Chapter 27
I dreaded the fact that after everything that happened this weekend, I still had to go to work. I had to. Hindi ako pwedeng biglang mag-awol. Hindi naman siguro ipagkakalat ni Lance iyong nangyari... although frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did. People would side with him—understandably so. I would be the bitch who cheated on him despite him helping me and basically kickstarting my career.
"What the hell!" sabi ko nung maabutan ko si Lui na nasa labas ng unit ko. Ganito ba ang pakiramdam ng inaatake sa puso?! Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang makita ko siya na naka-sandal doon sa may pader na katapat nung pinto ng unit ko.
He didn't immediately say anything. He was just standing there. Mukhang papasok din siya sa trabaho niya dahil naka-formal attire siya ngayon.
"It's just coffee, Tali," sabi niya nang abutan niya ako ng paper cup na may kape.
It was a Monday morning. I had no energy to spare for him. Hinahanda ko iyong sarili ko sa kung anuman ang mangyayari pagdating ko sa opisina. Tinanggap ko iyong kape na hawak niya. Hindi ako nagthank you kasi 'di ko naman hiningi 'to sa kanya.
"What do you want? At bakit nandito ka?" I asked him because like energy, I also had to time to spare for him. Hindi ako pwedeng ma-late sa trabaho. Kung pagchichismisan man ako doon na malandi ako o cheater, at the very least, they should realize that my personal life may be messy, but I'm a professional pa rin pagdating sa trabaho ko.
Saka aalis na rin naman ako doon—konting tiis na lang talaga.
"You weren't responding to my texts."
"I blocked your number," I told him.
I did.
Because I used to go crazy waiting for him to text me... Kahit siguro tuldok lang ang i-text niya sa akin, mabubuo na iyong araw ko. I used to spend my days wondering kung baka magbago ang isip niya tungkol sa akin.
I wasted days with wishful thinking of what could've beens.
So, I had to block him. That way, ang iniisip ko na lang ay nagtext siya pero hindi ko lang natanggap dahil blocked siya. That was way better than the reality na hindi niya naman talaga ako tine-text.
God, the things I bargained with just because he couldn't like me the way I wanted him to.
"Right..." sabi niya. "Unblock me."
I scoffed. "Why would I?"
"Because we're dating now."
"In your fucking dreams," sabi ko sa kanya at saka ni-lock iyong pinto ng unit ko at nagsimulang maglakad. Umagang-umaga pa lang ay pinapainit niya na iyong ulo ko. I hated hearing that from him because I used to dream about him saying that. But he never did. Tapos ngayon ko maririnig sa kanya 'yan?
I got in the elevator. Of course sumunod siya. I just stood there and quietly waited hanggang sa makarating iyong elevator sa basement.
"We're dating—as far as Lance is concerned," sabi niya habang nasa elevator pa rin kami.
"Right. Thanks for making me the office whore."
I saw how Lui's jaw clenched with the remark that I just said. What? Tama naman ako. With the stunt he pulled, he just made me the office slut na hindi na nakuntento sa boyfriend niya at may boyfriend pa sa ibang firm.
"You know I had no choice," sabi niya.
"Really? Iyong choice mo ay halikan lang ako sa harap ni Lance at iimply sa kanya na may relasyon tayo?"
"Yes."
Thankfully, we reached our destination. Lumabas ako sa elevator, pero naka-sunod pa rin si Lui sa akin. Naglakad lang ako hanggang sa makarating ako sa may sasakyan ko. Naka-sunod pa rin siya.
"As long as he thinks you're with me, he won't touch you."
"Yes, because you're the invincible one," I sarcastically replied.
I didn't know what I was expecting him to say to me, but I was surprised when I saw how serious his face was. Bigla akong napa-tayo nang maayos. I slightly tilted my head up and faced him head on.
"I didn't want you to be involved in this. You're the one who dated that asshole," sabi niya sa akin.
"And I wouldn't have met him kung hindi mo ginawa sa 'kin 'yon dati," mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya.
I knew I was pushing his buttons, but at this point, I didn't care. I had all these things I wanted to say to him. Ang dami kong bagay na gustong isumbat sa kanya. Hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon dati dahil bigla niya akong iniwasan. Tapos kailangan kong magfocus sa review. And then I topped the BAR and had to choose the highroad because I didn't want to be petty.
But I did want to be petty.
Gusto kong isumbat sa kanya lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin.
Na kung masakit siyang magsalita, kaya ko rin 'yon.
"You could've dated anyone," he said.
"What can I say? I have shit taste in men," I replied as I stared in his eyes and slightly tilted my head to the side.
I couldn't read what was going on in his head. Naka-tayo lang siya roon at naka-tingin sa akin. Did he really think that I was in danger that warranted him going here in the first place? Sa tingin niya ba ay ibebenta talaga ako ni Lance sa mga ka-frat niya? Would that even be possible? In this day and age?
"No arguments here," sagot niya sa akin. This asshole. "Unblock me," he said before he turned around and left me there just after he effortlessly ruined my day.
* * *
I didn't know what I was expecting when I got in the office. Did I expect them na lagyan ako ng malaking scarlet letter? Or to whisper as I passed by? They did nothing like that... but the way they all looked at me was enough.
