It's about eight in the morning before I finally urge my limbs into life and roll out of bed. I'm due to be at work in thirty minutes, which barely gives me time to shower, eat, get dressed, and walk the ten minutes to the office. I run through the monotonous routine without thinking, and it's only as I'm reaching out to the door of the building that I realise that I might see Alice. That the second I walk into the office I might see her cute little face peering me from over her computer, her big doe eyes reminding me how much I want to kiss her.
Suddenly, it's like I'm back at the pack when Rodrigo had first visited. Nervous, sweaty, trembling slightly. I gulp down the ball in my throat and force my arm out again, gripping the handle with a sticky palm as I pull the door open, and breathe an instant sigh of relief. No doe eyes or vintage dresses in sight. Or at least not yet. Which gives me time to come in and get settled before she arrives for the day.
I gulp as the door swings open, my entire body on high alert as I gingerly peer around the the corner of my desk. The desk separator is conveniently placed to block the door, and I've angled my chair so that my entire silhouette is hidden from view by anyone walking into the building. I know it's ridiculous but I want to see Alice before she sees me in a pathetic attempt at preparing myself for our inevitably awkward interaction.
But as I pear around the separator, it's just Maria's that arrived. She catches sight of me and grins a big conspiratorial smile. I sigh and shuffle back into my hidden spot. Alice must have filled her in.
So Alice must have felt the same as we did... Fuck, I don't even know if Aida is right. I'd been so focused on how I felt about the whole situation, that I hadn't even paused to think about how Alice was feeling. For all I know, the entire tension, near-kiss scenario was all in my head and she hasn't thought twice about it. I peer back around my desk at Maria who is settling into her desk chair. There's still no sign of Alice so now is my chance.
"Hey Mariiiaaaa." Luckily she's so excited to see me that I don't think she notices the barely disguised nosiness in my voice.
"Hey guapa!" She giggles conspiratorially, once again hinting that she knows something about me and my evening with Alice.
"A little birdie told me that you and Alice had a bit of an evening get together?" She winks at me, obviously expecting further gossip from my end. Although I'm unsure if this is an attempt to get more information to be able to pass on to Alice... I decide that as I'm unsure how much of this Alice is going to hear, that I need to play it cool.
"That little birdie may have been right." I wink back, adding a cheeky grin for extra effect. "What else did you hear?"
Maria's eyes widen as she catches on to my intentions.
"I heard that one of you had a particularly lovely time. And wishes that her phone had not disturbed the... erm... atmosphere." She pauses for dramatic effect.
"I think that the certain someone would be very keen to arrange another evening together." I barely contain my smile at Maria's revelation. Alice enjoyed the night! And Maria's hint would suggest that she too had felt the tension on the porch, had felt the need to lean in, and had wished that her phone had not ruined the moment. Although I'll be honest, I'm hugely grateful for that interruption. Considering how much I've struggled with just the thought of wanting to kiss a girl, I'm not sure I would have been able to cope with the knowledge that I'd actually kissed a girl. That I'd gone against what is supposedly werewolf nature. Not sure I would have managed to emotionally handle that.
Maria nudges my arm, pushing me for a response. Just at that moment I look towards the front door of the office, noticing that Alice's car has pulled up outside, the bright red Beetle car unmistakable even from this distance. I hastily turn back towards Maria.
"I think that maybe both parties would be keen to arrange a repeat meet-up." And with that I hurry away, barely making it back to my hiding spot before Alice floats in, her cheeks red from the cold as she sweeps off her long woolen coat and matching scarf.
She greets Kenneth with a cheery smile, not even glancing in my direction as she moves through the office. She stops at Maria's desk, and I hide back behind my separator, feeling embarrassment flush to my cheeks as they chatter about something obviously funny. Even with my werewolf hearing, I only catch glimpses of their conversion, the blood rushing through my ears preventing me from being able to listen properly. I definitely catch a couple of mentions of my name, and a quick 'what did she say?', so I assume Maria is filling Alice in.
A flash of red is the only warning I get before Alice comes gliding past my desk, her gorgeous flowy skirt and cropped blouse catching my attention instantly. But she doesn't pause beside my desk as she usually does. Instead she flashes me a brief smile, fingers playing with her hair, as she strides straight past me and drops into her own desk chair mere metres behind me. Safe to say that's my product working hours over and done with.
