Balin stood in for my father. He was the one who raised the hammer and brought it down upon the circle of dwarves gathering around Thorin and I to symbolize the protection of both families over our union. And when the long vows were finally spoken and repeated, I became Thorin's wife, and he, my husband.
But there would be no huge feast to mark the celebration, no music and song to commemorate the union. None of that I wished for, though I wondered if Thorin would have yearned for such things. He was, after all, a prince of Erebor, used to such pomp and celebration, yet now he was barely getting even a hint of one.
For as everyone rejoiced with us, I could see the tight set of King Thror's and Prince Thrain's faces as they gazed upon Thorin - and something inside me grew cold. Were they happy for him? I wondered. Did they really believe me an impostor, fearing that I had simply fooled their young prince? I watched as Thorin accepted their well wishes, three generations of proud dwarves standing in a circle as Bernd took me aside to give me his congratulations and encase me in a hug that lifted me off my feet.
But after Bernd said his good night to Thorin and I, promising me that he was returning to Fennhill with Inge, and that Jürgen would come to see me on his own, Thorin took my hand, brought it to his lips, and asked me if I was ready to retire into our chambers. He had had someone transfer my meager belongings from my room into his, and as he shut the door behind him, he led me to a small table that had been set for two, complete with two plates laden with steaming food. A bowl of fruit had been set in the middle next to two flagons of wine and two matching goblets. It all smelled so delicious and before I could say anything, Thorin's belly rumbled.
He shrugged unapologetically as we laughed.
"Even a dwarf needs to eat if he knows what is expected of him on his wedding night," he smiled.
"And what is expected of him exactly?" I asked as he pulled up a chair behind me and I sat down.
"That's for you to tell me," he said as he leaned towards me, arching his eyebrow playfully as I blushed, looking away from his penetrating gaze.
But all thoughts not involving food were soon banished from our minds for we were both famished. No amount of desire for each other at that moment would have kept us away from the steaming food on the plates, from the generous cuts of mutton and even sausages, and the breads. After all, we were dwarves, and dwarves love food.
As we ate, Thorin told me that Dwalin and Arna had taken care of setting the table, knowing that we hadn't had anything to eat since coming into the dining hall. He hadn't expected it, but it was still a wonderful surprise, and one that we both appreciated beyond words. He told me that he'd known Dwalin since he was a young boy, and that their friendship had withstood through the years, and undoubtedly would withstand the rest of their lives.
Thorin's accommodations were much more generous than mine had been. He had two rooms, separated by a thick curtain that had been secured in generous folds along the arched doorway. The fire burned in the hearth, keeping us warm as we dug into the food and the wine, glad to have some privacy where we could simply eat without being disturbed by well-wishes and the requriement of courteous conversation that would have been expected of us had we joined everyone else in the dining hall.
With the exception of Frerin and Lady Mani who retired to their own chambers, we were the only ones who did not accompany the rest of the wedding party back to the dining hall. It felt strange seeing Thorin removed from his own family and kin as they celebrated in the main building, wondering whether he knowingly wanted to be apart from them on such a special night. But I had no wish to socialize with strangers tonight - even if they were now my own kin.
Besides, seeing the tattooed dwarf standing before me earlier had shaken me. Though I could not remember his face, I recognized the tattoo as something I had seen once, so long ago. But who was he and what did he want from me? But instead of stewing in my own worries, I forced myself to think of other things.
"You do not mind being here alone with me instead of out there with the rest of them?" I asked. "Surely the king and your father would rather we be with them tonight?"
Thorin took a sip of his wine and set it down upon the table. "They won't mind. My father and grandfather will be discussing things that I want nothing to with - at least not tonight," he said, stabbing his fork into a generous slice of mutton.
"Can I ask what these things are?"
Thorin sighed. For a moment I thought he wasn't about to answer as he was deep in thought, his brow furrowing as he chewed.
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I said hastily.
"They wish to reclaim Moria," he said and I stared at him, wondering if I heard him say the name right. Moria. "It's all they've been talking about for weeks, and they are slowly amassing an army for there is talk that orcs now live within the great halls."
I shuddered at the mention of orcs. Goblins were bad enough, I thought. Orcs were worse.
