Nigahon mein dekho meri jo hain bas gya
woh hai milta tumse hu bahu
Oo.. jane teri aakhein thi ya baatein thi vajah
hue tum jo dil ki aarzoo
.
.
"I think I am stuck between who I am and who I want to be."
╰┈➤Nitya ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
I stand at the entrance of college after all the classes finished. What do I do? I wanted to take Khushi with me for shopping. But she apparently has some work to do today. She said if I had told her yesterday she wouldn't have made promise.
I am doomed.
As I was thinking this, Rivan slaps on my back asking "What are you doing here? You were standing like you have become a statue."
"None of your business." I scoffed him. Wait can I ask him to go with me? No Nitya. This would be agreeing that you always need help from him. But He is not busy anyway. And knows the way around. Knowing him, he probably knows every shopkeeper. Apparently his mother is a keen of shopping and takes him with her.
He was about to walk away but I stop him but holding his shirt. I should just ask him for help. "What?" He asked looking at my hand holding his shirt. "Do you have anything important to do, right now?" I ask him looking away. "What do you want?" I brought my hand to myself when He slapped on my hand. It didn't hurt too much.
Rude brat.
"I-" I pause. ASK NITYA, ASK OR YOU LOSE THE CHANCE. My inner voice shouted at me. I stare at him. What if he said no? "Never mind." I start to leave. I shouldn't. HE would pester me later. He holds the back of my neck "Finish the sentence, would you?" He commanded, and then turned it into a requested.
"It's nothing." I look him in the eye as I say this. I sighed. "I just wanted to ask if you could go to shopping with me." I said. I look away thinking he would say no. "I will." He said. "I knew would say n-" The realisation hit me and "What?" I say as my eyes widen. Did he just agree?
"Yeah." He say. "Let's go. I will take you to good shops. Just tell me what do you want to buy." He asked. "I just need to buy a pair of heels to match with my lavender saree." I tell him.
"Okay then let's go. But-" He takes my notebook from me and walks towards his bike. "You'd have to do something for me too. He sits first and then starts his bike. He hands me helmet. He puts one on too. "What is it?" I sit with both my legs on left side, feeling uncomfortable. It was my first time sitting this close with him. "I will tell you later."
(A- What do you mean? I made you sit in the same class room on same bench; N- I still had my bag in between. A- Even during exams you used to sit together. *Ignored* )
He notices that I wasn't holding onto anything so he says "Do you want to fall on road?"
"No?"
"Then, disrespectfully ma'am, put your hand on my shoulder. Hold onto me." He say mocking me. His shirt? I would rather hold this handle. I reach my hand to hold the handle but- Oh. I realise that I broke that handle when I was mad at him 3 years ago. ise kehte hai apne pair par apne aap hi kulhadi marna.
I awkwardly put my hand on his shoulder. I had just put it there but when he moves forward, I hold onto him more tightly. "How far is the shop where you are taking me to? Or the mall? I ask him. "Not too far." he goes silent after saying this. Wait- wait.. Did he smirk? I definitely saw his reflection on side view mirror. Or was it my imagination? I don't know if that my imagination or not but that smirk did something to me.
He is driving me crazy.
🌼
I went there just to buy heels to match with my saree. But ended up buying a bracelet and a pendent. It matched perfectly So I couldn't resist. I do have many of these but oh my god these looked so pretty.
The shopkeeper was so nice to recommend me those. Although He was trying to make his own profit. I bought silver bangles also. I had two pairs of heels but those weren't matching with my saree. I mean who matches black or grey with purple.
╰┈➤Rivan ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
She chose a pair of heels and walk in them, made a face after looking at them and tried the other pair. Even tried jumping. After trying at least 100 of them.
(A- Come on! they were just- R- Ma'am please shut up before I wreck your ship. A- Its not my loss)
She came to me with two pairs of heels. One was of lavender colour while the other was peach? or pink. Whatever colour it was.
"Which one is better?" She asked me like I have knowledge about them. But she said her saree was purple-
(A- ITS LAVENDER; R- I got it, stop shouting)
She already bought matching accessories which is also pinkish.
