I walked into the locker room. Everyone was talking about the game.
I started packing my things.
"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?" Alex asked.
"I'm going home."
"What?!" Everyone started freaking out and getting upset.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" One of the guys screamed.
"Why the hell would you leave us-"
"Because you're not gonna want me on the team after I tell you this." I said.
The whole room went quiet. They all looked at me confused and angry.
"You know, it's a miracle Dave, Nick and Taylor are still alive. Cause I could kill them for what they did to Timothy."
"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?! We all agree they went too far!"
"Timothy is my boyfriend." I said.
Some guys laughed, others gasped.
"What the fuck, man?" One of them chuckled, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I pulled away.
"I'm not kidding." I said. That silenced everyone.
They saw my face and realized I was dead serious.
"Timothy is my boyfriend. I'm in love with him."
Did I really just say that?
I thought I'd start shaking so balled my hands into fists.
"And no, I'm not into any of you guys and I haven't been looking at your jacked up bodies in any sexual way. Alright? Good. Glad we got that out of the way." I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door.
The silence continued. I could feel everyone staring at me in shock.
"And if any of you fuckers think about hurting Timothy again, you're gonna find yourself in a grave real soon." With that I grabbed the door handle.
We've worked so hard for this. This has been months and months of training. Countless practice hours. It was a shame I wouldn't be able to reap the fruits of my labor. But then I thought about Timothy and smiled. He was all that mattered.
"Wait!" Karl held me back. "Who the fuck cares, man."
"Huh?"
"We don't give a fuck if you suck dick or not, we just want to win the game." Alex agreed.
Most guys agreed with a mumble and a nod.
"Come on. We always talk shit about gay people. Don't start acting all tolerant now-"
"I only did that because of Dave and those guys." One of my team mates admitted.
I looked around the room and some looked confused. Surprisingly none of them seemed upset.
"Not you." I glared at Karl.
He shifted on his feet. "Look, I know I've said some dumb shit before but I never really meant it.. I never thought they would go so far as to beat him up like that."
I stood there, confused and in shock. This couldn't really be my team.
Could it really be that it was Dave and his followers that had created this hateful atmosphere in our group? And that without them everyone was a whole lot less judgmental than I first thought?
"As long as you don't start wearing nail polish and emo crap we don't care who you fuck." Alex said, causing everyone to laugh.
"I'm gay." Morty, a linebacker said suddenly.
Everyone was shocked, including me.
"What?"
"Yep. It kinda feels okay to say it now." He smirked.
Some guys patted his back in support.
I could barely believe what was happening.
"Welcome to the gay club, man." I said. And everyone laughed.
Morty seemed relieved. I was still having a hard time believing this was reality.
"So are you staying or what?" Karl grabbed my shoulder.
✪
Some of my friends asked me what it was like to be with a guy, some were confused, surprised, in shock, waiting for a punchline that never came. But either way, they accepted me. They really didn't care who I was with.
I took to the field with their support riling me up. There was a whole marching band. The cheerleaders did their cheering. Jen wasn't with them for some reason.
There was a whole line of cameramen and multiple reporters.
In the front center of the crowd was the announcer table. Two guys sat there announcing our team. They spoke into the microphone and their voices echoed through the stadium.
The tribune was packed. Half supporters for our team and half for our opponents. People on our side were wearing our school's colors and waving flags, whistling..
Jen was there surprisingly. And.. she was holding hands with none other than Blade. She waved at me.
I've never been more shocked in my life.
Timothy sat in the middle of the stands. He cheered me on when he saw me. His dad, Dahlia and Allie were sitting right next to him. I waved at them.
I'd invited my own dad too. I didn't expect much of it, though. He had work today after all. And just because he was better didn't mean he was going to break through all his bad habits at once. It was fine if he didn't show up. Baby steps.
Still, hopeful like a child, I peered up at the crowd searching for my dad. Nothing.
"Come on, man." Alex slapped my back.
We huddled up. I was supposed to give a little speech. I suddenly didn't feel all that inspired.
I looked at the crowd again, at Timothy but he was talking to someone.
My dad! I smiled. He was here! He was actually here! It had been so long since he'd come to watch me play!
"Dude!" Karl punched my arm.
"Oh! Yeah!" I smiled, like a happy fool.
"So it's been a long season. We've already had plenty of big wins. For some of us this is our last high school game. If we win this, we leave as legends.." Everyone watched me carefully. I could see the excitement in their eyes as I continued my speech. The immense need to win. I couldn't say I felt any different.
