The morning was spent silently deliberating what I should do.
Sure, Niall gave a good argument, and yeah I saw myself swaying a bit more towards Harry but really it wasn't something I could just switch off, the over analyzing that is.
It has always been my biggest fear that I would misstep somewhere in his upbringing and I wanted to make sure that this decision wasn't the very thing I feared.
Niall must have understood that I had a lot on my mind and that no amount of his good advice was going to chance the fact that I needed to come to a decision on my own.
We sat in the kitchen, both silently chewing on the donuts he had brought with him and sipping on the tea Niall had been kind enough to make.
It was a little over an hour later that Harry ambled into the kitchen, still shirtless with his red plaid pajama pants slug dangerously low. Niall sent me a knowing smirk as my eyes glued onto the taut skin above the waistband of his sweats Harry casually scratched at with one hand. The other arm was securely holding a grinning Jamie to his side as my son's big eyes searched the room for me.
I instantly pulled my eyes up to him once I heard his giggling.
"G'morning." Harry's deep, sleepy voice rang out as he walked up to the table and gently handed my son over to me before placing a quick kiss to the top of his head. "He is a very happy baby."
"Thank you." I said trying my hardest to keep my eyes glued on Jamie and not on Harry's exposed torso. "I'm sorry you had to get up last night. You should have woken me up. I would have taken him. I can't imagine your neck is feeling too great."
As if remembering the ach in his neck at my words, Harry rolled his head from side to side before looking over at me again. "Maybe you can rub the kinks out for me later." He said with a cheeky wink.
I rolled my eyes at him, ignoring Niall who nearly choked on his tea as he tried to hide his laughter.
"Fat chance." I said pushing out of my seat. "I'm going to get us dressed for the day. I'll see you boys later."
I could tell even as I made my way silently past him that Harry wanted to say more to me.
He looked like he wanted nothing more than to reach out to me and stop me from leaving the kitchen, and his sight, but we both knew that we couldn't talk about anything with Niall sitting at the table avidly watching our every move.
Even though he knew what was going on, there was still a bit of privacy it appeared both Harry and I agreed on, which is why even though he looked like he wanted me to stay he allowed me to walk out of the kitchen as he began to small talk with his friend.
And so our day went on much like that.
It seemed that noon was a much more agreeable time for the other members of One Direction to make their appearance in Harry's home. I could hear them from the kitchen as I made myself a salad for lunch, discussing song ideas and humming out melodies as they appeared to be writing a song.
According to Louis and one of our short conversations, the boys were trying to be a bit more hands on with this new album they were recording doing a lot more writing then on any of their previous albums.
From the few lyric ideas I had heard so far, I was sincerely hoping they would have major help because I don't know how well a song about 'biscuits', courtesy of one Zayn Malik, was going to go.
And every time I would walk by Harry's eyes zeroed in on me longingly. I knew he wanted to speak to me but business, and his friends cackling, was getting in the way.
At about five pm I was once again back in the kitchen eavesdropping and trying my hardest not to laugh out loud at what was slowly turning out to be a failed song writing experience for the boys judging by their impatience with each other's ideas and the incredibly ridiculous songs they were randomly singing.
"Hey."
I jumped slightly, and nearly sliced my finger off where I was chopping up the last carrot, when I heard the husky, slowly spoken word from directly behind me.
I spun around, my thoughtful smile falling into a slightly startled look as I almost bumped chest with Harry.
He smirked at my alarm and rubbed the back of his neck while dipping his head down to look me in the eyes.
"I've been meaning to talk to you it's just... well it's been a busy day hasn't it?"
He almost sounded nervous, and it was incredibly enduring and slightly knee weakening when that was added to the look he was giving me.
The look where he appeared to be trying to read my mind to find out if I was going to run or not.
"It's alright. You had work to do and there isn't anything we need to talk about. We cleared everything up last night."
Harry's eyes fluttered shut as he released a short snort through his nose. "You really don't listen do you?"
