━━━━━━━━━━ ↺ [7]
"Just like our eyes, our hearts have
a way of adjusting to the dark."
. . . . . . .
[ JIRO ]
ONCE WE got in front of the restroom, Soren and Silas went inside while Jensen, Johan, and I waited for them outside.
"Where do you think Hideo and Nyle are? Wala naman sigurong nangyayaring masama sa kanila, 'no?" Jensen asked, leaning on the wall with his hands inside the pockets of his pants. Worry was visible in his expression.
I just shrugged. On the other hand, tulala lang si Johan sa tabi ko while staring at the glass window near us.
"Lagi niyong papakinggan ang alarm," he said out of a sudden. "The first alarm signifies the start of a cycle. Kapag binubuksan natin 'yong pinto sa kwartong tinutuluyan natin, saka lang natigil ang alarm."
"How about the other alarm? The one that comes with the violet lights?" I asked when I suddenly remembered how the alarm goes off along with violet lights illuminating the whole place. The first alarm that he's talking about had red lights. What does the violet lights mean then?
Johan crossed his arms. "Kapag naman gano'n, ibig sabihin, may namatay sa 'tin. Laging tutunog ang alarm na may kasamang violet na ilaw kapag may namamatay. Kaya sa ngayon, ia-assume natin na ligtas sila Hideo."
I nodded in agreement, so did Jensen. Still, I couldn't shake off that weird feeling in me. I trust Johan with my life, but I don't think I can trust this place. Sure, it looks like our university that we go to every day, but something is different. Everything feels like hell.
"We need to find them if we want to kill that monster. It's better na magkakasama tayo," I said with a bit of guilt still lingering inside me. I shouldn't have confronted Hideo like that. Nadala lang ako ng panic because of our situation, especially with the possibility that all of this has something to do with Eurydice.
Johan sighed. "Please lang, kapag nagsama-sama na ulit tayo, 'wag na 'wag na ulit kayong mag-aaway. Don't let that girl destroy us even after death."
All I could do was lower my head and stare at the floor. From my periphery, I saw Jensen staring at Johan.
Out of a sudden, nagulat ako when Jensen suddenly grabbed Johan by the wrist. Napa-angat ako ng tingin sa kanila and what welcomed me was the way Johan's forehead creased at his action.
"Can we talk?" Jensen asked with a serious expression — No, it was more like a pleading one.
I looked at Johan and saw the hesitation in his eyes. But the longer their eyes stared at each other, I saw him finally give in — the way he always does for him.
"Sa cafeteria tayo." Johan turned to me. "Jiro, dito ka lang. Antayin mo sila Silas."
Before I could even react, umalis na sila. Johan was the one who pulled Jensen. I could only bite my lip as I watched them walk away.
When they were finally out of sight, I turned to look at the restroom then back to the direction they took. I kept having second thoughts, contemplating whether I should follow them or just stay here.
After a few moments, huminga ako nang malalim at nagsimulang maglakad sa direksyon na pinuntahan nila. It won't take me that long. I just want to know what they're going to talk about. I'm sure it has something to do with what's happening to us — with what they know about what really happened.
I was careful with every step I took until I finally reached the cafeteria, just a few rooms away from the restroom. I peeked through the door and saw their silhouettes in the dark. I was a bit far from where they were, but still, the quiet space between the whole place made me clearly hear their conversation.
"Thank you for not telling anyone about what I did, Johannes." I heard Jensen say, making my forehead crease.
What exactly did he do that he didn't even tell me and Soren about?
"Hindi mo ako kailangang pasalamatan. Ginagawa ko lang kung ano'ng dapat," Johan said. "Pinoprotektahan ko lang kayo."
I bit my lip.
Seems like he's the only one you really want to protect.
"Still, thank you. I know it's... it's hard to keep what I did a secret. Sorry for giving you the burden of knowing it. I just... I didn't know who else to talk to."
"I'm only doing what I need to do... as your friend. Hindi ko hahayaan na masira ang buhay ninyo nang dahil lang sa babaeng 'yon."
I heard Johan gasp, prompting me to peek through the door again. Nagulat ako nang makitang niyakap siya ni Jensen.
"I'm sorry, Johannes. I'm sorry for everything. I want to make it up to you."
"No. Jensen, wala kang kailangang gawin."
"But I want to. Gusto kong bumawi para sa lahat ng sakit na binigay ko sa 'yo ever since. I've put you through hell and back, and I didn't even know you were hurting so bad."