I looked up at Timothy. My heart raced.
"So let's win this thing."
✪
And win we did. We had a big win over the other team, crowning us state champions.
We were celebrating, screaming, running all across the field. My coach slapped my back. My team mates lifted me up.
The cheers from the crowd were loud and exciting.
I looked up and Timothy was standing like everyone else supporting us and clapping. He looked so proud. And so did my dad, Allie, Joe and Dahlia.
And I wanted to let everyone know I was proud too. But not because of the win but because of Timothy. Because I had him and that was something to celebrate. The win didn't seem complete. Something was missing.
And in that moment all my fears and doubts fell off my shoulders and I told my team to put me back on the ground. I charged toward the announcer table.
There were two middle aged men sitting behind the microphones.
"Wow, great game, Josh!" One of them said.
I grabbed one of the mics. "Sorry, I just.."
"I just have something to say." I said into the mic. Some people in the crowd looked around confused.
One of the announcers stood up. "It's not really the norm-"
"Just five minutes." I insisted.
He nodded and I looked up at the crowd.
"Okay.. so.. I'm really glad we won and all.. But I have something I need to tell everyone here."
The cheers and screams were replaced by silence and total concentration.
"I uh.. I can't keep this a secret anymore." I said into the mic.
T looked confused and my dad just smiled and nodded at me.
"I'm in love." I said. My voice echoed over the field.
The crowd started cheering and clapping again. Some people whistled.
"But it's not what you think." I said. "It's not a girl."
The cheers stopped and deadly silence followed. I looked around at the hundreds of people and their shocked faces.
Joe looked completely caught of guard. His jaw dropped.
"In fact, it's the most amazing guy I've ever met. It's that one," I pointed at Timothy. "That emo guy. Timothy."
People shrieked and cried out, some laughed. Just like before, no one believed me. Most people thought I was joking. Timothy was red and nervous.
"Timothy, get down here." I said into the mic.
I was so done with the hiding and the pretending. If people didn't believe words maybe they'd believe actions.
T made his way down most of the stairs without tripping. I walked up the last few and took his hand. He almost tripped but I held him up. His hand was shaking.
"What are you doing?" T said quietly.
"Showing you off." I smirked.
I led him down the rest of the steps.
Most people were still laughing or joking about us, whistling..
"We've been together for months." I said into the microphone. "And I've been dying to tell you that I love you." I looked T deep in the eyes and for a moment it felt like we were alone. I didn't feel anyone's eyes on me.
T shifted on his feet. He played with his hands. Through the nervousness he smiled.
"I love you too." He said, shyly meeting my eyes.
And now I truly felt like I'd won something. Him. The biggest prize.
I grabbed Timothy's cheeks and kissed him for everyone to see. And he kissed me back like no one was watching.
A loud cheer broke through the crowd. I recognized that high pitched voice. It was Claire.
I laughed. Of course she'd be the first to support us. She is in the Timothy fan club after all.
People soon followed and clapped and cheered us on. I'm not gonna lie, some of them booed but it was like I couldn't even hear them.
I smiled at Timothy. And he leaned against my chest. He was shaking. I kissed his head.
I saw a couple cameras flash.
This was surreal. It seemed all my dreams were finally coming true.
✪
I was in the backseat with Timothy, hand in hand as Joe drove us home. My dad was right behind us. We were going to celebrate my win at Joe's.
"This is just unbelievable. This is just absurd. I can't believe my eyes!" Joe grumbled.
"What's the problem?" I asked.
"You know what? We'll talk when we get home." Joe shook his head.
"I told you this would happen." Timothy whispered in my ear.
"What's his deal?" I whispered back.
"He's going to start about my purity and age when we get home. Mark my words."
I giggled. Joe shook his head.
"I didn't expect you to do that at all." Timothy said softly.
Joe turned on the radio.
"Me neither." I caressed the back of T's hand with my thumb. "You're still shaking."
"I don't like crowds." T said. "It's really impressive how you get in front of so many people regularly."
"You get used to it."
"I wouldn't." T chuckled.
"I was so proud I just had to show you off." I murmured.
T smiled at me and leaned in.
Joe cleared his throat. Loudly.
Oh boy.
✪
T and I were sitting on the couch, not holding hands mainly because Joe was glaring at us, mostly me. My dad was in the arm chair next to us.
Dahlia and Joe were towering over us like angry giants.
"This is unbelievable. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable!" Joe said as he paced back and forth.
