"So this is where you and Louis had your first date, huh?"
I glance over at Danny, taking another bite of my cornbread before nodding. We're all here together in the park of the retirement home: Izzy, Coop, Danny, and I. We're seated together in this circle formation, Izzy on my left and Coop on my right with Danny right across from me. There are winds hitting us left and right, Danny's blonde hair blowing all over the place and Izzy having had to put on her bright yellow sweater.
I hadn't left my house really in about two and half weeks, especially since that argument Gene and I had with one another and since Coop told me that Izzy really missed me and that he did too, I went along with his request to have lunch with them and Danny who I hadn't seen in what seemed to be ages. Celeste cooked, baked, and set up a whole picnic basket for us to take, her gesture kind and generous and even though I know I should be elated and happy to see them, there just seems to be this weight resting on my shoulders that I can't lift off.
Coop looks concerned, this pitiful look on his face having not changed in the past hour. Though it is quite aggravating to see it since it makes me feel like this whole day is going to be everyone feeling bad for the poor mute girl day, I choose to ignore it and just go on with everything.
"Coop, why don't you tell us again about you and Danny's first date?" Izzy asks, trying to break the silence, that annoying and unnecessary silence.
A small smile appears on Danny's freckled face and when he turns to look at Coop, he sees how the boy is already looking at him, this large amount of fondness taking over his features. That pity look turns to one of pure adoration and it warms my heart just a little.
"Yeah. Um well Danny took me to this club that is like pretty fucking hard to get into. But he knew the bouncer and yeah. We danced... a lot and drank a bit and then after, like the tease he is, he took me back to his place."
Izzy begins to wiggle her eyebrows.
"Oh really?"
"No. No. Listen to this. He invited me in because he wanted to cook for me. It was almost two in the morning and he was drunk off his arse and he whispered in my ear to come inside so he could cook me the worst omelette-"
"You didn't even eat it! How would you know if it was a bad omelette, babe?!"
"Um vegan so kinda can't eat fucking omelettes! And it still had pieces of shell in it!"
I feel the side of my lip curve upwards just a tad and I continue watching them argue like the old married couple they are.
"I was drunk!"
"And how was that my issue?"
"What if I burned myself while cooking? Or burned the flat down?"
"I wouldn't have let that happen, Danny. And it was quite amusing anyway to watch you apologize to cheese before you put it on the pan."
"I did no such thing!"
"Yes you did! You were just too drunk to remember!"
"Danny, it's okay. One day, Coop came home super blazed and kept on high fiving my posters before he laughed so hard and fell on his ass, cursing out Kristen Stuart." Izzy butts in, my shoulders feeling less and less tense as the conversation goes on.
Coop's face flushes and Danny's eyebrows raise, his head turning immediately to his boyfriend before he begins to tease him about it.
"And you say I'm an idiot!"
"You are an idiot."
I quickly nudge Coop with my elbow, a small smile on my face and he quickly gives me his attention. I begin to sign and he catches on immediately, his head nodding in understanding.
"Winnie says that one day Louis tried to scare her since earlier that day she agreed with Zayn that Louis couldn't scare a fly. He turned off the lights of the hotel room and shut the curtains as well, hiding right beside the door so when she would open it he would just pop out and bam. But that she accidentally smashed his face with the door while coming out and Garett had to ask the kitchen staff for a bag of ice and everything."
I feel my smile widen as the memory appears in my head and everyone begins to laugh along, this light feeling in my chest revealing itself.
"I gotta admit, even though he was a bit of a twat, I do sort of miss the guy." Danny states, taking a sip from his water bottle.
I begin to think of Louis and what he's possibly doing right now. I would like to imagine that he's smiling or laughing or both. Maybe he's with Eleanor at some Cafe and he's rolling his eyes dramatically as she speaks about how Louis needs to trim his hair, but secretly enjoying her company or maybe he's with Harry and the other lads, playing Fifa or meeting some fans outside and one little girl happens to go up to him and says how much he means to her and then Louis will smile at that. Or maybe he's simply just napping and having dreams about open windows and playing football with David Beckham in some open field that his great mind created. I know he's been stressed lately, even though he's on break he still has that fame thing kicking him in the ass and not to mention his girlfriend has been acting like a complete downer, so where ever he is right this second, I hope he's enjoying everything surrounding him.
