Never Before Had I Wanted to
Say So Much,
But Said So Little;
Felt So Much But Stayed
So Silent.
-[ D.J ]
Vivian Flammery.
.
.
.
.
Can we get away with one murder?
I mean, there had to be some kind of law where you are allowed to murder someone, especially if that someone has blonde hair and a voice as irritating as a banshee.
Yes, a banshee.
I was never the kind of person who made people names. Damn, I don't even curse. I only curse when I am angry, but she had something in her that made me call her at least 40 different names by now. The way she was talking to me was as if she were the queen of the world and the rest of us were the servants.
I was trying not to show my anger because Charlotte and Sofy were also sitting here, and I didn't want to disrespect them and forget my manners by making a scene.
It was 10 at night, and Daisy had already fallen into a deep sleep in her room, and we are all sitting in the living room.
"Where is Gabriel? It's already 10:00, and he didn't come." She asked again in her irritating voice, like for the 100th time by now.
Can't she just shut up? My subconscious growl
And I can't even go to the room because a certain someone has asked—no demands—for me to wait for him to come home.
"Why are you so concerned about him, Val? When he comes, you will wish he didn't." Sofi said, To be honest, I don't think anyone likes her here, even the maids and the other staff, are not hiding their dislike, so I tell them all to leave earlier than usual because of her rude behavior towards them. I also told Grace to go back to her room because she already looked worn out, and I didn't want her to overwork herself.
So it's just the She-devil, me, Sofy, and Charlotte.
"He will come; you just wait." Valentina said.
"Whatever."
"Mrs. Armstrong, you should also go and sleep; you look tiered." I expressed concern about her health since she was looking tired.
"My child, what did I tell you to call me?" She ask. She wouldn't let me call her anything but Madre or Mother. I hesitate to call her that because what if Gabriel doesn't like me calling her mother my mother?
"Madre, you look tired and should go to sleep." I said this time to put pressure on my voice so she could go and take some rest instant sitting here tiring herself here.
"No, Vivian, I am going to wait with you until Gabriel comes." I nod my head, but I still look at Sofiya for some help.
"Yes, mom, Viv is right. You should go and sleep. You can meet him in the morning. You would be tired of the long flight today." Sofiya tells her she just came from Italy today; her parents live there, and her mother, Sofiya grandmother, was sick, so she was there to visit her and had come here directly when the flight landed in New York.
"I guess you are right. I will see him tomorrow." She said after we both insisted on some more finally. She stood up, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and hugged Sofiya.
"Let me show you the room." I stand up to walk her to the third floor, but she stops me.
"It's okay, Nuora, you wait here for my son. I know my way around here." I wanted to argue, but in the end, I sat back, and she won and walked out of the living room.
Now it's just me and Sofiya, and of course, the lovely Valentina. Note the sarcasm there.
Sofiya is avoiding her like a plague and talking to me and asking about Moly. When I tell her we used to share an apartment together with my best friend, she asks me if I could also bring her shopping with us. I am sure Moly would love Sofy Company; they both love shopping and partying, as far as I know, and I agree.
"Hey you." An irritating voice entrapped us, and we looked at her, annoyed.
"Go bring me a glass of wine." She order.
Oh god, please forgive me and don't send me to hell if I commit a sin by killing someone.
I am going to slap the shit out of her. My subconscious growled.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Go and get yourself one." Sofy snap at her clearly had enough of her bullshit.
"It's okay, Sofy." I said I don't want any drama right now when my mood is already sour from my earlier thoughts.
"Mix some poison in it. I will help you hide this bitch body." She whispered in my ear, and I can tell she is not joking. I stood up and chuckled at her before asking if she wanted something too, but she refused.
I walk to the kitchen, where Grace has already put two glasses and a bottle on the table for Gabriel and me. She notices that we both drink a little wine before we go to sleep and leaves a bottle and two glasses on the table every night.
I feel sad again because I was serious when I said I was going to avoid him as much as possible. It's meant no more late-night drinks on the balcony anymore.
I push away the pain. I just felt it in my chest, and I poured the wine into the glass and took it back to her.
When I came back into the living room, she was smirking and looking at me, then the glass, laughing, and raising her hand, gesturing for me to come to her with her finger.