"You... this.. This is unbelievable?" He repeated perplexed.
Dahlia didn't say much. She just stroked Joe's back when he stopped pacing.
"I mean, is this a joke?"
"Not really." I answered.
"How..? How? Can you believe this?" Joe looked at Dahlia.
"Well, I'm not surprised. I kind of had a feeling.. I guess it was pretty obvious, love."
"WHAT? HOW?!"
"Well, that day I came to dinner, they were holding hands at one point." Dahlia smiled at us. "And the way you look at Timothy isn't exactly friendly." She eyed me.
I chuckled. Whoops.
"And how you talk about Josh isn't either, Timothy."
T looked taken aback. "It's not that obvious, is it?"
"One time I was painting and you went on about how the gray I was using reminded you of Josh's eyes."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"This is insane, what about you!" Joe pointed at my dad.
"Well.. Josh kind of told me before the game.. I was surprised too but what does it really matter? Do you really have a problem with it, Joe?"
"It's not about who's gay or not it's about this house! When I brought you into my house I thought you were straight. And now I hear that you've been with my son! I mean.. under one roof that's like a recipe for disaster! It's not right."
Timothy whispered in my ear. "Three, two, one.."
"I mean have you.. have you two.. You haven't done it right?" Joe asked nervously.
"You can say the word, dad."
"You know exactly what I mean."
I gave Dahlia a look. Joe was completely losing it.
She merely gave me an apologetic glance and shrugged.
I scoffed.
"It's kinda none of your business, dad." T said.
"It is my business! You're my child! You're a baby!"
"I'm seventeen."
"That's too young. Answer the question. Did you two.. intertwine."
I burst out laughing and I wasn't the only one. My dad tried to hide it. He covered his mouth.
T sighed. "Yes."
"Oh my God." Joe held his heart. "I'm getting a heart attack." He told Dahlia.
"He's crazy." I whispered in T's ear.
"Oh, it's gonna get worse."
"I can't believe you just did that. You took my son's virginity. In this house."
I frowned. Then I remembered Joe didn't know about Charlie.
"I mean.. when did this even happen?"
"Us dating or.."
"Yes!"
"Camp." T and I answered in unison.
"Oh my God!" Joe covered his face. "I can't believe this!"
"Sweetie, they didn't do anything wrong." Dahlia said.
"Honey, he stole my baby's innocence!" Joe pointed at me.
T seemed really embarrassed. "I'm so sorry." He said to me.
"It's fine. It's sorta funny?"
"I mean, he's just a baby. He's practically fresh out the womb."
I decided to speak up. "Joe, I'm only a year older, chill out-"
"A whole year! You know what you can do in a year? Have a child. Speaking of which, I assume you guys were safe?"
"Ew, dad! Stop!" Timothy complained.
"I will not! I need to-"
"Okay, Josh didn't take anything. I wasn't even a virgin when we had sex. So drop it." T said.
I was surprised he admitted it.
"Ooh, he plot thickens." My dad said quietly.
I laughed. "Dad, stop!" I whispered.
"What?" Joe mumbled. "Who then?"
"Charlie. Like two years ago."
"Oh my God.. Oh my God!" Joe held his hand against his chest and almost started hyperventilating. Dahlia stroked his arm.
"Wow, I had no idea Joe was so.." My dad began, frowning at Joe.
"I know. You're so much cooler." T said.
"Only because of your dad." He nodded at Timothy.
T sighed and stood up. "Dad, I'm happy. And I'm not pregnant and we're very safe. And you actually like Josh, so what's the problem here?"
Joe looked at me for a moment.
"I'm still the same Josh." I said.
Apart from the fact that I shove it into your son on the regular. But.. you know.
"And.. you did once say you wanted T to date someone like me.." I continued. "Your dream came true."
Joe took a deep breath.
"Sweetie, I don't see an issue. They're happy." Dahlia stroked Joe's chest.
"I know, I know." He grumbled.
"But why am I the last to know?" Joe wondered.
"Because of this!" I laughed. "Dramatic old man!"
Joe chuckled. "Okay, okay."
"So.. we're good? I'm accepted? Or.. do you wanna punch me now or something." I stood up.
"Look, I'm glad it's you, okay? Let's get that straight. You know I'm very fond of you."
I nodded.
"Just.. he's my kid. And that means I'm protective."
"Sure."
"So I'm removing both your doors from now on."
"Dad!" T shrieked.
"Just kidding."