I tried to back up, sensing the change in mood from casual to...something else, but I quickly felt the edge of the counter dig into my back as Harry took a half step forward. We were now so close I could feel the heat from his body oozing off his person.
"I told you, Aria, I am not going to allow you to run from me." His eyes scanned my face as mine unconsciously dropped to stare at his pink moist lips which promptly solicited a chuckle from him. "And just looking at you I can tell you don't even want to, so why are we still playing at this game?"
I lifted my hands to place on his chest and for a brief moment even I wasn't sure if I was going to push or pull him closer as my fingers itched to dig into the almost completely sheer black shirt that I could see his tattoos clearly through.
But alas my stubborn side won out as I kept my hands flat and shoved him far enough away so I could salad out from between him and the counter and move to a safe zone to the side.
"Harry friends are out there working." I said not looking at him for fear I might just change my mind and drag him down to my lips were we could begin a repeat of last night, right here, right now with everyone in the next room. "You should get back to them and let me finish dinner. I've had a long day and I cannot deal with this right now."
Once again he scoffed at my words. "Of course you can't deal with it right now..." He opened his mouth looking like he had more to say, and looking just a little angry as well, but just as whatever he was intending to say was about to slip out into the world Liam's down-to-business voice rang out form the other room like an answered prayer calling his bandmate back from his quick escape.
As much as Harry would like to sit there and try to get a reaction out of me, we both knew that he was already dropping it at the sound of his voice, at least for the moment.
"I'm not letting you run from me Aria." He repeated even as he was backing away towards the door that led to his friends. "Just keep that in mind while you think up ways to avoid me."
I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until the door closed and I was once again alone in the kitchen.
Harry had this way of making me feel every imaginable emotion all at once and when he left it was just... gone. Not in a relieving kind of way either, more of an empty kind of way.
And the thing that was starting to become very frighteningly clear to me was that I didn't like this empty feeling and that as much as I hated to admit it, a part of me wanted to follow him into the next room just to feel that overflow of emotions so I didn't have to feel this... aloneness anymore.
Harry made me feel less alone.
I hadn't even realized I felt that alone until he came along. I hadn't even know that was what I was feeling until right then as I stared at the doors he had walked through and I suddenly felt the huge empty space around me.
It was like one of those epiphanies people talk about but you never really understood.
I understood now.
But even with that new revelation in mind, some annoyingly obstinate part of myself wouldn't allow me to follow him and tell him the truth. So I stayed hidden in the kitchen until the food was done.
The boys stayed for dinner and I managed to duck out of eating with some halfhearted excuse that I was sure they could all see through, most of all Harry, and made my way up to my room with a drowsy Jamie cuddled in my arms.
It was nearly two hours later when the conversation from down stairs died down to nothing as the door opened and closed for the last time.
I had already been laying in the dark for an hour, trying to sleep but being kept up by every single moment Harry and I have had together being played back in my mind. I was trying to find the moment it changed for me, the moment I became lass alone in his presence but it was evading me.
A short while after the last person had left- Louis I believe it was- I heard Harry's slow, probably exhausted, footsteps come back up the steps and down the hall.
I froze completely when they stopped right outside my door for a few moments.
I wondered what he was doing but was promptly answered when my door quietly opened and I heard nearly silent foot falls walking up to the edge of my bed.
I relaxed my face, hoping it was a convincing sleep face, and slowed my breath as I felt his eyes watch me.
It felt like forever as I laid there pretending to sleep and just when I was sure he knew I was faking and I should just give up, I heard him release a deep breath and whisper something that sounded suspiciously like 'beautiful' which made me pray to whatever god was listening that he couldn't see my cheeks turn redder.
He then did something I wasn't expecting and it took everything in me not to flinch while his fingers grazed my cheeks and pushed my hair out of my face before he kissed my cheek dangerously close to my lips.
I was sure he was going to leave but then he surprised me again when I heard him kneel next to my bed.
"Why are you so bloody stubborn? Can't you see that you drive me crazy you silly, mad woman?"
I squeezed my eyes a little tighter as he took a deep breath and carried on.
