Benjamin
Deep down I'm afraid of losing her. She can't know about the things I did. There are some secrets I'm willing to take to my grave.
I thought it would be an easy task to look for a little girl that has distinct features. Dark brown curly hair, brown skin, and small statured, but I was wrong. I keep convincing myself that she didn't go far. I check the time on my phone and it is 6:15pm. When I left Elaine it was still five, that means I've been walking around longer than I expected. What makes maters worse is that I'm in endless pain.
How far could she have gone?
I know she's probably pissed at me and I accept that, but I'm getting worried that she doesn't want to come back to me. I remember her as a toddler, how she always wanted to be held—never wanting me to put her down. She'd throw a fit and I would let her cry it out. It used to annoy me, however some part of me wished I had never took it all for granted. The thought of her being kidnapped, r**ed, or worse makes me sick to my stomach. The police could have already found her and sent her off to strangers All because I pushed her away for being curious.
I still don't know what possessed her to do it.
I'm yelling her name and people are staring at me like a lunatic. Someone walks up to me and asks about who I was looking for. I told them that I was looking for a thirteen year old girl. Although, she could go for someone of a single digit age.
When I spotted the police in the area, I scattered. I do not want to get them involved.
Not long, I got a sharp pain in my middle back near my rib cage. Lately, it has been very persistent. I wince, holding onto my right side. I'm leaning on a wall outside of a gas station waiting for the pain to yield. Earlier, I assumed it was because I haven't urinated all day. yet, I spend five minutes in the bathroom forcing myself to go and nothing came out. At this rate, it will become harder to search for her. I reach in my pocket and pull out the bag with a bottle of pills. I take two white pills and swallow.
That should keep me for a bit.
I'm getting a little tired but it doesn't stop me for looking for my little girl.
-||-
Another hour past, I nearly searched every part of town that I knew possible. My gradual pace is making it more difficult. In that time, I call Mack for help. He has a car so it would be much easier. I'm currently tossing off more pills because it seems like the pain isn't subsiding.
I stop on at the end of a one way street when my phone starts ringing.
"You found her?" I say, panting.
"No, not yet. Where are you? I'll come pick you up," his voice is muffled by the car's engine.
"I'm on 14th st of Tailbrooke," I announce as I look at the green street sign.
"Bet. I'll be there in 10 minutes". I can hear him telling one of his guys to turn around.
Standing in one spot for ten minutes seems like torture for me right now. My whole body is aching and I can barely stand in one place. My feet feel like they're about to burst into flames.
I shake my head and begin to tell him that I've changed my mind, but he ends the call abruptly. I groan in frustration.
As I struggle to keep moving somehow my balance is becoming unsteady. I'm stopping often to catch my breath as if I just ran a marathon. Drivers on the road stop and voice their concerns from the looks of my discuntaled state and I kindly wave them off.
This has been going on for an hour until it's completely dark.
Maybe she's back already.
Later, an angry Mack calls me back, wondering what happened to me. He stopped his search saying that he had business to take care of.
I'm angry with myself that I allowed her to run away and slightly angry with her for being so sensitive. Not a moment goes by when I think about if she never existed, would my life still be the way it is?. I could have just abandoned her, dropped her off to some orphanage then maybe she would be better off without me.
-|||-
After walking for what feel like forever, I gave in and made it back to the double gate. The only problem is I'm too weak to climb between or over the gate. The only choice I have is to yell for Elaine and pray that she comes to my rescue. The pain in body is non-existent, all I want to do is sleep and I have no more pills to save. I can't even remember how many pills I took today.
"EE-laine!" I weakly yell. I'm shaking the gate to get her attention or at least someone's. I do it multiple times.
"EEE-laine!" I strain. I'm using all the energy I have left in my body to call her and finally I hear the sound of foot steps on the grass.
"Benjamin?" I hear her say with uncertainty in her voice. It is dark and I could barely see if it's her. When she is closer, a bright light flashes me. I see her holding a tiny flashlight.
"Are you alright? Did you find her?" She asks, looking around and behind me. I'm sure she's stressed out.
"What? Sheeth's not wit you?" I slur. It feels like a heavy brick is resting on my tongue. Now, Elaine looks at me confused or angry?. The haziness in my eyes is confusing me.
"No...," she drags out the word, taking a long pause.
That's not good.
Her eyes show signs of realization,"For God sakes Benjamin, what are you on?". I'm shaking my head, trying to concentrate on her.
"She's not here! and it's late. I knew I should've went with you," she says. I catch myself stumbling and her voice is becoming more distant.
"This needs to stop Benjamin, the drugs, the lies, the secrets everything. She can't see you like this".
I continue to shake my head. I don't have time to be lectured. If she's not here I have to keep looking, even if it kills me. I ignore her rants and attempt to walk away.
"Uh-uh, you're not going anywhere," she struggles to maneuver between the gate to retrieve my unsteady body. Then a voice calls my name.
"Benjamin" a soft voice whispers. It sounds all too familiar.
"Momma?" I nearly have whip lash seeking to find the person behind the voice.
How can it be?
"You wish! get over here now!" Elaine yells.
I squint my eyes to see a human figure by the bushes. The figure is clear as night.
Its her!
The glowing aura surround her. It was so bright that I could barely see her face, but I know it's her.
"Momma!" I scream, reaching out to her.
"Boy, quit playing games and come here," It bothers me when I can sense Elaine tugging the back of my shirt.
"Leave me alone!" I yell .
