It seemed like things were starting to level back to normal, or rather what I thought normal should be. Vic and I were on good terms, and I felt like the world was balanced.
Vic and I were about to go get something to eat. I hadn't really left the house with Vic unless it meant going to the center, but he told me he was hungry and didn't feel like cooking today. So we drove for a while, and me only knowing small parts of the city, had no idea where we were going, and Vic wasn't helping.
"Where are we going?" I asked from the passenger seat. Vic didn't respond, but rather smiled and shook his head.
"Can you at least give me a hint." I tried.
"Nope." He responded.
"Hmm, this feel an awful lot like when you dropped me off at rehab." He glared at me for the comment. Okay, maybe that wasn't something I should have joked about.
Eventually we pulled into a random street and parked on a random person's curb. This didn't look like a food place.
"Is this it?" I asked, confused.
"No. We have to make a quick stop, but I promise we will go eat after." He explained before unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. I wanted to throw a tantrum, or just yell at Vic because I was hungry and wanted to eat already. I didn't understand why we couldn't just do this after.
I settled for a simple eye roll, getting it out before Vic came over to my side of the car and opened my door for me. We walked along the sidewalk, passing houses that looked oddly familiar. I must have walked down this road before.
As we continued walking, something hit me. I knew why this street seemed so familiar. I knew exactly where we were. I stopped walking next to Vic. He noticed I had stopped and stopped as well, looking back at me.
"Why would you bring me here?" I questioned.
"I think it will help you." He said, simply.
"I can't believe you." I shook my head.
"Kellin, you need to talk to them. You need to see your parents." He said.
"Are you freaking kidding me? In case you forgot, I got into all of this mess because of them." Morally, I knew I needed to stop blaming my parents for everything, but it was easier said than done.
"No, you were in the trouble you were in because of yourself, and you know that. You have to take responsibility for your own actions." He scolded like a parent, and I really did feel like a child right now.
I sighed heavily and dramatically. "Fine. But do I have to be nice?" I asked.
"Respectful." He stated. I rolled my eyes and began walking again. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to hear what they had to say.
We walked up to the place I grew up in. The place where I ate and slept, and spent holidays. The place where I have felt everything. I lost my virginity in this house, along with everything that I had once loved. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would they yell at me? would they try excepting me with open arms-like they should have done a long time ago. I just didn't know, and it was fucking terrifying.
Vic knocked on the door before standing beside me. I wanted to grab his hand because I was scared, but I also felt like I had to act extremely straight right now. It was almost like l was embarrassed of my sexuality, but then again, it was kind of the state of mind I found with my parents. They didn't like that I was gay, and now I felt like I had to hide it.
The door opened after a short while. Both my parents were at the door, which I found intimidating.
"Kellin!" My mom's face lit up as she opened the door further.
I nodded awkwardly and subconsciously stood closer to Vic. This time was different. When I was first reunited with them at Vic's, I was full of anger. They had hurt me, and I wanted them to know that. But this time I was timid and would rather not be here at all.
"Oh, come in, boys." She said, eventually. The both of them moved aside so we could walk in. The second I stepped inside, I felt home, which confused me a lot. I don't think this was my home anymore. I didn't know what it was supposed to be.
"Take off your shoes and coats, please." My dad said. It was a thing that we had always done; take your shoes off at the door. It was like we were Japanese, or just really old and had too fancy of furniture.
"Of course." Vic responded, slipping off his shoes, but keeping his jumper on. I did the same, but pulled off my jacket because it was pretty warm in here.
We then followed my mom into the living room. I felt like a guest in my own home-not my home-
"Are you two hungry? I made apple pie, your favorite, Kells." She said, sitting on a loveseat across from the sofa that Vic and I sat on. Eventually my dad came around, taking a seat on the other one.
I was hungry, and I did love my mom's homemade pie, but I couldn't stomach any right now. I simply shook my head, while Vic declined politely. Obviously Vic had talked to them prior to this, so why were they acting like we were just some friends in the neighborhood visiting? There was a huge, fucking elephant in the room and I would like someone to address it.
It was silent for a while. The only sound was coming from the window. It was open and any time a breeze flowed through, the blinds would smack against the glass.
