"There are millions of people in Hell scattered throughout the seven rings and nine circles. Some are sinners, some are Hell-born, and some are unlucky souls who got screwed in the living world."
"These are their problems."
Luke: (facing you) A couple of nutsacks come up to the Hotel the other day...
*THE OTHER DAY*
A car was driving up to a grand-looking hotel. At a few chairs nearby, Luke and Osric were sitting out and having some drinks and a couple of smokes. As they sat and chilled, the car opens up to show one of the hotel residents exiting out with two sinner demons.
Osric: (to Luke) Can't believe your moms are still taking in this douche bag.
Luke: He's not all that bad once you know him.
Angel: (sees the demons) Hey, Dog Boy, Feather Face.
Luke: How're you now?
Angel: Good and you?
Luke: Not so bad.
Osric: Hi, Angel.
Angel: Laters.
He enters the building, but the two demons from the car decided to poke fun at the wolf and owl.
Sinner #1: Nice dress. Does it come in men's?
Luke: Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us.
Sinner #1: Oh, I think you better come in my... I mean, you better come...
Sinner #2: I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking pricks!
Osric: Nice execution.
Luke: You're doing terrific.
Sinner #2: Hey, I heard about your old sweetie's with a new guy, buddy.
Sinner #1: She was your sweetie for five years, right?
Sinner #2: Your high school sweetie, right?
Luke: What's it to ya?
Sinner #2: Heard she cheated on you, buddy.
Sinner #1: That's a real kick in the knackers, bro.
Sinner #2: Just a real ouchie, bro.
Sinner #1: It's too bad she taught you not to fight anymore, buddy.
Sinner #2: 'Cause that's a fight on sight for you and her new guy, buddy.
Sinner #1: Fourth line for life, bro.
Luke: Maybe if you'd ever been in a real fight, you might not be so keen for another.
Sinner #1: What did you say?
Luke: (tosses liquid out of drink to the side) You heard me.
Sinner #1: (hands other sinner his drink) Hold my spitter. Darts off, boys. (Pulls shirt off) You looking for a tilly, buddy? Let's have a donnybrook.
Osric: Pump the brakes. You take your shirt off, but leave your sunglasses on?
Luke: What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that?
Osric: Do you want to fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?
Sinner #2: Hold my spitter.
Sinner #1: Dude, I can't hold your spitter. You're holding my spitter. Just put the spitters down.
Luke: Tick-tock.
The demon does that and sets the spitters down. He then takes his shirt off and puts his baseball cap on.
Sinner #2: Go time!
Sinner #1: Go time!
Osric: Look at that fuckin' treasure trail.
Luke: What's up with your fuckin' body hair, big shoots. You look like a twelve-year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician quaff that for you?
Osric: You can kiss my ass-thetician. You guys do cross fit?
Luke: You can cross-fuck-off.
Osric: Cross fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?
Sinner #1: What?
Osric: Oh, she's bashful.
Luke: Oh, come on, kitten. I won't tell anyone.
Osric: (spits to the side)
Luke: Ball park six to eight? You're a fucking animal.
Osric: Play a little five on one.
Luke: Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.
Osric: Feed the ducks.
Luke: Distribute some free literature.
The two sins were completely taken back by what they just heard. But, they tried to salvage the situation.
Sinner #1: Go time!
Sinner #2: fuck'... Shed 'em!
Angel Dust: (walks outside) Hey! Dick heads! Put your fuckin' shirts on! Get outta here!
Both demons: This isn't over!
Luke: Jinx. You owe me a Coke.
Sinner #1: Never buy you a Coke.
The other one flips them off and they leave.
*NOW*
Luke: It's a hard life pickin' stones and pullin' teats but sure as God's got sandals it beats fightin' dudes with treasure trails.
"One Helluva Team"
The scene begins with Charlie reading the origins of Hell as a way to cope with the recent Extermination. It's been a week since then, but she likes to try and calm herself by reading the book.