She was standing in the middle of the living room, with Sofy standing in front of her, glaring at her.
I walk to her to give her the glass as I stand in front of her, and she doesn't hold it tightly. It falls down and shatters into pieces, and the wine spills on the floor and on the carpet.
I step back, startled.
Shoved these glass pieces in her ass right now. My subconscious yells murderous
I want to yell so loud and slap the shit out of her so badly right now, but instant tears of frustration fill my eyes, and I hate myself for it because when I become frustrated, I cry, but I don't let my tears fall from my eyes. I never do it; I always control them.
"You stupid maid, you can't do anything right; now what are you looking at? Clean this mass." She yelled, pointing her perfect silver manicure nails at me.
"You are crossing a line here, Valentina. Stop this nonsense right now, or you will regret it." Sofy growled at her, but I kneeled to pick up the glass because I didn't trust my voice and didn't want to look into their eyes.
"Vivian, you don't.." Sofy spoke to me, but she never got to finish her sentence, nor was I ever able to touch the broken glass because, as soon as my hand reached to touch it, a hand wrapped around my wrist. Stopping me
And by the way, the touch sent the electric shooks and shivers through my whole body, and with the protective warmth that surrounded me, I knew who it was without even looking.
He was squid down to my eye level, and
My eyes meet my favorite blue eyes as he pulls me up.
"What the fuck are you doing, Bellissima?" Gabriel's voice rang out, and his deep, angry tone sent a chill down my spine.
I look up, and he is standing there, his suit jacket and vest off, his black dress shirt rolled up to his elbow, and the hand that was not holding my hand is tightly clinched into a fist.
He pulled me at least five feet away from shattered glass pieces and pulled my hand close to his face, rubbing his thumb on my fingers and turning my hand back and forth as he examined if I was hurt anywhere. When he was sure that I hadn't cut myself or anything, he sighs in relief, cups my face with both of his hands, and pulls me close to a point where our noses are almost touching while I am looking up into his ocean blue eyes that are darkened with rage in them.
"What happened?" He growled and touched his forehead with mine. I could feel his breath on my face. I open my mouth to tell him that it was an accident when Banshee dieced to talk.
"That fucking slut spilled wine on the carpet and shattered the glass. She can't do as she was told." The bitch answered him, and Gabriel's hands that were cupping my face went down my waist as he looked back at her over his shoulder.
"What the fuck did you say?" Gabriel's voice was calm, but it was deep and dark at the some time, like he was going to snapped any second.
"Gabriel.." She was interrupted.
"Shut up." He yelled, and I flinched at his sudden, loud voice, as I was not expecting it. He turned to me and kissed my forehead to let me know it was okay.
"But..." She started talking, confused, but Gabriel cut her off.
"I said shut the fuck up. Now tell me what the fuck you just called her." He growled and almost yelled at her again. She was not able to say a word as she was frozen and looked like a fish out of water, opening and closing her mouth.
Gabriel turned with me to look at her and pulled me close to him with his arm that was wrapped around my waist and guided me to the couch where Sofy was sitting with her legs crossed and a half-filled wine glass, taking a slow side from it and watching as if she were watching the most interesting drama and couldn't wait to find out what happened next.
When did she go to get the wine from the kitchen? I ask myself.
"Now tell me what the fuck you were saying." He asked, and we both set on the other couch with my body slightly leaning in his, his arm wrapped around my waist, and his head bent so that his chin was resting on top of my head.
My body always feels so relaxed when he is around me, like I don't need to worry about anything; just lean into him, and he will take care of everything for me.
He always knows how to comfort me. His mere presence is enough to calm me down, even though just a few hours ago I had decided to keep my distance from him, but here I am enjoying his warmth as his hand holds me close.
"It's okay, Gabriel." I said it in a calm voice.
"You don't have to make such a fuss about it." I said softly that I didn't want him to waste his time with her.
"No, Mia Cara, no one talks about you that way, and if they do, I will make sure that they can't talk ever again." His voice is cold as a dark look crosses his face. His face is as hard as stone, and his eyes are as cold as ice. His hand held my waist close to his body tightly, like it was the only thing that was holding him in his place right now.
"I am fine." I look into his eyes as he looks down, and his eyes become gentle again.
"Are you sure?" He asked, concerned.
