a time when I was happy with Justin. Could we have that again? Everything was telling me yes. It was going to take years, tons of tears, and a lot of shouting on my part, but was I willing to even give him that chance?
What was I giving up by not staying? A shot at true love? A once and a lifetime spark? I was young, but I knew Justin and I had it. We had been through it all and the strength of my feelings was making it almost impossible for me to deny the possibility of staying.
Once we were both exhausted, we pulled away slightly. Justin's forehead was on mine again as his breath washed over my face. I had soft tears on my face and he wiped them away. I had made my decision and by the look in his eyes, I could tell that he knew what I was thinking.
"I love you, Maddie. Always and forever."