Of course they knew about that.
Of course they're talking about that.
Wala namang pumapansin sa akin sa opisina dati. The last time a lot of people gave me this much attention was when I topped the BAR. But that was positive attention. This one? This one made me want to go inside my office and hide.
I shouldn't dahil wala naman akong ginawang masama. Hindi naman ako nagcheat talaga. But they didn't know that. At kapag umarte ako na parang ako pa iyong nagmamalaki, mas lalo lang sasama iyong reputasyon ko dito.
I just needed to keep my head down until I finish my contract here.
Right.
That's what I should do.
"Nasan na 'yung files dito?" tanong ko sa paralegal ko dahil hinahanap ko iyong files ko doon sa kaso na hawak ko.
"Pina-lipat na po sa litigation department. Focus na lang daw po kayo sa drafting kasi ang daming pending," sabi niya sa akin. Napaawang iyong labi ko. What? Was she being serious? I spent a lot of time for that case! Naka-layout na lahat ng gagawin ko don. I knew how I'd win that case. That case is special to me dahil unang kaso ko 'yon at iyon ang nagpa-realize sa akin na gusto kong mag-litigation.
I was fuming on the inside, but I managed to control the expression on my face.
"Right," I told her instead.
I just needed to keep my head down. Right. That's what I should do until I could get out of this hellhole.
* * *
The whole day, I just stayed in my office as I drafted pleadings after pleadings. Nung lunch break, hindi ako lumabas. Ni hindi ako na-bully nung nag-aaral pa ako. 'Di ko akalain na kung kailan working na ako, saka pa ako makakaranas ng ganito.
"Grabe... 'Di mo talaga masasabi sa tao, noh?"
Wala pa silang sinasabi pero alam ko na na ako iyong pinag-uusapan nila.
"Ang bait-bait ni Atty. Serrano tapos gagawin sa kanya ni Atty. Hernaez?"
"True... Kawawa naman si Atty. Serrano..."
"Sana na lang din nakipagbreak na lang si Atty. Hernaez kaysa ganyan. Tsk. Akala ko mabait, pero nasa loob pala ang kulo."
"Di ko talaga expected! Sabi nila siya pa raw galit nung nahuli sila ni Atty. Serrano na nagmmakeout don sa party pa mismo ng frat nila Atty. Serrano tapos ka-frat pa raw ni Atty. Serrano iyong kabit ni Atty. Hernaez. Grabe. 'Di na nahiya, noh?"
I knew I should just stay here hanggang umalis sila. They didn't know what they're talking about. Kaya lang naman sila nagchichismisan dahil hanggang d'yan lang ang kaya nilang gawin. Kaya kaya nilang sabihin 'yan sa harapan ko?
I opened the door. Kitang-kita ko iyong gulat sa mga mukha nila nang makita nila ako sa may salamin. I saw how the shock on their faces was replaced by fear.
"Careful with your words," I told them as I washed my hands. "Slandering someone's reputation is a criminal offense."
I took my time with washing my hands and drying them. Naka-tayo lang sila doon, pero ramdam na ramdam ko iyong kaba nila. What? Ang lakas ng loob nilang pag-usapan ako tapos kapag sinabihan sila na pwede silang kasuhan ng slander, nawala na bigla iyong mga dila nila?
And I knew that I was just further flaming the fire by doing this but I couldn't just stand idly while this was happening. Either magiging ashamed na cheater ako o proud one. Walang magandang choice! Sana mabulunan si Lui kapag kumain siya ng lunch niya!
Paglabas ko ng CR, dumiretso muna ako sa rooftop. Kailangan ko ng yosi para kumalma ako kahit papaano dahil uminit iyong ulo ko sa mga babaeng 'yon.
Pagbalik ko sa may opisina, sakto na nakita ko si Lance. He looked at me—and there was hurt on his face that was so convincing that for a second, I actually thought that he was heartbroken. Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at saka naglakad palayo. I felt all eyes were on me.
Shit.
Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong pumasok sa isip ko nung sundan ko si Lance sa opisina niya. I got inside and closed the door behind me. He was just staring at me without saying anything. Tama ba si Lui? Kasi buong weekend ay walang sinabi si Lance sa akin. This was... so contrary to how I knew him. Akala ko ay susumbatan niya ako o kung anuman, but the silence on his end was making it worse.
I could take him being mad at me because I couldn't care less about his opinion of me. But him weaponizing the people around me? This was harder.
"I'm sorry," I told him.
Hindi ko pa rin alam kung totoo ba iyong mga sinabi sa akin ni Lui... But still, it couldn't change the fact that Lance helped me be where I am today. He believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. Hindi ko kakalimutan 'yon. I'd always be grateful for that. I didn't like being his girlfriend, but at the very least, I planned on ending things amicably with him.
"I didn't want to end things like this," I told him.
Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin at hindi nagsasalita.
"At the very least, I'd like to keep things professional," I continued. Kasi alam ko na despite everything, Lance cared about his work and career.
"No," he replied while staring directly into my eyes. I stared back as I bit my lips. "I made you," he continued. "I could easily break you," he added like it was a promise.
**
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