Chapter Four
E M I R Y
"The lovesick, the betrayed, and the jealous all smell alike."
- Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
"Bye Emiry!"
I waved to Tyler as he reversed into his driveway. We've been regularly seeing each other after therapy sessions. Going on not dates to the park and the mall. Mostly going to little restaurants for lunch and then aimlessly talking about anything and everything. Then we would pick a place to go and end up there for a few hours or the whole day. It was nice. Refreshing even.
And I was surprisingly happy. Extremely happy even. We talked during 1st period and lunch and David seemed to notice I was happier in the mornings when he came to pick me up. Which would make him smile and that made me smile even more. I sighed as I laid down on my bed, shoving my face into my pillows and trying to stop feeling so happy. While it was much appreciated, it was a little scary that I was so happy. And that it was Tyler who was the one that caused this much happiness.
Although, I couldn't really tell if I was happy from Tyler or the idea of Tyler being a nice person willing to be my friend. Either way I didn't really care. It was just nice talking to someone other than David now. Because every time I'm around David I'm afraid that I'll say something wrong or accidentally let something slip and ruin our whole relationship. And I mean, I felt that with Tyler too, but not so much. Not on such a high level.
Just that thought made me smile harder and giggle a little to myself.
"I need to stop." I said to myself, but it just made me laugh harder and smile more.
The next morning I woke up the same way I always do. But I felt a little lighter. A little happier. I took my shower, got dressed, greeted mom and had breakfast, took my pills, and then when I heard the honk outside I got into the car with David. I smiled at him.
"Good morning!" I said.
"Morning, Em. You've been in a good mood lately." David smiled back laughing.
"And you've actually been picking me up."
David winced, "Ouch. That hurt."
I rolled my eyes, "You're such a drama queen."
David shrugged, "Well, you're not wrong."
We arrived at school a few minutes later, still bantering. But I was smiling and laughing the whole time and I was having so much fun. He dropped me off at my first period and I greeted Tyler as I sat down in my seat. And then he was rambling on about something, but I don't think I was paying attention. Because I was watching the sunlight catch in his green eyes and how his hair seemed a little fluffier today. He looked so excited or happy over whatever he was talking about and it just kind of, made me smile even more. But then he suddenly stopped talking and he was smiling at me. And he was looking at me directly. Staring into my eyes, and I flushed red and averted my eyes.
Tyler chuckled, "You're not even listening to me, Emiry."
"S-Sorry..." I stuttered out.
"It's fine. What were you thinking about?"
I felt the heat in my cheeks grow warmer, "Nothing important."
Class started and we went on with our day. I thought about Tyler some more, but I was also thinking about David. He looked really good this morning. He had cut his hair recently and it made me a little sad because I liked his longer hair, but he still looked good with short hair. I tugged at my own hair. It was getting a bit long too.
The rest of the morning classes were too long and not slow enough. My thoughts were sporadic and fleeting. They would shift between Tyler, David, and the assignment in front of me. I just wanted to get to lunch so I could see both of them. I would just repeat tiny details of them; the hazel of David's eyes, or the light brown strands of Tyler's hair. I wanted to spend more time with both of them. Although, I wanted to spend more time with David. Spending time with Tyler was great, but I missed David. I needed some alone time with him. But it seemed rude to not include Tyler now. He had worked his way into David and I's close friendship. At the moment it was holding itself together. And I knew that there was a one hundred percent chance of this all crashing and burning. It would probably be all my fault because I tried to make friends. I could hope that it would be on the off chance that David got mad and ruined the friendship – at least then I could be mad at him and not myself. Or maybe, Tyler would realize what terrible friends we are, but I didn't want that to happen.
It was almost funny to me that I was so attached.
The bell finally rang for lunch and I headed out of the classroom as fast as I possibly could without falling over and going into some type of seizure. Sitting down at our table, I started to eat my food. Tyler joined me a minute later and David followed after a while.
"So," David started, "I need you to come over today."
"Why?" I asked.
David looked shocked, "I think that's the first time you've ever questioned my intentions. Are you okay Em? What happened?"
I rolled my eyes at him, "I was just curious. No need to get so melodramatic."
"We just need to do stuff." David said looking up at me. We had a silent conversation through eye contact, which didn't do much for me. I got distracted with David's eyes and so that left me a little more than confused when we broke eye contact. I just sighed and glanced over at Tyler.
"Okay, we'll do stuff later."
David smiled brightly, "Yay! Thanks so much Em! You're the best."
"Well that is why they call it a best friend, right?" I said. David laughed and I smiled a little. I loved David's laugh. I loved everything about David, but his laugh was something beautiful. Lunch carried on, and so did the rest of the school day. I felt somewhat bad for having to leave Tyler out of whatever David wanted to do, but it seemed important. Or maybe, David just wanted some alone time with me. I couldn't exactly tell. Which is weird in itself.