Charlie: Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil. Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. And would go against the great word of God. So he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into the Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream. But Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and her songs. And Hell began to grow with more and more souls. Heaven saw that Hell would overpopulate, and made an agreement with the upper devils. That every year, they would send down an army, an Extermination, to ensure Hell and its sinners wouldn't overflow and maintain its order. Despite Lucifer agreeing to this, Lilith was saddened to see her people killed, and believed there was a better way. Lilith's hope remained. And her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell. A dream that sinners could have another chance, and go to the realm of light up in Heaven.
She finishes reading and closes the book. Charlie then looks at a black key in her hand before looking out to Pentagram City.
Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.
As she looks at the burning city, she doesn't know she isn't alone until Luke and Vaggie speak with her.
Luke: Mom?
Vaggie: Charlie?
The key Charlie is holding transforms into KeeKee who scampers away, and Charlie turns to them in surprise.
Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vaggie: Uh, yeah. We were right there. (points her thumb to the doorway.)
Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...
Luke: Ain't no shame in theatrics and getting your mind off bad stuff. (Walks over with Vaggie and sits by Charlie) You feeling okay?
Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.
Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom?
Charlie shakes her head in dismay.
Vaggie: Oof.. how long has it been now?
Charlie: Not that long, only...seven.....years, off doing something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.
Luke: Well, you aren't alone in this. Even with my other job, I'm willing to help. Same goes with my good buddies, Os and Vic.
Charlie: I just hope that what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vaggie: It will. We have faith in you.
KeeKee leaps into Charlie's arms, and Vaggie stands up.
Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us. (walks out the room)
Luke: Hopefully it's not some butt-fuckery.
As the hellhound leaves, a loud bell rings throughout the city, and Charlie turns to the Bell Tower at Heaven Embassy. She looks on with sadness, knowing that it's another year before the Extermination comes again before she leaves.
A short while later, they were joined up with Alastor in the main room where they watched a commercial he made. In short summary, it was badly filmed, edited, didn't properly explain anything, and pretty much insulted their work. The commercial soon ends and Alastor looks at the three on the couch.
Alastor: So what do you think?
Luke: What the actual fuck was that, Alastor?
Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit off. We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um...
Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.
Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious.
Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement. (taps the television twice with his microphone staff.) So I had a little fun with it.
Luke: Look, I can respect that you hate tv and prefer listeners instead of watchers. But this isn't what we had in mind for representation on us.
Vaggie: When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.
Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch, catching everyone's attention.
Vaggie: What?
Angel Dust: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star.
Angel Dust: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.
Luke: No degens on the property.
Angel Dust: What does that make me then?
Luke: A freak with some-what of a brain.
Angel Dust: Aw, you're too kind.
Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells don't it? I swear if you film me going at it with Mr. fancy talk creepy voice here, you'd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.
As he was explaining, Alastor appears right beside the couch next to Angel Dust and laughs with amusement.
Alastor: Ha ha. Never going to happen.
Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.
Vaggie: Not to mention, Luke would blow a gasket.
Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits. Plus, last I check, isn't the "Toughest Hellhound in Pride" supposed to really be a peaceful dog.
Luke: You really wanna test that theory?
Vaggie: Luke, ¿de qué hablamos?
Luke: (rolls his eyes) "Si son parte del hotel, no les des una paliza".
Angel Dust: In English?
Charlie: If they're part of the hotel, don't beat the shit out of them.
Luke: Even if the nut-sack rightfully deserves it.
Charlie's phone then begins to ring, and she sees it's from her dad.
Charlie: Hold that thought. I'll be right back.
Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.
Luke: Give your balls a tug.
As Charlie goes off to talk to her dad, and remaining demons keep discussing what to do.
Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?
Alastor: Oh, trust me, (smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic) I can.
Husk: Why do you think I'm here?
They look over at the bar and see Husk.
Husk: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me?
As Husk cleans a bottle, Niffty pops up from behind the counter with a hand raised.
