Respectfully, an Absolute Mess

Never-ending Woes

A/N:  I reference lyrics in this chapter - i've never done that before? I vibed w/ it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

cw: smut

November 20, 2021

You stared at the messages on your screen. The late night thoughts of Jean, typed out at an ungodly hour. This was...well...not what you were expecting to wake up to.

Not a single ounce of your entire being would have ever expected Jean Kirstein to text you:

I really wish you were here

It was one thing for Eren to send you clingy texts, he had always done that. Fuck, it was normal for Sasha or even Connie to send you clingy shit - proof in every time Sasha seemed to text you lately it started with: I miss you.

Fuck. But for Jean to text that? For Jean to be thinking about you at 2:45 in the morning, and wishing you were there? That wasn't normal, it was anything but. Never had he done that, and here you were staring at the screen looking at the first time he did.

You weren't sure how you felt. You didn't feel sad, however you weren't happy. Confused, but more so uncomfortable? But not uncomfortable in the fact that he did it. It was like you had discomfort in how long it took him to say something like that. His text felt like a breath of relief for you, one that you had been holding in for months as Jean was an important person in your day to day life.

In your life Jean was new, and you liked this new. You liked hanging out with the new, you liked kissing the new, you liked pleasing the new. Simply put, you liked being in his presence. Just being in the same room with Jean gave you a feeling of content.

You had felt similar things with Eren last year when you and him began to get close. You smoked together every day and you were constantly going over to one another's dorms. You had loved the excitement of spending time with him, especially when it was new. 

But that new was different. There was no kissing, there was no pleasing - he was there for you as a friend, and one who you understood on a deeper level. Someone you needed after so long without that in your life. 

But then he went and fucked Hitch, and it changed. Boy did the Fire Nation attack. Her existence put up a weird wall in your friendship, and you still didn't understand why. How could fucking one girl change his entire relationship with you? You didn't get it.

It was a horrid new development that Hitch was around again. You didn't like it, you didn't like her one bit. You knew from the first day you met her she was an issue. An ingenue person who only thinks about herself. It was luck that you guys hadn't heard from her since Spring Break, but luck always runs out.

Life is a total bitch, someone should slap her.

Someone should slap Connie too. Little shithead of course talked to her without noticing she was using him. Jean would slap Connie, no wait, Jean did slap Connie for that. Gold star for Kirstein.

You had assumed that Hitch was trying to get to with Eren again. 

Did he even notice that this was probably some sort of sadistic game? Knowing him, he probably had a feeling. Plus he didn't tell you about her, and you felt like he would have if it was anything was going on. 

Well actually.... Eren wasn't obligated to tell you anything. He could have kept it a secret, you keep things from him all the time. A lot of things. 

Whatever the new situation, HITCHuation, was - you knew you needed to shut it down fast. Before something bad happened again. The next time you saw Eren you were going to corner him and yank out the truth. The old truth of what happened that night, and the new truth of what was going on.

You weren't sure if you knew the whole story from Spring Break. No longer 100% certain that they hooked up. The more you played it back, the more it confused you were as to why she wasn't happy that morning. All Eren did the other day was go down on you and if she got that far with him she should have been ecstatic. 

Eren had never told you much of the truth of what happened that night, he barley mentioned anything at all. It was only this October when he brought it up again and skimmed over the events that transpired. You accepted it quickly and pushed on past the subject - not wanting to ever stay mad at Eren for an extended period of time.

"Listen-I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to come out. Seriously, you have to know that isn't how I perceive you. I swear." Eren stood pacing around your room while you sat on your bed. Your eyes watched him pace back and forth.

And back and forth.

Spitting out words of apology in a panic.

"But you still said it."

"I know I fucking said it!" He stopped, and yelled loudly - throwing his hands in the air. He stood frozen, almost as if he realized that his volume level got that loud and then the boy in front of you crumpled to the ground, falling backwards instead of onto his knees. "I didn't mean it, god - fuck. You're not a whore, no you're not. It's normal to get with a lot of people. If anything I'm a whore!" He looked up at you. You kept a blank expression on your face - waiting to see how this would play out. "I'm a whore." He said again.

"This isn't an AA meeting Eren, no need to state your personal problems."

Eren looked up at you, his legs were extended out- the boy taking up almost all the walking space in your room. His hands were behind him, his palms holding his body weight up as he looked up at you. And that last comment, the quick words that came out of your mouth had his lips curve upwards into a smile.

And then he started laughing.

He threw his head back, a booming laughter filling the room. However, it didn't feel joyous. It had undertones of anxiety, nervousness, and fear. Whenever you laughed like that, you ended up sobbing uncontrollably.

You let him laugh it out, you waited until he calmed down. You watched as Eren's breathing went back to normal before you spoke up again, a question on the tip of your tongue that you had been holding in for months. "Eren... did Hitch ever tell you I was a whore?"

He blinked up at you. "Yes."

No shock there.

Quietly you asked, "Has anyone else called me a whore to your face?" Hitch couldn't have been the only one, and you doubt she could have influenced his tongue that much. Especially with how many months it's been since they fucked. 

He blinked again and then looked down at the floor. "Yes." He said softer this time, like he was embarrassed to admit it.

You froze all actions and stared at his body on the ground. You didn't like the feeling his confession brought with it. Your stomach hurt.

"But I always defend you." He looked back up. "If a guy did what you do, well what we do, he would be a player. Just because you're a girl you get called a whore. It's not right."

You frowned. "It's not right, yet you called me it because I've fucked Reiner, Eren. I didn't see you defend me from yourself?"

"I'm trying to apologize for that!" He sighed. "I was just mad...Reiner again? Of all people..." His voice trailed off, as he tried to wrap his head around it once more. 

"It's great that your trying to say sorry, Eren." You added a bit of pep in your tone, in a wonderfully passive aggressive way. "But you don't sound convincing at all."

"I know! Fuck." He clenched his fist at his side, and held it there. He didn't want to get worked up again. He fucked up, big time.

Neither of you said anything more, his vulgar word flowing into almost a minute of pondering silence. You sat eerily still, blankly looking down at your best friend. Dumbfounded by his apology skills.

Where he sat, he was looking up at you like a dog waiting to be praised. Eren was unable to properly articulate the feeling in his chest, and of course it came out all wrong. Like usual.

"Loosing you scares me..." He spoke, trailing off. Unsure about his words that were breaking the pregnant pause. "You're this huge part of my life and I'm so grateful to have met you. I don't want you to ever go away."

"I feel the same way." You gave him a bone.

His eyes lit up, the vibrant green seemingly glowing as he looked up at you.

But then took it right back. "You called me a whore ,Eren. You're the only one here I'm this close to. When you....well when you say harmful things or react in ways that are unsettling I feel like you don't feel that way. Like you don't care if you hurt me, like you don't care if you push me away."

"I care more than you know." If this wasn't a conversation about him calling you a whore, Eren might have told you how he really felt. However, that just didn't seem right considering the circumstances.

You sighed, wanting more from him. But nothing came from his lips, you watched as he chewed at them and his legs bounced up and down. "Eren."

He hummed lowly back in response, his legs settling finally.

"Can I ask what happened that night with Hitch? I feel like that's the night where something went wrong between us." You admitted to the boy. "Like, we've been...off ever since."

Eren paused, not wanting to go into that night at all. Especially to you. "Went wrong?" 

He couldn't be that oblivious, could he? "You walked out of that bedroom in the morning and everything like...Changed between us."

Eren paused again. He didn't want to tell you what happened, that would be too embarrassing. "Well, me and her hooked up."

"Hooked up as in.....?" Hooked up is a term that has many different meanings. To what was the extent of that night?

"Yeah." He nodded, confidently agreeing to the implied nature of your question. "We, uh - yeah."

"Why?" You had always wanted to know why. Why did he have to do that, knowing she was your roommate and knowing how much distaste you and Mikasa had both had for the girl. Why Eren, why get with someone like that? It was self destructing in your eyes, a horrible idea.

"I was horny and she was willing." Eren replied without having to think. As that was his usual reason for getting with a girl, and on the one-off occasions - a guy.

You laughed, just one loud giggle that once it ended hung in the air. You didn't know what else to say to that, as it made sense. It was a very Eren thing to do. It was a very you thing to do.

