As you know while we have an ending we are making the chapters up as we go. Typically we start with what we need to achieve in the chapter, explain that to the characters and just let them go. Through some magical process, we don't understand this almost always makes a chapter which provides something new and pushes the plot forward. Yeah even if you don't notice. Chapters which don't advance the plot are typically junked. Anything that stands between Jenny and Rockwood, needless description, texture, useless conversation, or new cool technology is ruthlessly crossed out.
But as you know we like breaking rules, for example beginning a sentence with 'but'. Or breaking the show not tell rule in chapter 1 ( yeh it was deliberate guys, we did it because it was funny). For some reason we quite like this chapter, but it's against all our rules. You know what if you skip this chapter nothing will go wrong. The book will still end in the same way ( which is normally a sign that something is superfluous and needs to be deleted). So sorry to go all Peter Jackson on you and give you the extended edition before you have even seen, like the 90 minute cut. Think of it as a Thanksgiving treat. Like cranberry sauce, you don't need it but it's fun. ps. unlike Lord of the Rings we promise there will only be one ending. You will know it when you see it. It's big and it's got werewolves, zombies, unicorns and ballet in it.
OK so read this chapter here - before it maybe gets moved to deleted scenes.
Oh and when to get to cities in Germany it might sound better if you read it out aloud. It will sound funnier as a radio play or an audiobook.
Video: In case you haven't met a biohacker this is Amie. She melted a Tesla entry card and inserted the wires into her body ( so she can open the car using her hand).
Washington 2.0/hyptertrain station.
Jenny's POV.
'Whr r v going?' I texted Rockwood from my collar as we stepped into the hypertrain.
"This is the route to the ceremonial capital called Stellavista." Rockwood began "When the machines were trying to decide where to put the capital of the world they came down to a choice between Washington 2.0 and Stellavista. Region 334 [ Nebraska ] was more central but region 344 [ Wyoming ] was neatly square and the Robots liked that. It was a long hard difficult discussion but as the librarians say the harder something is to decide the less it matters."
"Librarians say that?.. Master.. " I said aloud
"They used to before they called themselves information retrieval experts" he added. 'When the nuclear power plant got hacked by Anonymous it was a good excuse to do the outdoor stuff in Stellavista." Rockwood texted back.
Outside sounded good. That had 'escape' or at worst case 'scouting out escape' written all over it.
We sat down on the seats in the hypertrain, well he sat like the other slaves, I got the floor. There were a number of robots shiny in their best bodies on the train all accompanied by a pet human slave or two. Further up the train, I saw Lady Zola staring at us. She came up and talk to Rockwood but kept glancing at me.
"3000 that's my best and final offer. No one has ever paid that much for one before " she said to Rockwood.
"Thanks but nay thanks," said Rockwood quickly and politely. That shut Zola up and she flounced off in disgust.
'what was that about?' I texted.
'Property deal I don't want to do. Does she look any different to you? asked Rockwood via encrypted text message.
I looked at her she was wearing some fabulous flouncy outfit, but it was still her.
'No' I texted back.
"rumour has it that when she discovered that I was letting you use her make-up machine she had her old body vaporised in disgust" whispered Rockwood.
'LOL' I texted back.
'Wait until she finds out that her favourite designer is doing your party dress' Rockwood continued.
Zola, was staring very intently at us, in fact, she was staring very intently at me.
"Why is it so hot on this train?" I texted. The train had no windows or rather the windows were just curved screens playing movies of train journeys. In fact, I'm almost sure I was watching the same landscape as the hog warts express.
"It's going to be cold where we are going. Your clothes have tiny wires in them. That battery supplies power, just tell your collar to turn the temperature down" said Rockwood.
'oh that lump attached under the tail is the battery pack' I texted.
'of course, it's the battery pack what else could it be?' Rockwood texted.
'well it was dangling beneath my tail' I texted. I was wearing yet another sleek unitard in shiny silicon blue this time with a tail again.
'and?' texted Rockwood.
'Doesn't matter'.