Niffty: I like being forced.
Husk: Keep that to yourself, Nif.
Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?
Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.
Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.
Luke: (annoyed) Holy fuck.
Vaggie: (sighs) Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vaggie: Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.
Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.
Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.
Luke: (grumbles)
Husk: Need another Puppers, Luke?
Luke: Most likely with the fucking migraine I'm developing.
All the sudden, Charlie pops back over and looked like an excited kid on Christmas Day. She calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very franticly that freaks Vaggie out.
Charlie: Vaggie! Holy, shit!
Vaggie: Ah! What?
Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.
Charlie: (mumbling excitedly) Get over here!
Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around in a very happy mode. As Angel Dust drinks in the background, Vaggie meets Charlie behind.
Vaggie: What's going on?
Charlie breathes in and out to calm her nerves so she can explain, but she was explaining so fast due to her excitement.
Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.
Charlie hyperventilates and grabs Vaggie to get up close. Vaggie, however, was confused since the Angels were already done with their extermination and won't be back for another year. Luke hears that and leans back to hear more of the conversation.
Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-
As Vaggie went on, Charlie was in the mood to get her hotel project to work, and remains hopeful that she starts singing.
(Cue Happy Day In Hell)
Charlie: ♫ I can do this! Somehow, I know it! ♫
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
Vaggie: Charlie, hold on...
Charlie: ♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
Vaggie: It's just a meeting.
Charlie: ♫To change their minds ♫
♫ And touch their hearts♫
♫ Or... whatever angels have! ♫
Vaggie: This could be bad...
Charlie: ♫Cheer up, Vaggie! ♫
♫ This could be swell! ♫
♫Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell! ♫
Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
Just before Vaggie could warn her, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty, and Keekee were already at the window where they can see Charlie singing out in the destroyed Pentagram City, as Angel Dust turns back to Vaggie still drinking from a bottle.
Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street! And took the mutt with her!
Vaggie: Is she—?
Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!
Vaggie: Ugh, no...
Charlie was making her way through the destroyed streets with Luke following behind, oblivious to the destruction and bodies of dead demons everywhere as she continues to sing her song.
Charlie: ♫ There's a warm, fuzzy feeling. ♫
♫ That wafts through the air. ♫
♫ Every street so revealing. It's hard not to stare! ♫
♫ It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre. ♫
♫ If you don't mind the smell...♫
♫ It's a happy day in Hell! ♫
Hi, mister!
(Demon: Go fuck yourself!)
Demon #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul ♫
(Charlie: Hello!)
Demon #2: ♫ And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! ♫
(Charlie: Ah, excuse me!)
Demon #3: ♫ Doing what is required, we all have our role. ♫
Sinner #1: ♫ I'm not doin' well! ♫
Demons: ♫ Another shitty day in Hell! ♫
Charlie: ♫ If I can show them the dream I've dreamed. ♫
♫ That any soul can change! ♫
(From the Hazbin Hotel, Vaggie comes into the watchtower, as if she's calling out to her girlfriend.)
(Vaggie: ♫ Those angels' minds are hard to change. ♫)
♫ Then they will know everyone can be redeemed. ♫
♫ From the evil to the strange! ♫
(Vaggie: ♫ They're bloodthirsty and deranged! ♫)
♫ I can hear all their stories. ♫
♫ The lost and displaced. ♫
♫ And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. ♫
♫ But! if I open the door and I give them a place. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel. It'll be a happy day in Hell! ♫
A truck comes by and mom and son hitch a ride from behind so she can get around the city such as the porn studios, and the Cannibal Colony.
Charlie: ♫ From the porn studio. ♫
♫ Where the cinephiles go. ♫
♫ To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! ♫
♫ To the cannibal town. Where they don't wear a frown 'cause. ♫
Charlie was shot in the eye with blood from one of the corpses that the cannibals were eating on.