"Yes, I am." I nodded my head and gave him a small smile.
"It was just an accident." I said it again.
"I am not sure if it was an accident for me; she did it purposely." Sofy said as she took one more sip of her drink.
She is enjoying this and practically adding fuel to an already-burning fire.
"Oh, then tell me, dear sister, why was she doing that?" Gabriel asks in a mocking voice, but there is something menacing in his voice and posture, like the way he was sitting, like a predator who is ready to pounce if anyone makes a wrong move.
"Look like our darling Valentina had some confusion." Sofy said in a in a boring voice. I can't help but look back and forth between them as they talk; it's almost like they're enjoying this game or whatever it is.
"What do you mean by that, Sofiya?" Valentina asks her in a shaky voice.
"Well, you did say that you are the future, Mrs.Armstrong. I mean, didn't you?" Sofy said while looking at her nails. She looked up and smirked at her before finishing her whole wine in one go and standing up.
"Come on, Vivian, let go to the room; we are done with all this." She came to me to hold out her hand for me.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing? She is not going anywhere." Gabriel growled and tightened his grip around me, pulling me closer, and I put my hand on his chest to calm him.
"Sei sul punto di rottura, fratello, e non volevi che lei vedesse questo tuo lato, vero?" She asks and looks at Gabriel's intensity. I don't know what she said, but after a few seconds, his hand fell from around my waist.
(You are on your breaking point, brother, and you didn't want her to see this side of yours, or do you?)
"È quello che pensavo." Sofy said, Take my hand, and I stood up, not knowing what to think of all of this.
(That's what I thought.)
Before Sofy can take me out of the living room, Gabriel stops me by holding my other hand. He stepped closer when sofy let go of my hand and hugged me.
I didn't notice it before but despised all the anger; he looked tiered, and I felt guilty for all this drama that he came home to. That is exactly why I am trying to avoid her the whole day because I know he would be tiered like the past few weeks, but this bitch doesn't know how to shut up.
I know I promise myself that I will stay far away from him, at least as far as possible, but having him this close to me when he is tired and looking for comfort in me, I can't help but wrap my hands around him as he hugs me closer to him.
His shoulder feels so tensed under my hands, so I push my fingers down on his muscle and find a tensed knot there. Using my thumb and fingers, I apply pressure and move slowly along the muscle. He sighs and completely melts around me, shuddering before burying his face in my neck and moaning silently there.
Didn't you decide to stay away from him? My subconscious asks.
I know, but he is so stressed that I can't leave him like that. I told her.
You are terrible at this. She replied.
He relaxed in my arm. I can feel his glare on me, so I look up; his head is still buried in the crook of my neck. And see the banshee glare at me like she could kill me right now.
She can try. I have my own wolf who will tear her into pieces if she tries to even harm me. I was surprised by my own thoughts.
I don't know where the courage came from in me to do what I did next.
I run my other hand up on his back of the neck and massage his hair there before scratching and pulling his hair, making him pull me more close if possible. I did it all while looking into her eyes. Her face became red, and if it were a cartoon, you would have seen the smoke coming out of her ears.
"Gattina, you are killing me there; you need to stop or I.." He groans, and my eyes become wide when I feel something on my lower stomach. I blush hard as I realize what it is, and my whole body becomes tensed. I can feel his lips twitch as he fights back the smile.
"Go change into something comfortable and wait for me on our balcony; I will be there before you know it." He whispers in my ear and rubs his cheek on mine. I feel his light stubble scratch my cheek and close my eyes.
Damn, I love it when he does that. I thought and pulled away. He looks a lot more relaxed now. He kisses my forehead, and I walk out of there.
How am I supposed to stay away from him? It's practically impossible. I sigh.
________________________
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Gabriel Armstrong.
.
.
.
After a long day in the office, and then I was called to the wearhouse for an emergency, one of the girls was able to run from their hand and reach the police station, and good thing for her, she met the few good polite officers there who took her under their protection before she could go into the wrong hands again.
I had hid her in one of our hidouts for her safety. She had given us very important information about them and also told us what happened with her there, and it made me so angry. All I wanted to do was come home and hug my Bellissima so I could calm down, but no man can even ask for it.