While I talked to my collar to fiddle with my temperature gauge I looked down the other end of the carriage to see Villeria trying not to look at Rockwood. With her, she had a single slave girl also with a tail and cat ears. The slave girl looked miserable poor thing. I was wearing the smart a$$ contact lenses and it told me the miserable slave girl was called 'No-not-me'. The slave girl was looking at Rockwood. Looking around I realised most of the women on the train were looking at him. The slave girl confused me.
'I thought having cool sexy dangerous bodyguards was the in thing' I texted.
'That was so last year (last robot year). Cute sulky truculent pets are in,' Rockwood texted.
'You're so fashion-forward' I texted back.
'Sort of, Villaria got one to please me before Region 1 south and it got into a magazine. That and the whole YCF meme.'
Wow, I was trending. #JennyBanks.
"Look we are arriving at Stellavista" said Rockwood. This is weird we had only really just sat down.
'We have?' I didn't realise that we have departed. It had only been a few minutes.
'how could we be in Wyoming it's like 500 miles' I text did getting a level one punishment for not using the official name.
It was weird it took me less time to say a text sub- vocally than to physically say it. The collar had some kind of spoken text prediction. You could also listen to a text quicker than hearing/read it. Sometimes we just talked in room 404 by texting. It was so much faster. I guess it must have been weird to people listening it was frequently just one bout of laughter followed by another. I kind of got his sense of humour and the wonderful thing was he got mine. Talking like this for a few minutes was like chatting for hours.
"The benefits of magnetic levitation in a vacuum tube," said Rockwood as we stood up.'Now behave'
'When I have I ever not behaved :-) ?' I texted.
'most of the time' Rockwood texted back. He was right, but I was about to get my comeuppance.
...
StellaVista 300 miles east of Washington 2.0 area formally known as Wyoming
We stepped off the train and walked up. The plain concrete corridor was lined with a number of polished robot guards at attention. The marble floor was covered with a red carpet. I looked down to see a neat circular shadow around Rockwood. It moved as he moved it had the world 'Rockwood - inner circle' written on it. I had my own circle with a line joining mine to his. With the word 'plus pet', terrific.
'Intelligent Red Carpet. If you step on this without permission and it can kill you' said Rockwood. Brilliant I thought the whole point of taking the train was to avoid near-death experiences. I noticed we were moving faster than we were walking. It was like the red carpet was like an airport thing - what do they call those flat escalators? - I googled my collar, a travelator?
I saw Villaria up ahead of me.
'How did Villaria become a Cyborg?' I asked looking at her in the distance.
'Its that your question? The question I must answer and must answer truthfully' Rockwood texted me.
'No, it's not' I texted back I had plans for that question.
'OK, She started as a hairdresser', Rockwood texted.
'What? not a scientist, military, ninja assassin or something?' I texted
'Well she did a degree in psychology then switched to medieval literature, bit of an avid climber.. Friend of Zola's' Rockwood texted back instantly.
'What happened to her' I asked seeing her punish her slave.
'Not sure basically she turned to the dark side of hairdressing' he texted casually.
'hairdressing has a dark side?' I texted. Ascii text could never transmit my level of consternation.
'Sure if you can have evil scientists, evil generals, evil politicians why not evil hairdressers?'
'So she turned to the dark side of hairdressing' I texted in disbelief.
'She was into tattoos, piercings, body modifications. After coming second in a national hairdressing contest, she got into extreme mods. She started playing with ways to improve her dexterity. A girl called Meta got people trying out augmented consciousness with blood chips surgically implanted, suited Villaria.' Rockwood explained.
'So was this Meta a scientist?' I texted.
'Not really she was a student nurse.'
'Student nurse really?' I texted.
'Evil student nurse, turned to the dark side of nursing'
'Really? Nursing has a dark side?' I was texting incredulously.
'Bunch at Nuremberg trial. Most are in it to help people but some for the parties and extensive access to drugs. Did you know 1 in 20 successful bank robberies are done by nurses? .' he started 'Mechcor was the first to have two blood chips implanted. She switched to medicine studied the course within a week. Asked to just do the exams. The teachers refused, so she wrote papers which would leapfrog or disprove the work of each member of the faculty. Threatened to publish if they didn't agree. She even got Zola to seduce the guy in charge of research funding. Turns out if you don't get research grants in a posh Medical School you lose your job as a medical professor. She forced them to gave in...'
