The Outlaw

11

ELEVEN

I should have seen it coming. Somewhere along the way, I'd become accustomed to Travis burrowing himself into my life. Our arrangement didn't turn out how I'd expected at all—in fact, it had actually fell apart. And for some reason that didn't bother me if it meant that I could be around him as much as I'd wanted.

But in true Maddie-fashion, I denied every single one of my thoughts and feelings. Sucked it up and choked it down. I figured I wouldn't talk about it, I wouldn't think about it and everything would be normal. Even if I knew that was a cop-out.

They called Travis an outlaw, but I was an outlaw running from the truth.

*

"So meeting the parents already? That was kinda... quick." I eyed Cameron in the tall mirror of the store's changing room as he adjusted the dark gray button-down he was trying on.

Cameron couldn't help the grin on his face as he answered, turning around to face me, his eyes soft and mushy.  "Yeah, I know. But Talia's different to anyone else I've dated... I don't know how to explain it." He shrugged self-consciously, making him look younger than the twenty-four years that he was.

Grinning, I stood up and walked over to him. With my eyes fixated on correcting his tie, I told him, "You don't have to. Because that smile on your face tells me everything I need to know."

Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pressed my cheek to his chest and closed my eyes, savouring the security I've always felt with Cam. Knowing the hurdles he'd been through to make a living for the both of us, it made me happy to know that he was. And he deserved it more than anyone I knew.

"Hey," Cameron ran his hand down my hair, his cheek resting atop the crown of my head, swaying us lightly from side to side. "What's wrong?"

My eyes screwed shut tighter. I could never hide my emotions from Cam no matter how much I tried. Still, pulling back, I shook my head and smiled. "Nothing. I've just missed you."

Between Cameron's full-time job at the garage, my time being devoted on either studying or at the bar, and now more and more nights frequently expended at Travis' apartment, I've been scarce of time to spend with Cameron in the last couple of weeks. And with everything that's been going on, I'd never felt so... confused before.

But I didn't confess any of that to Cam because if nothing made much sense in my head, how would I even begin to explain?

Cameron searched my face, his lips forming a sad smile before settling with, "I'm always here if you need me."

Just knowing that he was would have to be enough.

I stepped back, visibly shaking off the melancholy. I went back to the task at hand—assisting Cameron in finding an outfit to wear for dinner at Talia's parents' house. I'd agreed to help not only because I wanted too, but because I needed something to get my mind off from last night.

Something changed between us. I knew it. Travis knew it. And the possibility closed my throat. But I'd have to deal with it later... or maybe never.

Appraising the black slacks Cam paired the shirt with; I tapped my chin with my index finger thoughtfully. "So... I'm thinking no suit jacket. Gives the impression that you're trying too hard. You're going for dinner, not an interview."

"How about a sweater vest?"

I threw him a look that said, Are you kidding me?

Cameron nodded seriously. "Okay. So no sweater vest."

*

It was late when I headed to Travis' apartment, the sun having already set for hours. Adjusting the grocery bag on my hip, I let myself in with the key he'd given me not too long ago. For a fleeting moment, it almost felt like a domesticated task shared between a couple that were cohabiting and that had me stopping in my tracks.

Right then, I was blindsided with the fact that the lines were slowly getting blurred. We were no longer fuck buddies—no, it was something more, much, much more. The matters of why or how it happened didn't matter. And I needed a great deal of time to come to fruition with that.

"You're here." I turned my head at Travis' voice as he stepped outside the threshold of his living room. I blinked down at the keys in my hand, paused in the act of dropping them into the small ceramic bowl.

I opened my mouth to speak but then I heard faint voices—the sources coming from behind Travis. Placing the paper bag down on the table, I furrowed a brow, my eyes sliding past him. "Do you have company?"

His face tightened, lips forming a grim line. "Yeah. Come with me, I'll explain." Travis gestured to follow him, pivoting on his heel.

Curious, I trailed behind him and stopped short when I noticed the two older men sitting on the couch who had respectively stood up when I'd entered. One I recognized instantly even though he was in a much better physical state now than I'd first met him. The other was a new face but it wasn't rocket science to figure out who he was since he boasted the same glossy dark hair and worldly green eyes as Travis.

I approached Travis' father first with my hand outstretched and politely regarded him. "Mr. Ortiz, nice to see you again."

Benjamin shook my hand, his grip strong and firm. "Benny, please. And forgive me while I refresh my memory but we've met before?" He asked, the confusion written clearly on his face, his eyes falling on his son.

