[before episode 1.1]
February 21, 2009
THE PANIC ATTACKS were probably the worst side effect of Enzo's month-long silence. That, and having to hide these episodes from my parents.
I had been taking the supplement from Dr. Maxfield every day. It was kind of gross and tasted like I was eating bitter dirt, but it made my dad happy when I took it, so I made sure to be consistent with it. At that point, I was desperate enough to do anything to get a little more space from them, and taking these supplements seemed to do just that.
Still, part of me was terrified that this supplement could be the reason I couldn't hear Enzo anymore, although that was a favorable explanation to some of the others I'd been coming up with as I laid awake for hours every night.
Had he been tortured beyond comprehension?
Did they kill him?
As his silence dragged on, I started getting superstitious, trying anything I could think of to make him come back.
At night, I'd sit in my bedroom's window seat and stare at the night sky for hours, waiting to see a shooting star I could wish on.
I picked up every single face-up coin I found on the sidewalk.
Every fallen eyelash led to a pleading, whispered prayer.
And I even tried to flush ice down the toilet in a moment of desperation, just in case that old snow day trick could work with supernatural creatures too.
Despite all of these efforts, the weeks still crawled by without so much as a sigh from Enzo, and I hated it. I hated all of it.
I didn't know when I'd gotten so attached to him, but without his sarcastic comments and little chuckles, I realized how lonely I was.
When had I gotten so lonely?
"Hey," Elena said, popping her head into my room and effectively jarring me from the day's ruminations, "do you want to go with the group of us to the Grill?"
It was after 11 AM that Saturday, and I still hadn't left my bed yet, to my whole family's dismay. Everyone assumed I was sick, but I reassured them all I was only tired.
Truthfully though, I felt lost.
I knew Enzo was real. His friendship and kindness were real. His warm chuckles and flirtatious personality were real. All of the nights spent lying awake, whispering to him, were real. And my certainty that he was real and now possibly dead had gutted me like nothing I'd ever experienced before.
Because right when I'd started to lose hope in magic, he'd appeared in my life, and now...he was gone.
Elena sat down on the edge of my bed when I didn't answer, and I blinked tiredly at her, unsure how to answer. Even though I put on a front of being completely unbothered to the world, it was harder to pretend with Elena. She'd seen me through all of my ups and downs, and she could always see through my lies as a result.
"You okay, Margot?" she asked, her eyes crinkling with empathy and concern.
"Yes," I said aloud while tears flooded my eyes.
Elena pouted and pulled me in for a hug, whispering into my hair. "I'm sorry, Mar."
I choked back my tears and gripped onto her tightly. Elena Gilbert may have been the star of Mystic Falls, but it was a rightly earned title. She was one of the most caring people I'd ever known, and she had a way of making me feel seen, even when I was hiding from myself.
When I stopped crying a moment later and pulled back, wiping at my eyes, she once again repeated her question from before, "Do you want to go to the Grill with us? It will be us, Matt, Care, Bonnie, Tyler Lockwood, and Vicki Donovan."
Even though I wasn't much in the mood to socialize, I was very much in the mood to get out of the house, so I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds fun."
"All right," she said, bringing her hands together cheerfully. "Go take a shower, and I'll get the curling iron ready. While you do your makeup, I'll do your hair."
I nodded in agreement, yelping when she promptly dragged me out of the bed and laughed at my joking glare.
"Hurry up, you old sloth," she teased. "I've got a boyfriend to see."
**********
"Can you believe that Tyler brought Vicki to this?" Caroline demanded when she promptly pulled me into the bathroom as soon as I arrived. "The nerve!"
I chuckled and rubbed my hand over my cheek. "Please be nice, Care."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Caroline said. She sighed deeply before turning to face me. "I just don't understand, what does she have that I don't?"
"I don't know what you want me to say," I trailed, suddenly feeling a bit like a caged animal. I loved Caroline dearly, but sometimes she could get a little intense, and right now, the fist around her lipstick tube was shaking.
She threw her hands up and started to pace the bathroom. "Well, I don't know! If you have an answer, I've got absolutely nothing."
"Well, I can really only speak for comparing myself to Elena," I started, "because I don't know Vicki that well, and I'm obviously not you."
She raised her eyebrows. "Okay, what have you noticed then?"
"That it often boils down to confidence." I shrugged. "Elena isn't insecure, but she also isn't like, overly confident, you know? She has a good self-image."
Caroline blinked in surprise.
"While I may be very optimistic about the world, I think I have some self-doubts that she doesn't have." I offered, "I'm not sure if that applies to you, but maybe?"
Caroline seemed to chew on this thought a little while and pouted as she really considered it. Her arms were crossed and nose scrunched in discomfort, so I thought she might all out reject it, but she surprised me when she said, "Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right about me too."
"Really?"
"I guess Vicki doesn't really care what anyone else thinks of her." Caroline's shoulders slumped. "I care about what literally everyone thinks of me."
I nodded with a weak smile. "Yeah, that could definitely be it."
Caroline stared at me again, looking as though she might say something more, but then the door opened behind me, and a tense smile plastered onto her face.
"Oh my god!" she gushed. "You're so pretty!"
I turned around and smiled at the sight of Vicki Donovan, decked out in her usual attire of dark denim and leather. When she raised her eyebrows and looked to me in surprise, I nodded. "Yeah, I really like your jacket. You have a nice aesthetic."
She wrinkled her nose. "Don't say aesthetic. You sound like my grandma."
"Oh," I lightly chuckled but felt my insides recoil. "Sorry."
"She was just trying to compliment you," Caroline snapped. She rose to her full height, standing a full two inches taller than me, and crossed her arms firmly over her chest. "You didn't have to be such—"
"Caroline, I just realized our drinks are probably getting cold," I interrupted, grasping a hand firmly around hers and yanking her out of the room.
"Hey! Slow down! I was—"
"I know," I said, still dragging her away from the bathroom in case Vicki decided to come after us. "Let's not start a fight."
"She started it though," Caroline whined.
"Yes, maybe, but—"
"What are you two doing?" Elena asked, eyeing the two of us as we approached.
Immediately I dropped her hand and smiled warmly at the group. Bonnie was snickering into her glass of cherry coke, clearly understanding what had happened with one glance at Caroline's fuming expression and my hurried pace.
Judging by Elena's unamused stare, she likely knew as well.
Matt Donovan stared at us, wide-eyed and unaware. He was often a bit clueless, but Elena liked him, and he was nice enough, so we generally just let him sit comfortably in the dark.
And Tyler Lockwood was completely ignoring us to talk to the guy standing behind our table. I'd never seen him before, but any possible explanation I could give to Elena disappeared as I noticed just how cute he was. With jet black, cropped hair, exposed arms covered in dark tattoos, and calculating eyes, he looked like the exact sort of bad news I read about in all the best romance novels.
I didn't mind that he looked a little older too.
When he turned and caught my eye, I smiled and stuck my hand out, over the table to offer a handshake. "Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Margot."
"Cale," he said with a face slowly morphing into a grin.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Cale."
"Trust me, the pleasure is all mine."