I woke up surprisingly well rested. As I rolled out of my bed, I threw on an old t-shirt and and shorts. But the second I began to open the door, my stomach turned. Last night began to creep back into my head and I realised I had no idea what to expect on the other side of that door. Was Harry pissed? Amused? Aroused? What about Aaron? Poor Aaron. The cradle of sleep had let me forget the mess that I had made but now my anxiety was starting to spike.
Carefully I opened my door and glanced down the hall to Harry's room. The door was shut. He was either still asleep or at work. Either way, I hoped I was alone. I carefully shut my door and tiptoed to the kitchen.
On my way there I saw my dress in a pile on the living room floor. I quickly gathered it up and tucked it under my arm. When I finally got to the kitchen, I put my dress on the table and started to make tea. This was the true test, if tea didn't pull Harry out of his room he wasn't home. As the kettle began to bubble I heard the buzzer ring. I froze. I didn't hear any movement in the flat. The buzzer rang again.
I scurried to the intercom, "What?"
"Delivery!" the guy shouted back at me. I buzzed him in.
As I waited by the door, I scanned the flat for Harry. Nothing. I relaxed. The delivery man knocked at the door. Opened it only to be greeted by a bouquet of red roses. I gripped flower with both hands and carried it into the flat, staring at how pretty they were. I loved flowers. I carefully searched through the flowers and found a card perched in the middle. It read,
Vivian,
I am so sorry about last night. Please let me make it up to you tonight.
—Aaron
On the back was a time and an address. My mind began to frantically race around. My thoughts wound back on themselves over and over again. What was I going to do? I pushed my head into my hands and took a few slow, deep, breaths. I decided to take one thing at a time. Harry seemed to be gone for the time being so I was going to deal with Aaron first.
I got dressed for work and packed a simple black dress and heels in my office bag. I still wasn't sure if I was going to take Aaron up on his offer, but I wasn't ready to completely eliminate the possibility.
•••
After a day full of meetings and distressed artists, I needed to alleviate my personal stresses more than ever. I decided to see Aaron. As I got changed in the office bathroom, I felt silly. How could I hope to save this relationship, especially after all I had done. I hopped into a cab and gave the address. We stopped in front of a beautiful hotel in town and I instantly I felt underdressed. I carefully approached the concierge and gave my name.
"Oh yes, Miss Vivian Phillips. We've been expecting you."
He lead me through the lobby to a restaurant. It looked even more beautiful than the hotel. I really felt out of place. Thankfully we kept walking. He opened a large door that lead to the kitchen and beckoned me through. He lead me through the kitchen around the busily working cooks until I saw a chef's table set for two in the back. There was Aaron with a single purple flower. His face lit up when he saw me. I gave him an icy stare.
"I didn't know if you would come." He smiled and rose from his seat to kiss me on the cheek. Then he gave me the flower and I melted.
"Aaron, you didn't have to–" I started.
"Yes, I did," he replied, "I was terrible to you. Please sit." I did and soon the chef came out and greeted us. Aaron was all smiles as he talked with the chef as they discussed the meal to come. I smiled, despite myself. He was incredibly charming. As the first course came out, he was so sweet that I began to feel terrible. I slouched in my chair and buried myself in my meal. He quickly picked up on my mood. "I guess we should talk about last night."
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Look it's," he glanced around, making sure that the kitchen staff was busy. He leaned into me, "I get weird about that stuff. I'm sorry."
"What stuff?" I asked.
"Stuff," he started, "in public," he continued.
"That makes no sense," I whispered, "I went down on you outside."
"That was at my house," he clarified.
"Still, we could've been caught. There was a party. It was pretty public," I snapped back.
"We weren't out in the open or on the street. It was public private," he reasoned.
"Ok," I dismissed him.
"Vivian," he pleaded, "I just like my private life to stay private. What I do behind closed doors, should stay behind closed doors."
"So can I kiss you in public?" I asked, challenging him.
"Yes, Vivian, of course," he sighed.
"Really? With or without tongue?"
"Vivian," he warned.
"Can I hold your hand? Touch your shoulder? Your neck? Your thigh?" I continued.
"Vivian," he groaned.
"What? What is too much for you?" I asked.