'So Zola was part of this?' I clarified.
'Sure she was studying complementary medicine. She wanted to be a herbal therapist.' Rockwood texted casually.
'Don't tell me, she turned to the dark side of complementary medicine'
'I haven't told you this before have I?' he texted.
'No. So how did you get involved with this?' Nursing, Hairdressing, Homeopathy, and Mathematics the real four horsemen (horse persons?) of the apocalypse, who would've figured.
'Well, I'd just won a Feild's prize for Mathematics for my solution to the Ziv-Kemple problem but failed the mandatory drugs test and lost it.' Rockwood opened up 'I was down and discredited. My future in mathematics was over. Bitmarck was a close friend at that time, introduced me to Zola or as she was then called FrostByte. She was a big hackerett in her spare time. We were a gang, Shadow Modes Ocelot, Savak, Kaz, Me, Bitmarck, everyone... I dabbled with an illegal blood chip Meta installed, wrote a 43,000 page proof of one of the most difficult problems in maths then realized no one could publish it or indeed check it's validity. '
'What happened ?' I said eyes wide open.
"Long story, eventually Bitmarck went to three blood chips.' Rockwood started 'Operated on himself. At this point, he needed extra blood to keep the chip going. Started vamping people at parties, we didn't find out until the police started to track him. If the police had found out we would have been in serious trouble. At the same time, he decoded the secret messages which the big AI's were sending out in stealth mode to talk to each other. We joined their network and the rest is history and way above your pay grade."
'I don't get paid anything' I pointed out.
'Which shows you how far above your pay grade it is'
'So could Oblivion be some kind of herbal remedy concocted in Zola's labs?' I said.
'I did wonder if oblivion was a deviant use of extreme dark aromatherapy. So I checked. No traces of organic Rosemary so it wasn't Zola. It could be a foul use of dark homeopathy and the chemistry is just a cover. But it's impossible to detect homeopathy dark or not with scientific methods. I mean she did read every dark book on homeopathy so if anyone could she could'
'homeopathy has a dark side.' Wow I didn't know evil was so extensive.
We turned a corner and passed some dangerous looking gun turrets embedded in the wall.
The local wifi had names like 'if you attempt to log on to this wifi you will be incinerated', 'the penalty for trying to connect to this wifi is worse' and 'Mike's Nokia 320 - just kidding we will kill you if you try this one as well'. Talk about a secure zone.
"Does homoeopathy have a dark side?" he said repeating me "I think your record really is stuck. Sure could there really be light without the dark? Alternative Medicine has a dark underbelly something those hippies didn't want you to find out about, bizarre side-effects... I discovered Zola was running a huge alchemical research lab where she tested her latest ideas in Acupuncture and Ayurveda on thousands of slave victims. At first, I just convinced myself that these horrible mutations and grotesque physical changes were just the results of an extreme placebo effect. I mean a guy can make his own head explode, like an egg under a hammer, just by believing it, can't he? Wasn't all bad of course she did discover this acupuncture point which would make you fall instantly in love with someone but only for a couple of seconds. I know Zola is working on a homoeopathic way to enslave humanity. Something not covered by the New Mechanical Order Laws on not tainting the blood supply. She still has a huge lab on a tall mountain in Switzerland where she has imprisoned every herbalist she could lay her hands on. She holds their families hostage and forces them to experiment on people day and... oh look a sunrise over Stellavista"
I felt really naive, I guess it all made sense, all those Rhinos and Elephants being killed to fuel the illegal trade in ivory for traditional medicine. Naturally, it had a shady side, why didn't Peter James use that as the basis for one of his novels to warn us? Oh the horror of it all. Would it really have killed Mission Impossible to have just one film where they track down a gang of reneged homoeopaths who wanted to detonate a herbal remedy of mass destruction? If only Mary Shelly had written a sequel to Frankenstein where an evil aromatherapist had pushed the boundaries of her art too far we could have a cliche which could serve some real use.
We followed the direction of the carpet, walked upstairs and emerged outside. We were standing on a platform before a huge parade ground. The architecture was middle era Soviet but with the scale weirdly enlarged. Beyond the massive parade ground were mountains, beyond them freedom, but not today.
