What was it like, fighting with yourself?
When Yoohan sobbed and clawed at him, pleading as if looking for salvation, the chain was rattling inside Yoon Jay. He wanted to dove into that desperate want, satisfying his long-suppressed desire.
The old Yoon Jay would just do it, just as he easily slept with Yoohan five years ago despite never doing it with a man before.
But the sting inside his heart was keeping hold of his chain. The uncomfortable leash around his neck reminded him of Yoohan's trust, and he clenched his teeth hard even as his master begged.
"It itches...inside..." tears were falling, not of stirring sadness, but of suffocating humiliation. To be controlled by external substances to feel this unnaturally wanton...Yoohan probably wanted to curse, but what came out of his lips were moans and whines instead.
With trembling fingers, Yoohan reached down and shoved his pants further down, making the man above him stop breathing for a second. He reached down, fumbling around his rim with the unfamiliarity of the action, and tried to push, chasing for that insatiable itch.
"Aagh!" Yoohan groaned in frustration, the ring of muscle refused entry. When he forced his digit inside, he winced and bit his lips, tears dripping into the flushed cheek and the sheet.
Yoohan kicked Jay in annoyance. Why? Why would this madman stop moving? Yoohan clearly asked for help, asked the man to do something. Why did he just frown and glared at him?
Why didn't he do something?!
Yoohan growled and snatched the sturdy arm staying still on his abdomen, grabbing it tightly and pushing the hand lower. Those big, long fingers covered in slimy fluid—Yoohan wanted those perfect digits inside him now!
"Inside...it itches inside..." Yoohan repeated pitifully, and when Jay finally, finally rubbed his entrance, he mewls in respite. "Ngh..."
Yoohan leaned his head back into the pillow, lips parted in a delightful sigh as the finger pushed in slightly, an electrifying sensation spread into the corner of his wanton soul. He felt the weight stirring above him, as Jay lowered himself to cradle Yoohan's muddled head.
Oh—it felt good. The finger and the added weight pushed onto him. Yoohan reached up to cusped the handsome face hovering above him, and demanded. "Deeper..."
And deeper it went, carefully, searching that place that made him itch and squirmed like a fire that refused to be doused. He kissed the clenching jaw above him, as if encouraging the man to search faster.
"Haa!" Yoohan arched his back unconsciously as convulsion ran through his lower body. "Oh god..."
Another finger followed, loosening his canal, making way for better, wider movement. Yoohan wriggled, either in delight or uncomfortable strangeness. But as his inside got wider, the fingers could slam into that bundle of itchy nerves harder, and Yoohan was sure he let out a pleasurable scream.
How many times had he come with this? Yoohan wasn't counting, because there was no use. He only cared about the raging fire that refused to die inside his abdomen.
"Agh...uh...fuck!" he cursed. He cursed the way his body wanted even more. More pressure, more weight pushing on him.
More of that mind-shattering pleasure.
His eyes were flickering in ecstasy, and as if getting addicted, his body craved for more. He reached up, grabbed the dark hair in his fist, and pulled the one above him closer.
"Jay..." the name felt like a chant on his lips. Like a prayer for salvation to rid of this unending fire. "Fuck me,"
The pale eyes glared in blazing desire, and yet the body turned rigid. There was a sound of a growl coming behind the clenching jaw, and Yoohan was getting impatient. "Inside...I need you inside..."
"Yoohan..."
Oh, it wasn't 'master' like usual. Yoohan liked that. Liked his name being uttered in a voice filled with worship and suffering.
He trailed his fingers down, through the sturdy neck and the solid pecs Yoohan had always avoided looking at. Twisting his hot and itching hips, the fingers went lower, feeling the unmistakable hardness down there.
"I need this..." Yoohan whined, fumbling with the belt. "Take it out, come on, hurry!"
But Yoohan felt his hands being grabbed and pulled upward, and his glazed eyes looked up in confusion and frustration. The pale orbs above him felt like icebergs—cold and piercing.