As soon as I walk in, what do I see? My Bellissima on her knees—I mean, I had imagined her many times; you know, she was on her knees in front of me, but none of them included her picking up a broken glass. The thought of the glass pricing her skin and hurting her made my blood boil in rage.
One name. Just fucking one name, and I am going to ruin this bitch.
After Vivian left, and Sofya followed her after giving me a wink.
"Now tell me what the fuck you were thinking." I said it in a calm voice, but I am anything but calm. All the warmth and gentleness are gone with Bellissima, and my hand is tightly clinched into a fist.
She didn't speak.
"Tell me, Valentina, what the fuck were you thinking?" I ask again, but this time not as calmly.
"Nothing. It was an accident." She was trying to be brave, but I could see the fear in her eyes. She is scared.
Good she should be. She doesn't know what she unlisted for herself.
"So you were not talking to her as if you were talking to your maid and looking down on her as if she were your fucking servant." I said, and I tried to control the growl that was coming out of my mouth.
"You have to admit, Gabriel, you are acting unreasonably, and you are also being unfair with me. I have known you since we were children." She said it as if she thought it made any difference.
"How is it being unfair?" I ask calmly, but I am not so calm from inside; my blood is boiling from inside.
"Well, she is a servant here, and you are treating her as your lover; you are acting so sweet to her." She shrugged her shoulders and looked away. She was trying too hard to look unbothered and pertinent that she was not afraid, but I saw, or, I say, caused enough fear in my life to see right through her.
"You know she is not just a servant here, and it is not your concern whom I am going to treat well, and I would love to know how you can tell me who is my lover and who is not." I am losing my shit with her and just waiting for her to say one wrong thing, and it's all over for her.
"Because you were supposed to marry me, but that bitch ruined everything." She spit through her tenths.
That it.
No one calls her names and disrespects her in front of me.
I took an angry step towards her, and she stepped back, scared. My hand wrapped around her neck and slammed her against the wall. The sudden impact knocked the breath out of her lungs, and before she could breathe again, I squeezed her throat and cut her breathing completely.
Her eyes became wide, and she gasped and clawed my hand with her long nails, but I didn't lose my grip and pulled her away and slammed her again against the wall.
"Don't you dare call her that." I growl and squeeze harder, and I feel the satisfaction when she struggles for air and tears pool in her eyes.
"You know, my mother taught me to never raise my hand on women, and I always respect that because that is the right thing to do. But when it comes to my woman, I will not hesitate to raise a hand to anyone despising their gender." I said in a cold voice, I never raised my hand on any woman in my entire life; this is my first.
"I have seen her suffer one time; I have been through her pain, and I won't let anyone make her feel it again, even if it means ending the life of that person." I won't let her cry ever again. I had promised myself that.
I look deep into her eyes, and I see the realization and fear hit her. She tries to speak, but I tighten my hand around her neck.
"You can call yourself a woman, but you are just a girl who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and has always been given whatever she wants. You think this world belongs to you; you can have whatever and whoever you want just because of the money your family has. Listen carefully. I am only going to tell you this once; if you come close to her again, I will kill you without a second thought." I said and let go of her, and she fell down, gasping for air, coughing nonstop, tears running down her face, and removing her makeup as her mascara ran down her face.
Pathetic. I thought and went set on the couch while she was still kneeling on the floor.
"Now tell me how that glass broke." I point toward the broken glass and the red wine that ruin the perfect white carpet.
"It was an accident." She said, gulping down in fear but still lying.
Shameless woman. I shake my head.
"Then who is going to clean up the mess?" I ask, raising one of my eyebrows.
"The maids.."
"You don't get it right." I laugh at her for how dumb she is.
"You are the reason for this mess, and now you can clean it." I said, and take a sip of the wine from the glass that was set on the table.
By my sweet sister.
"Pick them all with your bare hands." I said it in a boring tone, put one of my legs on the other, and put one of my hands on the back of the couch as I leaned on it, making myself comfortable.
"Are you serious?"
"Do I look like I am joking? I don't know and don't care if you get hurt. You are the one who made this mess, so why don't you clean it? You're going to make My love do it. Taste your own medicine now." I said, and she just looked at me with wide eyes before shaking her head.