"Things within reason, please," he responded, obviously frustrated. I looked back at him and considered.
"What should we do, if we are in public and want to make things more private?"
"Don't be mean Vivian," he snapped, still convinced that I was making fun of him.
"I'm not," I responded, softening my tone, "Seriously, what if the mood strikes?" He looked back at me, realising that I was negotiating. He carefully smiled back at me and blushed slightly.
"I don't know, maybe have a signal?" he mumbled. I couldn't help but laugh. "I know, I know," he said laughing with me.
"What, like pulling my ear or something?" I giggled.
"Well," he stared, "Yes. But not that."
"So what then?" I asked, smiling at him.
"How about," he thought, "taking off one of your earrings?"
"What?" I smiled.
"It's subtle but still noticeable. Women lose their earrings all the time." A seductive smile spread across my face.
"So what if I just happen to lose my earring?" I teased.
"Then, you'll just have to deal with me whisking you away," he teased back.
"Poor me," I giggled, "What about you? You aren't going to start wearing earrings, are you?"
"No, I'll just take the earring off myself," he grinned as his eyes looked me up and down. The way he said it was oddly arousing.
"Well," I smiled, "that is only if I'm willing to forgive you." I turned my focus back to my meal.
By the time dessert arrived we were too busy making eyes across the table to notice. After the meal was finished we thanked the chef and walked out to hotel bar for a few more drinks. He made feel so pampered and taken care of. We were openly but subtly flirting with each other and it was driving me wild. But something in the pit of my stomach was gnawing at me.
All the time Aaron was turning me on, my brain kept drifting to thoughts of Harry, trying to compare the two. I tried to push the thoughts away and focus on the present moment with Aaron and presently, I was one happy woman.
I decided to push things further. Mid-conversation I carefully reached up to massage my neck. Then I reached a little higher and pulled my earring off and put it in my bag. I carefully let my hand brush his thigh as I made of point in our conversation. He took the hint and looked up at my ears.
Instantly, his demeanour changed. His eyes began to race over my body. My every movement was under sexual scrutiny. He wanted to go. I just sat and slowly sipped on my drink enjoying the attention. He moved closer to me and began to find moments to whisper in my ear or playfully massage my shoulder. He rested his hand on my knee, I grabbed in and pulled it higher under my dress.
"Do you want to get a taxi? I whispered.
"How about a room?" he offered as he playfully squeezed my thigh and lead me out of the bar.
I barely had time to look around the hotel suite before Aaron's hands were around my hips and his lips were on mine. He picked me up and laid me down on the bed as he kissed me. He pressed his hips against mine, grinding against me desperately. I had never seen this much desire from him, it was intoxicating. He pushed his hands up my dress and pulled it off of me. I began to open his shirt and unbutton his trousers. I rolled on top of him and took my bra off, he grabbed my breasts and began to suck them. I dug my fingers into his hair.
Between moans I finished getting his shirt off. As I straddled him, I pulled his trousers open and began to massage him through his briefs. He was hard. When I reached into his briefs and wrapped my hand around him, he groaned and pulled my mouth to his.
He began to grind into my hand, kissing my neck as his hands went to my hips and he turned me over to my back. He slowly peeled off my knickers, kissing every inch of my skin on the way down. He eased my legs apart before kissing his way back up my body. He put his fingers inside me and began to slowly go in and out of me. He was making me appreciate being slowly driven to the edge instead of roughly pulled over. He brought his mouth to my slick warmth and began to lap my clit in long slow circles. I clutched the sheets under me and gripped his head with my thighs as he continued to eat me out.
My thoughts drifted to Harry, to the look in his eyes when he wanted me, the feel of his body against mine, his tongue. But, as Aaron continued to work me over, my thoughts turned from what Harry had done to me, to what Aaron was doing to me. And just like that, I gave in to my climax.
"Aaron!" I cried. He didn't stop until I pushed his mouth and fingers away, as I grew painfully sensitive. He brought himself up and I grabbed him and kissed him deeply in my haze.
He got on top of me and began to ease himself inside of me. I moaned because of how slow he was going. But, when he was finally all the way inside of me, he started up with the same shallow thrusts he usually did. He pinned my hips down and thrust. I felt my arousal begin to wane. So I pushed his hands away.