I spend the rest of the morning on edge and hyper aware of my surroundings, every werewolf sense on high alert for Alice. She shuffles her chair and I'm aware of it. She flexes her toes and I worry she's uncomfortable. She sniffles, and I'm suddenly scared she might be crying. It doesn't help that her desk is slightly off centre from mine, so she's not completely hidden by the desk separators and there's a chance I could actually watch her from my spot. I manage to resist turning around for about a whole five minutes before I inconspicuously swivel around in my chair. Bad luck though, she's leaning over towards her printer, and the only thing I catch a glimpse of is her black Chelsea boots, her lacy white socks peeking out from the top of them. Her feet shuffle slightly as she leans back over, and I quickly spin back around before she can spot me staring.
I manage to wait another fifteen minutes before I spin around again. This time she's intently focused on her computer, teeth nibbling on the corner of her lip as she seems to focus on something, hands frantically flying over the keyboard as if she's mid-flow. Her shoulders are hunched over slightly, her neck elegantly stretched, and I long to walk over and straighten her back, soothing those tired shoulders with my strong fingers. Suddenly she stops typing, flexing her wrists as her eyes skim over what she has just written. The nibbling stops, her lips twisting sideways as she thinks about what she's written, she flips her hair away from her face, her short pixie cut neatly swept behind her ear, before her hands start up again, key tapping in quick succession as she adds her next idea onto the page. As I turn around, a small smile blooms on my face, and I realise I'm just happy to have the honour of watching her.
What the fuck are we doing? To my surprise, Aida is angry inside my head and it takes me by surprise. Then I think back to her last comment, when Maria had entered the room and realise that she had sounded a little off back then too, I'd just been so distracted to notice it. In fact, thinking back over the last couple of days, she's been very quiet. More so than usual. And especially when it comes to Alice.
'Aida? What do you mean?' In response Aida just huffs in my brain. I swivel my chair back around before standing and moving into the break room. I need a bit of privacy to have this conversation.
'Aida? What do you mean what are we doing?' She growls at me and I growl back. I'm not sure where she's coming from at all. Not sure what it is she doesn't understand or doesn't agree with.
What happened to strong, confident, knows-shes-sexy-and-uses-it Reyna? The one who could walk up to any man in a bar and get him to take her home? Where has she gone? Has she been defeated and crumpled up by a little girl? Aida's voice is ever so angry, and her condescending tone is so judgmental it makes me angry in response. But mainly it makes me angry because it's true. With Damien, with my nameless barman, with Cade, hell even with Isaac, I just walked up and got what I wanted. Flicked my hair, sweet-talked them till I got them right where I wanted, swayed my hips till they couldn't look away... I had all the tricks and used them shamelessly. But with Alice. For some reason I don't have that same confidence with Alice.
I force myself to imaging doing that with Alice, and it makes me feel physically sick. I could never do that. Would never have the confidence. What if she didn't like it? Or saw right through it? Fuck, I cared about her too much to be so cheap and corny. It wouldn't feel right. But, it's only with Alice. I can't imagine acting like that around any girl. I try desperately to bring up the face of a girl I've met before, and attempt to picture myself chatting them up, but even imaginary Reyna crumbles in shyness and embarrassment. Which means that...
We're not FUCKING GAY. This time it's not anger, but rage and desperation that fuel Aida's voice. Her unwillingness for us to go against our werewolf heritage running deep within her veins. I can feel her trembling within us, and realise that unlike my human side, she's not able to accept this possibility as easily as I have been able to. I've never even voiced the thought properly, simply skirted around it subconsciously as if it wasn't even there as an option. But now that Aida's said it...
'Are you sure?' The whispered words are all I can think of as a reply. I may not be angry or scared, but my doubt and hesitation as strong as Aida's, and I don't know what I would do with this new realisation.
At that, Aida stays silent, breathing angrily in the depths of my brain. I lightly walk back to my desk, and huddle down in my chair, staying hidden and alone for the rest of the morning and rushing out quickly as soon as the clock hits twelve, desperate to avoid an interaction with Alice during our lunch break.
I walk straight to the bus stop, and march into the nearest bar as soon as we pull into the Terre Haute terminal. I don't even have the strength to get on the train to Ktukda, desperate for a drink and a silent bar stool, and also thankful that there might be fewer wolves here. The dinghy bar is empty, not surprising considering it's a random Wednesday lunchtime, but it's exactly what I need. I order a couple of drinks, knowing I'll need a few, and shuffle myself into a booth that's hidden from the bar and the front door. Just in case Aida decides to make an appearance.
'Aida?' She's been silent since she shouted at me, and I've been struggling to read her emotions since then, as if she's turned herself away from me.