I almost kicked myself—of course he didn't remember; he could barely form his thoughts into coherent words that night.

Travis dismissed the question with a shake of his head. While his face was void of any expression, I felt the anxious, bristling energy rolling off of him in waves. Travis didn't feel comfortable being in a room with his father and his body language proved that loud and clear.

With a hand to the small of my back, he gently pushed me in front of his brother. "Maddie, this is my brother, Jaxon. Jaxon, Maddie."

In many ways, Jaxon Ortiz reminded me of Travis with his large frame and hard muscles. But in others, he was a pleasant surprise. Dressed in navy slacks and a caramel hue T-shirt, he looked like a businessman on his day-off. He didn't seem to be that much older than Travis—I'd guess somewhere around in his mid-twenties.

I twitched nervously under the thumb of his stare as he considered me, feeling strangely unsettled. His eyes slanted into slits, his hands wringing behind his back and acknowledged me with a simple nod. He exuded an air of quiet intimidation that downright frightened me.

"I've heard a lot of things about you, Maddie." Jaxon's voice was smooth and cultured, his chest vibrating with a deep chuckle.

Not quite grasping the catch line, my eyes flew alarmingly to Travis. Had he been talking about me to his brother?

Inhaling quickly, Travis attempted to diffuse the situation. "I think it's time you both get going."

Benny strode over to Travis with complete confidence—a stark contrast to the dishevelled, drunken man I'd witnessed. At that moment he looked so well put-together and self-composed; it was hard to believe he would willingly put himself in a position that didn't value control.

Cupping his shoulder, he levelled his gaze with Travis. "Consider what I said, son. I'll be waiting to hear from you." With Jaxon on his tail, they both headed toward the door.

But then Travis stopped Jaxon, grasping onto his elbow and waited until his father to exit before he spoke. "You really think he's not bluffing this time?"

Jaxon didn't show any emotion and I wondered if he played poker—he was very hard to read.

"Since when do we believe anything he says?" Travis prodded, his jaw clenched. "You don't think this isn't just like another one of his rehab stints?"

Jaxon allowed the tiniest tug of his lips. "Guess we have to wait and find out. See you soon, little brother."

*

"Wait—back up for a second." I pushed my hair behind my ear, turning to face him as we sat on the couch. "So Benny wants to be your trainer for this tournament?

"Yes."

"And he's promised to stop drinking to persuade you?"

Travis snorted incredulously—he didn't have to say anything else. It sounded ridiculous even to me.

"He said he hasn't had a drink since that night... and that he's serious this time round. Said he's willing to attend AA meetings and do the whole fucking twelve steps." Travis dropped his head in his hands.

I caressed his back, running a hand up and down soothingly. "What's the longest he's gone without drinking?"

Travis' chest expanded on deep breath which he then blew out through his nose. He glanced at me. "Two years... but that was before..." And then his face shuttered. Putting up a wall because he realised he almost said too much—I recognized that look of vulnerability. I've seen it many times on my face.

Travis leaned back, resting his head on the couch and threw his arm over his eyes.

"Who told him about the tournament?"

"Jaxon. He told Hank that he could get me to change my mind."

Climbing onto his lap, I tugged his arm away from his face. I wriggled innocently to sit comfortably but I seemed to have caught his attention instead. Travis lifted his head, looking at me through heavy-lidded eyes, hardening beneath me. He arched an eyebrow in silent query.

Throwing him a smile with unapologetic amusement, I ignored his arousal and continued our conversation. "You look up to him, don't you?" I inquired, referring to his brother. I saw it in the way he wanted Jaxon's input since he was so unsure of what to do.

Travis grasped my hips innocuously but the grip was too... dominating to be anything harmless. My heart rate quickened, my breasts swelling under my tank top at the potent rush of yearning that shone in his eyes. Frowning, I looked down at his hands, confused by his sudden aggression. But when I stared at him questioningly again, I found my answer. I understood what he was trying to do. Distract me. From having to respond to something he didn't want to explain. From taking him into a place he didn't want to go.

I started sliding off him.

He stopped me by setting his hands on my thighs, tightening his hold. "Maddie—"

I couldn't tell you why I felt a little insulted that he refused to share but I did. Then I felt stupid to be upset because it was hypocritical on my part since even after this whole time, he didn't know anything private about me. Nothing compared to what I knew about him anyhow.