He insisted, then I asked, "Are you going to come Aaron?"
"Yes," he groaned.
"Don't," I said, "Slow down, I want to enjoy you." He looked down at me, confused. It was like no one had ever said that to him before. "Come on," I smiled. I rolled my hips, slowing him down. He took a deep breath and joined my pace. "Oh my God," I moaned.
With him going slower, he felt amazing. I began to let my hips wind into his. He moaned into my ear. I pulled his hips into me and made him go deeper, but still at a slower pace. I reached between us and began to massage my clit. He held my face and kissed me. I got lost in it. His eyes were still shut.
I whispered, sweetly, "Open your eyes for me, look at me, please."
I saw the hesitation in his face. Then he did. His beautiful blue eyes looked back at me. He had freckles from the summer sun. His gaze was incredibly honest and intense. He was physically and emotionally naked in front of me. He trusted me. I closed my eyes as I felt them brim with tears. I didn't want him to see me cry. I was a liar. That I had this incredible desire for both him and another man.
Then I heard, "Stay with me," in a hurried whisper.
I timidly looked back at him, he smiled. My eyes began to dry. He looked confident and self-assured as he slowly picked up the pace with me. Seeing him like this was incredibly hot. I felt my core tighten and saw him lose focus for a second, then get it back. He thrust harder. Slowly, surprisingly, I felt myself experience another orgasm.
As I clenched around him, I saw his face twist in pleasure, trying to hold on. I held his hips into mine, wanting to pull him as deep as possible. I moaned loudly, happy that I finally came with him inside me.
"Shit," he hissed.
When I was done, I felt small aftershocks in my legs and toes as I rocked against his body. He smiled down at me and playfully began to grind his hips into mine. He was still hard. A first. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I pushed him out of me, he groaned. I playfully pushed him off of me. I had finally figured out a use for his usual short hard thrusts and tight grip on my hips.
I crawled off the bed and found the nearest piece of furniture. An armchair. I bent over it and spread myself out, bottom up, in front of him. He crawled off the bed and took the invitation. He stood up and eased himself into me from behind. I gasped, he felt so good this way. He began to thrust into me slowly like before.
"Faster," I whispered. He went a little faster. "Fuck me Aaron! Faster!" I whimpered. He gripped my hips and began to furiously thrust into me like he always did. But this time, both of us let out loud moans of pleasure.
From this position he could go so deep, and his grip on my hips gave him such control that, with a little direction, he was hammering the sweet spot inside of me. Hearing him grunt behind me and the vibrations of our bodies slamming together against the chair got me so close. I could tell he was getting close too. His thrusts became more urgent and insistent. I felt my core begin to spasm again. He felt so hard inside me, he was going to come too. I let myself go as, for the first time, both of us climaxed together.
•••
"Hey babes," Natasha mumbled as we met in the lift. It had been a long day at work. We were both exhausted and she had been in a funk all day. As we walked towards the train, I finally felt like I could ask her about it.
"What's going on?" I asked. She looked back at me and smiled weakly.
"Harry drama," she groaned. It sounded like this was worse than their usual spats.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I mumbled. She nodded and drifted off into her melancholy. They did get together and break up every other week, but I had no idea they were having trouble like this.
"It's my own fault," she started, "I know who he is. He warned me that he didn't want a relationship and he likes to keep things casual, but it still sucks. He's starting to just disappear. Even when he's with me, he's distant." she sighed, "It's like he's moved on to someone else," she muttered under her breath.
"Natasha–" I started, but she kept going.
"Even the sex is getting boring! He's losing interest in me. But, I knew this could happen right? He was upfront with me about that," she rambled, "But it doesn't change the fact that it feels shitty."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, suddenly feeling very guilty.
"It was just so sudden." She stopped and turned to me, choosing her words carefully. "I know this is a crazy-girl question and I hate to ask you this but, have you seen any other girls around the flat with him? Or on the phone? Or whatever?"
"No! Never," I insisted. It was the truth, but not the whole truth.
"I guess he's just getting bored," she mumbled. She rubbed her eyes as we waited for the train. She quickly changed the subject and asked if the express train was still running. She put on a brave face but she was obviously hurting. This was why I didn't do casual relationships, someone always walked away hurt. I tried to cheer her up, but I could tell she just needed some space.