"No,"
That low and smooth voice, which usually sounded nice and bewitching, felt cruel now. No? What do you mean no?! The frustrated glare of the black eyes screamed protest.
"I can use my fingers, I can use my mouth if you like, let's stick with that, mm?"
A large hand caressed Yoohan's flushed cheek in a strange tenderness. The tip of the long fingers trembled slightly, and it annoyed him. It was clear that Jay wanted it too...wasn't Jay always wanted this? But why was he holding himself back now when Yoohan clearly needed it??
He grabbed the shirt collar and yanked the man down. "I don't need that! It's not enough with just that!" Yoohan folded his knee and brought his foot up, toes pushing into the tented pants below, feeling the outline.
Yes—the fingers were good, but Yoohan was left unsatisfied even after he came. Instead, it only flamed his inside more, as the itch and want were coming back twofold. No—it multiplied, the itching spots. Somewhere deeper, that Yoohan was sure even those long deft fingers wouldn't be able to reach.
For all that maddeningly protesting spots to be treated at once, he needed something bigger...thicker...longer...
Yoohan bit his lips as he looked down, feeling the outline that showed girth and length that felt like it could bring back that mind-shattering pleasure and get rid of the insatiable itch inside. He looked up with pleading eyes and bated breath, getting more frustrated every second.
With a breathy voice, he whispered against the other's lips. "I need this, yeah?" he stroked Jay's erection with the sole of his foot, nudging at it with his toes. "Give it to me, Jay..."
Jay was frowning hard, the hardened pale eyes started to shake in front of that erotic, pitiable whine. It was apparent that Yoohan was truly suffering, and the easier path to relief that suffering was by fulfilling the physical desire for carnal pleasure.
He knew that, but what of the aftermath?
Jay could only imagine what would happen after Yoohan woke up tomorrow should they go all the way. How many days would Yoohan spend feeling depressed? He would probably stop talking to Jay altogether except for giving orders and 'acting' in front of his family.
What about the possibility of Yoohan dismissing him? Jay knew he was one of a kind, but Song Hwa probably had one or two decent bodyguards he could spare to protect Yoohan in Jay's stead.
And there would be nothing Jay could do if it came to that.
Jay couldn't even imagine what he could do if it came to that. What would he become...
And more than anything, this time, Jay wanted Yoohan to remember him. To remember everything.
"Yoohan, you know that's the drug talking, right?" Jay tried to soothe the flushed skin with a gentle touch, but that was just flaming the lust even more.
Yoohan squirmed and moaned, gritting his teeth irritably. "So what?!" he fumed. "I don't care! It's so unbearable now! Please...please?"
Those tears were falling again, and Jay regretted he ever thought he wanted to see Yoohan cry. This was not it. This was not how he wanted his master to become.
His feisty, rebellious, fearless Yoohan.
"I can't," Jay said sternly—more to himself than to Yoohan. "We shouldn't—"
As soon as those words came out, Jay felt the world turn as furious hands shoved him to the mattress. "Fine—if you don't want to then I will do it myself," Yoohan sat on the firm abdomen, pushing Jay with all his might. He wouldn't be able to do it usually, but Jay was trying hard not to hurt him, and had less defense than usual. "You asked me to ride you earlier, didn't you?"
Yoohan licked his lips and wriggled back to work on the bodyguard's belt, but his hands were caught again, yanked forward so he lost access to the pants. "What?!" he barked, growled, snarled.
"Let's call a doctor, we need to flush the drug out, yeah? Let's calm down, Yoohan—"
Before Jay could even try to persuade him, Yoohan grabbed the shirt collar and yelled angrily. "You fucker! You're the one who's been making advances on me! You're the one that keeps seducing me! You said you want me, but now you're backing off when I'm offering myself to you?!"
The pale eyes hardened once again, dispersing coldness. But it wasn't directed at Yoohan—it was for the beast rattling inside. Reaching out his hand, Jay spoke out gently, trying to persuade the frustrated man above him. "Master—"
But as soon as the word 'master' left his lips, Yoohan slapped the incoming hand. Something was upsetting the younger man; the black eyes quivering, the brows frowning, and his lips trembling. It was different than the frustrating glare earlier, felt more like a disappointment. Like he was sad rather than angry.