"It's fine." I cut him off. "Don't ask questions we don't want to answer, remember?"  I'd abused that so many times without any complaint, he should too. "I get it, you know? Telling someone all your personal shit is like..."

"—handing them ammunition straight into their hands." Travis finished, his mouth curving feebly.

I paused for a beat, blinking down at him, surprised that he knew exactly what I struggled with. "Right."

With his head titled back, Travis cupped my nape and tugged me down for the gentlest kiss, his lips moving sweetly beneath mine. His arm came around my shoulders, dragging me closer until our foreheads touched.

"That doesn't mean I don't trust you, Maddie, because I do. I trust you." He ran his thumb along my bottom lip and whispered so quietly I saw the words more than heard them. "I just hope one day you feel the same way about me too."

I sucked in a breath, pulling away from him abruptly. We stared at each other for a long minute, my gaze searching; his firm yet challenging.

Then in one powerful surge, Travis stood up with me in his arms. "I need to take a shower." He announced, effectively shelving the topic for now.

But my mind was still reeling from what he'd said. The more we brushed off feelings we didn't show, the more things were being left unsaid.

God... I didn't know when it became so complicated and for a brief second I wondered if I was being stubborn by staying when it would be better to let go before someone got hurt. Or worse... we both did.

*

Travis set me down at the doorway of his bathroom and walked toward the shower before he blessedly started to strip.

I leaned into the doorframe, crossing my arms and enjoyed the show and his masculine perfection. Travis smirked before his head disappeared under his shirt and then dropped it onto the floor. He came toward me with his jeans unbuckled, displaying that delicious V of his pelvis, and the waistband of his boxer briefs.

"Forgive me for not being clear before," he licked his lips, "but I meant we're taking a shower."

Laughing, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. His hands roamed restlessly before settling on my ass. Squeezing, he grinded me into his erection and I retaliated by rubbing my breasts against his bare chest so he could feel the tightening of my nipples. Groaning into my mouth, he lifted me effortlessly and set me down on the vanity counter. His hands cupped my cheeks, angling my head to where he wanted so he could thrust his tongue into my mouth. He fucked my mouth with hot, wet licks before we teared apart breathlessly.

"I would love to join you in the shower." I rasped. "But I know exactly where things will head if I did so I'm going to have to say no."

Travis paused and the playful heat in his eyes bled away. His gaze darted over my features and I knew he was thinking that what he had said before was the reason why I'd put the brakes on. "Why?"

Smiling, I smoothed his frown line with a fingertip. "Unfortunately, I'm closed for business."

"What does that mean?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "It's that time of the month for me, Travis."

He tried to hide it but I caught the flash of relief on his face. "Oh." Travis said, softly before sweeping loose tendrils away from my temples, seemingly quiet—too quiet for that matter.

I touched his cheek with a brush of my fingertips, bringing his attention back to me.

His mouth curved sheepishly as he confessed, "Not going to lie, that's a first for me considering the... lifestyle I previously entertained."

That surprised me though it shouldn't have. Why would he put up with the hassle when he had a smorgasbord of willing partners? Experiencing his virility told me Travis had a strong sexual appetite; I couldn't see why he would bother with the inconvenience of abstaining for roughly a week or so with someone he wasn't serious about.

But something else had me wondering out loud. "What's the longest you've been with a woman... before me?"

Travis sighed, shoving a hand through his dark hair, twisting the strands anxiously but was still brutally honest. "No longer than a night."

Seriously? I imagined it'd be longer than that. It knocked me off guard and that's why I couldn't stop myself from asking, "So what prompted you to make us exclusive?"

"We were exclusive right from the beginning, Maddie. I haven't been with anyone else since you." He whispered.

I rewound my thoughts and couldn't stop the proverbial word vomit. "But that first night you showed up to the bar... I saw you leaving with someone. With a woman." I swallowed hard, my hand rubbing over my chest. What the hell was that pain there?

Travis cursed under his breath and then shook his head, catching me in a steely gaze. "I just made sure that she had a ride home, Maddie. Nothing happened more than that."

My shoulders relaxed with relief, getting the answer I hadn't realised I needed from all those weeks ago. Stupid, I was stupid. I had no right to feel jealous—Travis wasn't mine.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Travis instructed with calm severity.

"Travis..." I swallowed past a dry throat and winced at the painful burn. "If you knew you've never done this before..." I whispered, having no other way of describing it because I didn't even know what this was anymore. "What's different now? Why... now?" I was about to say me but my self-esteem wouldn't allow me to set myself up like that.