"Jensen, tama na..."
"Please, just let me love you."
I felt my heart slowly clench painfully when I saw how Johan's arms wrapped around Jensen. He hugged him back. It was just a simple hug, but it managed to break my already broken heart over and over again.
Para akong naistatwa habang nakatingin sa kanila. I wanted to move, even speak or just mutter something. But when I finally found the courage to move a muscle, all I did was hold the door — hoping that it was his face that I would be able to touch.
I don't get it. Do you really love my best friend that much? I get that you've known each other ever since you were kids, and since then, you loved him — so much, even though it meant pain for you for almost half of your life.
I was there when you always kept doing errands for him. I was there when you always cheered him for his achievements. I was there when you always cried after drinking because of how oblivious he is to your feelings. I was there when he always failed to realize just how precious you are.
I was there... silently waiting — hoping — that someday, you'll turn and look at me and realize that after everything, I'm here to love you more than he would — more than he ever could.
Why does it have to be him? Why do you have to go through all that pain just for him? Why do you love him to the point of protecting him even after everything you had to endure because of him?
Although I felt too numb to even breathe, I mustered the remaining strength I had to slowly walk away. My feet dragging along the floor, every step I took was as heavy as my heart is.
Why can't it be me?
I love you — I always did.
I always will.
I love you... so much that I was more than willing to get my hands dirty just for you.
━━━━━━━━━━
[ JENSEN ]
"DON'T LET that girl destroy us even after death."
Johannes' words rang through my head like a broken record. Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong tulala habang nakatingin sa kaniya, unti-unting bumabalik sa isipan ko ang mga nangyari noon.
Nagdadalawang-isip man, pinili kong hawakan ang pulsuhan ni Johannes. He looked at me, confused. Even Jiro who was standing beside us raised his gaze to us.
"Can we talk?" I asked, almost pleading.
He only stared at me with hesitation in his eyes.
Pasimple akong napalunok at patuloy na tiningnan siya nang diretso sa kaniyang mga mata, wanting him to see how I'm practically begging to have a word with him.
In the end, he sighed and nodded. "Sa cafeteria tayo," he said and told Jiro to stay and wait for Soren and Silas.
I felt Johannes grab my arm and pulled me away. Madilim ang paligid pero kahit ganoon, mabilis at malalaki ang mga naging hakbang niya. Next thing I know, we were already at the cafeteria. He pushed the door open and both of us entered the empty room.
"Ano'ng gusto mong pag-usapan?" he asked directly to the point, like the straightforward person that he is.
Huminga ako nang malalim at luminga-linga sa paligid. "It's about our situation. If Eurydice really is involved with what's happening to us right now, then... I guess it's better for you to tell everyone about—"
"Hindi." He sighed sharply. "'Wag kang magpaniwala sa sinasabi ni Soren. Walang kasiguraduhan kung talaga bang makakaalis tayo dito oras na sabihin natin ang totoo."
"But you've seen the pictures, Johannes. This place knows what we've done. Hindi tayo sigurado, but we can't risk dying over and over again just to keep the truth."
He scoffed. "At sa tingin mo, ano'ng magiging reaksyon ng iba? Ano sa tingin mong gagawin nila? Je, 'di niyo ba nakikita? This place is designed to destroy us, just like how Eurydice did before."
I felt chills run down my spine when I heard her name again. Pasimple na lang ako napalunok.
"Kung iniisip mong baka sabihin ko sa iba ang ginawa mo, 'wag kang mag-alala—"
"No, no. That's not it." Mabilis akong umiling. "I've known you ever since we were kids, Johannes. Our parents were friends, and so are we. Kilala kita. I know you keep your promises."
Silence ensued between us before he finally decided to break it with a sigh. "Walang makakaalam, Je. 'Yan lang ang tatandaan mo palagi," he said.
I felt my lips curve into a faint smile. "Thank you for not telling anyone about what I did, Johannes."
He looked at me but once our eyes met, he quickly looked away and stared at the darkness. "Hindi mo ako kailangang pasalamatan. Ginagawa ko lang kung ano'ng dapat. Pinoprotektahan ko lang kayo."
Tumango ako at tumingin din sa direksyon na tinitingnan niya. "Still, thank you. I know it's... it's hard to keep what I did a secret. Sorry for giving you the burden of knowing it. I just... I didn't know who else to talk to," mahina kong sambit at isinilid ang mga kamay ko sa loob ng bulsa ko.