Her eyes were also on the pinkish heels more. "Peach is better." I said. I know she would buy the other ones. I don't know what the name of this colour. She'd definitely make fun of me If I said that too. "Okay I am buying both of these then. I will wear whatever goes better with the saree." She picked up the both heels. She's scary. She Bought both of them because she couldn't decide??
While she was at the counter I search for earrings to match. I will give them to her myself. If the earrings she wore wouldn't look better than these.
I secretly buy them when she was waiting for me outside checking her things in the paper bag. I look at her from the glass of the shop while taking the small box from the counter.
I step out of the shop while keeping the small box in my pocket. She was checking for things in her. MY head turned towards the road, a bike coming towards us with full speed so I pulled Nitya by her wrist towards me to save her from crashing. The other hand went to her waist, instinctively. She looks at me, surprised probably thinking what just happened.
I held her tightly even though there was no other harm. I looked at the way that bike went to then back at her.
She seemed pretty shaken by the way I pulled her instead of the bike almost hitting her. Her hand wrist in my grip and the other hand on my chest. "Are you okay?" I asked her. But her eyes were locked to mine, she ignored my question. Ah my heart.
I could hear my heart beating so fast near my ear. She was switching between both my eyes. Almost hypnotizing me, Which made my heart beat even faster.
She breaks eye contact and looked in the other direction. Gosh She doesn't even realise how much my heart is pounding because of her. Or maybe she does because of being so close? I loosened my grip on her wrist, leaving it in the same position. My other hand fell as she stepped back and picked up her bags.
I want to hold her face and make her look at me. She looks at me again. Is she trying to hypnotize me again?
"Are you done looking at my pretty face? Shall we go back, now?" I say trying to look annoyed. She cleared her throat and then looked down then in the opposite direction before nodding with a hmm of agreement.
I got on the bike before her. Her body pressed against my back. She had rested her head on my back now. Sending shivers down my spine.
🌼
She had put her head on my shoulder the whole ride to back home. She must be too tired to sit straight like before. My heart was beating so fast that It could explode anytime.
"What are you thinking?" I ask her. She has been lost in her thoughts. She doesn't respond and continues walking towards the lift. I ask her again walking behind her but still no response. So here comes my final weapon. I pull her hair, lightly. I did hesitate but that didn't stop me. "Kya hai?" She finally turns towards me getting annoyed.
(What is it?)
"I asked you something." I stated.
"What?"
"That what are you thinking."
"Oh." She seemed lost. I wish she was lost in my eyes though.
"Now. May I know what it is, your highness?" I say. She gives me that disgusted look. "I was just-" Now she stops and turns back to face me. "Would you help me choose a song? I need to sing in freshers party. And I wouldn't mind if we perform together." She said everything in one breath. Her hands shaking. It feels like she was thinking about something else but this is fine too.
She is scared of rejection. The reason she didn't confess to her crush in school. And kept giving him gifts like a creep. That made me realise her love language was giving. Giving everything she can. Without feeling rejected. That's why she stopped giving gifts when she saw him get irritated.
She doesn't like feeling unappreciated.
But I hate how she said it first instead of me. I wanted to ask her for that.
"I Will." As I say this she gets her spirit back. "Really? Thank you." She starts smiling. I feel like my breathing just stopped. She looks so cute. I am happy that it's me. The reason for her smile right now.
"We will discuss about this tomorrow morning? Would that be fine?" She steps towards me and looks at me. She looks at me so innocently like she didn't stop my world just now. "Tomorrow morning?" I say trying to focus on what I am saying. "Yeah that would be fine." I look away because she was making me forget what I was about to say.
"Okay then I will leave first." She waves before leaving and does her happy walk. Jumping. Stopping after realising what she did, hitting on her head and then walking normally again.
A smile appeared on my face without realising.
It occurred to me that I am hopeless now. I can't be helped. I need to tell her that I love her but thinking about the situations right now. She doesn't like me. I can't say it's hate. But we are not friends. Yet. I should take it slow. I put my hand over my chest.
"Just wait a little. You are already hers. She will be yours, soon." I tell myself trying to calm my racing heart. Tapping my hand slowly on my chest.
______
A/n
The way I was smiling while writing this. t-t