"But it is only talk," Thorin added, forcing a smile. "No one has been able to prove that orcs indeed have taken over Moria, so for now, the king and my father plan to take a scouting party to investigate."
"When will that be?"
He shrugged. "As soon as we get to Dunland," he replied. "The sooner we leave Fennhill, the quicker we will get to Dunland and get settled."
"Would you like that? Moria? Didn't the dwarves awaken the Balrog when they dug too deep searching for mithril?"
"It does not matter what I want, Frigga," he said. "Whatever the king and the prince decide, I must follow. But I, too, want us to have a home. I dread having to let you endure days, weeks or even months of wandering aimlessly through the wilderness beyond these walls. Dunland is far away, Frigga, and the journey will be arduous."
I reached for his hand from across the table and held it. "What I want is to be with you," I said. "It doesn't matter where we are."
Thorin smiled faintly. He slid his hand from underneath mine and covered my hand with his instead. "It matters to me," he whispered, his thumb rubbing the sensitive skin along the back of my own thumb. "I want a roof over your head, food always on the table, and I want to see you dressed the way you are now in your finest silks and brocades, with jewels around your neck and in your hair instead of concealed as if like a dwarf man once we set out on our journey."
This time it was my turn to sigh. We'd finished eating most of the food, and were now simply enjoying the wine, although I was afraid that my choice of conversation didn't lend itself to cheer.
"Do you regret this?" I asked. "Having me as a responsibility that you don't really need when you could be discussing battles with your father and your grandfather, and planning things for your people instead of worrying whether I shall go hungry or feel cold."
Thorin frowned and I saw a flash of anger on his face. But it disappeared as quickly as it came. "Is that how you feel, my love? A burden?"
I shrugged. "No, that's not what I meant. But there is just so much sadness on your face sometimes," I said. "You try to hide it. But it's in your eyes."
He squeezed my hand. "Because I love you, and I don't want to lose you ever again," he said. For a few minutes he did not speak, simply rubbing my hand with his and playing with the lace that decorated the edge of my sleeve.
"When you were a child, your petulance annoyed me to no end but you were so young then, just as Fili and Kili are now. I was a young man then, more annoyed at having to watch over Frerin and Dis - and by extension you because you were close to them - when I could have been hunting with the prince and the king," Thorin began, his voice soft and low, captivating me. "Then you announced to the king that when you grew up, you would marry me, Prince Thorin, and that you would be my princess."
I blushed and covered my face with my free hand.
"Father ordered me to make you a crown of your own - a circlet - that you could wear over your forehead. Not exactly a crown but good enough for a child," he smiled. "I hated having to do that then, but I chose the jewels just as father asked me to. Then he had me apprentice with the goldsmith for a full moon so I could set it as perfectly as I could. But as much as swore to him that I hated it, I found that I enjoyed making it."
"Was that before I fell off the tree?" I asked, remembering how he had presented me the circlet while I was recovering after my fall.
Thorin nodded. "There was no better time to give it to you than when you considered yourself a monster because the fall left you with that scar on the side of your face," he said. "But that scar makes you who you are, Frigga. It's how I knew it was you when I first saw you."
I touched the side of my face instinctively, self conscious again. But I forced myself to bring my hand down and listen as Thorin continued.
"It made your parents so happy to see you smile for the first time because the prince of Erebor just gave you your very own crown. You wore that circlet everyday, Frigga, even after you got better and demanded to be taken to Dale so you could have someone buy you one toy after another."
"Toys I then discarded after one or two days," I recalled now.
"And then you disappeared," Thorin said. "No one knew you were missing for almost a day. Somehow they'd gotten so used to you disappearing for hours playing with the other children of Dale that by the time they realized you were gone and ordered the gates of Dale shut, it was too late. I still remember returning from a hunt with the king. We'd been gone for three days and when we returned, you'd been gone for two."
"Thorin, we don't need to talk about this -"
"Yes, we do," Thorin said. "I want to know what happened to you that day. I want to know that no one is going to take you away from me again."
