FIVE YEARS LATER
My hands never felt the same after that night. It haunted me. The phone rings, I look away from my hands as I hear Charlie's sobbing from behind me. I just finished putting her to bed! I rush to the phone when I hear Nora's school calling; I hold the phone to my ears and take a bottle of milk from the fridge before heating it in the heater.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Ms Grey?"
"Speaking." I said, shoving the bottle into Charlies mouth, she laughs slapping my hand away gently.
"Hello, Ms Taylor, I am Principal Andrew from St. Catholic. I am speaking for Nora, she said she isn't feeling well." I sigh, rubbing onto my forehead as I look towards the date. I know exactly why she isn't feeling well.
"Right, I will pick her up in twenty minutes." I hang up the phone, Charlie yelling in the background and Nora feeling ill. I, too, wanted to burst out crying. But I'm afraid I can't. I grab Charlie's baby bag, followed by her stroller. I try to kick open her stroller as I open the front door.
Why isn't it bloody opening! "Kicking it won't open it." I blow the strand of hair that fell on the side of my face as I breathe out in happiness seeing Darren stand there. He comes towards me and flips it open as if it was easy, it is not easy!
"Yeah, I know that." He chuckles shaking his head, I give him a soft hug, I feel his arms slide around my waist before letting go.
"How are you Goblin?" We both step inside.
"Nora's school called me."
"What did they say?" I walk to Charlies room, seeing her colouring and drawing shapes on the wall. I groan slapping my head, this is the ninth time.
"Charlie! What did mummy say?" She screams with laughter as she runs past me, acting as if I wouldn't be able to catch up with her in four steps.
"Uncle!" She shouts before hiding underneath his legs, I fold my arms as she sticks her tongue at me. This little rascal, exactly like her father. Look wise too. She has his green eyes, and black curly locks. Her eyebrows are thick and her lashes are full, her skin is tanned. Beautiful. Something I know Luca would call her by.
"They said she isn't feeling well, and we both know why."
"Luca's death day." I rose a brow. "Sorry, that just flowed." I smirk, trying to grab Charlie. "Okay Charlie, how about we go for a walk to visit Nora?"
"Yay! Nora! Picky yuppies!" She flashes her hands out, Darren grabs her and pulls her onto his shoulder. Before leaving the house, I thank the Lord for a second or four and make sure the doors are closed while I stuff Charlie's bag into the stroller.
Then I push my hair back and start walking, Charlie and Darren pretending to be planes alongside me.
She resembles him. I know I'm repeating myself, but I can't get over how similar they are. Luca gave her the same birthmark on her arm. His genes are so powerful that others think I kidnapped her. I take a look down at my necklace.
Closing my eyes as I know he has the other part of it, a tear sinks down my eyes but i wipe it quickly. And let me add the unopened letter Darren gave me when i gave birth to Charlie.
I could not bare to read his words.
As much as i want to.
I cannot.
It would break me.
Ruin me.
"So, I was thinking, leave the kids at my mums and we can go out." He broke the silence, is he asking me out on a date?
"Go out?"
"Yeah, for dinner...if you're up to it." I hesitated for a second.
"I should be with Nora..."
"Right, yeah, sorry wrong timing.." Then guilt messes me up. I know he is struggling with this more than me. It was his half brother at the end of the day.
"Maybe after I put them to bed?" I suggested, he smiles nodding his head. We arrive at Nora's school, I left Charlie with Darren as I walk inside the school. I am greeted at the reception, "hello, I am here to see Nora." I tap my finger on the counter. She points for me to sign in, I pick the pen up from the string and sign my name on the attendance list.
"She's sitting over there." She points.
"How was she?"
"Sad..." Nora is seated in the corner, staring down at her hands, when I peek around. I walk up to her, she doesn't glance up, but I take my time and sit beside her. I lean in and press the side of her head against my chest. She was the one who took Luca's death the worst; she was young, but she loved Luca with all her heart. He was her only family left.
"I miss him and her..." She whispers, I bite onto my quivering lip as I stroke the back of her head.
"I know, I know baby, I miss him too. And I know your mummy misses you so much more." I admit.
"How do you do it? How do you lose someone you love? Are you okay?"
"I'm okay..." A tear leaves my eyes. "But I'm also stranded in the middle of the ocean with a thousand waves crashing over me, so I suppose in a way I'm drowning. He isn't gone baby; he is right here and so is Anna." I press onto her heart; she sniffles looking up at me. "He is right next to you, to the both of us." She chuckles, wiping her tears as she remove herself from my hug.
"You never got to say goodbye."
"Neither of us did but that's just how life is..."
We hear a loud scream of heaps of laughter, I roll my eyes seeing that little monster rushing towards us. But this little monster makes Nora laugh brightly, I look up to see Darren looking around as if he has lost her. Darren. I don't know where I would be without him. He has been my rock this entire time.
He helped me through everything, Charlies diapers, Nora's schoolwork even though he failed high school. "She's over here Darren." I shout, he snaps his head and a wave of relief slaps him in the face.
"There you are!" He shouts, these people are in a church and are screaming like we own the school. He rushes towards us with the buggy, I pick Charlie up and put her in the stroller. She chews onto my hair; I try to get her to stop but those baby teeth goddammit.
"Charlie! Ow!"
"Okay, they're asleep." I see Darren's mother; I kiss her cheeks as in a way of thanking her but she just brushes me of with a huge smile. "Thank you so much Abuela,"
"Oh please, I love those munchkins." I chuckle, grabbing my bag as my eyes meet Darren's. He looks me up and down before inhaling.
"What? Do I not look nice?" I wore a red satin dress, that dived where my breast were so I added a long gold chain along with the wedding ring Luca gave me. The last thing he gave me. Along with the dress and jewellery, I wore lace up heels.