"I didn't mean for it to fuck us up."

"Maybe you should think with your head and not your dick." Your eyes darted back and forth between his face and his crotch.

Eren frowned.

"Just sayin'..."

He then sighed, "You're right." Slowly the large boy began moving closer to you, flipping his legs the other way so he could essentially crawl on the ground. Eren inched toward the bed where you sat. "Let's forget all about it."

"You can't simply forget the past, 'Ren." You eyed him, curious as to why he was inching closer. Amused that the boy was crawling, and on his knees.

He stopped as soon as he was in front of you."Let's move past it then." He looked up at you, long hair covering the front of his face. A lot of it had fallen out of the bun he pulled it into, pieces of his brown locks flew in every direction. His green eyes were glossed over with a determined look in them, past his long eyelashes, those wondrous green eyes longed for forgiveness. "Please?" He pouted.

"Are you....begging?" You couldn't help the smirk that grew on your face. Eren Yeager was at your feet, on his knees - begging for you to forgive him? You wished you could take a picture.

"Yes." He blinked up at you. "I can grovel if you really want me to." He added, but as a joke of course.

However, Eren Yeager, groveling for your forgiveness, was a once in a lifetime experience.

"Oh boy." You leaned forward, going down and stopping just a few inches away from his face. "Yes please."

And so Eren Yeager; your headstrong, cocky, arrogant, and infuriating best friend groveled for forgiveness at your feet.

You could forget about him calling you a whore. You could forget that he fucked Hitch.

The wall that got built that day, was torn down. However - it still felt like a gate remained, un-allowing you to know the full truthful extent of what went down that night. But you brushed it off, because Eren was trying to get past it.

And you brushed it off, because it felt really good to no longer care. You pushed past it because it seemed like the right thing to do.

You shouldn't have pushed past it.

Fuck. You should have asked him more, you should have asked him as soon as you felt things were off. Why hadn't he told you the full extent of it all? Eren always told you about his past flings, why not tell you about Hitch?

Dammit.

What the fuck had happened between them? Why now, is all hitting you? Literally why is this affecting you-

Stop.

You needed to stop overthinking. This was getting too much, you hadn't been awake for more than 10 minutes and your brain was going a mile a minute. This was all too much.

So much, so much fucking bullshit in your life. It never ended.

There was Marco's drug issue, and finding that damn blue backpack. The whole entire 'passing Bio' thing, since you could no longer cheat of Eren. You were so going to have to cram these next few weeks. Your social life was going to die, if it wasn't already dead for how much you were doing for Ackerman. All time spent not cramming for bio or fulfilling basic human needs was with Professor Levi Ackerman.

The first fun thing you had on the table was going to the mall, and then the second would be the formal. Otherwise it was cram, learn and endure more of the bullshit thrown your way.

Bullshit like this new Hitch Shit. Bullshit like your sex life. Bullshit like your friends inability to keep their mouths shut. Everything was such bullshit. Never-ending, constantly growing bullshit.

All of these thoughts, your brain going overtime, made you nauseous. You felt sick.

When could you get a fucking break?

After minute of silence in your bed you rolled over and you responded back to Jean. Then got up to start your day. Your eventual response to Jean was very simple. A three letter word that you couldn't hold back from responding with. Sent to him, by you, at the ripe time of 10am this morning was as follows:

gay

He sure as wasn't getting a sappy response from you.

Instead of washing up, changing, or doing anything of the sort to wake yourself up - you wandered into Sasha's room upon leaving your own. She was out cold, the girl's mouth wide open with delicate snores escaping it. You cringed as you saw the trickle of dried saliva from the corner of her mouth down to the pillow she was resting her head on. Of course she drooled in her sleep.

You chose to climb into her bed with her, lifting up the blankets and crawling under them until you were flush against her body. She remained still, her body not waking or registering the new guest in her bed. She really did sleep like a log, always had.

For a moment, you decided maybe falling back asleep snuggled up next to your friend would be a nice addition to the morning. However when she let out the most disgusting snore you swore a human could make, she sounded like a boar, so you shifted up your body on the bed and pounced on top of her.

"Boo."

Sasha screamed bloody murder from under you. A log can always be awoken with great force. In a second you were thrown off of the bed, landing on the floor with a loud thud - a shooting pain rising from your ass where you landed. You whined out an 'ow', your hand going to rub the spot that hurt the most.

"WHAT THE FUCK." She screamed down at you. She was now standing on her bed, the mattress dipping where her feet dug into it - the blanket thrown off to the side.

You couldn't contain your laughter, as she continued to curse at you for scaring the shit out of her. You clutched your stomach as it hurting to laugh so much. She threw stuffed animals, pillows, and random blankets at you. Leaving her bed stripped, and the floor coated with all the random crap she slept with.

As she continued with her loud and vile profanities, Mikasa and Annie entered the room. Mikasa, the leader of the duo threw the door open, it slamming so hard against the wall that it shook the house.

"Heard a crash."

"Is everything ok?"

Your two stable roommates looked between the two of you. Annie with an eyebrow raised, Mikasa in front of her with a stone cold expression on her own.

"Did you crawl into bed and scare her again?" Mikasa looked down at you, the blank expression twisting into a death glare.

You smiled up at her, dizzy from laughing so hard. "Maybe."

"WHY DO YOU KEEP FUCKING DOING THAT!" Sasha continued to scream her head off at you. "God, it's TERRIFYING." She shook her hands in the air, and got out of her bed. "I don't do that to you!" She walked over to the two girls in the doorway, standing in front of them and pointing down at where you sat on the floor. "Well, anymore..." She added to that, checking herself as she used to do this stuff all the time when you shared a room.

"You could if you wanted to." You suggested.

Annie coughed out a laugh at that.

You swore you heard a growl come from Sasha.

"Ok, ok, ok." Mikasa stepped in between the two girls. "Now that the whole house has has woken up- " She paused to glare at you. The wakeup call this morning being your fault. "-breakfast?" She looked at Sasha, knowing this would cheer her up and fix her attitude.

The brunette perked up. "We have bacon right?!"

Simple minded.

"Yes."

"Then start cookin', momma!"

Mikasa shot the same death glare that she had been giving you to Sasha at that response. However when you all were downstairs she did all of the cooking, like usual. Mikasa made both packages of bacon, and scrambled up the rest of a carton of eggs you had in the fridge. Noting to no one in particular that her and Armin would need to go grocery shopping soon.

It was scary to think about Mikasa graduating early, as she had the most level head and routine based life out of all of you in the house. What the hell would you do without her? She was really like the mother of the group - fuck, it was going to suck if she left you guys all alone.

Maybe she would still live with you all after she graduated. That would be cool, it was only a few more months maybe she would find a job nearby and stay. An ideal solution to that woe.

It was normal for Sasha to sit at the counter while Mikasa cooked. The girl bouncing up and down, blabbing about her conspiracies, showering Mikasa in compliments directed toward her culinary techniques. Mikasa half payed attention, per usual. She didn't like when people watched her cook, however she had learned to tolerate Sasha as she hyped up her food so much it gave her a light god complex about her skills.

The rest of you sat on the couch, lazily sitting around while a eppisode of New Girl played on the TV. Specifically the episode where Nick has to pretend to be gay.

Historia and Ymir had already been awake when they heard the screaming. Historia claimed she wanted to check and make sure you all were ok, Ymir said she couldn't care less.

Their dynamic made you smile. You wished Historia would just admit that they were dating and very much so infatuated with one another. You made eye contact with Annie, she rolled her eyes when Ymir threw her shoulder over Historia to rub whatever she was talking about in her face.

Annie wanted them to admit it too. She was much more blunt about it than you.

When Mikasa was finished with cooking you all trickled into the kitchen, ready to take plates. Sasha had already began eating before you even had a fork. You chose to sit next to her at the counter top - hesitant at first because sitting next to her during meal time was sometimes gross to witness - however you had mall plans today. You needed to discuss. 

Historia and Ymir went back to the couch, Annie brought her plate upstairs, and Mikasa sat at the little table you had in the kitchen - her laptop out in front of her and noise cancelling headphones now over her ears. It was just you and Sasha. Time to plan.