"We want you back home." My mom eventually spoke. My eyes drifted from the window to her. My mom was pale with long, dark hair. She was also thin and always looked like she hasn't slept for weeks. I got a lot from her.
I didn't respond to her. I stared at her for a while, not a single word coming to mind, so I just looked back to the loud window.
"Kellin." Vic then spoke up. I looked at him, and he gave me I look like 'say something' but I said nothing.
"Um, so are two living together?" My mom asked Vic. I guess she gave up on me.
"Kind of, yeah."
"What do you mean 'kind of'?" My dad questioned.
"Uh, well...Kellin was staying at a homeless shelter, but I took him to stay with me for a while."
They went on like that for a while. Vic gave them some information about us, and they only asked more questions. I sat there and listened to them while watching the window, but then it got louder, and eventually I was only hearing the clanking of the blinds. It was so windy outside.
I didn't know why I wasn't talking right now. I had so much to say to my parents. But they were like this invincible force. They somehow took everything from me. They broke me down so much, I barley made it. So while I was beyond pissed at them, I was also hurt and scared.
"Kell, are you okay." I then heard. It was Vic, and it was only now that I realized I was crying.
I turned to see the three watching me with faces full of concern. The hearbreak was definitely outweighing the anger.
"You were supposed to love me unconditionally. As my parents, you're supposed to love, support, and protect me. And yeah, you can't protect me from everything, but the last thing you should do is be the one that hurts me. I shouldn't be so scared and hate you so much, but I do." I ranted. I was a sobbing mess at this point and couldn't guarantee that they would understand everything that I was saying.
"We're so sorry." My mom broke. Her nose was tinted pink and her eyes were red with threatening tears.
"We don't want to hurt you anymore." She said. I believed that her and my dad had changed, because I had changed so much myself. I could forgive them, but I can't forget.
"I'm not moving back here. I just can't do that right now." I breathed, trying to calm down. Vic moved closer to me, placing a hand on my back before running it up and down, comfortingly, but it only made me nervous and uncomfortable.
"We understand." My dad spoke.
I then nodded and told them that we had to go. I felt like our time here was done for now. I felt a little better with how things were with my parents, but the relationship with them was like a room after an earthquake. You could spend everyday, for the rest of your life trying to fix the damage, trying to place everything exactly how it was before, but it will never be the same. For now the room was clean and the stuff was off the floor and out of the way. I think I could live with that for a while.
We said our awkward goodbyes and my mom invited us over for dinner anytime, which I wasn't sure we would ever cash-in. At least not anytime soon.
The second we were out the door, I grabbed Vic's hand and immediately felt less stressed. We walked back to the car in silence. The air was feeling a lot cooler than it had when we first arrived. I sighed into the cold air, stuffing my other hand into my coat, confused when I felt something. I kept it in there until we got into the car, then pulled it out when Vic was busy driving. It was a simple piece of paper folded in half. I opened it and out fell another paper. I read the one I was holding first.
"Obvious this doesn't make up for what pain we caused you, but I already have a feeling this will not go as your mother planned. Use this however you'd like, no questions asked. (Also, don't tell your mother.)"
Confused, I opened the paper that fell out to find it was a check for ten thousand dollars. I choked at the sight of the number, not understanding where they could have gotten this money. Maybe they had been saving it up since I was a baby. Maybe this was supposed to be the money I use to go to the college I will never attend.
"Are you okay?" Vic asked at my coughing fit. I nodded my head and quickly shoved the papers back into my pocket.
"Yeah, yes. I just swallowed wrong."
I didn't know if I should tell Vic about the money or not. I didn't even know how I felt about it yet. What would I even do with it all?
--
Vic had a class and two exams that would occupy him for a few hours today. This gave me enough time to rummage through his closet and find some decent clothing to go out with. I hadn't left the house without him before, but there were some things that I needed to do without him knowing, and it was like I was presented with this perfect opportunity.
I dressed in some relaxed khakis and a simple, v-neck tee. They were such a perfect fit, I loved having a boyfriend that was my size. The last thing I did was grab the check before leaving the bedroom.
The second I stepped out of the room, I felt my plans shatter before my very eyes. There were voices flowing through the house. Vic's parents must have been home. How was I supposed to leave now? They would surely hear or even see me.
