Troye
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I feel like I'm going insane and I don't know what to do. I'm so worried about Connor and I have no control at all over what is going on. I'm so used to being in control of everything that go's on in my life. This is so different and I don't know how to handle it. The fact that it's my soulmate, the person that I'm in love with, makes everything twenty times harder. I care about him more than I care about myself, if someone hurts him I won't be able to live with myself.
I look down at his sleeping face, trying to calm myself down. I don't know what to do. I feel so incredibly useless and I don't know how to handle it. Only one thing is keeping me from not completely freaking out and that's the knowledge that he believes in me. Connor believes in me and cares about me. That's more than I can say about most other people.
I have a thought in my head that I need to push away but the more that I think about the harder it is for me to forget about it. I don't want to become to involved with him in case I can't save him. I know what your thinking. You already let him give you a blowjob and you returned the favor, that's pretty involved. I'm overwhelmed by all the thing that are going on and everything is going so fast but I don't know how to slow it down. I don't know how I can possible distance myself from him when I now know for a fact that I am in love with him. He's falling for me too, Tyler said that much, but I can tell that he doesn't truly know how he feels about me. I can't really blame him either, I wouldn't want to love a murder. I wouldn't want to love someone as fucked up as me either. I don't understand how he deals with this. I don't understand why either. He's my soulmate, yeah, but soulmates have left each other because fucked up things happened. He's not the type to give up though, he wants to make this work. He cares about you.
My phone buzzes on the bedside table and I carefully scoot out of Connor's grip so that I can sit up and get my phone. I reach out and grab my phone seeing a message from Dan waiting for me, I tap the screen a few times so that I can see the full message and I read it over a few times to make sure that I'm reading it correctly. I slide out of bed and Connor groans in his sleep then clutches a pillow in my absence. I walk out of our bedroom and down the hall as I dial Dan's number, he picks up on the second ring with a cheery,
"Good Morning." I almost snap at him about being cheery in a situation like this but I stop myself. Yelling at Dan is not going to fix anything.
"You need to start enforcing you security rules. That man is trying to kill my soulmate and he's leaving notes in Con's office like it's nothing." I say in a frustrated tone that is slightly louder than my usual voice. I sit down on one of the sofas in the living room and pull my knees to my chest.
"Phil and I have looked over the tapes and we haven't found any sign of anyone breaking into Connor, Marcus, and Tyler's office. We have seen a few unfamiliar faces in the last few days that none of the staff know. We are now checking everyone that walks through the door. We will keep the letters for further examination. Also since you've probably forgotten, Phil told me to remind you that it is your birthday today. Phil made reservations for the two of you at some fancy restaurant and the meals on us so go crazy, I'll text you the details."
"It's my birthday? Wow. I guess I'll talk to you later then." With that Dan hangs up the phone and I sit there on the couch thinking. My thoughts are interrupted by Dan texting me the address of the restaurant and telling me that he's texted Connor telling him about the reservations and that I'm to act surprised. I say okay and that's when I hear Connor walking down the steps, he peaks his head into the living room and sees me sitting on the couch in my boxers. He smiles and steps into the room, he walks over and sits beside me before he says anything.
"Happy birthday, Tro." Connor says and throws his arms around my shoulders, I stiffen for a moment then relax remembering that it's just Connor. Even if you are going to distance yourself from him slightly you still need to be comfortable around him. He's going to pick up on your mood and wonder what is going on with me. I pull him against me and kiss his cheek which makes his face turn a bright shade of red. How much cuter can this green eyed man get?
"Thanks." I say not really knowing how else I should reply. He smiles then pulls me off the couch so that we can go to the kitchen and make breakfast. Well, mostly he makes the breakfast. He makes an extravagant meal that I thoroughly enjoy. I give him a short kiss on the lips when we are done cleaning up the mess that he made and we go back into the living room. Connor's phone buzzes on the pocket of his sweats and he pulls it out to read a text. His face turns to worry and I look at him with concern as I wait to see what's happened.
"Ricky just text me to tell me that Trevor is having a nervous breakdown. He asked me to come to his place asap." I know that I'm not going to be able to stop him from going to see his friend, when his friends needs him so I just nod. I know the dangers of him going alone but I don't want to go with him because that would be awkward. I love him, but I think I need to give him a little space right now. Connor heads out of the room and I lie down on the couch trying to think of anything that I could do while I wait for him to get home. Maybe after he gets home we could spend the day at the lake, he loved it there. I catch Connor on his way out the door so that I can tell him where I'm going.
"Do you remember how to get to the lake?" I ask him and he nods his head. "I'm going to go out there in a little while so just meet me out there when you come home, okay?" A smile creeps onto his face and he leans over to give me a kiss but I turn my head so his lips catch my cheek.
"Okay." He mutters sounding disappointed as he walks out of the door and over to his car. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. He just got upset over me rejecting a kiss from him, how in the world am I going to reject his touch even further. You'll do it because you know that in the long run it's better for both of you. If you wait until he tells you that he loves you, you won't misinterpret things or get yourself or him hurt. Ugh what the fuck am I even doing?
I walk up to our bedroom so that I can change into swim trunks and a tank top before grabbing a tote bag and putting a blanket and two towels in it. I walk all the way to the lake trying to clear my head of all the bad things that are a seemingly constant in my life at the moment. If only my life was simple, but my life has never been simple since the day I turned thirteen. I should't dwell on what could be when I could be trying to solve the problems at hand no matter how much I dislike thinking about those.