When Jay was still stunned at this change, the expression suddenly vanished. The black eyes turned dark and cold, and Jay suddenly filled with dread.
"Fine. You're not the only one who wants to fuck me anyway," Yoohan said dryly, and turned his head toward the door, lifting himself off Jay while at it. "Just need to find someone—"
In a flash, Jay found himself on top of Yoohan, hand pressing hard on the younger's shoulder, pushing Yoohan into the mattress. The guarded pale eyes pierced wildly, and gone was the tenderness from the low voice.
"I know you lose your inhibition when you're intoxicated, Lee Yoohan," it almost sounded like a growl, as the voice flowed with sharpness, and yet Yoohan stretched his lips into a satisfied smirk. "I didn't know you can turn into a slut too."
It was an accusation that would make Yoohan livid and beat Jay up even if he had to use his authority as the master. But right now Yoohan wasn't a master. He was a man in need of pleasure.
The hand pressing on Yoohan's shoulder traveled to his neck and grabbed his jaw, finger slipping inside the incitingly parting lips. "Just so we are clear, I already said no," the growling low voice continued. "I already tried to hold back. It's you that edging me on this time, Lee Yoohan."
With one hand and a fast movement, the half-down jeans were yanked off completely, with the help of eager pair of legs that kicked the fabric away. A hard grip on his jaw brought Yoohan back to the cold face above him. "You're the one yanking on my chain, so don't you dare run away after everything's over."
Yoohan bit on the finger above his tongue, before licking it and staring straight into the pale orbs. "Just hurry up!"
Moving his hand to the younger's nape, Jay pulled Yoohan into a kiss, feeling hands weaving into his hair and digging into his scalp as their lips collided and their tongues intertwined in a messy, passionate dance.
Scrapping the slimy fluid on Yoohan's abdomen, Jay pushed his fingers back into the welcoming entrance, receiving no resistance this time. The warm canal felt familiar, and he added another finger from the get-go, widening the walls more. Earlier, he only did it to access the prostate, but now, he had to make way for his own shaft. No matter how on edge he was, he had promised himself not to make it hurt for Yoohan.
The sound of a gasping moan as he grazed the sweet spot told Jay that he did a fine job. The hands on his hair had moved to his back and shoulder, gripping and clawing. It didn't take long for Yoohan to breathe heavily again, biting his lips from the increasing heat inside his abdomen. The legs flanking Jay was twitching, and Yoohan kept squirming and arching his back when Jay accidentally touch the bundle of sensitive nerves.
Yoohan was scrambling his hands now, fumbling with Jay's clothes, trying to remove the button of the vest and the shirt. Parting his lips from the fervent kiss, Jay retreated his hand from Yoohan's nape to help the younger man work on his button. The belt came next, as Yoohan chased the lips and claimed another passionate kiss, and when the throbbing erection finally freed from the confine, Yoohan inhaled deeply.
The fumbling hands paused as the glazed, black eyes stared below. It wasn't their first time with sex, but it would be Yoohan's first time seeing Jay exposed. It was huge, more than Yoohan imagined—longer, thicker...
It was veiny and throbbing against his skin and God—Yoohan moaned just from that.
It would be perfect to erase the itch inside of him.
At that time, Jay removed his scissoring fingers, and Yoohan whined slightly at the emptiness. But since his eyes were still focused on the one that would soon fill that emptiness, he licked his lips instead.
"Haa—fuck! Will you forget everything later, huh?" Jay grasped Yoohan's face to look up at him. The black orbs narrowed in palpable lust, something that Jay didn't see five years ago during their night together. "Shit, Yoohan—"
Indeed. Yoohan smiled as they were drowned in another kiss, shivering at the touch of Jay's hands across his skin. In a swift move, the white shirt was being pulled off his head, and as they resumed the kiss, Jay shed off the remaining of his tops completely, throwing it to the floor.