I sigh when she doesn't move from her place and pulls out a gun from the back of my pants, where I hid it, pulls out the silencer from my pocket and puts it on the gun nozzle, removes the safety, and pulls the chamber back. A click-sound echos in the room, so quiet yet so loud, and I point at her.
"Do it or..." I let the silence complete my sentence because she knows what I am trying to say.
"You would not kill me. Your mother and my mother are best friends." She said it as if it were going to make any chance.
I laugh a cold, empty laugh and pull the trigger. She yells and closes her eyes, but the bullet hits the floor where her knees are, making my point clear that I can and will shoot her if she doesn't do as I say.
"Your mother may be friends with mine, but you are forgoing. We are The Armstrong first, the head of an Italian and American mafia. If someone disrespects the Mafia family, they don't go unpunished no matter who they are, and if you, my dear friend, disrespect none other than the future queen of the two Mafia families, your sentence should be death, but I am only letting you go easy because of our family connection." I said it in the most obvious tone, putting my legs on the floor, leaning down, and resting both my elbows on my knees when the gun was still dangling in my right hand.
"So it's your choice. Pick up the glass, or I will end you right here right now." I growl at her.
I stand on her shaking legs and walk toward the broken glass, kneel there, and start picking up the glass pieces.
I watch as tears fall from her eyes as she picks up the glass pieces one by one. A few of them cut her skin, and she hisses in pain as blood flows. I would have felt pity for her, but she hurt Bellissima. She is lucky enough that I am letting her live her life.
When she finishes picking them all and stands up to walk into the kitchen to throw away the glass, she comes back and stands in front of me, not looking down.
She looked pathetic; her makeup was running down her face; her hair was a mess; her hand had a few cuts; she was holding the side of her dress to stop the bleeding; and her face was red from the crying and the bruise that was starting to form on her neck.
"Now get the fuck out of my house." I growled, and she looked up, her eyes wide.
"Gabriel I don't have a car. I came with your mom, and she sent her driver back home." She said it in a pleading voice.
She is more delusional if she thinks I will let her sleep in my house. After what she did,.
"Do I look like I care? Get.Out." I said it loudly this time, making myself clear.
"Gab.."
"NOW." She jumped and ran out of the house.
I pull out my phone after two minutes and dial one of the guard numbers, which he picks up as soon as it rings.
"Boss."
"A woman is just walking out of here. I want you to follow her to her house. Make sure she reaches her home safely, and don't let her know you are following her." I said that and cut the call.
I may be cruel to her, but as a human being, I still don't want any woman to walk home alone at night. I put the phone back in my pocket and stood up to go upstairs to meet my Bellissima.
It's been a long day, and all I need is to look at my love and my princess. I walk upstairs and first go to Daisy's room, open the door to her room, and walk in.
Daisy never likes to sleep in complete darkness, so I had that nightlight installed in her room that created the different hologram on the ceiling. Her ceiling looks like a night full of stars.
I walk to her bed and kneel on the floor by her bed. She was sleeping, holding a unicorn staff toy tightly. Her small, angelic face looks so peaceful and innocent. She had grown a lot in the past six months. I kiss her forehead and tuck her little strand of hair behind her ears.
"Daddy." She mumbled in her sleep.
"Shh. Princess, sleep. I am here." I said that and stroked her hair as she fell back to sleep.
After staying like that for a few more minutes, I walk out of the room and walk towards my room, then open the door and walk in.
I can see the balcony door is open, and I walk in and watch my beautiful Bellissima standing by the railing and looking out, her back in front of me, but something seems different about her posture. She looks tensed, and the normal aura around her that makes me calm is not there, almost taking me on an edge.
I walked behind her and put my both hands on the railing, trapping her in between my arms, but she didn't lean into me like she usually does.
"What wrong, Bellissima?" I was almost afraid to ask her for some reason.
She didn't speak, but her silence is almost deafening. She turned around and leaned on the railing, staying as far away as possible in the close space between my arms and the railing, making sure we were not touching.
What the fuck?
The look in her eyes knocks the breath out of me as I look at them. Her usual eyes, which were always filled with warmth, are now filled with a strange emptiness and a void that I never saw in them.
I try to put my hands on her face, but she turns away from it and leans more backward, to the point where she is almost going to fall off the railing.
