There was once a time,
When they loved me
And I loved them.
The Sturniolo Triplets we were,
That love we had for each other
Connected us, in this chaotic, lonely world.
That love between us..
It was a fact,
Solideable and definite.
It was unquestionable even.
I never went without doubt of their love for me, and mine for them.
That's all changed though
Hasn't it?
We're no longer close,
We argue, our bond is shaken.
It crumbles beneath me
And I wonder at times
If there's anything left.
Our bond's not as solid, as definite as it once was.
And it leaves me wondering if there's ever a chance of restoring it.
Will it ever be as it once was?
Someone tell me, am I (still) loved? Do they still love me?
Or is that love gone now, no longer mine to have?
______
There's no amusement on his face, not even an ounce of it. Chris read through the note on his brother's phone, once, then twice, just to make sure of what he was reading. Nothing changed, the words all said the same thing - had the same meaning. It had him glancing over at the sleeping triplet in a mixture of shock and apparent guilt. Unaware of the sudden attention, Matt slept on, snoring gently, unassuming and oblivious of what he'd just found out.
Chris almost wishes he could've stayed obvious as well. But then again he doesn't, and that isn't exactly true, not when Matt would've continued to have been left thinking this. Whatever this is, Chris still hasn't processed it himself. Isn't quite sure how to proceed or go on from here.
For now, Chris can't seem to pull his eyes away from his brother at the thought. The triplet doesn't move, doesn't fidget, and those snores are constant. The one thing he's certain of at the moment. As he's lulled into relaxing a bit by his brother's snores, half of him is relieved by the fact that his brother's not awake at the second. Because he doesn't know what he'd say, doesn't know how to face Matt after that.
I mean hell, does he even say anything? Is it even his place to tell the other that he'd read it? He doesn't know.
Looking at the other he now realizes It'd been a bad idea to get on the brother's phone, invasive even when he thought of it, he could admit that. But at the same time, Matt's phone had been left out, alone and unattended as it charged. And Chris had been bored, and was already in Matt's room at the time. He'd been unable to sleep as the elder napped.
He'd just been nosy. Truly, he'd thought it to be harmless and his own phone hadn't seemed as interesting as Matt's, not when he already knew all that was on it. So really, if you thought about it, it wasn't his fault for looking. Matt couldn't blame him for that.
Now though, now Chris is just left wondering how long ago this was dated back to, how long ago Matt had written it. And if the elder still looked back on it and had the same belief.
The thought shakes him, he sure hopes not. Realistically, Matt must know how much he and Nick adore the other, right? That no matter what happens, what words are spoken between them Chris will always care for his brother. Nothing the brunette does will suddenly make him hate the other or care any less.
Surely, Matt must know that. Or at least he'd thought Matt had, he isn't so certain now.
He thinks it must be something the other had missed. That if Matt had typed this in the first place clearly the elder doesn't believe it as much as he'd thought.
It's something that conjures hurt in his stomach,
and Chris just can't handle this newfound information. It isn't like Chris is just going to sit here feeling hurt and sorry for himself either. He's going to set out and fix this.
He'll fix it while his brother's still asleep. Racking his mind for ideas, Chris comes to one and one only. He held Matt's phone in his hands, fingers busily typing away on the notes app. Before long he's finished, it doesn't take him very long. By no means is he saying it's as good as Matt's. It's still something.
Fuck it, he could care less if Matt finds it cheesy or if his brother teases him, Chris did it anyway.
He stared at what he'd left for Matt one last time, before practically tossing it back on the bed and rushing from the room. Matt'll wake up eventually to it. For now, all that's left to do is wait.
One thought is left on his mind as he leaves, did Matt really not know? Not understand how adored the elder was?
_______
Regrettably, Matt woke up to the heavy thunk of his phone hitting his head, his bedroom door pulling to a close is another thing he notices. Pain blossomed at the feeling in his head, the sensation unsurprisingly Is enough to startle him awake, tenderly he prods at his sore head, then rubs at his eyes. Clearing the sleep that gathered in them away.
He looks at the offensive object that'd attacked him, finding it to be his phone.
''Whuh'.. the fuck?" Matt finally mumbled. Voice slurring together into something so disoriented and sleepy sounding it was barely intelligible.
Incomprehension dawns on him. How had he gotten hit by it when he hadn't even been on it? It'd been sitting away from him charging. Oh, that's right, Chris. It was probably his brother's fault, these kinds of things always were.
His eyes try and find his younger brother, expecting the younger to be lingering about. Knowing that Chris had been in his room when he'd fallen asleep. They search for a while before eventually coming up short, Chris's side of the bed is abandoned. Barren of the youngest triplet.
Blearily, Matt blinked at the realization, eyebrows pulling together tersely. Minutely wondering what had interrupted his sleep and how his phone had struck him if Chris wasn't there.