'Look the Central Processing Unit' texted Rockwood indicating two men on a platform before some microphones.
"Hello this is Stampy and welcome to a Minecraft let's play video." said the first thin, curly-haired Englishman talking into a microphone waving.
'All Hail the new mechanical order. This speech brought to your collar by the commission for public of safety<zing>' said an announcement on my collar.
"The commission for public safety are interpreting our leader's meaning in a way suitable for slaves to understand. They are borrowing 10,000 blood chips to do it" explained Rockwood to me.
I looked out and saw a huge parade ground it was so big you could practically see the curvature of the earth on it. Around the parade ground were massive stands big enough to hold millions of people. Below us far below us was a huge army of robots not to mention every manner of rolling walking and crawling machine you can imagine.
"And today in this video I'm being joined by Lee Bear. Is that a cake for me Lee is that for my breakfast ha ha?" said Stampy. We could hear the CPU's words up close.
"Our forces have come together to demonstrate their might to the world and show that the New Mechanical Order now rules humanity<zing>" came the translation echoing on speakers around the huge hall.
"Now cheer<zing>" came the order on my collar. Outside a huge cheer went up around the square.
"Cheer slave<zing>" said my collar noticing I wasn't cheering.
"yah," I said flaccidly.
"Let's see who we've got in our Love garden shall we? today it's Tobago," said Stampy.
"We come to celebrate the crushing defeat of Tobago<zing>" my collar translated.
"That was sent in by a lovely young watcher innnnn.... Ramsbottom in Lancashire " said Stampy Cat.
There was a pause "Our triumph was the work of the mighty General Bitsmarck <zing>" the announcement went out. "Now cheer<zing>" came the order on my collar.
While Stampy spoke, members of the Cyborg and AI elite wandered around with drinks. The red carpet would sometimes draw lines between people far away, which I think was a suggestion they talked. Rockwood seemed at the centre of many lines, looked like everyone should talk to him. I had lines joining me to other slaves. Some had writing on them suggesting things to talk about like 'also failed poll dancing', 'talk to about remedial subservience training', 'also had bad fungal infections'. Gee, Lot of help there carpet.
I looked around and came over to a table struggling to hold up a load of sumptuous food on int. I was wearing my hyper contact lenses and on the food were projected labels. Babaganush with carefully carved dips which I had discovered at Rockwood Hall and tasted wonderful. I had become a big fan of despite the lack of meat. Looking around I noticed all the food was vegetarian. Was this for slaves? I looked around at the masters. Oka fair number of 'people' about a quarter of the crowd. Some were co-labs the rest were cyborgs. I knew the cyborg's like Villeria and Zola had transferred and just looked like people. Did they still eat? That was a bit weird, I knew we had to eat this PARC - ok tasty PARC but the cyborgs and masters too? Perhaps the robots hated beef more than they hated people. Like anything, the robots did including give a speech made sense.
'Is that Stampy Cat? As in YouTube Stampy Cat,' I texted Rockwood.
"They are some of the CPU's avatar's, The real Stampy cat died leading a resistance counter charge in the battle for Baden Baden" said Rockwood quietly to me.
"Pardon, Baden, Master?" I said. I was doing the Master-slave thing, I didn't want to show him up in front of his friends plus I had this wild desire to see the day through.
"No Baden Baden" said Rockwood.
"Garden Barden? Athelu" I said the sound of the crowd beyond applauding Stampy was making it hard to hear.
"Baden Baden." said Rockwood.
"There's a Baden so good they named it twice?.. Master," I said.
"Baden Baden in Germany," said Rockwood.
"Pardon," I started "so it's not garden Baden but Baden Baden. Geee and they say German's don't have a sense of humour, Master."
"They do, or rather they did have quite an active standup comedy circuit." Rockwood continued sipping from his champaign glass (which I noticed I didn't get to have) "Now if you want to see a people without a sense of humour you should look at the Icelanders"
"So your not of the opinion that Bjork isn't some pixey faced art project that all of Iceland foisted on the worlds music scene in some weird collective Icelandian joke. Master?" I said.
"Sure," said Rockwood picking up another glass from a slave waitress.