Anger took over me, and I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from there. She tried to take her hand from my hand, but I tightened my hand around hers.
I walk to the chair where we always sit and make her sit there before kneeling in front of her. She took her hand away as soon as I lost my grip.
Okey, something is differently wrong here.
I took a deep breath, controlling my anger, worry, and hurt at the same time, before speaking.
"Tell me, Bellissima, what happened?"
"Nothing." She said she was not meeting my eye but looking down on the floor.
I grabbed her chin and forced her to look up and look in her eyes, and there were unshed tears there, but she blinked them away.
I just wanted to know what caused them so that I could erase their existence from this world.
"Did that bitch say anything to you?" I ask, trying to control my rage.
"No." She shook her head.
"Then why are there tears in your eyes? Did she do something to you before I came?" I remember her one word, massage, which almost sounds cold to read when I text her about it.
"No." She shakes her head again. Her voice sounds weak, as if she is fighting something.
I sighed I couldn't see her like this and pulled her closer to me. I wrapped my arm around her, her hands automatically wrapped around my body, and her head was buried in the crook of my neck.
I wanted to take that look away from her eyes. I don't like it, not even a bit.
She pulls away a lot sooner than I like and stands up, and I stand up too.
"I think we should act professional from now on." She said, but never looked into my eyes.
What the actual FUCK is she talking about? I thought.
"What are you talking about, Vivian?" I ask confusedly, and I only call her by her name when I am dead serious about something.
"You are my boss, and I am your employee. I work for you, and that is it. It's time I started behaving like one. Nothing more and nothing less." She said it in a low voice, almost like she was afraid.
I laughed, and there was no humor in it. It was cold and rough.
What the fuck is she on?
"Vivian, you and I both know that you are never just my employee; there was always this connection between us that brought us together in the first place. We both have been walking on its edge for all these weeks." I said.
"I don't know what you are talking about, Mr. Armstrong, but I hope from now on we stay professional with each other." She said.
The kind of pain I feel in the moment is the kind that I have never felt before. I had been stabbed and shot and had felt the physical pain before, but the pain that her words cause me is more intense than any of them; it feels like I am dying little by little with every word that comes out of her mouth.
She never looked into my eyes and tried to walk past me, but I held her arm.
"Tell me that you don't have any feelings for me." My voice is cold and hard as I speak. I heard her gasp. I never talk to her like that; I have always been gentle with her. I wanted him to say it while she looked into my eyes.
I always have walls around my heart for everyone except my family, and then I met her. She had broken those walls with just one look at her, but now I can feel them building around my heart again.
"Gabriel..." Her voice almost sounded pleading and like she was hurting too, and for the first time, I wanted her to feel this pain so she could stop this nonsense.
"Tell.Me." I said it loudly and clearly.
"I..i."
"I." She stutters.
"Just say it already." I snapped, and she stepped back, startled.
"I don't have any feelings for you, Gabriel. There is nothing between us and will never be." She said this while looking into my eyes confidently. With that, I feel myself completely shutdown.
"Mr.Armstrong." I said this as I let go of her hand.
"What?" she asks in confusion.
"The people who work for me call me Mr.Armstrong, Ms.Flammery." I said this as I stepped away from her. I turn my back on her and walk toward the edge of the balcony.
"You should go to your room, Ms.Flammery; it's not appropriate for an employee to stay in his boss's bedroom late at night." I spit out the word employee with so much hater in my voice.
I never looked back as I heard her walk away, nor did I look away when I heard the door close once. What felt like a magical and peaceful view suddenly felt painful and suffocating.
I had never been so alone, and I felt like the world was closing in on me. I wanted to yell in rage, but I didn't.
I walk back inside and go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, turn the temperature to the point where it was burning hot, and walk under it with all my clothes on.
I wanted to feel the pain to erase this numbness. I hiss as I feel the hot water on my skin. I feel my clothes completely soaked in water, but it is not enough.
So I pulled my hand back and hit the shower wall with my fist again and again and again until the tiles had cracks on them and my knuckle spil open and blood flowed down from the wound and tiles.
But it didn't help at all, and I just feel numb from the inside and hollow.
I didn't know how long I was there, but when the water became cold and it started to feel cold, I walked out, realizing just how much power she really had over me and still had after all of this.
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