My vent

1

I've realized that over the years that if my friends asked me to off myself I would I would do it and I know why I would do it I love them to a concerning degree and I'm  scared that if I'm not good enough for them if I'm not with them 24/7 they'll leave and I'll be alone again all alone I'm pretty sure one of friends don't like me out of my 3 friends one hates me one ignores me and the other oh that girl I love her I love more than anyone truly I do I often think about what it's like holding her hand or cuddling together on rainy days but she has a boyfriend and I know she'll never see me the way I see her and i should be OK but I'm not I'm not ok with it I want to be the that kisses her that's there for her the one that she gets married too but I'm not and I never will be and I should be OK but I'm not and all my friends have grown up but I haven't so at some point I'll be left behind and after that then what I'll be gone and they'll be happy