who says peter parker owns an apartment
final partttt
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peter made a point to stay away from me the following week, and for that i didn't blame him. i'd fucked up and this is what i deserved. i didn't know what to say or do that would make this better.
all in all, i'd chickened out. i was scared and i had no other reasoning. does this count as trama-induced shit? i don't know.
it was too late now, really. he hated me and that was fine, it would be better off this way. we would be better off this way. i wouldn't accidently hurt him or vice versa, yeah?
yeah.
...yeah?
i was currently hiding in library, so i would be able to avoid peter's sad eyes.
"you're a bitch, ya know?"
i was taken aback, my head snapping towards the voice.
mj. it was mj.
"i-i'm sorry?"
"don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about. it's not like the whole school knows, anyways. that's literally what everyone's talking about."
"i.."
she raised an eyebrow. "you stood up peter?"
"that's not- i didn't-"
"yeah. you did. why? he doesn't deserve that, and you know it."
blinking, i wasn't sure what to say? i was scared? to what, break my heart? quietly, i whispered a response. "i dunno," lie, "i wasn't really thinking," lie, "i guess i was afraid?" truth.
"to what?"
"hurt him. break his heart? break mine? these things never end well."
"well, how's that working for you?"
"what do you mean?"
"breaking hearts," mj explained.
oh. oh, okay. i see. i may have contridicted myself here. i shook my head, very literally trying to shake the thoughts out of my head. "no, you don't get it."
"then help me. help me understand."
"...i-" what was there to explain? "my parents got divorced," short and sweet."
"okay? my parents got divorced."
"not the same."
"why?"
"because."
"because why?"
"god, why are you doing this?"
"no, why are you doing this?"
i threw my hands up in the air, exasperated. "doing what!?"
"you're running away. from this. from him. don't you realize that it won't help anything?"
"but my parents-"
"you aren't your parents. their love story doesn't dictate yours. make your own, your own story. fill up the pages with whatever the hell you want, but don't you dare close that book."
yes, it was a weird comparison, but it oddly made sense.
"what are you getting at?"
"you can be your own person. just because your mom and dad didn't work, doesn't mean you and peter won't. it doesn't even have to be serious, just try it. for him. for yourself. give it a chance, maybe he'll end up being the one. besides, peter isn't like that. he's a gentleman. i pretty sure. unless he's a secret fuckboy, i don't know.
"but what i do know is that you'll never find out if you don't try."
i sucked in a breath, "what if it's too late?"
"it's never too late. go get your man," she winked.
"okay, yeah. i-i'm doing this... uh, maybe after school, though." she nodded, going back to her book.
"thank you," i whispered.
"it's fine. everyone gets misguided sometimes. just takes a little nudge to get back on track," mj paused, "besides, i know you're, like, hopelessly in love with him."
and before i could ask, she added, "it's pretty obvious."
despite the growing blush on my face, i grinned.
-
i paced in front of peter's house, like i had been for the past 30 minutes. may's car wasn't in the driveway, and i didn't know when she'd be back or where she was going.
i'd been hiding behind a bush as i'd watched her drive away, so maybe i'd have, like, another 30 minutes?
what would i say to make this all better? was there even anything to say? "sorry" didn't seem like enough, it was such a small, pathetic word. vague and insincere.
sorry what?
sorry i stood you up.
sorry i led you on.
sorry i was a bitch.
sorry i'm scared.
sorry i'm like this.
sorry because you don't deserve this. you deserve better. so much better, and i'm not sure if i can give that to you.
i cracked my knuckles and chewed on my bottom lip, letting my fist hover over the front door. suddenly, the door opened. my eyes widened and i jumped back, met by the face of curly haired boy.
i'd been in my head all day, dreaming up fake scenarios where everything would be okay, and we'd, i don't know, end up kissing? (and other ones that ended up with peter taking over the world.)
he sighed, pressing his lips together.
"i- you- i was just... because- you know, like... yeah."
peter shook his head, "i saw you through the window, like, 15 minutes ago. i figured i would let you actually do something, but you didn't, and i got kinda impatient."
"oh." oh? seriously? that's all i can muster up?
he waited for another moment and then looked away, "look, it's fine."
it is?
"you don't like me and that's it. there's not really anything to do about that. it was kinda too good to be true. i should've listened to ned. you're friends with flash, for god's sakes. what on earth did i expect? not that you go around playing fucking games or something."
peter shrugged, looking back up at me, "i guess i thought you were better than that."
my throat felt dry, and if felt like sharp pieces of glass were shredding my vocal cords, because i couldn't say anything. his eyes lingered on me for a bit longer, and when he realized that i wasn't going to say anything, he shut the door.
almost.
"what-?"
i blew out a breath, "ow, that kinda hurt. i may need better shoes." i unwedged my foot from between the door, pushing it back open with my hand.
i tried again, getting kind of desperate. "i- i don't... i didn't mean-"
"it's fine," he said, stressing every syllable. "i don't care."
"you- you don't?"
"oh, i'm sorry, did you want me to be hung over your rejection the rest of your life and follow you around like a fucking puppy or something?"
"no! no, of course not." i don't think i've ever really heard peter swear before, so he must've been really mad, and i don't blame him. i'd want to defenestrate myself, too, if i were him.
in fact, i do.
"i messed up and i know that," his expression read that my statement was rather obvious. "but- i... i really do like you."
peter raised an eyebrow.
"i know that nothing i say can make this better, and i get that. i don't expect you to forgive or give me another chance, but please hear me out."
"okay," he said timidly, so i sat down on the front steps.
"it's stupid and i know that, okay? so don't laugh." peter didn't respond, so i continued. "my parents got divorced when i was really young, and i didn't really expect it. you know, because i thought they were perfect. and at least in my eyes, they were."
"my parents are... uh, dead," i looked over at him, frowning. but when i saw he had a half-smile on my face, i felt my heart beat faster.
"they had a fight, got divorced, and... and, yeah. i'm not sure how my dad took it, because he never talked about it. he still doesn't. i've tried asking, he doesn't like that. i guess he must've removed all info from friday, too, because she claims to not know anything.
"my mom died just a year or two after. kinda went off the rails, maybe. she died from overdose. i don't know whether it was accidental or not, my dad didn't tell me that either. i don't think it was."
"i-i'm so sorry-... i had no idea."
"i know. it's okay. i'm just scared. i don't want to end up like her." once i'd started, i couldn't stop, it was thrilling to be actually talking about it. because i'd never done that before.
my dad had gotten me a therapist after my mom died, but i'd refused to talk to her, so that was that.
"so it's not that i don't like you. because i really, really do. you mean a lot to me, and if i'm being honest, i don't really think i've felt this way for anyone before. you're- you're different. i feel happy when i'm with you, like i don't have to pretend. because i know you won't judge."
i sighed, "i know it's not fair to call anyone perfect, but i really think you are."
"i want to be with you, peter. you know, if you'll have me."
"i do. i- i mean, i do want to have you. well, you're not an object, i mean, like, be with you. and you don't have to worry, y/n. i'd never do anything to hurt you, i love you too much. we can take things slow if you want, test out the waters."
at that point, i realized what we hadn't wasn't perfect, but that was okay. i loved us for it.
i nodded, "so you aren't mad?"
"no, i'm happy that you told me this. i'm glad you could trust me. so... wanna restart?"
tilting my head to the side, i raised a brow.
"i'm peter," he held out a hand, grinning dorkily. i took it and pulled him close to me, kissing him. clearly, he was shocked, because he didn't kiss me back for a moment. but when he did, it was the best thing in the world.
after all, we didn't have to restart completely.