"Yeah, he is really a good lad. I mean he seems a bit like a grump sometimes but he's good." Coop adds, my heart warming and Izzy resting her head on my shoulder as the wind blows through her hair again. It's almost up to her shoulders now. Almost.
"I like him." Izzy says.
'Me too.' I mouth.
They all smile at that and Coop breaks the short bit of silence with an, "AWWWWWW." and I nudge him with my elbow before I decide to take a bite of my cornbread.
"Maybe next time he visits, you can tell him to come to the field. We can have a little one on one, you know? You and Coop and Iz can come and we can make a day of it. I'm sure coach won't mind." Danny offers in which I nod immediately in response.
'He would like that.' I mouth.
Danny nods and Coop stares at him admirably again before placing his own head on his shoulder too.
"Sounds nice, babe." He whispers into his boyfriend's ear.
I begin to hear a few of the elderly people surrounding us walk around with their canes and nurses, an old woman to the far left feeding breadcrumbs to these baby ducklings and I begin to feel at peace for a while, everything around me feeling so simple and significant and maybe everything in my life has been very intense and overwhelming and maybe Gene and I haven't even been looking at each other and maybe Louis has to start holding hands with Eleanor in public, but these other people that live on this planet other than me exist and they seem happy as they are and that gives me this small sense of hope that everything will be okay. That one day I'll be able to wake up and have nothing on my mind and will be able to just smile and feed ducklings near a small pond. These human beings have probably had many of their own problems, have gone through their own personal turmoils, but now all of those issues are in the past and they get to breathe in the sunlight.
Things can get better I think. It just takes a while.
...
We all stayed at that park for a few more hours, the weather changing quite drastically since it suddenly began to rain and storm. We all went back inside Coop's bus and stayed there for a while, his radio playing his hipster music and water droplets beginning to drag themselves down the windows and we all began telling each other more and more stories. I mostly listened, but still felt apart of it all. Coop didn't want to drive in the heavy storm so he didn't drive and as more and more minutes passed and as everyone's voices began to soften, Izzy's eyes closed as well as her brother who stated, "Wake me up when the rain stops." before he crossed his arms over his chest and slumped into his seat.
Danny mumbled something from the passenger seat right beside his boyfriend and for a while I wasn't sure whether he himself was even still awake or not. I just stared out the window and I watched the rain pin down everywhere. That's another reason why I like rain so much. It can feel as hard as needles sometimes, but it never wounds you. It's more like it empathizes with you. Sometimes I can't help but foolishly believe that maybe rain happens when the world can't take everyone's sadness anymore. That all the tears and grief just builds up until the sky above just bursts. Like it's yelling and wants everyone to hear.
"I heard about your sister."
I felt my body stiffen, Danny's words taking me off guard. His voice sounded like cotton. I didn't respond.
"My brother and I once had a falling out too."
My head turned forward and I started to stare at the passenger seat that was right in front of me. Danny wasn't turned around or looking through a mirror or anything. He was just looking forward as well. All I could see was the very top tips of his blonde hair strands that were poking out.
"When I told him that I was gay, he didn't want to talk to me."
A forced chuckle released from his lips.
"Not everyone is as lucky as, Coop who has Izzy. He told me that she didn't even question him. She just accepted what he is."
I quickly glanced over at Izzy who had her lips slightly separated, small snores releasing from her mouth. The day Coop told her, we were all in the room together. We were playing gofish on her bed. Izzy was winning and Coop just spit out, "Izzy, I'm gay."
Izzy had looked up at him from her deck and smiled before looking back down.
"Okay, Coop. Now tell me. Do you have a six, Coop?"