Charlie: ♫ Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?! ♫
♫ And I don't give a crow that. His brain's got in my eye! ♫
♫ Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! ♫
♫ I can do this, I just know it! ♫
(Sinner #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul. ♫)
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole.)
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
♫ To change their minds. ♫
Right in the moment, a slug with a trenchcoat comes into picture, exhibiting his nudist body in front of Charlie, which creeps her out.
(Trenchcoat Demon: ♫ And touch my parts! ♫)
Luke immediately proceeds to beat the shit out of him and send him tossing away.
Charlie: Thank you, Luke.
Luke: No problem.
Charlie: Now, let's go...
♫ Fulfill my destiny!♫
♫ I can already tell! ♫
♫ Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!♫
(End music)
Luke: (smiles and claps) You are such a Disney princess, it's adorable.
Charlie: Aw, thanks.
The two make it to the center of town where the Heaven Embassy was located. It served as not only a headquarters for angels, but also the ring-wide countdown to mark the next Extermination. They enter inside.
Charlie: Hello! (voice echoes)
They look around and find the whole embassy deserted.
Luke: Well, this looks ominous.
Charlie: Hello? (voice echoes) Creepy...
They walk to the front desk with no one but a single bell. Charlie taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to her.
Charlie: Oh, okay... (signs it) Also creepy.
The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show them the meeting room, and they enter inside the dark room with no one around.
Luke: Is there no one home?
Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?
The lights suddenly switched on, revealing two angels at the end of the room, with one being a exorcist lieutenant, Lute and the big boss leader of the Angel Army, Adam, who is eating a rib in his hand.
Adam: 'Sup!
Charlie: Holy, shit!
Charlie immediately fells back after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. However, Luke caught her before hitting the ground. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.
Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. This is my son, Luke. My dad asked me if I could meet you.
Adam: Yeah, I know.
Charlie: Okay, well. It's nice to meet you.
Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.
Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, Luke stops her.
Charlie: Uh, Luke, it's rude to interrupt like that.
Luke: There's no point. The dude's not even really here.
True to his word, Adam's image glitches slightly to show he was a hologram.
Adam: (disappointed) Aw, what a buzzkill. That joke was gonna be fucking hilarious. How'd you figure that out?
Luke: You're not carrying a scent unlike your coworker here.
Adam: Makes sense.
Lute: Why is he here?
Charlie: Like I said, he's my son. And, in a way, my little protector. But, back to the point, you're not really here?
Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? (laughs) No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? (chuckles) Ew.
Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk about-
Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.
Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry?
Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.
Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.
Charlie: (thinks a bit) It's a hologram, isn't it?
Adam: (groans in annoyance) See what you did, ya damn mutt?! It's not funny if they know the joke!
Luke: If I wanted to hear some bad jokes, I would've just stared at your face while you kept talking.
An unexpected laughter was heard, and they look over to see another angel was there. He was different from the other two as he wore a white and gold formal suit and had the appearance of a lion with a halo above his head.
???: You gotta admit, he's good at that.
Adam: Ugh! Joshua, I told I don't need you killing the mood for me!
Joshua: Sorry, but I'm under orders from Gab. Besides, I can get stuff done faster.
Charlie: Um, I'm sorry. Who are you?
Joshua: (walks over to them, holds a hand out) Joshua, the Toughest Angel in Humility.
Charlie: (looks at the hand)
Joshua: And yes, I'm actually here.
Charlie: Oh! Uh, thank you (shakes his hand) for agreeing to meet with us.
Luke: How are ya now?
Joshua: Good and you?
Luke: Not so bad.
Joshua: I think I've heard of you. Folks call you the Toughest Hellhound in Pride, right?
Luke: Co-rrect.
Adam: Moving past the introductions, let's get back to talking about my dick!
Joshua: No one wants to hear that.
Adam: Fuck you, they totally do!
*HAZBIN HOTEL*
Back at the hotel, Vaggie had called in the rest of the staff, and even got Osric and Vicious to join in to help remake their poorly misleading commercial. Angel Dust was constantly looking at Husk with seductive gaze while Husk was glaring daggers at him.