After my last class ended, I made my way to my locker. David was already standing next to it waiting for me. He smiled when he saw me and I tried to will the blushing of my cheeks to go down, but they weren't having it today apparently. I tried to open my locker as calmly as I could. David patiently waiting for me. I closed my locker and looked at him.
"You're in a good mood." I said, raising an eyebrow.
David grabbed my hand making my cheeks flush bright red as he dragged me out of the building. "Come on."
I followed David to his car and got in. He drove us to his house. Mindless chatter about how our day was and other stuff that we did filled the space in between now and then. We went up to his room and I watched as he rushed around grabbing seemingly random things. A few blankets, a flashlight, and a mysteriously large bag. He handed me the stuff before going into his closet and rummaging around.
"Okay seriously David, what are we doing?"
He backed out of his closet holding a small bag and grinned at me, "You'll see."
I rolled my eyes at him, "Well, I can't carry this."
David wordlessly took the large bag and led me down the stairs and into the kitchen. He opened up the fridge and placed a small picnic basket into my hands. "Then you can carry this." I nodded and David's mother walked in.
"Oh, hello dear." She smiled at me.
"Hi."
"Mom, me and Em are going to go for a drive." David said.
David's mother looked at all the stuff we had and narrowed her eyes, "You better have Emiry back at a decent time. It's supposed to get a little chilly tonight and I don't want Alice to get worried."
"Yeah mom I know."
"I mean it Davidson."
David slightly cringed from the use of his full name, "Yes ma'am."
She smiled, satisfied with that answer, "Well, have fun."
As we walked to David's car and loaded it up, I wondered what we were doing. Obviously there was a picnic involved. But I didn't say anything. David really wanted to surprise me with this, so I just enjoyed the ride. The sun was starting to set when we reached our destination. It was just a big open field and I was really confused. Again, I wanted to ask questions but I kept them to myself. Instead I just watched as David spread out the few blankets on the grass and grabbed two pillows from the large bag, as well as some notebooks and pens. He smiled at me and pat the spot next to him as he sat down. I took my seat and looked to David for a clue as to what I was supposed to be doing.
David sighed, "So you remember when your mom took us to that planetarium a few years ago?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I don't think I ever told you how much I loved that."
"You didn't have to." I cut in before I could stop myself.
David blinked at me and I felt my cheeks flushing red. It just had been extremely easy to tell. It was written all over David's face. When I had glanced over at him during the show he looked so astounded. With the galaxy reflected in his eyes and his lips slightly parted. The way he took nearly half of all the pamphlets and brochures was too cute – his cheeks turning red when he knocked over something and apologizing too many times. It had made me fall deeper in love with him. Just him being himself.
David smiled fondly at me and chuckled, "I guess it was pretty obvious. But anyways, I had dad buy me a telescope the very next day and then I found this place a couple of weeks ago. So I thought that I could bring you along with me. Spend some quality bonding time!"
"Hmm, yes. Bonding time. Like we haven't known each other our whole lives." I said sarcastically.
David pouted, "Shut up. You know you love hanging out with me."
I smiled. "Sure."
"God, you're so mean! You're hurting my feelings Em."
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever. So what did your chef make for our picnic?" I said as I started to open up the basket. Mostly because I was hungry, but also because I could feel my heart rate start to pick up at the sudden thought that this was kind of like a date. Seriously, can I get an award for going on the most not-dates?
"Okay wow, you don't even believe I can make sandwiches. Our friendship is falling apart!" David cried.
I raised a brow,"You made the food?"
"Yep." I stared at him harder. "Okay no."
"That's what I thought."
"But I can make my own food! I just thought of the whole picnic thing during lunch okay? So I called home had our chef make it real quick."
I laughed and started to eat the sandwich I had grabbed. We ate and David explained that he brought along the notebooks to doodle in for a bit. I drew a cute little cat in the corner and then was forced to make more cute doodles for David. It consisted mostly of plants, cats, and sweets my mom had made before. At some point while I was doodling, David had gotten up and set up his telescope.
He fiddled around with it and I watched him. The sun had set and the sky was beginning to light up with stars. I laid down on the blankets and looked up. Seeing all the stars appearing made me feel small but in a good way. Like all of my problems were nothing compared to the ever changing universe. It made me feel weightless, kind of like how David made me feel sometimes.
"Hey Em, come here."
I got up and went over to David. He pulled me closer to him and the telescope, arm wrapping loosely around my waist, and my heartbeat was in my ears. Thankfully, David hadn't seemed to notice.
"Look." He said, and I peered into the telescope. "It's Jupiter."
I smiled, "It's really pretty."