"Because you get it, Madeline. I'm not Travis The Outlaw Ortiz to you. Or Benny Ortiz's son. I'm just... me." He finished, lifting a shoulder in an easy shrug.

I understood, then, why I'd become to matter so much to Travis. He was playing a role with everyone else—being what they wanted him to be, showing what he wanted them to see. But due to the basis of our arrangement, Travis involuntarily was himself with me, through no fault of his own. And I so badly wanted it to remain that way. To be the safe place he needed. Because if no else could see beyond the superficial aspects about him, they didn't deserve to know him.

I was unique to him—the polar opposite of women that had passed through his life in every way possible. And that oddly placated me yet reminded me I wasn't a permanent fixture in Travis' life—all the more reason I shouldn't be settling.

Instead of words, I hugged him, pressing a perfunctory kiss over his heart. I absorbed the warmth of his lean, hard body and breathed in the smell of his scent that permeated every fibre of my being. When his arms came around me and he buried his face into the crook of my neck, I clung tighter, wishing for a brief moment that Travis wasn't the tangible fantasy I'd never had a chance to hold onto.

*

Travis opened the floating glass door to the shower and reached in to turn on the knobs. And then he felt obliged to tell me, "You know a woman's menstrual cycle hasn't stopped anyone before."

I glared at him, trying to gauge whether or not if he was serious. His grin flashed unapologetically. "That's gross, Travis. I'm not letting you go wading in the crimson tide." He snorted at that.

But when he stripped off his jeans and his boxers followed next, I almost changed my mind. I shook my head to rid my heated thoughts. "We'll have to wait until next weekend before I'm good to go again."

"Fuck."

I nodded. "That's what I had in mind."

He laughed with throaty delight as he stepped into the stall that unconsciously put a smile on my face. I wasn't ashamed to watch him as he showered, rivetingly awed by the sight. The way the soapy water rippled over the slabs of muscles and down his powerful thighs. I was amazed by the way he ran his hands with methodical deliberation, quick and rough movements over his skin that desperately made me wish I had joined him so I could run my hands all over him with gentler and softer caresses.

He was out within the next five minutes, scrubbing a towel over his torso. I eye-fucked him a little longer before he wrapped it around his waist—covering my favourite viewing pleasure. "Do you know what you want to do?"

His lips tugged in the corner. "I guess I'll have to settle with coming in your mouth."

"Good to know." I snorted. "But I was talking about your father."

He was characteristically calm and matter-of-fact all of a sudden. "Haven't decided anything yet."

I caught a brief glance of the tightness around his mouth as he brushed past me to walk into his bedroom. Following suit a second later, I saw he'd replaced the towel for a fresh pair of boxers.

I opened my mouth to probe some more but as he walked to the bed, he suddenly froze. There was an eerily stillness about him that put me on edge. I heard the apprehension in his voice when he asked, "You're still staying over, right?"

We'd shared nights that didn't involve sex before—nights where were careful around each other and just the simple comfort of our presences were enough. I knew why he was asking—I had no reason to stay except for my own choice.

And I chose wrong.

"Yes, I am." I retreated back into the bathroom. "Get into bed. I'll join you in a second."

I took care of business before I reappeared and started to strip my clothes off as I headed to the bed, leaving the pieces of clothing on the floor as I went. Travis sat up, leaning back onto the headboard, his eyes searing with hot and avid intensity. I removed my tank top first, followed by my jeans, then slid under the covers in just my lingerie.

Travis didn't hesitate to haul me into him, covering the length of my body with his own. I threaded my fingers through the thick silk of his hair, trying to maintain a soothing rhythm. Every breath I took was filled with the smell of his soap and the tinge of masculine scent unique to him. With each moment that passed, I slowly felt the tension gripping his body skitter away and I was amazed to know I had such a profound influence on his disposition.

The sexual current simmered beneath the surface as we quietly held each other. Travis' mind was seemingly far away so I resorted to wait until he felt comfortable enough to talk.

After a while, with his fingers sifting through my dark locks, Travis murmured, "What do you think I should do?"

I absorbed his question, trying to put myself in his shoes. That didn't discern any difference though because I wasn't the one in the situation so I couldn't be emphatic enough to give an answer. As an alternative I opted to spin him a different perspective.

"Well," I cleared my throat. "Think about what you could do with that money."

Travis peered down at me, a ghost of smile touching his lips. "You're so positive I'll win."