Vaggie: Okay, first off, thank you, Osric and Vicious, for taking time out of your schedules to help us.
Osric: No problem, Vaggie.
Vicious: When a friend asks for help, you help them. I just need to get back later today to help Verosika on her show.
Vaggie: No worries. Secondly, while Charlie and Luke are dealing with something very important, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. (Turning to Alastor) Alastor?
Alastor snaps a finger to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time, which displeases Vaggie.
Vaggie: A video camera?
Alastor: Hmmm.
Despite his extreme distaste for modern technology, Alastor did what Vaggie requested and snaps his finger again to conjure up a video camera that was poorly used with tapes sticked together.
Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!
A short while later, she had Husk behind the counter reading a script in his claws with Angel Dust at the opposite counter.
Vaggie: And...Action!
Husk carefully reads the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to read.
Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help with anything?"
Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption."
Husk groans with displeasure and read the script again.
Husk: "Well, you come—"
Angel Dust: (moaning) "Oh, yes!"
Husk: (bored) "to the right place."
Vaggie has had it, and stops recording.
Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face.
Husk: (angrily) I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!
Angel Dust: Well, we can improv this shit, baby cakes. (gets closer to Husk's face) Rrawwr. (purrs seductively)
Husk was getting irritated by Angel Dust and shoves him out of the counter painfully card.
Husk: Whoops.
Husk grabs a bottle and drinks it.
Vaggie: (offscreen) Come on, Husk.
Osric: Editing this might be tougher than I thought.
Vicious: It's not professionally made, that's for damned sure.
Osric: Wonder what Luke's up to?
Vicious: If I had to guess, he's probably in a meetings that might drag on to the point he'll want to beat the shits out of someone.
*LUKE*
Sure enough, Luke was looking very mad while Charlie was bored as Adam kept boosting his ego.
Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it was all like, "Do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his groin down the table) All dicks descended from—
He is suddenly silent but kept moving his mouth. Lute looks over and sees Joshua with a controller and had hit the mute button.
Joshua: That's enough from you. The grownups are talking.
Luke: Thank you. For fuck's sake.
Lute: Joshua, you're being disrespectful to Adam!
Joshua: He's the rude one, which is exactly why Gabriel wanted me to handle this. (To the demons) Forgive me for that man's vulgar behavior. Being the first human really makes one develop a big ego.
Charlie: Wait, his name is Adam? The first man Adam, that means he...Oh....
Charlie pieces the puzzle together and was surprised that this is very awkward and disturbingly cringy from hearing the story Adam was proclaiming, realizing that this is the reason why her mother left him, making her wince with gawkiness.
Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.
Luke: I guess even Heaven gets degens from upcountry. No offense.
Joshua: None taken. Honestly, I think he's put there because of favoritism. Where are degens to you guys?
Luke: Mostly in Greed and Wrath, but good plenty in Pride from sinners. What's upcountry in Heaven?
Joshua: Chastity and Temperance. Now then, I believe we have some business to discuss.
Charlie: Yes! Yes, thank you. So, I've been working on this special project that could solve our biggest problem. Specifically, the overpopulation in the Pride Ring.
*HAZBIN HOTEL*
Back at the hotel, Vicious was finishing up some background pieces while Vaggie talks with Niffty.
Vaggie: Niffty, Niffty. Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?
Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.
Vaggie: Action!
As soon as she starts recording, Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera. Vaggie's a bit puzzled, and stops recording.
Vaggie: Uhh, cut.
Niffty: (snaps out of it and back to her cheerful self) How was that?
Vaggie: Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.
Niffty: Ok!
Vaggie: Action!
It happens again with the tiny demon freezing up and staring off into space.
Vicious: I don't thinks she's gonna do the commercial.
Angel Dust: (smug) You're doing great Vagina.
Vaggie: Cut! Alright, maybe we can try to fix it in post.
Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie: (angrily) I'll figure it out!
A little later, Osric was looking through some of the footage as Vaggie was pacing around.
Vaggie: Well?
Osric: Well, it's not terrible. But I'd definitely need better footage and equipment to make this a proper commercial.
She grunts in frustration as she sits down. Alastor then enters the room.
Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?
Vaggie: (mumbles angrily in Spanish) Why are you even here?
Alastor: For the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!
Osric: I think I saw something like that in a Batman cartoon with the Joker.
Vaggie: (points the camera to Alastor) And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that —
The camera suddenly glitches and fries completely, startling Vaggie and causing her to drop it.
Alastor: I wouldn't try that my dear. This face was made for radio. (nightmarish smile)
Osric: Okay, now I'm gonna need an entirely new batch of footage.
Vaggie: (fed up) That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so (mockingly) entertaining (normal voice) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?
Alastor: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?
Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology every again. Or Luke and Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.
Vaggie: (sighs) Fine.
Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he evaporizes.
Alastor: Now then.
Alastor transform the hotel staff into an 50s style film crew with a new demon servants to assist them.
Alastor: Will this work for you, Os?
Osric: As long as it works enough to make a simple informative commercial, I think I can work with this.
Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.
Vicious: 10-4 good buddy.
*LUKE*
Back with the meeting, Joshua was looking over Charlie's plans while Adam, still muted, was yelling angrily at Joshua. The lion, however, ignored him.
Joshua: Okay, so let's see if I understand this right; You're proposing an alternative to the Extermination by having these sinners live in this hotel, free of sinful urges, and try and set them on a better path to allow themselves to be redeemed and sent to Heaven. Is this correct?
Charlie: Yeah, basically.
Adam: (finally gets unmuted) That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard!
Joshua: Lute...
Lute: Our leader has a right to speak.
Adam: And it's not a problem. We got that covered. Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.
Adam: 275? Woah, badass. Awesome job, danger tits. Pound it.
Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, You know that right?
Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! (bursts into laughter)
Luke: (to Joshua) How do you work with this guy?
Joshua: It's very heard.
Charlie: But these are souls... humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.
Lute: (coldly) They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charlie: You really think that.
Lute: I know that.
Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
Luke: Then how would you describe Cain and Able? 'Cause I think those two's entire rivalry would've ended better with better parenting.
Joshua snickers while Lute and Adam looked mockingly offended.
Adam: (mad) HOW FU—
The hologram disappears completely and a phone buzz was heard. Joshua checks it and smiles in appreciation.
Joshua: Gabriel decided he had enough and removed Adam from the meeting.
Luke: That's very much appreciated. Now, about this topic—
Lute: (to Charlie) The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter? And this is a foolish plan that has zero chance of success.
Joshua: I'm actually intrigued.
Lute: (shocked) What?! You're not seriously entertaining this idea, are you?!
Joshua: Why not? Anything's possible when you put your mind to it. How about you take a walk and cool off a bit, Lute? I'll deal with the rest of the negotiations.
Lute: But what about—
Joshua: I'll tell them about the changes. Now please, let me finish this.
Reluctantly, the angel leaves, but not before glaring at the two demons.
Joshua: Oof, finally. I can assure you, not all of Heaven's like that.
Charlie: It's no problem. But do you really think it's possible to redeem a demon?
Joshua: Maybe. Anything's possible.
Luke: Alright, then. Can we make an arrangement to have this work instead?
Joshua: Pump the breaks there. What you're suggesting is just more of a theory than a fact. No one actually knows if whether or not it's possible for a soul from Hell to have redemption. So, how's about a challenge for you, your majesty? If you can rehabilitate one soul, or at least show signs that redemption is possible, before the next Extermination, then I'll put in a word up to the higher ups in Heaven. If not, we'll just simply continue the way we've been arranged since the beginning.
Charlie: (eyes widen) That's... (smiles) That's perfect! I promise, we'll get a soul redeemed in a year's work of time. Hell, we'll be getting a hundred people redeemed by then!