" ... You're pretty."
I felt my heart stop. It had barely been above a whisper but I caught it. Maybe it was my imagination. Something I thought I heard, because that's what I wanted David to say right now. I swallowed thickly. Yeah, that's what I'm going to go with. The only time David says that to me is when I'm verbally putting myself down. There's no reason for him to say that right now. Yep, just gonna pretend I didn't hear it – because I probably didn't. Just my imagination.
"What ... What's this one?" I said softly, not really able to speak any louder or else I was sure to put my foot in my mouth.
David seemed to break some sort of trance he was in when I looked back at him. He let go of my waist, which I had nearly forgotten in my intense denying session, and cleared his throat. He looked into the telescope and then gave a slightly delayed answer.
"That's Albireo. They call it a double star. It looks like one star from far away, but when you look at it from a telescope you can see the other star."
"That's cool." I said, but I wasn't really paying attention anymore.
"Yeah." He said back.
David looked back at me but I quickly went back over to the blanket and laid down. God, I felt sick to my stomach. This was too unreal and awkward and not something I prepared for. After a moment, David came and laid down next to me. We stayed silent and looked up at the stars. I tried to pretend that he wasn't here. My heart couldn't take this type of feeling anymore. Did he even know how he made me feel? Was there any reason for him to bring me out here tonight instead of some girl? No. the answer was probably no. He didn't know how I felt and there was no reason for him to take me out. He should have brought along some girl that he could charm with his star knowledge and have fun together. Not me.
It didn't make any sense, or rather, David didn't make any sense. But then again, he never really did. I may know a lot of things about David as his best friend, but there were still things he did that I could never understand. Like why he chose to be my friend. Sure our parents kept us together all the time when we were younger, but I'm not even in the same grade as him. He could have ditched me as soon as he got into middle school. But he didn't. Maybe it's because I'm sick.
Ah, that hurt.
I always hate thinking that's his reason for being friends with me. For indulging me in my silly thoughts and playing along with it. Maybe he secretly hated me all these years and that's why he always left me for girls. Maybe I've started to notice it now and that's why I just expect him to not chose me.
"Em?"
"Hmm?" I asked as I turned my head towards his.
David's eyes reflected the stars above before they landed on me. His eyebrows pinched together and he leaned over me.
"Em, are you okay? Why are you crying?"
"Huh?" I said, but when I reached up I felt wet cheeks and quickly rubbed my eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm fine."
"You sure?" He asked.
I nodded my head in response. David looked at me for a second before he grabbed his jacket and put it over my shoulders. I tugged it a little closer to me. I wasn't cold yet, but something about the way David's jacket smelled like oranges and lemons, and it calmed me down. Although, I don't know why I had to start crying. That's just embarrassing. The silence building between us was slightly awkward and I just kept kicking myself internally for having a slight break down right now.
"Hey, Em, are you doing anything Saturday? After therapy, I mean."
Oh no. Oh this is bad. My cheeks were definitely bright red and I have never been so grateful for the cold of the night. At best it'll just look like I'm getting frost bite or something and we can leave before I die and not continue this conversation. I did not know how to handle this. I was not prepared. And as terrible as it was, I wanted to lie. I wanted to lie so hard and tell David that I was in fact not doing anything after my therapy session and ditch Tyler. I felt bad for even thinking it, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to spend more alone time with David – even if I felt like I was dying the whole time. But I couldn't do that to Tyler. He was too sweet and kind to ditch like that. Sure, if I told him that I was going to hang out with my best friend he would be understanding and let me go, but I would feel bad. Plus my whole, apparently, warped idea of friendship would lead me to believe that me canceling one not date would start the down spiral of my relationship with Tyler.
Trying not to stutter, I finally answered David's question. "Well, I um ... I-I've actually been hanging out with Tyler after therapy. We ran into each other there a couple of weeks ago and so we've kind of been chilling after sessions."
David was quiet for a second too long, "Oh. He's there for his dad right?"
"Yeah."
The silence was suffocating and I was just about to burst when David finally spoke up. "So I guess that means you already have plans. That's okay, just skip school with me on Friday. I mean, it's movie night anyways. We'll just get a head start."
I rolled my eyes and laughed at little bit. "If I get in trouble, I'm blaming you."
"I wouldn't expect anything less." David laughed.
We stayed pretty quiet after that. I wrapped myself up in David's jacket and laid down to look up at the stars. We didn't stay there for long because I was seriously starting to get cold and it was starting to get late. David dropped me back off at the house and told me to get some rest. I figured that, thankfully, my pills would more than likely knock me out first. But until then, I stared up at the ceiling and thought about what had happened that night.
A/N: I'll fix up this chapter later if it needs it (lol, it probably does). But i just wanted to post this. Hope you enjoyed!