"What's the plan for later?" You asked while she was in-between bites.

She shoved a large portion of eggs, splattered with hot sauce, in her mouth and then responded with, "mphm, mphm,mhmhmhm, mhm ah, mhm, mhmhmhm", talking with her hands for emphasis on her words.

"Ah yeah, totally." You agreed.

She swallowed. "Wait, you understood that?" She leaned forward, eyes widening like you just did magic.

"Fuck no."

"Damn, I thought we had a secret language going on there." She sighed out.

You covered you mouth as you laughed. Sometimes Sasha was a bad friend, but moments like these always made you realize that she did have good - and a lot of it. Just all that was buried by her inability to keep her fucking mouth shut, and her nosy personality invading your personal matters. That was the only bad about her, everything else - very good.

"Wait, let me try again." Sasha took an even bigger bite of her food and held it in her mouth - placing the fork on the counter and turning to you. "Mhoo mhoulm mhuk mhen."

You stared at her.

Sasha repeated those same mumbles again, and finally she swallowed her food. "You get that?"

"Absolutely not, what the fuck."

"Hey! That was one of the words!" Her eyes bulged out of her head. "It was the third word I said."

"Are we playing charades now?" You raised an eyebrow at her. You really just wanted to know what the hell was going on later - not try and come up with a new language. Even though this moment right now was comedy gold.

"Nah." She swatted her hand in the air. "I said, you should fuck Jean!"

The smile fell from your face. "Really?" 

She groaned very loudly. "Oh come on, we know you want to. It's about damn time it happens, you guys give off such weird vibes. Like two virgins planning out their first time. Although, you two have fucked in the past?" She spoke the last part to herself, trying to figure out if what she said made sense.

It didn't. "I'm not a virgin."

"I know that, you whore."

Whore.

If it was any day, but today, you would have brushed it off. But your thoughts from this morning were still eating at you. The positive energy you were radiating diminished quickly at her comment, and you turned to your plate and took a bite of the food - trying your best not to show Sasha that her comment bothered you.

Sasha studied you for a moment, watching as you sulked. "Sorry."

You just nodded back, not wanting to get into it. Your friend for once didn't press on the matter. Maybe she was changing. You swallowed your food, "So what's the plan for today?"

"Right." And then she dove into everything she had planned for the 'Big Heckin' Super Awesome Mega Fun Trip to the Mall'.

Name chosen by her and Connie of course. They even changed the group chats name to that, plus a bunch of random emojis.

Her plans starting with Jean picking you guys up at 1, as per Jeans request since he knew he would have a massive hangover, and then ending with the four of you grabbing food.

The car ride was uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable.

When Jean pulled up to the house to grab you, he was obviously in the drivers seat with Connie sitting in the passenger side. But when he pulled up, Connie fucking got out of the car. With dumb looking sunglasses covering his face, the hungover idiot opened the door for you and forced you to sit in the front next to Jean.

Then he hopped in the back with Sasha, and the two began chattering away about Thanksgiving plans with their families.

You were having deja vu from the night you all went out, and the idiot duo and Marco left you and Jean alone. Someone really needed to slap Connie again.

Jean remained silent, as did you. He too had sunglasses covering his face, he had on grey sweats a black t-shirt and a thick hooded red flannel with brown stripes across covering it. A very hungover college frat boy look.

You and him did not say a word to one another, however you talked to Sasha and Connie about Thanksgiving plans - letting them know that at your house it was just be you and your dad celebrating like usual.

Sasha invited you to her own, as it was a huge barbecue fest with very large and extended family - she said they would welcome an army if they could. Connie, then one upped her, and invited you to his - which was a formal dinner at his grandparents house where they all dressed up in fancy clothes and attempted to take the photo for his family's Christmas card this year. The only selling point about Connie's holiday festivities was that he and his siblings went on the 'weed walk', a walk around the block where they all shared a joint right before they sat down to eat.

You politely declined both of their offers. Even though what you and your dad did was not extravagant and grand - you would spent every Thanksgiving with the man as you were beyond grateful for everything he had done for you.

"Jeanboy!" Connie screeched, when the four of you were almost there. "What does the Great Kirstein family do on Turkey day?"

"My mom cooks a turkey and we eat it."

"Jeanboy, that sounds so normal." Connie whined.

"Yeah, don't you have some crazy cool family traditions?" Sasha added onto his whining, egging at Jean for more.

"My grandma bakes pumpkin pie, and we eat it."

At this point, you were trying to hold back from laughing at the conversation that was going on.

"JEANBOY! Does she make apple pie as well?"

"How does your family cook the turkey?"

"No." He responded to Connie first. "In an oven."

You were really holding back now. Tears pricked your eyes, because this was so dumb to hear.

"Jeanbo-"

"Stop with the fucking nickname!" Jean finally snapped, the tall boy hating the dreaded nickname that was bestowed upon him.

"Sorry..." Connie mumbled.

Then an awkward silence fell upon the car, it was luck that the mall was in sight. Just a few more minutes and then you would be parking and heading inside.

"So! Where should we hit first?" Sasha's voice cut through he silence, an innocent question ending the most recent Jeanboy incident.

"Coffee." Jean replied.

"Coffee it is!" Sasha cheered from the back, then she leaned forward and grasped your shoulder. "Your beveragino is on me, my love - gotta pay you back for editing my paper the other night."

"Oh, thanks - you don't have to." You turned to face her, smiling at her offer. She really didn't have to, editing her paper was child's play.

"I want to though." She patted at your head. "Cuz I looooove you." She sang.

Jean pulled into the lot.

"That's kinda gay." Connie joked.

Jean stopped short.

The car jutted forward, the three of you lunging a bit from the pull of the car. Your body went forward and then slammed back against the seat due to the belt you had across your chest and lap. You whipped your head to look at Jean, who was staring ahead. You couldn't read the expression on his face due to the sunglasses.

"Stop sign." Jean explained to the three of you.

Connie and Sasha immediately brushed past what happened, giving an 'ok' to Jean before they started a new conversation about finals amongst themselves. The two of them didn't notice that there was no stop sign.

But you did. You noticed quickly that there was nothing there. Which meant your light response back to Jean this morning, had a negative effect on him. Maybe if you ignored it, he could get over it. 

No, no. That was on you - you cared about Jean and your own relationship. You would bring it up.

You played through ways to ease it into a conversation in your head as Jean parked, tuning out the idiots and tuning into the you show - where you played every single variation of bringing up those texts back and forth until you settled on the most subtle way of bringing it up in conversation. However, for that to happen you did need either Jean or Connie to bring up the party from the night before.

"Coffee first?" Sasha asked, knowing the answer was yes, but wanting to get reassurance from the rest.

"Yes please." Jean groaned, and the four of you got out of his now parked vehicle making your way into the mall and finding the nearest Starbucks inside.

Jean pulled ahead of your little group, his long legs working overtime to get himself caffeinated. His long hair was blowing in every direction as he walked, he looked good right now even though he was exhausted. It must be the grey sweats effect. The way a simple pair of fabric could make a girl swoon.

"Are you gonna do what I said?" Sasha interrupted your light ogling. Jean had entered the mall up ahead, the automatic doors consuming his frame. Goodbye delicious sweats.

"Huh?" You cocked you head, confused. "I can't spend Thanksgiving with you, I already said that."

Connie and Sasha looked at one another, the same crooked smile on both of their faces. "What I said at breakfast." Her lips curled up in a smirk. "You know, when I said you and Jean should fu-"

"We're not talking about this here." You hissed out, staring at Connie who pretended to not be paying attention as soon as your eyes zoned in on him. Connie wanted you to fuck Jean too. The three of you then entered the mall, the windy fall air outside now replaced by the artificial air conditioning inside the mall.

"Blehhhh." Sasha stuck her tongue out. "Yo, it looks like Jean is already ordering." She nodded up ahead, into the Starbucks where Jean was leaned against the counter talking to the girl at the register. His hands were running through his long hair, attempting to tame the mane that got disheveled by the crisp wind. Jean still had his sunglasses on.

He must have had a rough night.

When the three of you finally made way into the Starbucks, he was already waiting for his drink at the end of the counter. You stopped where he stood, not yet ordering for yourselves.