He didn't and he couldn't stop smiling.
"What I'm trying to say is that sometimes people feel things that you can't change. Instead of asking why, instead of trying to blame yourself, accept it and learn from it. Sometimes people are sad, Winnie. Just know that it is okay. Be there for them. Maybe if we were all accepting as Izzy, we all wouldn't be as flawed as we are."
I looked back at his seat and I felt my eyebrows furrow. I knew then why Coop liked Danny so much and I felt sort of pained at the fact that Danny never mentioned what ended up happening with him and his brother, whether they talked again, whether he had accepted Danny. I had a bad feeling that the outcome wasn't one you would find at the end of a fairy tale. I mean he did find his prince, but not everything in his life was fulfilling. It's tragic really, but that's how life is.
Like Danny said, we are all flawed and even though that will never change, we can still better ourselves and try and maybe he was right about Gene. Maybe I haven't been fair to her. I wanted to thank him for his wise advice, for his caring manner in general, but my hand just went to my throat and nothing came out. I just thanked that seat.
I had fallen asleep too, waking up only when I felt a sudden tapping on my shoulder.
"Winnieeee. Wake upppp." Izzy had whispered in my ear, my body almost jumping in place before I finally opened my eyes. We were all right in front of my house and everything seemed real again. The sky was a mixture of reds and pinks, the world around us turning into this enchanting darkness and even though I felt nervous to even step into my house, Gene's silence scaring the shit out of me, I saw how Danny nodded with his eyes in my direction reassuringly and I gained a bit of confidence.
We all said our goodbyes to each other, Izzy having had given me a hug that was too tight to be considered casual. I believe that she was trying to reassure me too. I was no longer sure whether that confidence was still there after that. When so many people try to bring your mood up, it just reminds you of your problems.
The house seemed empty inside, cold and dark and the only sound I heard was Sylvia's humming as she was washing dishes in the kitchen.
"Yo dinna iz in da microwave."
I nodded at her and gave her a quick hug from behind before heading towards the stairs.
"I'm just going to go change." I had said.
She nodded.
My dad was watching television in his room, some show about a man documenting cheetahs in the wild. One of them was named Charlie apparently. I said a greeting to him as well, my heart pumping fast in my chest as I felt myself beginning to procrastinate, asking my dad simple questions that I didn't even really care to know the answers to as my mum was washing herself up in the bathroom, the running water audible from even the outside of the room.
My dad looked tired. We all did.
He had dark circles under his eyes, the ones that people usually cover up with makeup so their coworkers don't make a stupid comment like, "Wow looking like a real zombie today, Alex." or something idiotic like that. He really needed a steak or something. Oh how that man loves his steaks.
After wasting a bit of time, I headed out, my father yelling for me as I made my way towards his door.
"Your food's in the microwave."
I just nodded again before continuing my small journey to my Winniecave.
I wasn't hungry anyway.
My footsteps were going faster and faster as I was approaching closer to the following room. Gene's. I wasn't really sure why I was moving so quickly all of a sudden. I wasn't sure why I was so scared. I guess it had to do with the fact that we hadn't spoken to each other in a long while and I wasn't sure what I would find if I really looked at her again. Would she even take notice of me or just tell me to fuck off? It was all so overwhelming in my head, but then again everything has seemed to be lately.
I was planning on just doing a quick walk by, a quick wave and a smile before heading to my room. But her door was closed and I saw no hint of light in the bottom. She was probably sleeping.
Gene had been sleeping a lot those days. But then maybe that's the only time she feels awake.
A mixture of disappointment and relief occupied me, my head coming up with an immediate excuse as to why I couldn't talk to her.
She's asleep.
Aren't we all.
I changed into my pajamas, my eyes going to my Elvis poster as I sat on the edge of my bed.
'What do I do?' I mouthed.
He didn't answer. His hair just remained gelled back in place and his eyes just kept on staring at me with that stare of his, the one that looks straight into your soul. He wanted me to find the answer myself.