We all hung out and talked about the game. The whole time I couldn't keep my eyes off Timothy.
Joe had gone to the kitchen to prepare some snacks. I decided to help him.
"Look, you did good, okay? I'm proud of you." Joe muttered while cutting up some blocks of cheese. "I know you'll take good care of him. Right?" Joe glanced at me. He looked terrified.
I smiled. And then I hugged him. Joe was a little surprised at first but then he wrapped his arms around me.
"You have nothing to worry about." I said.
He sighed of relief.
I peered into the living room. T was talking to my dad and Dahlia. My dad likes him. He told me himself. I felt so lucky.
✪
It was midnight. Joe was asleep and my dad had gone home.
T held my hand as he led me up the stairs, all the way to my room. "You ready for your surprise?" He asked.
I nodded and Timothy opened the door.
I gasped as I laid eyes on a huge painting of me. It's like the picture he drew of me but a hundred times bigger. He used all kinds of paint colors, crayons, glitter, he even sewed part of the outline of my face.
"Timothy," I said, a lump in my throat.
I took a few steps closer. "This is crazy."
I stared at the canvas. I'd never seen a more beautiful piece of art. Some of the threads were hanging loosely at the ends, creating a messy and playful look. It was absolutely perfect.
"I uh.. used all the colors of the rainbow. Since you're gay now." T said.
I laughed.
I stared at the artwork. I loved it. It flattered me he saw me this way. Lively, colorful. He'd even added some dimples. I was smiling in this version.
"The dimples." I chuckled.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it!" I insisted staring a little longer. That guy was so talented.
Timothy grabbed my hand.
"So this is your sexy surprise?" I asked.
"Nothing sexier than that guy." T nodded toward the painting.
"Eh.. I can think of something." I pulled Timothy close to me. I kissed his lips. "Thank you." I whispered. "I love you."
"I love you." T said, kissing me again. I pulled him against me and ran my hand under his shirt.
We kissed each other gently. It was so quiet and intimate. I never knew it could feel like this.
"Hey.." I wondered out loud. I clasped my finger around the rim of his pants.
"Hm?" T looked up at me.
"I was just thinking.. I've been curious about your.. toy chest."
T's eyebrows raised. "Huh? Really?"
"Yeah, I... I've been thinking about.. you know." I shrugged.
"But you were so grossed out when you first found it."
"Oh come on! That was an act. I just said that to hide how exciting it was for me."
T was completely shocked.
I laughed. "God, you're blind!"
Timothy giggled.
"So uh... Do you think you could grab em?"
"Well.. I threw most of them out since they were.. gifts."
"Oh.."
"All but one."
"I'll go get it." T walked out of the room.
I waited, nervously fumbling with my hands. He came back a while later.
He was blushing, seeming a bit nervous too. "Close your eyes." He smiled.
I did as he said. I felt plastic tassels against my skin.
I frowned. "We're doing BDSM now?"
T chuckled. "You can open your eyes."
I laid eyes on Timothy's unicorn horn. Of course.
"You're kidding."
"Nope." T laughed.
I took it from his hand.
"So.. that's what the tassels are for." I ran them over over T's skin.
He nodded.
"Huh.." I leaned in.
The door suddenly opened. I immediately put the dildo behind my back.
Joe stood in the opening. "Listen, I would really appreciate it if you could just... You know, leave the door open when you're alone."
"You're joking." T said.
"I just think it's better that way." Joe nodded. "And it's bedtime." He said sternly and disappeared into the hallway.
"He's gonna be cock-blocking us non stop now, isn't he?" I whispered.
"You bet!" Joe answered from the hallway.
T sighed. "Guess I'm going to bed now." He got on his toes and kissed me gently. "Good night."
"Good night." I ruffled his hair.
Joe followed T to his room.
"You don't have to escort me, I'm not a criminal!" T whined.
I chuckled and closed the door. I stared at my painting and smiled.
I walked over to the back and found there was something written in the corner.
Congrats on winning, Josh.
I love you and I'm proud of you,
T.
He'd been so sure I was going to win. Endless faith and loyalty. That's T for ya.
And finally he wasn't the only one who saw good in me. I had changed into someone I could respect. And not the surface level -trying to make up for something- sort of respect I'd had before. And if I ever forgot I could look at this painting and see myself through his eyes.
I guess I'm officially a rainbow rider now.
So yeah, I fell in love with an emo boy. And ironically, this quiet, depressed guy has made me extremely gay.
As in, happy.