"You still got the glasses on, bro." Connie told him, pointing at his own face for an example of some sort.

If Jean didn't have sunglasses on, you swore you would have seen a dramatic roll of his eyes. "I know." Jeans face turned to Connie, "My brain hurts."

"That's what happens when you drink that much." Connie slapped a hand on Jeans back. He flinched at the contact, quickly twitching the buzzcuts touch off of him.

"I didn't even drink that much." Jean muttered, turning his face in the opposite direction. You couldn't tell what his focus was on, but you knew it was anything but Connie's face. "We drank the same amount, right?"

Connie laughed once. "Oh no." He threw his hands behind his head. "You outdrank me by a landslide, you were going to town on the jungle juice my guy. Hanna and Mina were feeding that shit to you."

Jean snapped his head back in Connies direction, mouth open ready to respond. From the way his lips curled up, you knew his was frustrated with something that came out of Connie's mouth.

"Jean!" The girl called.

And there on the counter rested a grande hot drink, and a venti iced one.

You stared at the iced one. Jean stepped forward grabbing the two of them, and thanking the girl. He walked back to where you all stood and extended out the iced drink to you. Sasha hummed a satisfied sound under her breath. One because she would no longer have to buy one for you, and two because an auto-pilot Jean had done something like this for you again.

How were you this damn oblivious to how the guy felt? To Sasha - it made no sense. To most, it made no sense. However to you, this sort of affection was new and unfamiliar. You didn't know it was a product of love, as you'd never received anything like this before.

You idea of love was your dad going to school functions, your dad making sure you had dinner every night, your dad and you watching the same movies on repeat - and your dad putting your well being above all else. Being there was for you was the way he showed love. So your idea of love was a construct of the way you were raised, and acts of kindness didn't resonate in you as affection.

They just didn't resonate at all.

It's crazy to think that the way you were raised and the affection you were given early on effects your future adult self this dramatically. It gives you what you think is your sense of worth in another's eyes. Your worth was the bare necessities and then some. Nothing crazy, and never anything extravagant.

A drink from Starbucks, to you, was then some. An act of kindness and in no way -Jean's affection.

"Dirty Chai."

You took it from his hands. Looking at the scribbled Sharpie marks on the side. 2 shots of blonde espresso and oat milk were inside the cup. Jean, of course, got your exact order. "Thanks, I really apprecia-"

"It's no problem." He cut you off, and then took a sip of his drink.

That was Sasha and Connies cue to walk to the counter and order for themselves, leaving the two of you to your own accord. Leaving you and Jean to figure out how to fix the awkwardness that hung in the air. Although that feeling was just between the two of you, as Connie nor Sasha knew of the texts Jean sent while inebriated the night before. The two had no clue you and Jean were off, yet they somehow still schemed to get the both of you alone.

They ordered their drinks, received them, and then left - without letting you or Jean know. Neither of you noticed their lack of presence in the store.

You took a sip of the drink, hating yourself for blanking on all of the ideas you had to smoothly bring up the text from last night. You stared at the plastic cup, twisting it around and around in your hands. Fidgeting because you were so uncomfortable, and it was all your fault.

Jean let out a sigh, his drink dropping down from his lips. His body moved from next to your own. "Let's move over there." He mumbled, taking large strides toward a standing table on the far side of the hole in the wall store. You followed him, walking fast to keep up with his lengthy limbs. He placed his coffee down on the table and you continued to hold yours as you stood across from him. Now would be a good time, a private time, to apologize for the text from this morning. Jean closed his eyes as you were about to speak, pushing his words ahead of your. "I'm acting like a total cock."

"Jean I-" You were about to start your apology. "-Wait, what?"

You stared at one another. You mouth wide open, his lips now sealed shut. Even with the glasses on you knew he was staring down at you, and he continued to stare as he picked up his drink and took another sip. He pulled the coffee cup away from his lips, bringing it back down to the table. His tongue darted out over his lower lip wiping away the light dribble of coffee that resided on it. "You first." He raised an eyebrow.

You short-circuited again, not knowing what to do. You glanced around and it was then that you noticed that Connie and Sasha were no longer in the Starbucks, meaning that they had purposely left you and Jean behind to talk.

Why the hell do they always do this.

"You first." You settled on.

"That's what I just said."

"Yeah but, same."

"You're bad with words for an English Major." He pointed out.

You frowned. "You know, Armin says that all the time." Armin had quite literally said it the other day.

He cracked a smile, the first genuine smile you saw on his face this morning. Jean, however, attempted to hide his amusement with another sip of coffee and by the time he pulled the cup away he no longer harbored amusement toward your response. "For that freak genius to say it, it must be true."

You frowned, again. At least you weren't stumbling over the word like, however you were fumbling over your words. You knew you didn't want to continue on the path this was taking, the whole belittling about your conversational word choices.

You had no idea what to say at this point, no idea what to do. You didn't know the best way to change topics. So you panicked, and blurted out; "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" When you didn't respond right away to that question, Jean followed it up with another. "Why are you freezing up right now, it's just me."

You felt your face heat up. It was just him. 

Never in a million years did you think the Jean Kirstein would say that to you, yet he did. You wished you could get it on camera. The boy that ignored you existence, was now on a level of intimacy and friendship that paralleled the few you hold dear. Talk about character development.

It was bizarre how two humans could go from mutual attraction, to enemies to whatever the hell this was. Insane how that neglect morphed into a friendship, and furthermore into this. It took a year to get here.

You wondered how long it would take you to regress back. How long it could take you and Jean to become strangers once again. 

Forming the correct response proved to be difficult, and so you stood there raking your brain for something intellectual to say back to him. In that time Jean was able to take yet another long sip of his coffee as well as take the sunglasses off of his face and tuck the frames into his black shirt. They were heavy, so they hung it down a bit - but not too much as the shirt he wore was fitted to his figure. "You're spacing out on me."

"Shit. Fuck. Right." You shook your head. Once again failing on your word choice. "Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

You looked up at him, finally noting all the features of his face. It's amazing how much a simple glasses frame can hide a persons emotions and their exhaustion. Jean looked sick, the bags under his eyes were an ashy purple shade - and deep at that. Those same eyes that were usually bright and full of energy were red around the rims and puffy from his lack of sleep. White crusties were speckled across them, you wanted to wipe them from his eyes. His hangover sure was eating him alive.

"You look like shit." That wasn't what you wanted to say. Jean scowled. "Sorry."

"I'm letting you apologize for that one."

"As you should." You nodded, agreeing. "You look beat though, Jean. Maybe you should have stayed home..."

He scoffed, a bit of his usual energy flashing on his face. "And listen to those two idiots complain and call me a party pooper? No way." He looked around for a moment, trying to spot the two that went awol. He frowned when he noticed they weren't there. Jean also paralleling this to the time they left you alone at the bar. He was going to dig into Connie later, the damn buzzcut and loudmouth duo always butting into everyone else's business. "Anyways, do you need a dress for the formal? We could look at some while you're here it needs to be cocktail length...you know since you're my date and all."

You had plenty of dresses back home. "I don't." Then realization hit you that you were Jeans date. Date. Date. Date. You were his date. Could that be classified as a date date?  "Your date." A date date? With Jean?

Your stomach hurt again, but this time it was a light flutter that made you feel uncomfortable. Your chest felt heavy too. You wanted to go home. This interaction was causing you to age a million years and then some.

You hated these interactions with Jean, they made you feel so uneasy. It was so hard to talk to him, especially about...feelings?

Why was it hard to express your feelings to Jean.

It was just Jean.

Just him.

"My date, yeah. That's what I said." He looked away from you, taking yet another sip of his coffee. Finding his next words during his long pause. Jean opted to flip the conversation. "I'm fine now though, just needed some caffeine in me. So, uh I won't continue to look like shit." He emphasized your heartfelt compliment.

"I said I was sorry." You apologized again for your keen observation skills.

"I'll be good to go once it hits my brain." He waved his coffee cup in front of you, the insides sloshing only slightly which meant that he was almost done. You and him had stood here, by the window to the mall, in the coffee shop for a bit now; yet your drink remained barley touched. His drink was almost empty.

You pushed your drink closer to his side of the table. "You can have the rest of mine if you need another boost."

"It's yours." He pushed it back.