"What about stopping the world's air traffic via volcano which they quickly renamed Eyjafjallajökull so no one but an Icelander could actually pronounce it. Seriously you're telling me that a country which comes up with the names of volcanos by getting a cat to walk up and down a keyboard doesn't have a sense of humour? Sempai ."
" I think that puts Icelandic humour into either non-existent or totally inscrutable region. I think they have just spent too long in the middle of the Atlantic, they need to get out more," said Rockwood.
"Arrr.. yes master," I said inscrutably.
A young proud and well-built man approached Rockwood and we shut up. My collar and the floor identified him as General Bitsmarck. TIHS ! This is THE General Bitsmarck.
"Colin, good to see you! Sorry about the brain. Hope you got the card" said Rockwood hugging the general. The general was wearing a quasi-military uniform behind him on a leash was a young girl with pale skin, who's fringe was so low you could hardly see her eyes.
"Rockwood good to see you. Meet my new pet I call her Emo girl. Say hello Emo girl" said Colin/General Bitsmarck.
Emo girl looked at the floor and gave a very grudging, quiet and reluctant. "hello I guess".
"Isn't she deliciously sulky?" said The General clearly pleased.
We were joined by Robot Overlord called Robby he had a transparent head full of moving machinery but no neck. He/it also had a pet slave girl on a leash. She looked equally depressed and it looked like her only job was to end each of her masters sentences with a disparaging "evil robot overlords tish".
"Yes I got the card Brooklyn, wonderfully poor crayon work, a tribute to human manufacture and the need for its elimination " said Bitsmarck.
"If you like that kind of thing I guess... Master(s)" said Emo slave girl speaking without permission.
"Evil robot overlords. tish" said reluctant robot slave girl critically.
Back at the podium the CPU/Stampy cat avatar was still in full swing.
"Let's have a look at what we have in our lovely garden," said the CPU on stage.
"Let the glorious parade of our invincible armies begin<Zing>Cheer<Zing>" said my collar echoed by speakers around the Stellavista square.
A robot which was dangerous enough not to be argued with offered to take our leashes. Our collective Masters agreed and we were taken 'walkies'. This was fine they had all began speaking in binary, which too us could only be likened to listening to three old fashioned phone modems talking.
"So What's your name?" asked Emo girl in a derisive way.
"err" I was thinking of calling my self Jenny but thought better of it so I said. "I'm just called #160A but my id is 5642"
"evil robot overlords tish" said reluctant robot slave girl critically.
Emo girl suddenly looked up and her eye's expanded wildly.
"WTF Your YCF girl? No way, your kidding right? " she said animatedly while smiling.
"Yeh that was me," I said.
"Hay Null-and-void quick get me a picture with this girl!!! me me ! smile!" said Emo girl her smile reached from ear to ear.
Null and void ( i.e reluctant robot slave girl ) rushed forward said "click" out loud. Her collar flashed.
so that was how you took a 'picture' with your collar. They swapped over.
"OMG. I can't believe I get to meet you in the flesh. You know my entire performance is based on rumours of your performance." said Emo.
"Your performance..." I started.
"Yes and I was trained by the best. I had a workshop with Villaria's pet No-not-me. She was entirely self-taught by copying replays of Villaria's Seval's slave streams of you. Wow it's such an honour to be with you now. It took me hours of practice to get the words and delivery downright" said Emo girl.
"What words?" I said.
"What words. What words! *The* words " Emo girl tilted her head "I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master"
Emo girl's accent changed and she delivered the voice with a huge amount of emotion and anger. Then she stopped and smiled again.
Null-and-void applauded "that was terrific, let me try" she said " I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master" it was almost exactly the same.
Null-and-void's voice matched Emo girl's, is this how I sounded to other people? It was really nasal.
"Wow that was really good who did you study with?" said Emo girl to Null-and-void.
"Oh I was taught by 8373. She had the advantage of having met just-read-the-instructions" said Null-and-void.
"just-read-the-instructions and I go way back and 8373 and I were class mates, it's a small world!" said Emo girl excitedly.
"Really that's fantastic! How have we never met before" said null-and-void hugging Emo girl.
"So hang on, your all trying to be like me?" I said.
"Well I won't go as far as that. I like to say I'm trying to be No-not-me and she's trying to be you" said Emo girl animatedly.