"You're so scared I'll hurt you but I promise I won't. I will take care of you and Jamie. I know he is you whole world. I get that, I understand that feeling, and I swear to you, if you are scared for him, you don't need to be because I will love him like he was mine. I already do. And you... you have no idea how I feel for you... how much I feel for you."
There was a pause and a slight chuckle. "Now if only you would let me tell you this when you were awake instead of hiding away in your room. I think I might take the door off its hinges." He joked to himself.
I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't for fear of shattering this precious moment. I could feel the tears gathering behind my lids just waiting for me to open then to allow them to stream down my cheeks. His words meant more to me than anything and I found that tiny shred of fear had finally evaporated, taking with it any last remaining stubbornness with it and leaving nothing to hold me back any longer.
I wanted this with Harry.
I wanted that imaginary family I had seen in my head this morning to not be imaginary.
I wanted nights with Harry and days with our babies.
I wanted to stop running... for him.
My eyes snapped open at that last thought only to find that Harry had already gone, like a ghost.
I sat up in a flurry and rubbed my hands over my face, realizing that the tears had in fact made their way down my cheeks.
I needed him.
Without a second thought I found myself jumping out of bad for the second time in less than 24 hours and flinging my bedroom door open.
I quickly and quietly padded down the hall until I was standing just outside of Harry's bedroom door. I had only been in there the one time when I was looking for Darcy on my first day, it always seemed like an off limits area of the house and here I was planning on barging in and relenting to Harry's chasing.
I stood there looking at my feet, breathing deeply and praying for courage to do something I wouldn't do for anyone but Harry because I was starting to realize that he was worth it.
With one final pep talk in my head and a deep breath I slowly opened the door to Harry's room. It seemed heavier than any other door and I couldn't tell if it was just because I was so worked up or if it was legitimately that heavy.
His room was very dark and much larger then I remembered it to be, the only light was coming from the small gap in the black curtains over the window where the full moons light was shining through so it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to it.
When they did, they swept the room once before landing on the long lump in the center of the bed covered in a very fluffy looking duvet.
On sight of him I felt a rush go through me, the familiar one I got when I was near him. I suddenly didn't need to think about what I was doing.
Slowly and quietly I made my way to his bed, my heart pounding with each step, and climbed up onto the foot of it pulling my knees up to my chest and wondering how I should wake him while I watched his peacefully sleeping face that was peeking out of the covers.
I didn't have to wonder for long though. Harry's green eyes lazily opened to look directly at me like he was expecting me.
I bit my lip as our eyes locked, unsure of how or where to start.
"Hi." Harry's sleepy voice said as a small sleepy smile slid over his lush lips.
I kept chewing on my bottom lip while squeezing my knees tighter to my body. We sat there in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other by the light of the moon.
It was precisely when Harry's brow started to furrow in concern at my lack of speech that I finally did say something. It flowed out of my mouth in such a rush I wasn't even aware of what I was saying until I was hearing it myself.
"You promise you won't hurt me?"
Harry's brow evened out into a soft look. He didn't say a word and again we fell into silence.
I vaguely wondered if I had said the wrong thing. My eyes shifted away from his as my mind raced with a barrage of berating words flying around.
That wasn't what I was supposed to start off with.
I barely noticed Harry sitting up, covers falling to his lap and naked chest out in the open. When I did look back at him it wasn't at his eyes.
He shifted closer to me and slid his large hand under my chin to bring my eyes back to his smirking face.
"I promise if you promise."
For the first time since I had met Harry I heard vulnerability in his voice and clearly displayed on his face as his smirk fell from his lips at his words.
I realized then that I wasn't the only hurt person in this room. Harry really had battled the same thoughts I had because he was in the exact same position as I was.
Without even thinking about it I leaned in the few inches that separated us until our lips were barely touching, my eyes staring right into his.
"I promise." I whispered out, finally letting go and giving in to this man in front of me as I placed my lips over his firmly.
I felt him smirk into the kiss before pulling away an inch to stare into my eyes that snapped open at the loss of contact to find him silently giggling.
"You're a shit faker."