With impatience, Yoohan watched the other man pour a generous amount of lube along his length as well as Yoohan's entrance, the cold fluid made him flinch in surprise. Hovering above the younger man, Jay lined up the head with Yoohan's entrance, but rather than pushing inside, it stayed there, as if waiting for something.
A last defense, perhaps. A last chain of rationality.
But Yooham's rationality had been thrown to the ground along with his dignity the moment he begged to be fucked. So he hooked his leg to Jay's thigh, and pulled the man even more toward him. As if asking to be crushed. To be fucked.
And so Jay pushed in, with a mix of lust and a tinge of regret. But that regret was being crushed by the tightness of Yoohan's warm cavity. "Hah!" he couldn't help but exclaim, as Yoohan clenched on him, sucking him eagerly.
"Ahh...oh!" Yoohan threw his head back, moaning at the slight pain and the fullness he never experienced before. A kiss on his neck and jaw soothed the inevitable sting and uncomfortableness of a new sensation.
"Breathe," he heard the low, soothing voice that became so familiar now. "Relax,"
Yoohan inhaled deeply, feeling a hand rubbing his small back, at the place where his tattoo was carved, easing his muscle. Another hand cradled his nape, as Jay kissed along the inked crop and the chains on his shoulder while pushing deeper inside.
The breathing helped to ease the passage, and soon, Jay bottomed out, and Yoohan had never felt so full. The raging fire inside of him was blazing wildly, but the itch was gone as the thick length pressed on every pulsing, sensitive part. Yoohan could feel it throbbing inside him, and even with his muddle head, he could feel the loud heartbeat against his own chest.
"Can I move?" despite the harsh start, Jay was showing the gentleness that Yoohan's intoxicated mind craved. With a slight nod, Yoohan braced himself by gripping tight on the bedsheet.
It already felt so delectable the moment he fully sheathed inside, but Jay couldn't help but cursed at how good it felt once he started to move. The way Yoohan clamped on him, massaging his hard flesh as he dragged out slowly, and how it felt like he was being sucked as he pushed himself in. The sensation was maddening. It was miles better than five years ago, when everything felt too tight and burning.
And instead of sorrowful sobs, Jay received unbidden moans. Yoohan did not restrain his voice as he did the night before, and it was as erotic as it was regrettable.
"It would be perfect..." Jay clasped the hand clutching on the bed sheet, eyes boring into the flushed face below him, "...if you're of sound mind..."
Yoohan, somehow, found it in himself to giggle at that, making his abdomen contract and clenching down on the intrusive shaft. "Fuck, Yoohan!"
Jay grasped the flushed cheek and pressed his thumb on the giggling lips. Yoohan sighed and nuzzled at the large hand, letting go of the bedsheet to lace his hand with Jay. "Haa...it's good...fuck it feels good..." he mumbled with bliss as the agonizing itches were being pummeled by the older man, who proceeded to thrust even harder and made him moan even louder.
"Nghh—ah! I'm...ugh..." Yoohan gasped as a familiar feeling of pressure on his abdomen swirled. It was like blood rushing along his vein carrying an electrifying sensation, sending tingles through his entire body.
As if responding to him, Jay fastened his thrust and leaned down to kiss the whimpering lips. Yoohan scrambled to hold into the man's back, clawing on the bare skin for purchase as pleasure exploded inside his core, sending convulsion from scalp to toes.
Yoohan heard the sound of a deep groan coming from the man above him as Jay parted their lips. With bated breath, he watched as Jay continued to move and chase his release, not once removing his piercing gaze from Yoohan's eyes, as if trying to carve the fact that it was him and no one else that brought Yoohan such blissful pleasure.
As if trying to prevent Yoohan from forgetting.
Ah...Yoohan wished he'd remember it too. As he drifted into the realm of lust, he prayed that he didn't forget about it.
______________________________
🎶 Incubus - Love Hurts
Emergency sex or whatever
Jay tried, y'all...really tried 😌
Aight, Imma back farming mats again, see you Sunday 😘