I bit my lip. I wondered if the tattooed dwarf had something to do with Thorin's current mood. Just as his presence had been foremost on my mind, it must have been the same for Thorin. But his thoughts, it seemed, were back in Erebor, for he continued his tale about what happened after I disappeared. It was strange to speak of such things on one's wedding night, but given that we'd had so much unsaid between us from the very beginning, tonight was the night to reveal everything about the past on the table. Or most everything.
Thorin spoke of the men who'd come with news about seeing a scarred dwarf-child among a caravan of merchants headed west, towards Dunland. Another group of merchants swore that they'd seen the child south towards Moria. And yet another group went further than just spreading tales that sent dwarves east and west searching for me. This group, he said, scarred little children and often killed them in the process.
"It happened only twice, and each time they ended up killing the children they intended only to maim," he said. "It was horrible. Father begged your parents to stop handing out the reward for information, but it was too late. Word had spread far and wide about the generosity of the dwarf counselor and his wife, and though they'd stopped handing out the rewards as generously as they did in the beginning, they gave enough away just the same."
"I wished they stopped handing out the rewards," I said. "Then none of Lialam's schemes would have happened."
"There is nothing we can do about the past, Frigga. It's done. Lialam is dead and so is his henchman, that curr Edgard. We will not be seeing them anymore." Thorin took a long sip of wine from his goblet, emptying it, as if signalling the end of the conversation. He reached from across the table and touched my cheek, his finger moving down to caress my lips, tracing it with his thumb.
Dark eyes gazed at me from across the table and I took his hand and kissed it, one finger at a time. The air seemed to stand still between us, and I felt my face burn before his penetrating gaze. There were no words now, I knew that now. This was something that passed between a man and his wife. An unspoken need that required no words.
Thorin got up from his chair and walked into the bed chamber, stoking the fire in the hearth to get it going as it had almost gone out. Then he sat down on the armchair by the fire and lit a pipe.
For a moment, I sat there confused, wondering what had just happened. One minute he was in front of me, and the next, he was gone, his back facing me now, smoking his pipe in the semi-darkness of the bed chamber.
Every time we had made love before this moment, it had always been Thorin who made the first move, kissing me or touching me in places that he knew all too well sent me reeling with desire. I had had no experience in such things that most women would know by now, but as I got up and went into the bathing room to wash, I knew that I did not need other women's advice on what to do next. I knew Thorin's body like the back of my hand. I knew what made him quiver with want and need of my touch.
This time I knew that it was my turn to show him just how much I desired him, and just how much I knew how to please him. And this time, I was ready.
He'd been deep in thought when I walked towards him minutes later, and when he still hadn't noticed me, his eyes staring into the fire, I stood before him. I was naked, my long hair trailing loosely over my breasts. I heard his deep intake of breath as he leaned against the back of the chair to look at me. Gone was the chemise I wore beneath my tunics, the gold cuffs and beads that decorated my hair. Instead, I wore nothing except for the necklace - no, the circlet - he had crafted with his own hands so many years ago. It still looked magnificent now, a necklace that spanned the front of my neck, warm now against my skin.
I watched Thorin's eyes darken as he took in what he saw in front of him. My skin prickled with anticipation for what I was about to do next, wondering if I'd be able to do it right, hoping that I would not hurt him. I did not speak, and neither did he. I knelt on the rug before him and began to unlace his heavy boots, one at a time, taking my time with each one. I could feel his eyes upon me, watching my every move, leaving his pipe upon the table next to him to grip the arm rests of the chair as I went about undressing him.
After I'd removed his boots, I knelt up to unclasp the ties of his tunic, feeling him leaning forward towards me so he could kiss me, but I held myself back, not allowing him to do so. Instead, Thorin brought his hands to my hair, stroking the curls that fell over my shoulders, brushing his fingers lightly over my breasts, a faint smile on his lips. Still I avoided his gaze, intent only in slipping his tunic over his shoulders and after that, his dark shirt with its laces upon the front.
"You look like you've got plans for me," Thorin murmured.
"Of course, I do," I whispered, biting my lower lip as I ran my hands over his chest, thick curls beneath my fingertips. "Only this time, whatever I'm doing, I'm doing as your wife."
That night, we made love as if we'd never made love before, each of us exploring the other with new eyes, new hearts - though he was still my prince. He was my king.
And he was mine.