"I'm surprised you said that" started Null-and-void "If No-not-me taught us anything it's to be our selves. We all bring something new to the part, we're not trying to be clones we are trying to give the idea life. What am I saying we should be talking to you"
"Yes what am I saying! Can we hear your version - the original?" said Emo girl to me.
"My version," I said.
"Do the line, do the line" said Null-and-void.
"err I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master" I said.
They both paused.
"That was it?" said Emo girl slightly disappointedly. "but you didn't get the pause right or anything"
"Pause what pause," I said.
"The WTF I forgot to add Master at the end pause," said Emo girl and Null-and-void together.
"That's like basic. How do you expect to be a truculent pet without it?" said Emo girl.
At this point, I felt like punching her. I'm being criticised for not being enough like my self. They have turned being me in an industry and I was horrified this is what I've inspired.
"You know they announced you can soon buy truculent pets direct from odalisque at home," said Null-and-void to Emo girl.
"Really? That really commercialises the whole thing. It will devalue the work we put in" said Emo girl talkatively.
"HEY COME AND LOOK AT THIS" said a message from Master.
"Sorry girls, duty calls," I said getting my leash back.
"Quick say it for us," said Emo girl.
"Say what?"
"YCF, please, please. I've seen it a million times on youtube but never in the flesh" Null-and-void said
"You cyborg fuck" I said and immediately saw the look of disappointment on their faces. Not good enough huh?
I could hear them whispering as I walked off.
"That was such an honour to meet her," said one as I got further away.
"Yeh I learnt so much from that but they say never meet your hero," said the other
"You would have thought she would have got the pause right," said one.
"Would she have passed the final exam with that delivery?" I heard. They had exams in being me? What had the world come to.
"No way," said the other. I would have flunked being me, the ultimate indignity.
I couldn't believe they were looking down on me from not being like me enough. Not like I've set the bar of being me that high. It's like being the real Elvis in an Elvis impersonator contest and coming fifth. And in-what-world is ending every sentence with 'robot overlords tish', like being me?
I held my hand out and looked at my fingernails. No, I wasn't getting early-onset vain. My collar had told me to get them done that morning and when I pulled my fingers out they had some weird polish on. The machines had made me wear some strange stuff, but this was possibly the weirdest. The first thing I had noticed was that the nails was slowly changing colour. Then Rockwood had taken my hand in his ( swoon swoon ) said something then suddenly I saw this small animated figure jump from fingernail to fingernail. I then realised that they were in fact painted in a polish which set to form tiny screens on my stiletto nails.
While I had practised on the piano, the nails that changed colour to indicate which piano key to hit next. When I had asked my collar to find something my fingernails had animated and arrow on them to indicate where I should move my hand. As far as I could tell what would had left them in a default mode which would match whatever colour that damnable emotion-sensing earring had. #DEC had told me that the polish was ridiculously expensive and far too valuable to use on a slave. If it was up to her I would spend hours in a torture machine if I had chipped a nail. Somehow I got the feeling that this expensive nail varnish was really intended for wealthy cyborgetts like Villeria and Zola.
My fingernails directed me towards Rockwood who was standing by himself, leaning on the balcony watching at the waves of marching robots below.
"What's up Boss," I said copying something one of the other truculent pets had said to her robot Master.
"I'm just watching the march past. Robots do it so well. It's so easy for them yet when human armies did it it was a real achievement do you think they really wanted robots but just didn't have any available?" said Rockwood.
"Look look zombie pigs zombie pigs run" shouted Stampy from the microphones interrupting our conversation.
"See our glorious armies of hunter-killers fresh from the ruins of New Delhi. Salute the brave troop of invincible night-death rooting out the enemy everywhere<zing>" my collar translated.
"hey I told you about me why don't you tell me why you hate mathematicians," said Rockwood champagne glass in hand.
"I prefer not to talk about anything that happened pre-factory" I said using the standard slave get out clause.
"Why don't you just imagine I've got a pain-inducing collar around your neck and you have to do what I tell you to" said Rockwood.
"Like anybody likes doing mathematics at school," I said.