Joshua: There's more.
Luke: What shit are you about to inform us?
Joshua: We're actually changing up the timetable for the next one. Due to some issues after the last one, Adam's decided to increase the Extermination. Now instead of once a year, it'll be every six months.
Both demons looked completely shocked by that statement. Luke even stood straight like the Terminator.
Luke and Charlie: Excuse me, WHAT?!?
Joshua: Yeah, that was actually the real reason we wanted to speak with Lucifer.
Luke: Alright, let me see if I got this right; You're willing to give this idea of my mom's a shot?
Joshua: Yeah.
Luke: Despite the fact that it's all still theoretical and may or may not work?
Joshua: Yeah.
Luke: And you're entertaining this idea enough, you're challenging us to do it before the next Extermination?
Joshua: Yeah.
Luke: But for reasons unknown to us, you're now switching it have it be six months like a dental cleaning and doctor's appointment?
Joshua: Weird comparison, but yeah.
Luke: So that means by six months, we need to show proof that a sinner can be redeemed, free from being a terrible, horrible person, and have then get a better chance in Heaven so they can potentially get a better shot in the next life they'll have?
Joshua: You got it all down to the T.
Luke: Don't know if I'd call that a chance or not.
Charlie: Mr. Joshua, can't you give us more time?
Joshua: I'm sorry, but the decision's not mine. Listen, your majesty, I can see that you're really passionate about this project. And honestly, I'm surprised a kind woman like yourself is in a place of damnation like this. But this is the only best shot I can give you. You have six months to show redemption. I suggest you use that time wisely.
He checks his watch and sees the time.
Joshua: I'm afraid our time's up. Good day to you both.
Before they could ask more questions, they're teleported outside the embassy.
Luke: Well, that was slightly better than expected. Pitter-patter!
He turns to leave and Charlie slowly walks behind him. They catch a bus and began heading back home. Luke notices his mom's expression was saddened from the news they received.
Luke: You've been awfully quiet, Mom. There something you wanna say?
Charlie: (sighs) Luke, do you think I can do this?
Luke: I do. Why?
Charlie: You heard why. They're moving the day of Extermination up to six months. Six months! I knew this would be hard before, but now... (sadden) But now I don't know if I can pull this off. I don't wanna lose more people.
Luke's expression dips a bit, and rests a hand on her shoulder.
Luke: If there's one thing I've learned all these years about you, is that once you get your heart and mind set on something, there's nothing that can stop you. So if you believe there's a better way to help sinners get a better life, then I'll help support your decision however I can.
Charlie: (smiles) Thanks, Luke.
After a short while, they returned to the hotel where Vaggie runs to them and hugs them.
Vaggie: Charlie! Luke! How did it go, did they listen?
Charlie: Oh, they sure did hear it. But-
Vaggie: Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.
Vaggie leads them to the group in the lounge.
Luke: Osric, Vicious, thanks for helping them.
Osric: No prob, good buddy.
Vicious: It actually turned out better than expected.
Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.
Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha.
Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?
Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.
Charlie: (beams brightly) That's... that's amazing.
Vaggie: Sshh, it's starting.
They looked at the tv as the commercial began playing
Vaggie: (TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel -
All the sudden, the TV cuts to the News report. The group except Alastor and Niffty annoyed and angrily complain.
Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?
Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?
Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! (Eye twitches)
It then cuts to a live video on the Angel Embassy. Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination.
Angel: Wait, what? Why?!
Luke: Husk, do you still have that Puppers from earlier?
*ANGELS*
A drone scours an area until they found a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse, and in the Embassy, the angels observed the remains.
Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before.
Joshua: Are we certain it was them? It's possible it might've been friendly fire.
Lute: Impossible. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But, don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!
Adam destroys the projector, causing its light to disappear only showing Adam's glowing evil smile.
Next chapter: I.M.P.'s work life.