I waved goodbye as I got off at my stop. She gave me a quick smile, but as the train doors closed, I saw her face fall. I knew what I had to do. I had to end whatever was going on with Harry. It was clearly messing up everything.
•••
A few days later, I finally got the chance to have a sit down with Harry, but not the way I wanted. I was supposed to see the latest summer blockbuster with Aaron, but forty minutes before, I got a phone call.
"Hey Vivian. I'm sorry, I have to cancel on tonight babe."
"Really? What's going on?" I asked, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.
"I just got a call," he said, "One of my best friends just got laid off. They're a bit of a mess right now. I have to go rescue them from a bar. Rain check?" I couldn't be mad at him for that. I'd do the same thing for Natasha.
"Of course," I sighed, "Of course. Give them a hug for me."
"Thanks babe, I'll see you later."
A little let down, I decided to have a quiet night in. I changed out of my date clothes and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt. I turned on the telly in the living room and started scrolling through Netflix. I went to go grab a snack. As I shuffled around in the kitchen I heard Harry's footsteps. I had no idea he was home. I, carefully, looked at him over my shoulder as he entered the kitchen. It was first time I had been alone with him since that night.
He was silent but his eyes said it all. He was upset. He kept his distance, but his eyes studied me. I looked back at him, trying to look friendly.
"Hey stranger," I smiled. He raised his eyebrows in brief recognition. He continued to stare at me. Uncomfortable, I felt the need to keep talking. "Do you need something?"
He nodded, still staring and studying. He sat down at the kitchen table. I settled across from him. "What?" I asked, growing more uncomfortable under his gaze.
"We need to talk," he said, finally.
"I know," I responded, looking at him expectantly and feeling nervous. I had never seen Harry like this before. He was distant and suspicious of me. "Why don't you start, because I don't really know what to say," I admitted.
"What the actual fuck was that?" He was pissed.
"I don't know." I smiled, innocently, trying to be coy.
"Don't bullshit me," he snapped, his face was completely stony.
"I'm not." I shifted in my chair, trying to find words. "I don't know."
"For someone who doesn't want to be friends with benefits, you seem pretty intent on cheating,"
"Cheating?"
"You've got a fucking boyfriend," he responded dismissively, "I think that is the definition of cheating."
"We didn't have sex," I insisted.
"No, we didn't. I'm assuming that's because your boyfriend finally figured out how to make you orgasm."
"Harry!" I yelled, "There is no need to be an arse." He shifted across from me. "Can we talk to each other like adults, please?"
"Ok," he started, "Why did you feel the need to be a blue balling bitch—"
"Excuse me!" I interrupted, but he just talked over me.
"—after you said that you were not interested in pursuing anything sexually with me!" he yelled.
"You were the one teasing me every chance you got!" I raised my voice as well and immediately took a moment to calm down. I didn't want to get into a yelling match with him. "You deserved a little payback," I shot back.
He looked at me for a moment, then said, "Well, where do we go from here?"
"I don't know," I mumbled, "I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you alright?"
"After that little show you put on? What do you think?" he spat.
"I'm sorry about that. That was—"
"Cruel?" he snapped again. "Cold? Ruthless? Am I getting close?"
"What about you?" I challenged. I wasn't going to let him corner me. "You're the one saying yes and no and leading me on," I rambled. Harry laughed. That just made me angrier. "You walk around shirtless. You touch me. You whisper dirty things in my ear. You undress me with your eyes."
"You straddled me in your lingerie and made me watch while you pleasured yourself to orgasm," he stated, restraining his anger. "You did let me suck on your breasts, but other than that, I was watching!"
"I know," I admitted, "I know this is confusing, but I meant what I said before."
"What did you say?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Because you have been saying and doing a lot of different things lately."
"I'm not interested in anything casual," I clarified, not only for him, but for myself.
"Yet we keep almost fucking," he pushed.
"Yes, yes we do," I admitted. It wasn't something I could deny.
"So, maybe we need to figure something out."
I hated how condescending he was being. "What?" I snipped, "We have to stop, there is no other option."
"Or, we just don't tell anyone about us," he offered.
•••
The End.
I'm kidding. Don't throw your torches at me.