His eyes found his phone, fingers reaching out to grasp it from where it'd bounced off his head and fallen on the bed. Finding it conveniently still to be on. Inconveniently enough, however, his blood chilled as he found what it was on. His note.
Then, Matt suddenly felt wide awake, he shifted, throwing the blanket off of his form as he pulled himself into a sitting position. Suddenly, freed from the allusive clutches of sleep.
How could he not be when this wasn't what he'd fallen asleep with on his phone? That meant that someone had found his writing, the writing Matt had written about Nick, and Chris.
Damnit. Why?
Why had they had to find it? It was a stupid thing he'd done as a way of venting, and oh god,
It was all adding up. Chris had been the last person in his room. Chris wasn't here. Chris had seen the note.
Had his writing actually been that ridiculous that It'd ticked his brother off to the point of leaving?
''No way,'' Matt murmured, anxiety rising as he gripped his phone carelessly.
Tears pricked at his eyes, finding himself growing defensive at being found so vulnerable. That poetry he'd written was never supposed to be found, it was too open, needy, clingy and far too -
Wait, Matt's tirade stops instantly once he'd started to read over what he'd wrote. Only, it didn't end where he'd thought it would.
How come there was more than he'd written, hold on...
His fingers scroll down, so there was more to it then. Chris, had his brother not only read it but also added more to what he'd wrote?
______
You think you're so tough,
to deal with this all alone.
When you don't have too
You frustrate me
And you are an asshole.
But please,
Never you doubt
that I'll be here in your time of need.
I'm bad at this, you are too.
There's so much I have to say
And I still think this is fucking cheesy
You know I do.
I know you'll make fun of me for this later
But -
I'm writing this still
For you.
Because I love you anyway.
What I wouldn't do for you
Is unquestionable
Because you're my brother,
Meaning our bond is unshakable, it's forever.
You are stuck with me
We are forever.
Fighting or not, on our best or worst days -
You are my favorite person
I mean that
So, please
Never doubt my love for you, Matty, because my answer will always be the same. You will (always) be loved.
______
Completed with skimming through what'd been left for him, Matt chuckled wetly, his heart fluttering at what he'd read. When before it'd been struck with fear. And then the more he dwelled on it, he was sent into a fit of laughter as he reread the typed words, picking out a line that he couldn't help but crack up at.
'And you are an asshole,' his brother had typed, and It was unknown to him how the younger had managed to be so thoughtful while still finding a way to insult him. Yet It was such a Chris thing to do. Matt wouldn't change anything about it.
His laughter's short-lived as it's interrupted in the form of someone clearing their throat. Matt's head jerks up at the noise, seeing the youngest standing at the doorway, face flushed in embarrassment.
''No, stop! Stop laughing at me, kid,'' Chris insisted, closing the distance between them. Jumping on him and teasingly ruffling at his hair. Messing up the already sleep-disturbed strands. ''I just poured my heart out for you and all you can do is laugh? Rude,''
Rolling his eyes at his brother's antics, Matt fixes his hair,
''I just don't get it,'' Matt began jokingly. ''How'd you manage to do something so sweet while still insulting me? That takes talent,''
''I didn't even insult you! I was being nice,'' Chris argued, visibly pouting.
Deadpanned, he continued.
''You called me an asshole,'' Matt retold. Chris's head shook, snickering softly before a hint of a smile perched on the youngest's face.
''That's not insulting you. That was me being honest, you are one,''
Matt took the joke in stride, returning a flippant comment of his own just as sarcastically.
''Thanks, the feelings mutual,''
''Welcome,'' Chris retorts, and then the glimmer of humor's gone. The smile wiped away in its fullness. ''But hey, Matt?''
Matt watches as his brother sits beside him, occupying a spot on his bed.
''Yeah,''
''The next time you're feeling that way promise me something,'' Matt nods slightly, waiting for whatever it is that his brother is about to say. ''Don't keep it from us, just tell me or something, man,''
''Okay,'' Matt says softly. Chris doesn't leave it at that, frowning over at him in concentration. More composed and nervous than Chris ever is.
''And you know I love you, right? That what you wrote couldn't be any farther from the truth. I mean, no amount of arguing or anything else could ever change that,''
Matt pauses, he thinks back to the new note that graces his phone. The words he'll have for him to look back on whenever he's feeling doubt.
And he knows now.
''Yeah, yeah, I know that now,''
''Good because I'm serious, Matt, it's gonna' be me, you, and Nicky forever. I'm never going to get tired of you,''
''That means a lot, I love you, Chris,''
He means it too, more than anything Matt means those words. He smiled at Chris again, anxieties dimmed as opposed to what they were when he'd originally woken. And Chris of course smiled back, affection radiating off the youngest in waves, crashing against Matt in his entirety.
Gosh, his brother is so ridiculous it isn't even funny. And yet it's even more ridiculous how much he loves him.