I have no letters
As I walk into the brightly lit room
She talks and I listen, and vis versa
She gives me letters
Seven of them
Heavy
Bitter
Confusing
Letters.
I don't say the letters aloud because
they are sour and ugly
I feel embarrassed, slouching with the weight
I don't look like I'm carrying these letters
Others do, loud tears and panic attacks
She talks and I listen, and vis versa
She gives advice for my seven letters
Do not let your letters define you
You have your letters but they shouldn't have you
The heavy, bitter letters weigh me down
Others talk about theirs to remove the weight
To remove the connotation and shame
They talk about A's, B's, D's, H's, P's, S's, O's, and C's
And I finally say mine over and over:
A-N-X-I-E-T-Y
She talks and I listen, and vis versa
but I hide my letters today
My heavy, bitter letters
Then there comes a time and place
when I earn new letters
Two brand new weighted letters
They are earned as I etch rivers into my skin
One.
Line.
At.
A.
Time.
She talks and I listen
I do not talk
And she does not know
But eventually I do:
The dams of the rivers let out
the loud tears and panic attacks
and the weight of the letters soften
They are still heavy
But I know how to own my letters
Do not let your letters define you. Write your own words.