Park Yuna🎨
I can hear her calling out to me, but I ignore her pleas to come back. My head is throbbing, my heart pounding. I'm running so fast, I can barely see anything around me. I'm dizzy, and I'm tired. I'm scared, and I'm confused. I'm running. I'm running and I keep running, until I can't feel my legs anymore. Until I can't feel my heart pounding anymore.
I'm fully numb. I have no words. Nothing to say.
My gaze travels down to the ground. I watch the sand, a few rocks littering the brown ground. I kick a pebble under my foot with a grunt. "This can't be fucking happening right now. This isn't happening. Why is this happening?" I cradle my head in my hands, fighting back tears.
I feel a buzz in my pocket and reach my hand in, pulling my phone. Beomgyu's calling me. I let out a soft breath, silencing my phone.
Then come the texts from my notification bar. Nonstop and constant for minutes.
beomie💝 : yuna
beomie💝 : where are u?
beomie💝 : yun it's really late
beomie💝 : where are u?
beomie💝 : i'm worried
beomie💝 : yun?
beomie💝 : why aren't u picking up any of my calls?
beomie💝 : yuna?
beomie💝 : are u okay?
beomie💝 : just reply please
beomie💝 : there's no way u haven't seen any of my texts yet
beomie💝 : your phone is on
beomie💝 : you're online
beomie💝 : i know u are
beomie💝 : just say something
beomie💝 : where r u?
It stops for a few seconds and I sigh, ready to put my phone back in my pocket.
Beomie💝 : i'm coming yun
I inhale deeply, putting my phone back in. I sit down on the sand, bringing my knees up to my chest, resting my chin in the middle.
I stare dully at the waves in front of me. They're so constant. Stable. Patterned.
High up in the air, over the sand. High in the air, and over the sand. Over and over again.
If you ever asked me if I'd rather be the sea or the shore, of course I'd say the sea. Majestic and beautiful. Admired, adored and yet feared.
Unfortunately, I'm the shore. Basic. Ordinary. Very not-constant. Life for me can just never stay the same. One day the waves are rough, terrorising my grounds. The next, it sends its creatures to shit all over me. Literally.
I'm just there. There to witness happiness and never able to experience it.
I don't want change. I don't do change.
But change...loves me.
I mean really, is it so hard to have one damn quiet day?
I just want everyone to shut up and leave me alon-
"Yuna!"
Footsteps.
"You scared the hell out of me!"
They slow down.
"Yuna?"
I look up to meet his eyes. His brows furrow in concern. My lips fall into a deep frown, my face breaking down. Before I can stop to think, tears spill out my eyes.
"Oh, Yuna." He gets down on his knees in front of me, holding my face in his hands. I lean into his touch, pressing my cheek against the warm palm of his hand. His thumbs rub slow circles on my cheeks.
I cry even harder at that and he sighs, pulling me into his chest.
Somehow...I cry harder than I did a few seconds ago.
My hands fist the ends of his shirt, pulling him even closer to me. I nuzzle my face into his neck. He smells like berries. I love berries.
I begin sobbing now.
"God, Yun, why do I feel like you're crying even harder because of me? Is it actually because of me?"
I shake my head quickly, still hiding my face in his neck.
"You just smell so...good...wahh!"
"Why does that make you cry?"
"I don't know, okay," I mumble, sniffling.
"Relax," he whispers, stroking my hair gently.
Eventually I calm down, slight hiccups making their way past my swollen lips. Beomgyu shushes me, rubbing circles on my back.
"What happened?"
I exhale deeply, my nose brushing over his Adam's apple. "Long story."
"My legs don't go numb easy. Go on."
I stay there hidden in his chest for over an hour, telling him the whole story. "And just...I don't know."
"Wow, that's...crazy."
"There's one way to put it," I mutter, playing with a button on his shirt.
"How do you feel?"
"I dunno."
"I'm sure you do. You just don't know how to put it into words. Try," he urges gently.
"I was mad. And scared at first."
"And now?"
"Just...confused. I've lived my whole life not knowing anything about my parents. I was mad at them for abandoning me. And I didn't feel any guilt over it because they owed me at least that. It was easy to know how to feel about them. It was easy to hate them, because I never knew them. But now, things are different."
I pause for a minute, wanting to gather my thoughts.
"I mean seriously, how does someone react when they find out the mother they've been hating all their life died because of them?"
"Yun, she didn't die because of you."
"She did. If I weren't born, my parents would have been well and alive."
"Yuna, you can't just say something like that."
"Really. Think about this. They're dead. Because of me."
"And what about Jimin hyung? If you didn't become his little sister, he would've had to go through his mother's death all on his own."
I hesitate a little. "He's a tough guy."
"And what about your friends?"
"They'll do fine without me. They were doing fine without me."
"Who's gonna be Soobin hyung's first love? Who's gonna be Ryujin's best friend? Who's gonna convince Yeonjun to fight for his life? Who's gonna help Kai with his insecurities? Who's gonna support Taehyun through anything?"
"I'm sure I'm easily replaceable, I assure you."
"And what about me? Who's gonna be my best friend? Who's gonna be my number one fan? My flatmate? Who's gonna help me believe in myself? Who's going to always be there to pick me up when I fall?"
I raise my head up to meet his eyes. His gaze looks determined and strong. I can tell with the way his expression shifts a little, he's about to say something, but is second guessing it.