"You paid for it." You pushed it even closer to him.

"I bought if for you." He clarified, picking it up and moving it right in front of you. On the edge of the circular table.

"Well you didn't have to." You continued to argue, you only moved it a bit forward this time - in case you knocked if off and it fell to it's death.

"Well I did." He went to give it another push, and you picked it up. Not wanting to deal with it spilling all over the place.

You shook it, the ice rattling around. "I didn't ask you to buy it."

"I wanted to." He stared down at it.

You stared up at him.

It was so weird to hear Jean say these things. Every time he said something like that, something that was so out of character for him to say out loud your chest tightened up. Every damn time he said stuff like that, you had no clue how to react. He was saying this kind of stuff more often to.

It infuriated you that Jean made you feel like this. This was so unlike you, you were more headstrong than this. Your brain functioned, and well too. Why now, of all times, did it decide not to work.

"Why'd you ignore me this morning, you were acting all weird." Like you said, your brain didn't work right around Jean. That was not the way you intended to bring it up. You put your drink down.

Brown eyes met your own, his face locked onto yours. "I have a ha-"

"Don't say a hangover, we both know that's not true."

Eyebrows raised, he looked down at you - confused because yes it was very true that he had a hangover, but that wasn't the point of this. His hangover wasn't the reason he was being stand-offish. "Not true?"

"Ok no, that's a forceful lie on my part." You placed your elbow on the table using it to lean down, face flush from embarrassment of your words. "You acted weird, not normal Jean...or at least your normal Jean with me." You played with the plastic rim of the drink, needing something for your hands to pick at other than themselves. "You stopped short and there, uh, well there was no stop sign."

"I-" Immediately, he went to argue back with you. His hand raising up to potentially prove a point but he cut himself off, knowing that was stupid. Knowing that at this point, the both of you should just talk about it. It was, what, 10 minutes of the two of you dancing around it? Even though you both wanted to bring it up? "There was no stop sign." He admitted.

"Mhm."

"Listen I, fuck, this is weird for me right now." He admitted. "I was pretty damn drunk when I sent those texts and when I woke up I was pretty embarrassed and you responded with-"

"Gay." You finished for him.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Well, I, uh, this is weird for me too." You followed his same words. "You never send me things like that, and when I saw that I was really confused so I responded in a, well now that I think about it, a very very insensitive way." Thumbs down for you for not thinking sending that through. "I just meant it was sappy of you."

You had send that same text in a similar context to Sasha a multitude of times. Using that word in your almost every day speech with your roommate, and best friend -it became kind of just second nature to use whenever anyone gave you some sort of emotional self expression.

"Yeah I know what you meant." He looked down at his shoes. "I dunno, I guess I just wanted you to say something more....sappy back?" Jean grimaced. "I hate that we're using the word sappy right now."

"Me too." You agreed.

Jean took a deep breath, his chest puffing up as his lungs filled with fresh air. Finally he looked back up, locking his gaze on your face - however not your eyes. Jean couldn't look you in the eyes and say this kind of stuff, not yet. Jean chose to stare at your ear. "I can say in full confidence that I would have had a better night if you were there." He closed his eyes. "And I wish that when I woke up this morning it was a text from you that wished you were with me as well, okay?"

He kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, his own heart racing at that. How was it that it hurt his chest more to confess such a little feeling than it ever did when the two of you were intimate. How did feelings become more scary than sex?

You stared at him, his eyes still closed. He was waiting for you to respond before he opened them back up. "...okay." His caramel colored eyes opened back up, a softness in them - different than his usual intense glaring. You liked Jean's eyes when they looked at you like that.

"Okay?" He questioned back.

Your brain short circuited again. "If I say okay again, we're literally just standing here quoting The Fault in Our Stars, Jean."

You expected his eyes to go back into the intense glare they usually held when someone said something stupid- for them to revert back into the look they gave Connie and Sasha whenever the duo acted like true dumbasses. But they didn't. His eyes softened even more, and a smile spread across his face.

"The way your brain works when you get flustered never fails to amuse me."

You blushed, feeling your cheeks heat up. You looked away, out the window; using your palm to cover your face. You held it over you mouth. "Shutupjean." You muttered.

"Can't hear you, you're covering your mouth." He leaned forward, now using his typical flirting style with you. He wished you would pick up on when he changed. You never did. "Let me see your face, c'mon."

Saving you, from death by embarrassment and a heart attack because you didn't know how to handle the feeling in your chest, was Connie and Sasha - the duo now standing in front of one of the white pillars. The two staring at you. You locked eyes with them.

Connie started waving, then Sasha said something that caused him to freeze up. Then instantaneously the two of them ran off - darting into the store behind them.

Jean didn't notice them, he was too busy trying to get a read on you. Every time he felt like he could get somewhere, you shut him out. Why did you shut him out? Every time. Every damn time. What the hell kind of trauma did you have that disabled you from having romantic feelings - and why the fuck did he have to be one of the poor souls to fall for the one girl that was so emotionally unavailable that it hurt him to his very core. It stung to feel this way toward you, yet he couldn't shut off the feelings.

You uncovered your mouth. "Jean, Connie and Sasha went into that store." You pointed across the mall. "We should go meet up with them."

And then that was the end of that conversation, for now. The feelings you had, that you didn't like, still there. You wanted them gone.

Jean wanted his to go away too, barley able to look at you as you lead him across the mall and into the store. The boy replaying everything that just happened in his brain. How could he get you to realize how he felt? How could he get you to reciprocate those feelings? Jean wanted to talk to Marco about it, but the two of them had just had a fight. Plus, Jean knew it would be shitty to go to his friend about you right after they fought about the kids drug problems.

He could 't go to Connie.

He couldn't go to Sasha.

He had to figure this out on his own.

"God Dammit." He muttered under his breath.

You looked up at him, eyes wide and curious to where the hell that came from. "You good Jean?" You batted your lashes, unaware that doing that would cause his face to twist up in the way it did.

"F-Fine." He coughed out, now passing you and walking ahead. "I'm fine."

When you caught up to the duo, they were dicking around by a clothing rack. It full of flashy dresses from cocktail length to evening gowns, plus the few that cut off right at the crotch. Connie had one of those out, and pressing onto him - looking to Sasha for a compliment.

"Red doesn't suit you." You heard her jab at him as you and Jean approached.

"Red suits everyone!" Connie argued back.

"Yeah, but....not you." She picked up another dress, this one a lime green in color. A very bright, flashy and ugly as fuck color. She showed it to him. "Now this one, this one suits you."

"You suck." Connie pushed the fabric away from her. "Jean, tell me I look good in red." The two didn't bother to greet you again, they just added you into their conversation.

Without skipping a beat Jean replied with, "Connie, you look bad in red."

"I can't win with you two!" He groaned out in frustration.

"Exactly, you're our number one loser."

"How are you both complimenting me and insulting me at the same time?!" He whined back at Sasha.

"'Cause your an easy target." Jean threw an arm around Connie's shoulders, pulling him into his chest. 

"I am not!"

"Are too."

The two boys began to bicker in front of you, and slowly you and Sasha backed up as when Connie acted like this, his limbs and body parts seemed to flail about. Currently he was slapping Jean with his sweatshirt sleeve, loudly calling him a "cuck" with each and every hit. 

Crazy concept that he was a legal adult.

"You two are wasting time." Sasha finally cut into their battle.

"Are not." Connie stopped hitting Jean to now argue with her.

Jean sighed, pinching his brow. "Are too."

"Enough!" You finally yelled out.

And they stopped bickering. The four of you then went on to peruse through many stores in the mall. Connie and Sasha making very bad puns with every product they pulled of the shelf, and thus put back in the wrong place. Jean and you played cleanup crew for them, all the wile they wreaked havoc.

"Can we go to  food?" Sasha finally whined, after a few hours of window shopping. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." She looked to Jean.

"Just because Eren calls me horseface doesn't mean I apply to that expression." He deadpanned back at her.

"I know one of us would be fine with eating you." Connie joked, and for some reason - he slapped your back.

Your face turned flush, embarrassed by what he meant by those words. You looked away from your friends, unable to look up at Jean - who too was looking in the other direction. His face equally as red.