The last words I've spoken before it all turned black.
●●●
The young man shouted and ran riot in the streets. His pants were two times bigger—falling low to showcase his bare rear end. Once in a while, he pulled them up just for them to slide back down.
He was clearly under the influence.
Moments ago, he had an argument with his mother. He asked her for money and she turned him down.
'You are a terrible mother for deserting your own child!'
When he graduated from high school, the plan was to either go to college, join the military or get a job. Neither option was accomplished over a year. Instead, he chose to hang out with his so called friends to get drunk or high. It lead to daily arguments and 'fighting. This was not the child she raised. Eventually, she got fed up and kicked him out of the house. So, he's been living on the streets for months ever since.
"I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" he yelled—whisking out a drunken laugh. He stumbled on bags of trash. Falling unconscious.
The next morning, a cool breeze awakened him. The air wasn't capable of producing it during the weeks' recent high degree temperatures. He looked down, and his clothes were no longer attached to his body.
Suddenly, the young man heard arguing coming from his left side.
"And why is there a naked person in my alley Mackenzie?" A man yelled. He was dressed like someone who works in an office.
The younger guy next to him was just as clueless," I don't know, boss. Do you want us to get rid of him?".
"What do you think? This is my domain!".
The small group of three jumped at their boss's demand and walked over to the young man in question.
"Hey dopey, get up! " Mackenzie said. The young man, lying there was still processing, eyes still adjusting to the sun.
"If you don't get up in five seconds we'll gladly drag you out by your manhood," he smirked.
"I'd like to s-see you try," he spoke. He definitely didn't have a chance against them in his condition, but his stubborn nature represented bravery and it esteemed him worthy in the eyes of a boss man.
Just as the group accepted the challenge, ready to charge at the exposed being, their boss had a revelation.
"Wait, I change my mind," he announced, causing the group to go egoless and glance at their boss. "What your name son?" He asked, boldly approaching him.
"Uh. Ben- Benjamin" he recalled, staggering to stand up in all of his glory.
In his head, the man measured how tall the younger guy was.
"Get Benjamin some clothes," he ordered his men. Yet, they didn't have any extra clothes to supply. "Take it off now," he snapped his fingers, pointing to the layers of clothing on their bodies. Hesitantly, one removed his shirt, the other his pants— lucky that he chose to wear a pair of gym shorts underneath on the very day.
"Why are you helping me?" Benjamin asked the man.
"Because I like you Benjamin, and I don't like anybody. I'm invested in you," He tells
"I give you clothes and in exchange I want you to work for me," He smiled, showing off the gold caps on his canines.
"Doing what?" he lifted a brow.
"First thing, you don't question me. Second thing, don't worry about 'what'. Be grateful that I'm offering you a job that pays by the dime," he said.
At this point, the offer didn't sound too bad. Besides, he didn't have much of a choice.
"Maybe, just for one day," Benjamin thought.
It went on for years.
Two years later, he decided to pay a visit to his mother. Benjamin was eager to tell her that he was making money, had a place of his own, and a girlfriend. He believed that he was finally proving her wrong.
He stood on the stoop of a small, three bedroom house. The first knock he gets, no answer. Then it continued until he started banging on the door and yelling for his mother. He heard the television, someone was home. Soon, a man yelled from the other side.
"Who is it?!" The screen door reveals a middle aged man, in a T-shirt and boxer shorts.
"Where's my momma? I need to speak to her," he told his mother's boyfriend.
"Benjamin? What brings you here? It's been a while, boy".
"I'm not your boy. Why are you in her house?" he curiously asked.
"I live here. Why are you here? I heard you've been out in the streets doing the devil's work". The older man started.
"Don't worry about what I've been doing, and what do you mean you live here? Let me speak to her now!" Benjamin demanded.
"She knew what you did for a living—we all knew. It's sad that she had to leave knowing her son is lost," he crossed his arms and shook his head.
"What are you talking about old man?, Where is she?". The older man blinked forcefully.
"Maryanne passed away two months ago. I'm surprised no one told you" .
"She wha- I don't believe you". Benjamin was never fond of the man, why would he believe a word he says.
"It's true. Here," he grabbed a pamphlet handing it to him. Benjamin scanned the cover, analyzing his mother's smiling face. He would only catch her smiling like that at parties or for pictures.
"Man, that's bull! If she's dead then this house belongs to me," he pointed out.
"Not legally. After we got married, she made a will. In her last will and testament, she left the house to me; her husband, and you got nothing".
"Oh yeah?" he stepped forward, trying to get past the man that was blocking the entrance.
"Young man, I cannot let you in. You don't live here. Now leave".
"Make me," he said, pushing the man. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will".
"Come through and I'll call the police. They will send you to prison for trespassing, assault and drug dealing".
He shoved the man aside as he entered the house, "This is my mother's house!" .
He goes in his mother room, looking for anything valuable. He doesn't hear from the man, except a cocking gun sound.
"You have two choices. You can leave here dead or alive. Either way, you have to go Benjamin". With one hand in the air, Benjamin used his other to snatch a necklace off his mother's dresser.
"I'll be back. Don't let your guard down old man," he goes around him. The gun still aimed his way. He walked out the wide open door, looking back.
Once he stops at a corner, he immediately fell to his knees. Hot tears spilling down his face. It hits him. His mother, the one who raised him is gone. All the guilt and shame stirred up in him.
Sadly, There was no amount of money in the world that could reverse it.