Elvis can be a real pretentious, deep arse sometimes.
I walked back downstairs, helping Sylvia dry the remaining dishes with an already damp white towel. She of course kept on refusing my assistance, but when I told her that I liked her hair instead of actually responding to her complaints, she just huffed and rolled her eyes before finally allowing me to help.
She left home to Vlad after that, giving me a hug and a kiss on my cheek.
"Eat yo dinna."
'Okay.' I mouthed.
I didn't eat my dinner.
Sylvia had distracted me for a while, her humming and her thoughts on her husband's new boots that he won't stop wearing keeping me occupied and busy. But when she left, my fingertips were all wrinkly from drying and washing the pots and pans and I was lost again in everything. I tried to think of Danny's words, about how me and Gene's falling out is pretty much a waste of everyone's time and how I need to just grow some woman balls and face her.
And then I knocked on her door and just kept on knocking and there was no answer. I tried listening, tried hearing for any snores or something, but nothing was there. And I knew that she had to be in there because her car was parked outside and Sylvia said she was up in her room like the usual. I decided to just turn the door knob, turn it slowly before opening the door.
Her room was pitch black, her window covered by that dark blue curtain mum had bought Gene upon request the other week. It was blowing forward from the wind outside and I realized that her window was left open.
I wanted to whisper her name, see if she was a wake. I could see something laying in her bed, the blankets were covering the form and when I decided to poke it softly with my finger, I felt my finger sink into it and my eyes widened. A bunch of pillows were under her duvet, no body to be found underneath.
Gene had left again. Maybe has been leaving and I have never felt so much like a fool. I was angry and frustrated and unaware of what to do. I was pretty sure that my parents had no clue of this, of her disappearing and of her pills dilemma. Gene was hiding and not caring about the consequences that could come with her actions. She was just so reckless and it's overwhelming.
I marched back outside her room, closing her door angrily before getting startled.
"Is Gene okay?"
I felt my whole body calm immediately at my mother's worried tone, a sigh releasing from my lips. I didn't have the heart to even look at her, much less tell her the real problem.
'Yeah. She is sleeping.'
"She's sleeping?"
'Yes.'
"Oh. Alright."
I felt my eyes close for a second and I quickly dropped my hand, realizing that it was still on her door knob.
"She's getting better I think. She just needs sleep."
She isn't.
'Yeah.'
My mum's arms suddenly wrapped around me and I had the strong urge to just cry again, but I held back and just felt her thumb rub this one spot reassuringly.
It was heart breaking, really.
"Maybe you should go get some rest too."
I nodded in her arms, and she kissed the top of my head before finally letting go.
"Goodnight." She said softly.
I just didn't understand how Gene could leave all of this for a high.
'Goodnight.'
How she could be so blind from all of this affection around her.
I had grabbed my phone once I returned to my room, the lights all off with my phone in my hands and my headphones in my ears. I decided to text Louis. I was hoping he could call me, that I could hear his voice again. I missed the high pitch of it, how it has this edge to it that is almost addicting, my name sounding so important coming from his lips.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
How was your day today?
I was listening to music from the bottom of my playlist, the sounds of the guitars and vocals vibrating in my ears and scarring my heart as I looked up at the high ceiling.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
It was fine. Mark is a major cunt that needs to be fucking stopped. But the rest was just dandy.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Niall says hi btw.
I felt my eyebrows rise up.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Oh wow. What'd he do now? And tell him I say hi too.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
He broke our deal. He fucking threatened me and broke our deal and now I have to do more things in public with El.
I felt my chest hurting. He said that Mark broke their deal. He said it twice.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Do you have to kiss her
I didn't even bother adding a question mark at the end of it. It was really more of a statement than anything else.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Yes.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Wow well that sucks.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Yeah.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
How's your sister?
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
She's gone again.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Wow well that sucks too
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Yeah.