"I'm in the mood for a smoke sesh and some pizza." Sasha's eyes danced around the three of you, waiting for someone to agree. And when you finally calmed down the heat that rose to your face you caught her gaze and nodded along.  

Pizza was cheap. Pizza was good. You were all in agreement with the proposal.

The mall was a ways away from the school, part of North Trost - where as your college was on the south side. It was a good half hour drive due to traffic, so the four of you got back in Jean's car and began the ride home. Much more talkative this time around, as Jean and you were not longer weird with one another and his hangover had greatly subsided.

Your heart stopped entirely when Connie blurted out something about the formal. Something that you didn't know was a thing, no one cared to tell you. No one had to tell you, as it wasn't your frat. You were just joking around, and the three of them were reminiscing about the events of last years when Connie blurted:

"I can't believe they hiked up the price for the tickets that damn much. $200 per person, like what is this a fuckin' wedding!?"

Him and Sasha continued to talk, while you and Jean were rendered silent.

Jean had never mentioned it cost money to attend, that it was pricey to be his date. That Jean had coughed up $400 for the two of you.

That was a really expensive date.

Your initial reaction was relief, a sigh came out first because you didn't have to pay that. It was really nice that Jean forked it over, however it pissed you off that Jean didn't happen to mention anything about it.

Hell, he had only mentioned the formal once to you. The one time being after you swallowed his fucking cum - every other mention of the damn thing was done by Sasha or Connie. Jean kind of ignoring it every chance, dancing around it.

Jean had ignored the subject because he didn't want you to know how much he payed for you to go.

The weird silence between you was now back. It continued until you got back to the frat house.

Sasha and Connie didn't even notice, they were too busy playing the alphabet game. You know, the association one where you say the first thing that comes to mind when you blurt out a letter.

The game in the car cheered you up, however it didn't relieve the uncomfortable feeling you had in your stomach.

But knowing that Connie associates A with ANAL, T with TITS, C with CUM, F with FUCK, and J with JEANBOY had made you feel a bit better. Especially when Connie screamed out Jeanboy, and Jean verbally lashed out on him for the nickname again.

It was funny, however you were still mad at Jean. Very mad at Jean.

He was parallel parking in front of the frat house when you turned around. "Sasha, Connie - why don't you guys go inside and order the pizza." You stared at her, intently looking at her eyes as to try and get her to read your mind. "Jean and I will go pick it up."

"Huh?" Connie yammered, cocking his entire head to the side and looking at you. "We usually get it delivered why would we-"

"Go order the pizza and we'll go get it." Jean cut him off.

The three of you snapped your head's to look at him. He had stopped his parking job in the middle, his car was diagonal and jutting out on the empty street. He stared behind, only looking at Connie.

The two of you trying to talk to the both of them with just creepy eye contact.

You and Jean both saying 'leave us alone'.

"Two pies?" Connie squeaked out, Jean's glare making him nervous.

"Make it four we know the rest of the house is gonna want in."

Connie shot up a thumbs up, his other hand unlocking his phone to call the pizza place. "Got it, calling now." The two of them rushed out of the car then, feeling unsettled by the energy both you and Jean were giving off.

When the door slammed closed you and Jean were finally left alone. This time by your own doing, and not anyone else's. This time, you wanted to scream your head off at him - but that wasn't an adult way to handle things. Usually you would wait for him to cut into the silence, for him to prod it out of you - but not this time. This time you were mad. Because $200 dollars is a lot of money, especially for a girl you hated a year ago.

Jean had put the car back intro drive and pulled off - making the way toward the pizza place.

"Why didn't you tell me it was that much to go, Jean." You glared at him, he stared on ahead.

"I didn't think it mattered that much, it's my event and I wanted you there." He spoke matter-of-factly. Like he already knew what he was going to say.

"I'm going to pay you back."

He scoffed at that. "No you're not." He glanced over in your direction, watching as you stuck up your nose and folded your arms across your chest. "Just let me pay, it's fine."

"It's not fine, I literally don't understand why you didn't say anything." You shot back at him.

You hated when people did stuff like this, you loathed it. Sure it was one thing to spot ice cream, to pay for food, to buy you a coffee- because at the end of it all you could pay them back. But this one, this $200 dollar expense was over your poaching budget - and you hated that he didn't tell you.

Because this time, you weren't sure if you could pay it back. 

"It slipped my mind, I dunno." He lifted a hand off the wheel, shaking it a bit in the air to emphasize his confusion. "I was a little preoccupied when I asked you to it, it just slipped my mind."

You scoffed, again. "You could have told me when you made the payment."

"I could have." He agreed with you. "I chose not to."

"So now we're changing this to you forgot to you chose not to?"

He sighed. "I guess."

"You guess?" You reiterated.

"Just....take it as a Thanksgiving gift or something." He shrugged, not seeming to care too much about it. However, he did care enough to talk about this alone with you. You were agitated that he was being so aloof about it. "Happy early Thanksgiving." He added on.

"That's not a fucking thing."

"Well it is now."

"I didn't get you anything."

"You're my date, that's all I need."

You groaned out, frustrated and infuriated by this whole thing. Annoyed that Jean was acting like this! Out of all ways to handle a situation... he was being childish.

"Make it your Christmas gift to me or something." You settled on. It would still be an expensive Christmas gift, but at least it would make you feel better than you did at this moment.

"No." He shook his head at you. Then, pulled into the lot where the pizzeria was located. The car bumped up as he pulled in - the lot having not been paved in years. It was coated with potholes, Jean did his best to avoid them but hit a few. It was a bumpy ride to an empty spot, you chose not to speak over the jostling of the car. He parked far away, as the lot got way worse - no cars nearby where you stopped. Jean was fine with walking the distance to the pizza place. "I have something else in mind i'd like to get you for Christmas, so no." He clarified.

"That doesn't make this better! Jean, that's so much money for you to spend on things for me I can't let you do that."

"You're not letting me, I'm just doing it."

"Why are you being so stubborn about this!?"

"I'm the stubborn one?" He scoffed. "You won't let me pay for you to be my date, I asked you - it's my damn problem."

"Sasha paid for her own it sounded like." You argued that point with him, knowing that the girl coughed up $200 to Connie by their conversation alone. "Anyways Jean, that's a lot of money to spend on a fucking date."

"I've spent more on a girl." He glared at you, still arguing back. But that one made your heart sink, knowing that Jean could spend money like that on someone else. You weren't special. Hand't he told you that once before?

Jean watched as your face fell at that one, and he knew he said the wrong thing. He couldn't bring himself to apologize though, because what would he be apologizing for? Liking you more than a friend? Yeah, he wasn't about to admit that to your face - especially after this dumb argument. He wanted you to just get over it and let him pay. He wanted you to be there. So, he payed for you to be there. Simple as that.

"Sasha paid for her own ticket, so I should too." You stated that again, using other people as an out to your feelings.

"Sasha's Connies friend date." He argued back, Jean knowing you didn't have the money to cough up for it. 

"And I'm not?"

"No!" He laughed after that one. "We're not friends! I-"

"-Oh gee thanks Jean." You cut him off throwing your hands in the air. "Guess we've never been friends have we? You ignored me for a full fucking year, what did you throw me a bone with some human decency and kindness the last few months ?" Not friends. Not friends. Not friends?! Was he joking right now. "Why'd you even invite me if we're 'not friends'? Huh? Why the fuck-"

"Friends don't fuck one another!" He cut you off now. "Christ, you just keep going don't you. God, you couldn't even let me get a word out. You just kept going! Let people finish their thoughts, dammit." He snapped, huffing in anger. "I invited you because I like you, I like spending time with you, I like being around - you're my friend but we both know there's a bit more to it." He beat around the bush, telling you he liked you - but taking it back right away with making it that you mutually feel the same.

"We haven't even fucked in over a year!" You ignored the heartfelt compliment of him liking spending time with you.

"You blew me the other day." He pointed out. "Plus we almost fucked on Halloween, and I think we've kissed enough times to make it known that whatever this is -" he pointed a finger between you "-isn't just friendship."

You blankly stared at him. Noting in your head, that both the very important boys in your life and you had conversations resulting in yelling in their cars this past week. The last time this happened, Eren had leaned over the dash and crashed his lips into your own and then dragged you inside and ate you out.