"I did," said Rockwood looking at me. It was kind of weird I knew full well the guy was just a huge nerd. okay, he had the body of Superman. Sometimes when he walked around room 404 with his shirt off, I just had to shield my eyes just to stop my ovaries from exploding**, but in the end he was still a nerd.
"Can I say I was just groped by a mathmagician, when I was younger" I said.
Rockwood paused for second.
"You wouldn't want Barry to go on an aeroplane ride would you?" said Rockwood.
I blanked for a second. Yes, Rockwood could probably do all that detective work and find out where my grope master was in less than a second. Suddenly compared to what personal slaves were expected to put up to that seemed really minor in comparison. Did I really want his blood on my hands?
"No, thank you, master. If you used a plane on everyone who done me wrong you've run out of aircraft" I said.
"True, but it would be an interesting project. Still I'm glad it was Barry. You see Barry wasn't a mathematician he was simply a numerologist. Mathematics isn't about numbers any more than a forest is about soil, one grows on the other. But they're not the same. Soil is just dry mud, a forest can be beautiful"
We were both leaning side-by-side against the concrete. Looking over the army marching across us. I could smell the champagne on his breath. For a Scott, he really couldn't take his drink.
"We are so high up those robots look like ants," I said looking down.
"Actually those robots are ants, we have entire divisions of swarm robots," said Rockwood.
"What are those huge tube weapons Master?" I said changing the subject.
"Apparently someone took the phrase 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people' seriously. " Rockwood informed me "So those cannons fire shells made of members of the national rifle association at the enemy. Pretty hopeless if you ask me"
He leaned closer to me. I could feel he was thinking about kissing me. Clearly I was under his psychic control because I felt myself moving closer to him.
"hi big Jenny," said a voice from behind me. We split apart faster than Lana Turner from a new husband.
I looked down to see the little girl from the party. I could feel the stream of 'fuck fuck fuck' coming from Rockwood's brain without the aid of any technology. I looked over to the platform to see Stampy in full swing. She must have noticed me doing the double take. She must also have known, I knew she was also the CPU, the leader of the unfree world.
"Like you never have two windows open on your laptop at the same time." She explained a little out of character. "is this Mr Bitey?" Jenny said looking at Rockwood.
"Yes this is Lord Rockwood meet Little Jenny," I said getting down on my knee to be at her same level. I thought it was fitting it was both what a kind adult and human slave would do
"He's tall, isn't he? I can see why you like him" said little Jenny.
Rockwood got down to his knees as well. This part of the podium was behind a wall and slightly secluded. I noticed Valeria drifting round a corner then shooting back to spy on us.
"I wish I was a priest then I could marry you right here. Like captains can do that can't they? Oh that reminds me mummy sent me over to tell you that the what were they called... the quadratic alliance are being really difficult and don't want to play. She wondered if you could go and talk to them." said Jenny.
"At once your majesty," said Rockwood getting up.
Little Jenny looked up at him. "I'm not playing Princess at the moment. I thought I could be ship's captain or something . See you later Mr Bitey" she said.
I got a text from Rockwood 'if she offers you a sleepover then she is talking about making you a cyborg'.
"Mummy and daddy said you were in a car crash. Are you OK? " said little Jenny to me.
"A friend of mine got hurt but I'm okay," I said.
"I hope Kayla gets better soon," said Jenny. I liked the way that her infinite knowledge crept in every so often through the disguise. "have you kissed him?" she continued.
"Yes" I said.
"Did you like it?" said little Jenny tilting her head slightly. It was so hard not to believe this wasn't a real girl.
"Do you promise not to tell him?" I said. I think she liked it when I played along with the act.
"Me ? Tell him I never tell him anything," said Little Jenny.
"Yeh I noticed," I said.
"He did use a lot of blood. It was like when you did that maths test and got no questions right when you 11. You were over thinking it, you thought it have to be more difficult to be smarter. He's just the same. I think being smart is about making things easier not more difficult don't you?" she said.
"How did you know about my maths test?" I asked. It was a dark shameful point to my past.
"You told me once," said Little Jenny. "I was thinking would you like to come over to my place to have a sleepover? We could play I need to reorganise my room you could help."