The room was already quiet but it felt even more desolate and open as the conversation went on. Everything was just a hole now in my life. My family. My Louis. My sanity. I wasn't sure where it had all gone. I would usually blame myself just so I at least had something to blame, so I could at least make myself believe that I know where this all started, that I had control of it all. But I didn't. I don't think I ever had and now Louis would have to kiss another girl, one who seems more fitting for him. One who is beautiful and normal and who has a future. One who can talk. And it's going to be thrown at my face.
My phone buzzed again and I realized that my eyes were watering.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Why don't you and me have a vacation. Just the two of us.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
What do you mean?
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
I'm on break. You're on break. Let's have a break together in another country. Maybe where there's a beach and a nice private hotel and we can share a room the whole day and feed each other breakfast and stuff in the morning like couples do.
I felt myself sniffling and smiling. Just a little.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
What? Like we run away together?
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
Yeah. For like a month. Maybe two.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Won't people see? Won't people find out and think that we're in love?
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
We are.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Yes. You're right about that.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
So do you wanna then? You can even pick the place and you can bring your camera and we can take pictures and dig our feet in the sand. When was the last time you went to a beach, Winifred?
I was beginning to laugh, tears running down my face for another reason completely.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Not for years. And I'm guessing you want to go to a beach?
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
If you want
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
That would be nice. I burn easy though.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
I'll make sure to buy lots of sunscreen.
To: Llama Tomlinson <3
Okay. Then let's run away together, Louis.
From: Llama Tomlinson <3
It's a date.
We planned everything out that whole week. We were going to go to Negril, Jamaica apparently. Louis said he did a whole google search for awesome private beach resorts and that the one in Jamaica really popped out to him.
"Winnie, it even says and I quote in the description: perfect romantic getaway. It's perfect."
You're such a nerd. I had texted back.
I could practically feel his smile through the phone call and I knew he could sense the same thing from me. I don't think I have ever been more in love with a person in my life. He booked a two week stay, telling me: "If we like it so much, we'll stay there longer."
I agreed and even though I was excited beyond belief, I knew how fucked up and crazy our plan sounded. We were going to runaway together. We were going to runaway from our problems and just be in love with each other in another fucking continent. If this was a movie, I'm sure Louis and I would be making fun of it, saying how unrealistic the whole ordeal is, how idiotic a plan. But we were both so tired of the shitty parts of life that we no longer knew what to do and pretty much just wanted to be lost about everything with one another. I was going to leave my family and Coop and Izzy and just everyone behind. I was going to live and I had never been more fearful and joyous about something so insane like that before.
I wasn't planning on telling my parents the truth, knowing that they would most likely freak out and refuse right on spot. I mean they allowed me to visit Louis in America for two weeks but two months in Jamaica without any supervision whatsoever? That's crossing the line I think for any parent. So I talked to Coop and Izzy. I told them about me and Louis' plan, I asked them if I could just say I was sleeping over Izzy's for a week, but of course, Coop was against the whole thing. He took some convincing.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
'Coop-'
"No. You can't do this. Not to your parents. Do you even remember how fucked up everything is with your family at the moment, Winn? Do you really think that this is gonna make it any better?"
I shook my head. Izzy was still speechless but her hand was rubbing Coop's shoulder to calm him down.
"So then why are you even going through with this? Is Louis making you do this or something? Is he saying that he would break up with you or-"
'No.'
"Then why?"
'Like you said. My family has a lot of problems and I just don't think I can deal with them anymore.'
"Winnie-"
I began to sign so Izzy wouldn't understand. It may be rude, but I knew that it was necessary. I don't like her seeing me talk about negative things. She doesn't deserve that.
'I've been feeling like before.' I began, my hands moving slowly so he could understand everything in full context.
His face was falling more and more into this look of worry and sympathy.
'It's just been really hard and if I stay here any longer Coop, I don't think I can-'
"Okay. Okay. I understand. Don't worry." His voice was softer and more understanding and even though Izzy doesn't know sign language, I sense that she knew everything I was saying.
He took a deep breath and began to rub his face up and down.