I make it to the lake and I sit down on the edge of the shoreline remembering the day that I brought Connor here. That seems like it was such a long time ago, so much has happened since that wonderful night. That's probably my favorite memory with him, everything about that night was just amazing. From the way he talked to me, to how comfortable he started to be around me, everything was perfect for that one night. I lie on my back soaking up the sun for a few hours before I hear footsteps and open my eyes to see Connor making his way towards me in swimming shorts and a muscle tee with a bag on his arm.
"Hello, birthday boy." Connor says sitting beside me on the blanket, he sets down the bag on his arm and starts pulling things out.
"Hey." He smiles as he looks over at me then he hands me something wrapped in white paper. I immediately recognize the paper that they wrap sandwiches in at our favorite cafe. He hands me a water bottle next then he pulls out a little gift basket.
"These are from Kennedy and the staff. She literally wouldn't let me pay when I said that it was your birthday." I set the sandwich aside to look at the contents of the basket. I see some of my favorite baked good, personalized M&M's, a nice watch, a few gift cards to various places and two pieces of jewelry, necklaces, one just has a 'T' charm and the other just a 'C' charm. I shove those back into the basket before Connor can see them and smile. This is so nice of them, it's cool that they care enough to but together a gift basket for my birthday. Connor and I eat our sandwiches in quiet then we lie down and soak up the sun. We say a few things to each other but for the most part it's quiet, I think eventually Connor gets tired of the silence so he plays some music. We sing way to loud and we have fun, eventually we end up in the water. It's not quite as fun as the last time, we have a few races all of which he wins and we have a splash war which I win. I don't touch him quite as much as I usually would and I think he's noticed but he won't say anything about it. He doesn't try to kiss me after the time I pretend to slip on a rock and fall backwards into the water.
"Let's go home and shower. I have a few things planned for tonight." A few does that mean more than just the dinner that Dan and Phil have so graciously provided? I raise my eyebrows and he just shakes his head as he helps me pick up the things around us. We talk as we walk back to Connor's car.
"Where are taking me?" I ask when we are putting things into the car. He looks over at me with a smirk on his cute little face. Why does he make my heart pound like this? He makes me catch my breath every time he looks into my eyes and I can hear him giggle every time it happens.
"As a wise young man once told me 'Getting there is half the adventure'." I slap his chest when he quotes me and I get into the passenger side of the car and cross my arms. I just want to know where we are going, so I can plan ahead just in case. I know that he's not going to tell me, just so that he can watch me pout. Apparently I'm really cute when I pout, at least according to Connor Franta. I don't speak to him for the whole two and half minute drive home but I do help him get our things out of his car before going upstairs to get my things for a shower. I head down to the bathroom on the first floor leaving Connor the better bathroom. For such a big house you would think that there would be more than two bathrooms. I strip out of my clothes and turn on the shower, I wait for the water to heat up and that's when everything turns to shit. I'm not sure what exactly happened for this event to take place but somehow the pipe attached to the shower head burst causing water to spray all over the bathroom. I quickly shut the water off and that thankfully stops the spray from soaking the rest of the bathroom. I clean up a little before realizing that we have to be at the restaurant at a certain time and there is not enough time for both of to take showers. I wrap a towel around my waist then sit on the counter with my head in my hands. So much for distancing myself from his touch. I walk out of the down stairs bathroom carrying my things. My heart is pounding in my chest as I knock on the door to the bathroom where I can hear Connor singing.
"Yeah?" He says over the sound of the water spray. I lie my head against the door not knowing how to word this.
"Um...the shower downstairs kind of just exploded." The door is cold against my head as I wait for him to respond to me. Why am I doing this? We can be a few minutes late. Dan and Phil are the ones who set this up and they own like everything.
"What? Come in here." My hand finds the silver door knob and I slowly turn it pushing the door open and stepping inside of the steamy room. I close the door behind me and he peaks his head out from behind the shower curtain. "Is the water still running down there?"
"No, once I turn the knob the shower went off but the pipe connecting to the shower head is ruined and it was soaking the bathroom. He motions for me to come over to him and I walk towards him. "I know we have reservations because Dan told me this morning before he told you, so I know we need to be there at a certain time so I was wondering if I could maybe-"
"Just drop your towel and get in the shower with me." my eyes widen at his words and we both laugh before I do what he said and step into the shower with him. Connor steps out of the way so that I can step under the hot spray of water. I can feel the tension in my body and I can feel Connor's eyes shamelessly drinking in every little detail of my naked body. He steps behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, he starts rubbing the tension out of my shoulders and I let my body relax. He kisses my shoulder and whispers to me, "Everything is going to be okay. I'm not judging you, I'm appreciating you." We wash each others hair and backs leaving the rest for us to do on our own. He's so kind and I love him so much, I just wish that all of this wasn't so complicated and that I could just tell him straight up that I love him more than anything that has ever walked roamed or lied on this earth.
"Hey, Connor?" My heart as beating out of my chest as I slip on my boxers, knowing what I intend on telling him.
"Yeah, Troye?" My throat clenches and I physically cannot speak, so I say something other than what I had planned on telling him.
"Thank you for caring about me." his head lifts up from where he was buttoning up his black jeans and his eyes look sad but for me not for himself. He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my middle, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he hugs me tightly.
"Of course I care about you. You mean more to me than anyone else in the world." we stand there in each others arms for a minute before realizing that we should probably finish getting ready for our date. I'm going on a proper date with my soulmate and what happens after dinner is an endless field of opportunities.
A/N
Hey guys it's Amanda and I know it's been awhile and I'm really sorry. I don't really have an excuse other than I didn't feel like writing and last week I was really do busy to even think about writing. I'm sorry that this happened and I will try very hard to make sure it never happens ever again. This chapter was nice I think. I don't really know you tell me. anyways...IF YOU LIKE ANY PART of this chapter please:
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