"You will." I shot back. "Considering Hank chose you specifically, and what I've seen objectively, I know you can win." He offered me his lips in lieu of thanks which I gladly took in a sweet kiss.

There was another stretch of silence again. Then, with his mouth near my temple, he spoke into my hair as he listed off the number of things. "I'd be able to pay off my father's bank loan for the hardware store; return the money Jaxon paid for my college tuition. Maybe buy something nice for my mom and my little sister." He added quietly.

An overwhelming surge of appreciation pierced through me. Other than Cameron, Travis was the most selfless person I'd ever met. Not once did he mention how that money would help him out, even knowing that it would big-time. Instead he thought about his family first.

"I grew up in a household where income was uncertain most of the time but everyone did what they could to make it feel as if it wasn't. Even Benny during the times he could." I pressed my nose into his throat, hearing the rough timbre in his voice. "I just want to return the favour."

It was uncanny how much I could relate to him, feeling the same obligation to Cameron. I understood how he felt.

"Then there's your answer." I whispered just as he slid into unconsciousness.

*

It was dark when I opened my eyes again, a strong indication that dawn hadn't even broke yet but something aroused me to awake from sleep. Twisting my head over my shoulder, I blinked at Travis' bare back as he sat on the edge of the bed, his feet planted on the floor and his shoulders slumped with heavy wariness.

A part of me warred to shut my eyes and pretend I hadn't noticed but another wanted to be there for him while I still could.

"Hey," I tentatively spoke, trying not to spook him. The sheer curtains allowed moonlight to shaft across his face when he turned around, the green in his eyes salient as ever. "You okay?"

His eyelids were heavy with remnants of sleep which were echoed in the rasp of his voice. "Yeah, I'm good. Go back to sleep."

I flipped onto my side and turned over the covers, gesturing for him to join me. He stared for a beat, his gaze sliding over me in a heated caress that was damn near tangible. The sheet had pooled around my waist sometime in the night and I felt him linger on the tattoo that was bared to him.

When he slipped next to me, his skin was cool to the touch which made me wonder how long he'd been awake for. But those thoughts bled away as he absently dusted his fingers over the emblazoned skin—my tattoo that depicted the last three heartbeats of my father.

I didn't know what prompted me at that moment. My pulse elevated in rate, a raw need gnawing at me to communicate a sense of empathy. Maybe it was because of what he shared earlier or maybe because I was slightly delirious, somehow it made it easier to spill.

"I lost my father when I was nine." I whispered into the calm serenity of the night. Travis tensed immediately and peered down at my face with slow deliberation. Ignoring past the twisted knot in my gut, I trained my gaze on his collarbone. "He died from a sudden heart attack—didn't even see it coming."

His chest expanded on inaudible intake of breath. "Maddie..."

Something in his voice had me squeezing my eyes shut. "My mother left us not long after I was born," I went on, hearing Travis curse under his breath and gripping my frame so tight I could hardly breathe. "And with no other family, I was put into foster care. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a family... the nurture and care... but someone in my life gave me better than that and more."

I tilted my head back and chose that moment to look at him. And when our eyes met, something passed between us—underlying the explosive sexual attraction covered something deeper. A recognition that was strange and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

But I also came to revelation that I'd been afraid to see pity on his face—the one thing I didn't want and why I'd been so hesitant to tell him about my sob story. To tell anyone for that matter.

What I saw was sympathy. And the emotions that roiled in my stomach coalesced into a cleansing breath of respite. I felt lighter somehow, as if a weight lifted away from my shoulders.

"I just want you to know I get what you're feeling." I clarified. "Well... I don't know exactly what you've been through because the circumstances are different... but I just felt like you should know." I finished lamely, my chin dropping to my chest, gaze skittering away.

Travis was quiet for some time and when he finally spoke, his tone was sombre. "And here I've been so unappreciative toward my father when I should be grateful I even have one."

Snapping my attention to him, I shook my head. "God, no, don't feel guilty."

He squeezed my upper arms, his eyes darting restlessly over my face, seeming to have no clue how to process it all. I placed no blame since I'd practically blindsided him. "Maddie, I had no idea..."

"It's fine." I smoothed the frown between his brows with my fingertip. "I never told you."

His mouth etched into a slow and indulgent curve. "I'm glad you did."

So was I.

-

a/n: I know I'm extremely late but I hope I made it up with this extra long chapter. It's the longest I think I've written.

If you liked it, please don't forget vote, fan and comment. I would love to know your thoughts!

And also, thank you so much for reading even with my slow updates!

xx.