"Who's going to be the beautiful girl I fall in love with?" he whispers softly, his thumb coming up to caress my cheek affectionately.
I bit down on my lower lip at the confession, my heart fluttering at his words, even with the ridiculous situation my head was in. He brings the thumb over to my mouth, freeing my lower lip from my teeth. He leans in forward, pressing a soft kiss on my cheek. "Who do I fall hopelessly in love with if its not you, Park Yuna?"
"I don't even know who I am anymore," I admit, breaking down again.
"You're Yuna. You're someone who notices all the little habits of the people she loves the most. You're someone who comes and checks in on your brother at night because you worry he might have a nightmare. You're someone who reaches for my hand immediately if you ever believe I'm anxious or overwhelmed. You'd let people say things about you, but if they ever bring your friends up, they're dead."
He places an index finger under my chin, making me look up at him. "You are beautiful, precious, sweet, annoying, supportive and my favourite person in the whole world. You were always there for me. You told me that it wasn't wrong to feel. Why don't you take your own advice?"
I stare deep into his eyes, and notice the sincerity behind his words. His raw honesty. I didn't think I would ever get this. I wrap my arms around his waist, shoving my face into his chest again, sobbing.
"It's okay. I've got you." He strokes my hair tenderly.
"I don't know what to do."
"Yuna, you're allowed to feel what you want to feel. If you'd rather live your life not wanting to know about your parents, that's perfectly fine. That is a choice you have. You're not obliged to want to know them and love them. That's just impossible to ask for. And if they loved you, they wouldn't ask that of you. This is your choice to make."
"What if they hate me? I'm the reason they died, I can't be insensitive-" I cry.
"They are not dead because of you. They lived, Yuna. And loved. And as a result of their love to the world, they've left you behind. You were made with love, Yuna. Do you have any idea how beautiful of an idea that is? Not many people can say that these days."
"They'll hate me."
"They won't. I promise you. They won't."
"How do you know that?" I weep, looking up to meet his eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"If they're looking at you right now, I'm sure all they feel for you is love. They'd want you to live your life, Yun."
"You act like you can talk to the dead or something," I mumble against his soaked shirt.
"I did always want to when I was little, yeah," he admits chuckling. "I just wanted to talk to my mother y'know."
"No matter now rude it seems, my mother is just...not the woman who gave birth to me. I wouldn't think of her like that."
"And that's okay to do so," he assures.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. I've learnt one thing with you, Yuna. Family isn't blood. Its the people you're with. Sharing the same name or face doesn't make you family. The time spent and the memories created is what makes a family."
"Pft, since when are you so wise, huh?" I tease, hitting him lightly.
"Since I met you," he says, grinning widely.
Silence follows us after that, the only sounds being the waves crashing against the shore and our soft breaths. It was a cool night, especially on the beach. I looked up at the full moon above us. And in that moment, I realized one thing.
I may be the shore, but Beomgyu is the moon. When looked at, it doesn't seem like much. Only once you've explored every inch of it do you realize how beautiful it truly is. How mesmerising every inch, and every crater is.
Once the sun sets, leaving the shore alone, the moon rises. It says nothing, simply looking after the shore for the night, calming it down. Once the morning comes, it softly bids a farewell and a promise to return the next night.
Beomgyu was my moon. Beautiful, mysterious, soft, graceful and mine. Mine to hold, to treasure and to love.
"I love you, too," I whisper softly.
He looks at me momentarily shocked, but soon, a wide grin pulls on his face. He cups my face in his large hands, softly kissing the tip of my nose. I giggle, gently caressing his earlobe with my index finger.
"You'll be okay, Yun," he assures gently, pulling me back into his neck. "I promise."
"Can we stay here a little? Before we go home?" I ask quietly, fiddling with his shirt again.
"Yeah. We can." He pulls me in tighter, giving me a squeeze.
"How'd you find me anyway?" I question, looking up to meet his eye.
"I made a quick run through of all the places you could've gone off to. There were...a lot, considering I wasn't sure what emotion you were feeling at the moment."
"Were you planning on checking the karaoke place?" I snicker.
"It did cross my mind, yeah," he chuckled softly, the vibrations of his low laughter calming me along with the steady echo of his heartbeat.
"I just...stalked your snap map. Sorry," he mutters.
I break out into a fit of giggles, shaking my head in disbelief.
"I know I said I'd never do it again. But, desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Thank you. For finding me," I murmur seriously.
"I'll always be there to find you, Yun. Always."
I looked up to face the moon, a small smile playing at my lips. Beomgyu places a gentle kiss atop the crown of my head.
Yeah. I'll be okay.
🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠
it's been so long omg😭😭
I just kinda lost motivation for a bit lmao
mostly because I wasn't really sure how I was going to end this (still haven't figured it out) but it will be ending pretty soon
I definitely have a lot more ideas I'd like to try out but I get stuck right at the beginning and it's just kinda hard to move on past that but hopefully we'll get there
also I'm just now realising that I don't really have hobbies😃
like I genuinely do nothing but sit around
the only thing I kinda had going for me was reading but now I find it so hard to concentrate on anything it's kinda stupid
my attention span sucks
I definitely wanna try out hobbies yk like crocheting (I used to do it when I was a kid but I lost the hook thing and just forgot how to after that😭) or like baking or cooking but idek where i start w that
moving on
gyu of the day
he just looks so squishy😔
_RAVEN_