*5 years later*
"I swear to god Sophia if you don't quite jumping around I'm going to put you in your room for the rest of the night." I call out to my overly hyper daughter.
"But you said I could watch the hockey game tonight mommy!" She comes running over and pouts up at me.
"I know baby, but you need to be calm for like 20 minutes while I finish this report okay?" Sophia nods and walks off to find something else to do. I sigh and try to finish the report I'm writing for my kinesiology course.
"Mommy? Are we watching the Boston game today?" Sophia asks after a while and I look up to see her looking at me.
"Yeah love, that's what's on tonight."
"My favourite is Seguin." She says after a few minutes of silence.
"I know Sophia, you tell me every time we watch a game." I sigh loudly, I haven't gotten around to telling Sophia all about Tyler. He left when he made the NHL and never really looked back. The most he's done in the past few years is send us a check every Christmas and on mine and Sophia's birthdays, plus the obvious child support. Which I'm very grateful for, as I only have a part time job as I try to finish my schooling.
He calls me every once and a while but I barely ever pick up. I haven't seen him since he left, and Sophia is too young to even remember him. He was around for only a few months before hockey got too serious for him to balance both hockey and us.
He's still the greatest person I've ever known and if we could see each other more I would tell Sophia that he's her father. But he only comes home for the few short breaks they get in the year. And even then he's busy with his family and training for the next season.
I try not to think about him too much, but with watching his hockey games every week it's kind of hard not to.
"He's really good mommy, do you think I can play hockey and be like him?" She comes and sits next to me on the couch and I shrug.
"He must have practiced a lot so you'd need to practice a lot too baby. We can see if there's a hockey team you can join next season, okay?"
"Yay thanks mommy!"
"Of course Soph." I quickly finish the last paragraph of my report and send it to my professor over email. I close my laptop and turn to Sophia, who is now bouncing all over the place.
I get a text from Tyler as Sophia runs off into her room and I sigh.
*if I score tonight, it's for you H*
I put my phone down without answering and turn back to see Sophia dragging out her toy box filled with her dress up clothes.
"We're playing dress up until dinner okay?" Sophia states and I laugh before helping her with the box. We play dress up for a few hours until the game starts.
**********
"Mommy! Seguin scored!" Sophia cheers from my spot beside me on the couch and I clap along with her. I watch Tyler tap his hand against his chest and say "for you". The same celebration he used to do when we were younger and I watched him play, he used to find me in the stands and point to me. I smile slightly and push away my thoughts of him.
"He did, didn't he." I smile at her and she turns back to the TV.
It's quite for a few minutes while we watch the game. I take a sip of my water and lean back into the couch.
"Mommy?"
"What baby?"
"Why does grandma tell me I look like my daddy, but you never have pictures of my daddy?"
"Daddy had to leave us baby, he made that choice. And mommy doesn't want to confuse you with pictures of him. You do look very much like daddy and it's wonderful."
"But I don't know what daddy looks like."
"Baby, he looks just like you but with a boy hair cut."
"Is he tall?" I nod and Sophia stands up on the couch, "like this tall?" She stretches up as far as she can and I laugh lightly.
"Like this tall baby." I stand and put my hand to show how tall Tyler is.
"Woah, that's way tall."
"Yeah he is very tall."
"Why did he leave?"
"He just had to, you'll know when you're older baby I promise."
"Pinky promise?" She holds out her pinky and I link mine with it.
"Pinky promise." I mumble back as she turns her attention back to the tv.
**********
"God mom it's awful! Her favourite team is Boston and she loves Tyler, she never shuts up about him and I can just feel my heart shattering every time she says Seguin because I know it should be her last name." I pace around my bedroom, speaking quickly into the phone and I hear my mother sigh on the other end.
"Why don't you talk to him? Honey you guys were best friends for what, almost seventeen years what is so hard about asking to fly out there to see him?"
"I don't want to bother him. Plus he probably had a whole bunch of girls after him and if I brought Soph into that it'd fuck everything up for him."
"Just call him, it could go really well for all you know!"
"Maybe, I don't know mom. I don't want to ruin his image or career by just showing up with his five year old daughter. It's not fair to him or his career at all."
"Is it fair to Sophia? She asks about her father all the time and she looks exactly like Tyler did at her age. We both know she's going to figure it out when she's older anyways."
"I know mom. I just don't want to ruin stuff for him, he's doing so well right now."
"But what about you honey?"
"What about me? I'm about to graduate university and hopefully get a real job soon and I won't have to ask Tyler for money as much as I do. Like mom I text him at least once a month asking for money for groceries or new clothes for Sophia. I had to ask for rent money last week and he seemed so disappointed in me. I'm afraid one day he'll stop responding and stop sending it. I just want to be able to make a good living on my own."
"Harley we both know that he'll never stop sending you money. No matter what happened he's still a wonderful person and you know that."
"It's hard mom, I have to see his face everywhere and I have to watch him play every week. I can't do this it's too hard." I can feel tears in my eyes and I blink quickly to get rid of them but that only makes them fall.
"I know you loved him more than you let on love and I'm sure he felt the same. But you have a child with him and just because he's in Boston and you're still in Toronto doesn't mean you won't see him."
"I know mom, he's here next weekend for a game and I wanted to take Sophia but I'm not sure if I should." I say quietly and my mom laughs.
"Take her, she'll love it. And let Tyler know so you guys can talk after."
"Maybe, anyways I have to go get Sophia from school and I'll be at your place in like an hour, is that okay?"
"Yeah of course it is, see you soon. love you."
"Love you too mom, bye." I hang up the phone and open a new text to Tyler.
*Hey, we might come to the game next weekend. Is that okay with you?*
I put on a pair of boots and grab my jacket and purse before walking out of our apartment and down to the parking lot. I get in the car and as I turn it on, my phone buzzes with a new call. My phone flashes "Tyler Seguin" and I hesitate before hitting answer.
"Hi Harley." Tyler says and I smile slightly.
"Hey."
"So you guys want to come to the game Saturday?"
"Well I wanted to surprise Sophia because we've never been to a game and she loves Boston for some reason."
"Oh wow she does? Okay yeah, I'll see if I can get you guys some tickets and have you be able to come down after the game."
"No no Tyler we just want to see the game. You don't have to do that, I don't want anyone to know."
"Know what? That I have a daughter?" Tyler sounds annoyed and I sigh.
"Yes Tyler. It's not like she looks like me and I can pass her off as a different guys kid, she looks exactly like you did at five years old."
"She does?"
"Yeah Ty, exactly like you. Same eyes, same nose, same hair, same little smirk. She's a beautiful little girl."
"I'm sorry I'm not there H." My heart flutters at his old nickname for me.
"It's okay, honestly."
"It's not. But I'm sorry I have to go, got a meeting with the coaches in a bit and I smell like equipment still."
"I miss that after hockey practice smell." I mumble.
"I miss you."
"Tyler."
"Sorry, okay well let me know about the game okay? I'll talk to you later. love you H."
"Yeah, bye Ty." I hang up quickly, my heart racing. I start my car and head over to pick Sophia up from school, trying to make the decision to go to the game on Saturday or not.