Yes? The response is slow to come and guilt tinges her words.
'Talk to me.' I take a sip of my drink, letting my thoughts stay open to that Aida can read them. Read the confusion that resides within my human half. The uncertainty about what is going on. And read how much I need my other half right now to help me make sense of my emotions.
Werewolves can't be gay. Again, there is an element of desperation in her voice. But the rage from earlier has eased. I sigh, knowing that Aida is right. I'm not sad about that fact that this means I will never date Alice. But I'm sad because, for just a second, everything felt like it made sense. I'd felt like I was truly seeing myself for the first time ever. Like I could finally see the person I was inside. But now that feeling is gone. Any I can't help but think that maybe I imagined it.
'You're right. I know you're right. But it just felt...'
Right. It felt right. Don't worry I felt it too. But we can't be gay. I nod at Aida's simple words. And then with a half disguised sob, down the rest of my drink. If it's not that. If I'm not gay. Then why did being with Alice feel so right? So comfortable?
'Maybe it felt right because we had finally found a friend? For the first time, we found someone we could connect with? Someone who is motherly and who cares for us...' It would make sense. Alice was my shoulder to cry on when I'd had the realisation about Rodrigo, my reassurance when I was doubting myself. The person who'd messaged every day after to make sure I was ok. Who had driven me home from drinks when I'd had too much, who'd tried to set me up with a boy who was nice and good, who would be safe. She had been the best of friends, but more than that, she'd been so caring, so attentive, so motherly. Maybe all I was feeling when I was with her was comfort and trust, something I hadn't felt in ages, and something that had just felt... right.
Aida hums her approval, agreeing with my logic. That's when the scent hits my nose, the smell of a werewolf unmistakable in this small human bar. Aida shuffles further back within my brain, hiding herself and dampening our werewolf scent. I sniff the air again, hairs standing on end when I realise that I recognise the scent.
Earthy and powerful, with a faint hint at a subtle, yet tasteful aftershave, the scent makes my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Isaac. I take a deep breath to steady myself and peer around the edge of my booth, hoping he either hasn't noticed me or is choosing to ignore me. But unfortunately, my eyes come face to face with a very broad chest and solid abdomen, standing directly behind my booth.
My eyes trail up his body, appreciating the view, before coming to rest on his chiselled face. His salt and pepper beard is perfectly groomed, soft curls framing his jawline. His full mouth peeking through. His long hair is pulled up into an elegant bun. His stance signals power and authority, confidence seeping into his every action. But his thick eyebrows are pulled into a disappointed frown.
"What's a beautiful woman like you doing drinking alone in a dinghy human bar?" He takes in the two empty glasses in front of me, his eyebrow twitching slightly. His gorgeous eyes bore into me, as if they can ready every thought within my brain. Not waiting for my answer, he reaches out, and without thinking I grip his hand as he pulls me to my feet.
"Lets find somewhere more appropriate for you to be day drinking." This time it's my turn to raise a questioning eyebrow at him, as with a soft hand on my back he guides me through the empty bar.
"My place." His lips ghost across the top of my ear lobe as he whispers the words, and despite myself, a shiver runs through my body. Outside, he leads me towards a large Harley that fits his whole vibe perfectly, and I can't help but chuckle at the stereotype. He hands me a helmet, and before rational thought can interrupt, I pull it on and jump onto the back of the bike.
The drive into Ktukda is an exhilarating twenty minute ride. The rush of the speed and the wind pull my thoughts away from Alice, drawing me into the present, and I allow myself to simply enjoy the feeling. Isaac remains silent as he leads me into his flat, the tension between us palpable. He pours me a drink, still silent, still with that same look of concern on his face. I down it instantly, and his frown only grows.
He seats himself on the sofa, his features still scrunched together as if he's deciding whether to speak or not, but before he can even make the decision, I straddle his lap, my self confidence fully returned. And certain that the only distraction I want is sex, I trail my hands up his sides, cupping his face as I draw him in for a slow, languorous. Our tongues intertwine, his hands coming up to rest on my hips as he draws me closer, opening his mouth further as he allows me to take control. I trail my lips down his jaw, nipping at his neck and earlobe as I explore his skin.
"Reyna..." I pull before he can continue, softly shaking my head. He nods once, understanding my meaning, his hand reaching up to wrap around my neck softly, holding me still. I inhale sharply as he squeezes once, my eyelids fluttering as he strokes along my pulse point. He releases me once, pulling something out from his pocket.
I suck in a final breath as he places the cloth over my eyes, the world dissolving into darkness around me.
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