Okay, I guess we move on to plan dos. I back-stepped into the bedroom again, heading towards the window. We were on the second story, but If I calculate my footing, I could use the tree in front to get down easier.
I failed. I failed miserably.
I had successfully grabbed the tree, but the second I put my weight on it, my foot slipped, and I was on a one-way train to OuchVille. I landed on mostly my hands and knees, which was incredibly painful. The second I touched the ground, I fell over and just laid there in pain for a while with sore wrists and banged up knees.
After laying there and breathing heavily, contemplating muu actions, I got up, cleaned myself off, and began on my little mission for the day. The first place I went was the music shop.
Today it was empty, which was such a blessing because as it was, I was kind of freaking out about this, and it wouldn't have been any help if strangers were in there as well.
The bell rang as I entered the door, followed by the familiar voice of Mr. Drew calling out that he would be out soon. I smiled and walked over to the desk so he would see me right away. When he came out of the backroom, his eyes lit up when they met mine.
"Kellin, holy shit!" He exclaimed, crossing over to embrace me in a hug. He had never been this touchy and enthusiastic with me before, but I guess it had been a while. He probably thought I was dead or something.
"I thought you were dead or something." He said. Nailed it right on the head.
"Nope, still here." I responded, awkwardly. He laughed and pulled away, but stopped with large eyes.
"What happened to your face?" He asked.
"What?" I questioned, having no idea what he was talking about.
"You're bleeding. Here." He said before grabbing my hand and leading me to the back, down to the bathroom. I guess my fall was even less graceful than I thought.
The bathroom was a small single that was pretty cramped with the both of us in here. He lead me to the mirror where I caught glimpse of my face. Sure enough, there was a large gash on my right cheek with dry blood coated over it.
"Is everything okay?" He asked, timidly.
"Yeah, yeah. I did this to myself." I reassured, which only brought a fearsome look upon his face.
"Not in that way." I stated, immediately. He nodded in response before reaching out for paper towels and proceeding to wet them so he could clean up my face.
"You've change." He says casually, bringing the paper to my cheek.
"How do you mean?" I questioned.
"Just...you were so timid and shy before."
"Sorry." I said, and I don't know why. I didn't notice that I had changed. I thought I was the same, but now I realize it. Before I couldn't even talk to Mr. Drew without blushing and half stuttering.
"I like it, though." He said before smiling. He was so close to me in this tiny restroom, it was really fucking up my breathing. He was so beautiful. Stupid, straight boys.
"Okay done." He said after a while, tossing the paper in the trash. "Oh wait!" He then exclaimed before knealing down and looking under the sink to retrieve something. He came back up with a bandaid. He opened it for me and placed it on my face without a word. Once he was done, I looked in the mirror to admire the pastel blue bandaid he had put of my face.
"You look badass." He shrugged.
"Thank you." I finally said.
"That's alright." He responded.
"No, I mean for everything. Thanks for always helping me out. And I'm sorry for kissing you and then never talking to you again. It was stupid and I'm sorry." I spilled. He was just another person that I had fucked up with, that was too good of a person to just let our relationship remain bent.
"Don't worry about it. Besides, If were being honest, I did always have a thing for you. but I had a girlfriend, and knew things just wouldn't work out between us."
Seriously!? He says this now. After everything he just now tells me that he had a "thing" for me. Well, never mind, it's over and done with.
"But anyways, how are you? You look good, you know besides the cut." He questioned, being curtious.
"Uh, yeah, I'm good. I actually started dating someone. I don't know if you remember him- I came in with him once, and I think he bought a guitar from you." I tried explaining Vic.
"Oh yeah, he seemed nice." he nodded. "I'm happy for you." It seemed that was something I was hearing a lot lately. I guess I was happy. It seemed like such a far away feeling for so long that now I hardly recognized it.
"Thank you." I said, falling out of the moment. "Well, anyways, I should get going." I stated, remembering that I only had a limited time to do everything I needed to before Vic got back home.
"Of course. But you come back if you need anything, alright?" He assured.
"Alright," I nodded before giving him a last hug, then leaving to go cash a check for more money than I had ever seen in my entire life.