This time, you had done it.

You reached forward, across the dash - grabbing the black t-shirt he had on underneath his red and brown flannel and yanked him forward - crashing your mouth agains his. He didn't move at first, and when his brain registered what was happening he kissed you back sloppily, having not anticipated this.

This was not supposed to happen, however he was not complaining that it was. Jean's mouth tasted faintly like the coffee he had drank earlier today at the mall. His hands shot up from his sides, and after unbuckling his own seatbelt one cupped your cheek and the other braced the back of your neck. Your one hand remained at your side, the other still clutching his black t-shit.

When you let out a huff of air from your nose, the kiss turned softer - more delicate. You synced up with one another, moving fast however with more purpose - more need. Jean's hand on your face dropped down - and you missed the warm contact his palm had on you cheek, the softness of his hands guiding you in the kiss but it was ok.

It was ok because that hand hand dropped down to unbuckle your seatbelt. It clicked, and you both opened your eyes and pulled apart from one another. Just inches away. Jean's breathing was heavy, as was yours as you stared at one another. His hand was still firmly behind your neck, pressing into your nape.

He laughed for a moment, then sighed. You watched him with wide eyes as he leaned forward again, pressing his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes, you watched him - watching his lips move. "Wanna hop over to my side?"

You moved fast, too fast - the seatbelt you tried to shimmy out of clanked against your body in an aggressive and uncomfortable way. You didn't care though, you just really wanted to go back to kissing Jean.

You liked kissing him, it felt new. You liked the new. You liked his new. You liked it a lot.

His hand that unbuckled you found its way to your hips and with great struggle you were moved over the center console - and eventually straddling his waist. You sat on his lap, fist full of t-shirt in your hand. You moved your face down again, closing the space between the two of you and you kissed him again - more certain this time of what you wanted. You wanted him.

Jean's had moved from your waist to his seat, and while your kiss became more rough by your own doing he was able to shift it backwards, and lean it back more - you were straddling him in a parking lot in broad daylight.

You were the one who darted your tongue out first, your own self needing more contact wit him. You wanted him, and you wanted him right now. You didn't care about the time or place - you wanted Jean this very instant. He allowed your tongue to slide into his mouth, and placed both hands on your waist, sliding them back in order to cup your ass.

He pushed your body down, bringing your hips to cover the bulge in his pants - his strong arms began to rock your body back and forth - the two of you working together to create friction between the two. Your tongue slipped from his mouth as he let out a guttural groan, nipping at your bottom lip as he craved more contact. More contact, less clothes. Less clothes, more friction.

You pulled back from him, breathing quite heavy from how turned on you were. Jean looked up at you, his eyes hooded over from the waves of need and pleasure running through him. "Is...is this okay?" You asked, looking down at his crotch, where the prominent bulge was on display. God, you loved grey sweatpants.

"More than okay." He breathed out, letting a laugh hang at the end. "You okay with more?" His eyes flashed down, scanning your body and landing at where his hands rested.

"Yeah." You licked your bottom lip, nodding at him. "If we can figure out how to smoothy get our pants off."

The both of you laughed at that, the humor not killing the needy undertones of the situation. He released his hands from your side, and you let your own fall from his body as the two of you shimmied your pants off. His sweatpants hung around his left leg - the grey fabric pooled down - however his boxers still remained on. You on the other hand took off your jeans, and the underwear you had put on this morning - tossing them over to the passenger side.

You sat back down on his lap, your exposed body hitting his clothed crotch. "Why didn't you take them off?" You wrapped your arms back around his neck, cocking your head as you looked down at the bulge in his black boxers.

"In case." He shrugged back at you, his hands finding themselves back to where they were before. Jean groaned and threw his head back as he kneaded your ass, pressing you down onto his hard-on again.

In case... right. Because this was happening in public, in broad daylight. In a pizzeria's shitty ass parking lot. Bathrooms and parking lot, you and Jean should make a bingo board.

You leaned down to kiss him once again, making contact with his parted mouth. He closed it slightly, kissing you back. His tongue rimming at your teeth, and then pushing itself into your mouth. His hands stopped their movement, the friction not as rough as you continued to move back and forth on his lap. One hand moved into your hair, tugging you down and deepening the kiss - the other went to his boxers and swiftly he pulled his cock out from the hole - giving it two pumps himself before moving that hand back to your body. He pulled your waist flush on him, gently giving you a lift. Your entrance hovered above him, and after forceful shove down you were now rubbing your exposed self against his erection.

Back and forth, and back and forth - the two of you getting more and more aroused with the consistent friction.

You moved one hand up from his neck, burrying it in his long hair - you other hand snaked down. You lifted your body up just a bit and grasped him, rubbing your thumb over the head of his cock -spreading the pre-cum that came from his arousal around it. He groaned out as your finger pushed into his slit - not used to that sort of contact with his head.  Lips left your own, as your fingers moved - and he was under you letting out yet another moan.

His lips soon made way to your neck, the hand in your hair moving your body so he could attack your skin with his teeth - nipping and biting into it. Making sure to put enough pressure to make it feel good, but not enough to mark it. As much as Jean enjoyed seeing his affection - marking you right now wasn't the best idea.

His hand that rested at your wait ran against your bare skin, tracing down the outside of your thighs and then back up the inside. His fingertips hovered over your entrance - not daring to go any closer. Jean felt how wet you already were, just from dry humping.

"Jean." You groaned out, wanting more contact - wanting him inside you, wanting anything inside you at this point.

"Hmm?" He hummed from your neck, moving up with his bites - closer to where your ear met your skull. You moaned out loudly when he nipped right under - a spot you didn't know could get such a noise from you. You continued to move your hands, now pumping up and down on his dick. You went at a slow pace, not wanting to rush this at all. It had been so long, too long.

You wanted to savor this for all it was worth.

His fingertips danced around your center again, his mouth opting to leave kisses rather than bite as he began to focus on pleasing you. His middle and pointer finger brushed up against your entrance - his thumb prodding up against your clit. You moaned out again.

"You're soaking wet." He said, his mouth close to your ear. He kissed the side of your face, pushing his fingers up. The two entering in, just his tips. He held them there.

"M-more Jean. I want ... more..." He pressed his thumb harder into your clit rubbing circles around it, his other fingers pushed in more. The two still unmoving, however stuffing you in a way you couldn't do yourself.  "Jean, please I-"

Jean shoved his two fingers in you, pushing them in all the way. You moaned out, loving the feeling of him inside you - and he hummed to himself, loving the noise coming from your lips. He didn't care too much that your hands stopped pumping up and down on his cock - he didn't mind that that hand rode up and clenched the bottom of his t-shirt, your fingers gripping the fabric as you let out soft moans. Soft moans of his name. Soft moans made for him.

He moved his fingers inside of you, listening to your begs, craving your pleas each and every time he pushed up against a spot you liked. He made sure to remember them, moving his long fingers in a way that had you gasping for air - the added pleasure of his thumb against your clit causing you to cry out in pleasure.

"Jean, Jean- Jean I- ah." You babbled as you sank your head into the crook of his neck - your teeth landing down into his collarbone where you sank them down - biting the fabric that covered his skin. He groaned out in pleasure, quickening his pace.

You couldn't help but moan out again. Jean felt your squeeze his digits, your body convulsing up as you came around his fingers. He felt your release coat his hands as you body twitched for a few seconds afterwards - your breathing heavy as you just came.

Your ears rang, the noise of your pants and moans went so out of focus for just a moment as you caught your breath. When you came back to your senses, when the bliss was done, you realized that his car was still on - his music still playing.

A Young the Giant song was faintly in the background. You knew the album, you knew the song. The first on their self titled- Apartment. Jean had played it in the car so many times in the past. It was a soothing song, yet it was sad.

I hit the sidewalk and this is how it starts
Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart
Cause sooner or later this is bound to stop
Come on, let's savor what we're falling over

Jean had a habit of listening to albums rather than playlists, albums over random songs. You wondered if this was the beginning.

He pulled out his fingers, they slipped out with ease - the two digits coated in your slick. He moved them up to your open mouth, and shoved them inside. You closed your eyes, you closed your mouth - his fingers pushing back and hitting your throat.

You gagged.