"No, no you look stunning." He shook his head, is Darren nervous?
"Okay, so we should get going then." He gulps, looking at his mum who slaps the back of his head.
"Si no se van en tres segundos, los echaré yo mismo."
[If you both don't leave in three seconds, I will kick you out myself.]
We quickly leave the house; we have a car, but we prefer to walk because everything we know is local and close by. As we strolled, the sunset was out, and it was suddenly quiet between the two of us, but it was a pleasant quietness. "So, where are we going?"
"Okay, so, there is this bar down the road, more like a club but you are going to love it, then there is this beach right besides it and if you hear the waves just right, the culture is that they whisper what you need."
I chuckle shaking my head, as I push Darren jokingly. He covers my eyes half of the way whilst speaking to me about how much I would love this place. I had to hold onto his wrist in fear of tripping or falling.
He keeps my eyes closed till we get to a busy bar; it's absolutely lovely. The colours that gleamed were gold, and the bard had a big table behind which the bartender stood.
In the background, soothing music plays. People are conversing, and it is only then that I notice what Darren is wearing. He was wearing a white t-shirt that clung to his muscles and torso.
Along with black jeans and black shoes.
He pulls me a seat and I thank him as I settle on the highchair. The bartender crawls towards us, throwing the towel "what can I get you love birds?" He shoots out, my eyes widen as I burst out laughing.
"I want the gin and tonic and you?"
"Sex on the beach." The bartender nods his head as he throws his towel over his shoulders. I look at Darren, who stares at my necklace.
"I'm visiting his grave in a few weeks. Would you like to come?" He asks me.
"Of course, thank you Darren."
"Anyways, let's get loose."
I couldn't stop the laughter leaving my mouth as we exit the bar, my heels were off and drink spilt all over my dress. A long story but he was right, I had an amazing time. We both walk towards the beach.
It was the sort of yellow that glows from a homely hearth, the sort that warms you just to see it, even before the steady flame can bring a glow to your skin. The sun hangs so impossibly in the smoky sky- a perfect circle without strings or supports.
The orange gold stretches far and wide, the colour of fire hearths and tangerines. It is but the reflection of the dawn, the promise of the rising sun that comes after the velvety night has had its say and the land has rested once more.
The wind had become the orchestral conductor of the sea, sending waves into their crescendos' all through the ballad that was the night. "No, I did not say that!"
"Oh, come on, we all know you did."
Through squinting eyes, I drank in the sight of the waves, the foam reflecting the garish lights of the casinos and bars. The roaring and pounding obliterated all other sounds and my mind was awash with exhilaration.
"I did not tell the Bartender to suck his own drink." When these boats of nature's tide, these free sailing sun-kissed branches, come to rest upon either pebbles or golden sands, they sit as kings adoring the seawater view.
"You did, just not the words you're saying." The beach stretched out alongside the water, upon this primrose sand, the hue as gentle on the eye as a vintage photograph, there is a steady warmth from the grains.
Already the stars glow as if they have kept a pocket of the daytime to shine all through the night sky. The sand is the gentlest hue of gold, almost earthen and muted, the humble star of the scene.
I throw my heels on the ground, the ocean breeze whispers like a lover, placing salty kisses on my cheek and tousling my long auburn hair.
On days like this it playfully fillies the sails of the harbour boats, flutters their flags and pushes along the clouds. this breeze is just a mere hint of its power, that when roused it can toss whole ships like toys to smash on the rocks.
The ocean breeze is enough to blow errant strands of hair back toward the road behind, but not sufficient to bring the keen bite of winter wind.
"I had a really good time." I admit. " I mean it."
The boats were scattered over the harbour like fall leaves in a pond. The colours were beautiful, random, bringing forth echoing memories from her childhood spent on the shore. The boats bobbed on the waves, turning a little as they did in their chaotic dance.
Every boat on the ocean was as bright as the riot of new flowers adorning the hillside. They were so pretty that when the fleet set out to the rising sun, we watched every bit as bewitched as a groom at the altar.
The beach was a blaze of parasols, hot colours to match the burning sand underfoot. Against the percussion of the waves was the laughter, coming in bursts and rolling like the ocean.
"I know, so did I." He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ears, looking down at me. "Amara, I have something to tell you."
"W-What is it?"
"I've fallen for you, these past five years, when I'm with you everything feels right. I know the timing is wrong but it feels so right." My mind went to places, I glance down at his lips before meeting his eyes.
Then, without a second thought, he presses his lips against my own. My eyes widen, but gradually they close. I haven't kissed anyone since Luca. And though it felt wrong, it felt right in the moment we were in. I open my eyes during the kiss, and my heart skips a beat as I see Luca instead of Darren.
"I can't.." I whisper pushing away. He permissions his head stepping back.
"I didn't mean to overstep my limits."
"No, you didn't, Darren I-I am still in love with Luca..." I admit, he nods his head once more, and I knew I had hurt him. It's been five years of deception! But it would be unjust to both of us to go through something that neither of us is prepared for.
"Right, of course. We should get going." He replies, "Charlie usually wakes up at this time."
"She wakes up all the time, she needs attention even in her sleep." I tried to laugh it off but it didn't work like usual. Arriving at the front door, I push my key inside and see an awoken Abuela watching her telenovelas as she sews Charlie another dress.
"You're back! How was the day?"
"It was amazing, I had a lot of fun, how's Charlie and Nora?"
"Sleeping except for the little one, that monster wouldn't go back to bed."
"Mummy!" I hear her, I chuckle shaking my head as she dives into my arms. "Uncle Darry, look I coloured the wall."
"Charlie!" We both yell.