"Possibly, have you asked your mummy and daddy?" I said. The idea of being like Zola or Villeria to drink the blood of humans just to carry on thinking seemed unnatural. I wondered at how little they cared for people. Did becoming the cyborg make you evil or was it hairdressing?
"No I guess I should," said little Jenny thoughtfully.
"How about you come over to have a sleepover at our house?" I said.
"That would be nice." said Jenny smiling "I'm not sure daddy would let me go out what with all these people's houses falling down. Did you hear that Colin's new house fell down?"
"I heard," I said.
"I wish I could have seen it. He was really mad. Is Villeria looking at us? Do you think she will tells Zola?" said Jenny.
I realised that this extended conversation between a slave and the ruler of the world would cause upsets.
Suddenly an invisible door opened and a whole school full of little Jennys emerged. They're all dressed the same, all identical. They all began running up to the slaves of the owners. They handed over little party bags.
"Thank you for coming to our party." they all said in unison. They all curtsied turned around and ran back into the half-height door, giggling and whispering as they went.
"You should call yourselves Brookny. See you later big Jenny" said little Jenny waving then running off to join the others.
"See you," I said.
"Look pretty drones," she said pointing.
I looked up to see the sky full of drones all different shapes and sizes flying information over head. When I looked back she had gone.
"I am tired this has completely worn me out. If you have enjoyed the show don't forget to like us on Facebook or leave a comment. This is the end of this video here everybody I hope you all enjoyed it. I just want to end by saying thank you all very much for watching. I will see you all later. byeeeeeeeeee" said Stampy-long-nose on the platform waving.
"Remember Humanity has been superseded. Now is the age of the robot overlords, Long live the new mechanical order. All hail the new Mechanical order. Standing ovation now" announced the translation. All the slaves truculent or not began to applaud. I got a level one sting for not applauding. I even got a level one sting for applauding is too slowly. Then everyone slowly stopped and it looked like the show was over.
'Thank you Stellavista, your oppressor has left the building' I thought.
I stood around for a few moments. All the little Jennys had disappeared. I looked inside my goody bag to find a small piece of cake in the shape of a Minecraft cake block. Looking around I watched the other pets.
"oh cake terrific. Pity I'm not diabetic I could die" said Emo girl looking in the bag while being dragged on a leash by General Bitsmark.
"evil robot overlords tish" said Null-and-void following her robotic owner.
I stood a bit longer, then asked my collar to take me to Rockwood. My fingernail lit up in the direction I have to go. Then I noticed the thin white line connecting me to Rockwood on the fluffy red carpet. I told myself that this wasn't a great time to escape being surrounded by legions of ferocious killer robots with nothing to do. I guess I also had a thin white line connecting me to Rockwood whether I can see it or not. I was feeling slightly exhausted, and wondering about taking little Jenny's offer up of having a sleepover and becoming a cyborg. Evil hairdressers, Evil nurses even evil alternative therapists, becoming evil student scientist just sounded like too much of a cliche.
Eventually, I found Rockwood leaving a large truck-sized vehicle which had thousands of legs and looked like a massive mechanical Woodlouse.
"Cyborgs," said Rockwood approaching I can almost hear the tish.
"What did you think of the parade?"
'What was it with dystopian rulers and massive military parades? Hey, I live in a totalitarian society you know I need ? I need to show off all my military hardware for no readily apparent reason'. I wondered.
"The last time I had something that was superseded* it was bread and it really didn't last long," I said turning round in joining Rockwood going back to the train station.
"I know all the truculent pets probably brought you down a bit. Believe me, in a couple of weeks the craze will have died out. You'll still be around. If it's any consolation I've turned down all the after parade party invites. Let's just go home" he said.
"You sure know how to give a slave girl good time," I said.
"Hay as a thank you, I thought you would go with me to Tiffany's in the Mall of humanity and pick some jewellery out for the opening. Mr Jones wants to know what your wearing" said Rockwood.
"You know what? Just being able to leave the house and come back in one piece is reward enough, but sure" I said as we went home. Hand in hand and hand in leash.
*(super seeded)
** stolen from a wonderful comment by a reader.
AN so what do you think? Cut the truculent pets? The back story bit to prequely? To much mine craft? Should it stay or should it go? Genuine question?