"Just don't stay there for that long, okay? Maybe a month, maximum but don't try to exceed."
"What are you going to tell your parents? What are you going to tell Gene?" Izzy finally spoke.
I ignored her second question.
I explained my plan, how I was going to tell them that I wanted to sleepover for a week, that Izzy missed our time together and then by the second week when I would be already gone, I was going to call them and tell them the truth. I already suspected how pained they would be, how disappointed my father would especially be, but I had to think of myself for once. I didn't want to create any self inflicted destruction. I wanted freedom and eternal reconstruction. I was hoping that they would understand. I'm not six years old anymore.
Flash forward to the following Tuesday, Coop came by my house to pick up my suitcases and myself in general while my parents were at work. Sylvia was confused by the amount of clothes I was taking for just a one week stay, but when Coop told her it was for a project thing we were doing, she shrugged it off and told me to just have fun.
I told her I was going to and she smiled before going back upstairs to finish making the beds. Coop drove me to the ward right after, Kanwell not suspecting a thing the whole time, only noticing my very upbeat mood.
"I notice that you seem very happy for therapy this afternoon, Ms. Queen."
'It is just a very nice day today.'
She smiled.
"That it is."
Louis said that he told Mark he was going to visit his family for a while, that it was going to also be good for press just to peek Mark's interests and when he finally agreed, Louis told me that he couldn't wait to see Mark's face when he would find out what he was actually doing. I rolled my eyes at that.
We were splitting the costs for the hotel, Louis paying for my ticket however since as he stated: "You won't let me fucking pay for the hotel so I'm buying this at least. Come on."
How I could I say no to that?
And yeah, it was all a mess but I quite enjoyed it. It was a mess that I didn't want to clean up.
Louis kept on texting me things everyday that made me feel closer to him, that made me feel like a little kid having a secret with another.
From: Louis Tomlinson <3
We're actually going to do this
From: Louis Tomlinson <3
I can't wait to see you and kiss you again...
From: Louis Tomlinson <3
We're like Bonnie and Clyde except we don't steal anything and there's no killing and we're not going to die anytime soon.
From: Louis Tomlinson <3
So actually maybe we're not like Bonnie and Clyde. But we're still going against everything.
From: Louis Tomlinson <3
Maybe Jamaica can be our secret lair. Just yours and mine.
"You guys are both fucking crazy. You know that right?" Coop had said.
Then this moment came, where I realized that maybe life doesn't have an escape.
I was laughing. I had not a clue what was going on back in my house and I was fucking laughing.
Coop and I were heading to the airport. Where I was going to leave my family, where I was going to leave everything because I couldn't take it. What an idiotic reason that is. What an idiotic excuse.
Coop stopped in a red light and my phone began to ring.
Coop rolled his eyes, a smile playing on his lips.
"Can you tell your boyfriend to calm down, that we're almost there?"
I was laughing again, but then the next second I wasn't.
The caller ID was staring right at me.
Gene.
"Oh hey. What's wrong?" Coop asked.
I hesitantly placed the phone in my ear, not knowing what to expect, thinking it to maybe be a butt dial. But then she spoke. And she was crying.
"Winnie." She began.
The light turned green and Coop was driving again, but his eyes kept on going to me, going back and forth back and forth as his questions kept on appearing and appearing out from the void.
"Winnie, I just want to tell you how sorry I am."
Her voice was cracked, almost broken, barely even alive and my hand was beginning to shake the device in place.
"I k-know it's my fault for all of it. For Ellis dying... for you-"
"Winnie what's happening?" Coop asked louder.
I didn't say anything, I just put her on speaker and I held the phone away from my ear, my eyes staring forward with my bottom lip quivering.
"-for you getting beat up. F-for you not wanting to talk. I't's- fuck! Fuck!"
Coop was silent and he quickly turned into the nearest gas station, stopping abruptly before letting his hands rest on the steering wheel. His mind seeming to wait for a cue. He was waiting for what we both knew was coming.