"I'm only doing what I need to do... as your friend." I heard the slight hesitation in his voice. "Hindi ko hahayaan na masira ang buhay ninyo nang dahil lang sa babaeng 'yon."
Tuluyan akong napatingin uli sa kaniya. In a snap, it felt like everything that happened flashed in my mind like an old film. Every single bad thing that happened reminded me that through it all, it was Johannes that offered me the love that I was trying so hard to find.
Hindi ko na napigilan at niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. I heard him gasp but instead of doing anything, hinayaan niya lang ako.
"I'm sorry, Johannes," I said, almost breathless. "I'm sorry for everything. I want to make it up to you."
"No. Jensen, wala kang kailangang gawin," sabi niya pero umiling lang ako. "But I want to. Gusto kong bumawi para sa lahat ng sakit na binigay ko sa 'yo ever since. I've put you through hell and back, and I didn't even know you were hurting so bad."
"Jensen, tama na..." I could feel him starting to push me away, pero hinigpitan ko lang ang pagkakayakap ko sa kaniya.
"Please, just let me love you."
Let me love you... the way you do to me.
Binalot kami ng katahimikan, hanggang sa naramdaman kong yumakap siya sa 'kin pabalik. Ibinaon ko na lang ang mukha ko sa balikat niya. We stayed like that for a few moments — basking in each other's warmth but for some reason, I knew that both of us felt cold from one another.
"That's enough, Jensen."
Tinapik niya ang likod ko at sinubukan akong itulak palayo, and this time, ako na ang kusang lumayo. Nagtama ang tingin naming dalawa at doon ko nakita ang bahid ng matinding kalungkutan sa mga mata niya.
"You love her, not me," he said with so much pain evident in his voice. "'Wag mo 'kong gawing pamalit sa taong kahit kailan, hindi mapapasa 'yo. 'Di dahil ginagawa ko 'to para sa 'yo, ibig sabihin no'n na pwede mo na akong gaguhin nang ganito."
"Johannes, hindi kita ginagago—"
"Just stop. Parang awa, Jensen, tama na." I could hear his breathing starting to hitch with every word. "12 years — I have loved you for 12 years. Akala ko, kusa na lang mawawala 'tong nararamdaman ko, pero hindi, eh. Inabot ng siyam-siyam bago mapagod 'to." He laughed, bitterly, as he pointed to his heart.
"Kung anuman 'yong nangyari noon — Kung anuman 'yong sinabi ko — Wala kang kailangang gawin. Hindi mo kailangang ibalik 'tong nararamdaman ko. Hindi mo kailangang pilitin 'yong sarili mo na mahalin ako dahil alam kong kahit kailan, 'di mo makakayang gawin 'yon. Okay na ako sa ganito. Okay na ako."
He forced a smile and tapped my shoulder. "Ginagawa ko lang kung ano'ng kailangan kong gawin."
Muli, binalot kaming dalawa ng katahimikan. Both of us just stared into each other's eyes. And for some reason, I could tell that he wasn't telling me everything.
"Is it Jiro?" I asked.
Hindi siya umimik dahilan para mapangiti na lang ako.
I knew it. I wasn't the only one that he was protecting. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa'ng nalalaman niya, but I'm sure that whatever more he's hiding, he's hiding it for our sake.
In a snap, biglang umalingawngaw ang isang malakas na sigaw.
"Shit! Si Silas 'yon!" Without further ado, kumaripas ng takbo si Johannes palabas ng cafeteria. Sumunod na lang din ako lalo na't pati si Jiro ay naririnig na rin naming sumisigaw. Their voices echoed throughout the whole darkness as Johannes and I ran our way through the dimly-lit halls.
"Ano'ng nangyari?!" tanong ni Johannes nang makarating kami sa labas ng restroom.
Jiro was standing outside with a devastated look on his face. Napatingin siya sa amin at kitang-kita ko ang pamamaga ng mga mata niya. On the other hand, we heard Silas inside, screaming in utmost fear.
Dali-dali kaming pumasok sa loob at ganoon na lamang ang pagkagimbal namin nang makita ang dahilan.
It was Soren... lying on the cold floor with his neck twisted. His bloodshot eyes were open, staring blankly ahead with a pained expression on his colorless face. I don't know what exactly happened, but I could tell that my friend died painfully.
I found myself breaking down to my knees, tears streaming down my face at the horrific sight.
. . . . . . .