I just kept on mouthing Gene the whole time, mindlessly.
"If it just didn't fucking ask for that fucking flower! You would be fine! I fucked up everything and I know that I didn't deserve your attention or mums or dads and I'm sorry for that too..."
"Gene." Coop finally breathed.
We could both hear something falling to the floor in the other line, Gene muttering a 'shit' before speaking again. She was sobbing now, each one sounded like she was trying to hold in a scream.
"Oh. It's you Coop. You're with her. Of course you are."
"Gene, what fell? What are you doing now? Talk to me?"
"Is Winnie there?"
"Gene-"
"Coop."
"Yes she is. You're on speaker."
Everything was silent for a few seconds and I couldn't stop shaking. Coop had gently snatched the device from my hold, bringing it up to his lips as his eyes closed. With his other, he was already sliding out his own.
"Gene. You still with me, love?"
"Yeah." Her voice pierced through my chest achingly. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt.
"Where are you?"
"The house. I-I don't want to make my body hard to find for our parents."
I whimpered and felt vomit beginning to rise up in my throat. Coop's eyes immediately opened and he turned on his own phone immediately, the two devices in his hand shaking as he tried dialing in the other.
"Gene. Where's Sylvia?"
"She's downstairs. S-she won't know. That's w-why I'm doing this all silently."
He was quickly texting something to someone, most likely telling Izzy to call the police.
"What are you planning to do, Gene?"
Coop was trying. He was trying so very hard to stay calm, trying to follow all the steps he learned to do when Izzy first became suicidal many years ago. I wish I had that kind of control, but all I could do was sit there and shake, all of my emotion hiding in my stomach.
"You were right, Winnie. They weren't diet pills. They're pain killers. Very strong ones. One dosage is strong enough for an elephant. At least that's what Tony told me."
My mouth was beginning to move, trying to force words out, trying to scream. I felt like I was dying. I still do.
"I have a bottle of them with me right now."
"Gene." Coop was crying, his hand going to his eyes as he shook his head.
'Gene.' I mouthed.
Still nothing.
"Why would you do this Gene? Don't do this!" He was starting to get hysterical and I knew that he was running out of things to say, his hand resting my phone on his lap as he began dialing in a number.
"Like I said before, Cooper. They're pain killers."
The phone was on his ear and he kept on muttering, 'pick up pick up', to himself.
"I want them to kill my pain."
"Yes! Hello! I need an ambulance for-"
"Goodbye, Winnie."
"I love you." I say.
She hangs up.
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Okay so yes Winnie finally spoke. It wasn't like a typo or anything like she actually did. And yeah this chapter was kinda all over the place but it was meant to happen. Everything is going to get better now, it might not seem like it is, but for Winnie and Gene it is. Depression is not a gentle thing. It's not something that can necessarily be 'cured' and Winnie is going to finally realize this. It may be hard since she's going to have to sacrifice certain things... but a person's mental health is more important. So yeah. Sorry guys that I haven't updated in a while. I have many AP classes and they're just very demanding and I get really tired :p As well as well *Drum roll*
I'm writing my own book. Like a real non fanfic one that I'm going to publish. I don't think I'm going to post it here because I don't want anyone to copy ANYTHING. I mean people have copied some stuff in the past and I'm just very protective of this book but I may send some drafts to some readers that i trust just for their opinion so if you maybe want to read the first chap, message me? And I'll explain the whole story and yeah you guys can give me some feedback. But yes. I'm almost done with this story and there is approximately 4-5 chapters left. I KNOW I ALWAYS SAY THIS CUZ I SUCK but Yeah like this time I'm serious. Like I have it all planned out :p and I may or may not take like a two month break after silent laughter to work on my real book before starting Chocolate but I'll let you guys know more info later.
I love you all and this chapter is dedicated to such a sweet girl that is super powerful even though she doesn't believe so as all humans do and yeah. You are a superhero. All of you are.
LOVE YOU ALL!
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Side song reminds me of Gene and side gif is of Gene too.