His dick twitched.

The music behind was lost.

"Taste." He ordered, and you did. Wrapping your lips more comfortable around his digits, and lapping up the taste of your own release with your tongue. His fingers curled inside your mouth, and soon he slipped them out, moving that hand back down to your thigh.

The two of you sat there, still in the parking lot, breathing heavy from just foreplay.

"How are you doing?"

You hummed back. "Good , Jean, really good." You hummed again.

"You think we have time for more?" His eyes glanced over to his dash. The time, he checked the time. It had been about 15 minutes since Connie made the call - however with multiple pies it might take longer. His eyes danced at the digital display to the currently playing song.

My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more
My Body tells me no, but I won't quit
Cause I want more, cause I want more

He couldn't help but stifle a laugh a the irony of it, because here the two of you were - both wanting more.

"I don't care if the pizza get's cold, do you?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Cool, then we continue." You nodded.

"Condom?" He cocked his head to the side, asking if you had one, as poor Jean did not, but also asking if you wanted to use one. You hand't used one that first time, oh so long ago you said no. But times had changed, a lot had changed. It had been over a year.

"I don't have one." You shook your head. "D-do you?" You stuttered out.

"No, but uh...I'm clean." He stared back at his dash - not wanting to see the look on your face. He felt like such a bad guy for saying that, such a user - but it was true. He was clean.

"I'm clean too." You mumbled, shifting your body around uncomfortably. You weren't a fan of not using a condom, especially with how much your body count went up since the first time you and Jean hooked up. But you had used a condom with every other guy, you had made sure to be safe - saying no when they didn't want to use protection. "Are you....sure your clean?" You asked, wanting confirmation to make your decision. You still had an IUD, you just needed protection against STD's. Not that Jean would have any, but you never know. "Just not in the mood for, you know, an STD." You stammered on your words.

Jean swore this conversation would make him soft.

"What, you don't want to be part of the Gonorrhea gang?" He made a bad joke.

You laughed. "I'd rather not have to get a butt injection to fight of the sexual demon that is Syphilis."

"So you're saying we could still fuck if you had Chlamydia though?"

"She sounds nice, but not my type."

You stared down at him, as he stared up at you - his dick exposed to the air of the car, pre-cum dripping out of it. On his thighs were trails of your release, coating him as it dripped out of you.

You both broke out into laughter, the conversation at hand idiotic - the topic so unattractive and so off-putting. But to anyone else it would have felt like that, but for the two of you it was refreshing. It was nice to be able to laugh during sex, it was nice to be so comfortable with someone that you could say those things. It was a wonderful feeling to not want to hide your body, to not shame yourself, to not cover up anything your insecurities would pinpoint during sex. God, it felt so good to feel comfortable with someone. It felt so good that that someone was Jean.

"For real though, i've only slept with two other girls since last year. So, I know i'm clean...used a condom both times."

Jean Kirstein had only fucked two girls since he fucked you in a bathroom? Was that a joke?

"Okay." You nodded at him, that was confirmation on his cleanliness enough. "We forgo the condom." It had been so long since you had sex without a condom, you... you kind of craved it. Craved the feeling of natural friction, craved the feeling of the raw contact, missed the comfort that came from it - as using a condom always had you feeling icky. It made you itchy, and some guys used weird ribbed and lubed up ones?

You were not a fan.

"We forgo the condom." He nodded back at you. Even though Jean got soft, he would be able to get hard again as soon as you made contact with his dick. Because it was you above him. When your hand made contact with his cock again, it twitched stiffening right back up. You were gentle, yet firm with your movements as you pumped it a few times.

Jean loved how warm your palm felt, how soft your touch was on his most sensitive body part. If you didn't just agree to fuck, he could easily have came with just the delicate pressure of your hands. He moaned when your thumb rolled over his tip.

You smirked, enjoying that he was vocal.

Jean was long, your hand's took longer than average to travel up and down his shaft. He wasn't the thickest, however what he lacked in width he made up for in height. Point blank Jean had a huge dick, he was as hung as the ladies would say. If the ladies dare said anything.

"B-before I cum in your hands, please can you just sit on my dick." Jean got out after another moan.

You paused. "You don't want me to blow you?" You blinked down at him, his face flush from how good he already felt.

"No, fuck - just sit on me already would you?" All Jean's rational thoughts went out the door - the switch flicked off. Jean needed you right now more than he could express with words alone.

You needed him too. You wanted him too. "Okay."

Jean's hands found your hips again, lifting your body up. You moved your hips with him. Your one hand went behind his neck, your fingers grasping at the tips of his long hair. Your other hand, the one that had been pumping up and down on his cock held it upright. Positioning it underneath your entrance.

Jean guided you, quickly pushing you about halfway down on him. "Ah-" You let out a sob, you forgot how big he was - how far he could go. You sank your hips down more, his hands pushed you down and slowly you sank ending up fully taking him in. The two of you held on from moving.

Jean from thrusting up into you like a madman, you from riding on top like your life depended on it. You both took a moment to breathe - the two of you letting out shaky moans.

In the night where I live,
There's strange force in your kiss oh

Jean refrained from moving to press his lips against you once more, pulling your body flush against his. He was sitting up in the chair, holding you upright with him. You moved against his lips, barley moving your hips. Your other hand snaked its way up his t-shirt. Your palms felt the heat radiating off the skin of his back.

Jean pulled back, his warm eyes meeting your own. "You good?"

You nodded, "I'm g-good." You croaked out, stuttering as he was too impatient for you to get the word out before he moved underneath you. Pushing you up slightly, and then brining you back down.

"Good." Jean let go of you, letting the two of you fall back on the chair, so both of you could do the work. His lips pressed into your neck as he started moving underneath you. You matched his pace - riding him and moaning out his name each time he bottomed out.

He wasn't even going that fast, nor was he thrusting that hard. He was moving slowly, rending you a moaning mess and him one equally so - though his sounds were muffled by his mouth that was pressing warm kisses up and down your neck. He wanted to bite down.

You wanted that too.

Jean started picking up the pace, his hold on you became painful - however the pleasure that came from him fucking into you pushed that aside. His mouth left your neck, "Fuck - you feel so good." He moaned, teeth grabbing your skin afterwards and nipping down.

"Jean!" You yelped, as his bite and his thrust into had your head spinning.

"Fuck." He bucked up his hips. "I can't believe we're doing this again." He said in more of a whisper.

"I c-can't believe it's still not a b-bed." You got out.

Jean chuckled at that, thrusting into you harder. His full length moving in and out of you, the sounds of your thighs slapping against his own and the wet noises that came each and every time he bottomed out. You scratched at his back, digging your nails into his warm skin.

He arched himself at that, moaning in your ear. "Next time."

"I-I-" You stuttered.

He ignored you stuttering, continuing to slam into you an array of profanities coming out of his mouth as you bounced up and down on him. The car shaking in sync with his thrusts.

I'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control

Every once in a while your brain realized where you were - in a car - in a parking lot - his radio on. And each time your brain would tune into a lyric, or a line of a song and then go right back into thinking about how good he felt. How good he felt slamming up into you, how good his cock felt hitting your cervix and daring to go farther from its sheer length.

"P-please, Jean - Fuck." You whined, his grip on your thighs became tighter. Your muscles were going to be sore.

"Please what?" He pressed his lips against your neck once more - this time unable to control himself. He bit down down.

"J-Jean!" You cried out. "Fuck I- fuck- harder, Jean, go harder."

And he did, he picked up his pace and your nails scraped ever more into his back - and the hairs resting at his own neck were pulled down. "Ah, shit." Jean hissed, enjoying that more than he thought he would. "I'm close." He admitted.

"O-o-kay." You moaned out, not processing his words. He shifted his feet around on the floor of his car, he sank further back into his chair and you rose up on him. He was able to move faster underneath you, fucking up harder into you - with an iron grip on your body as not to move off of him.

"I want you to cum first." He groaned. "Fuck, it's not fair if just I cum." He bit down on your shoulder this time, one of his hands coming off you thighs and finding it's way to your clit. "You first."

"I-I-already came." You explained, but he didn't seem to care. He began to rub circles into you with his fingertips.

The feeling of his trusts, the feeling of his fingers. Both sensations had you screaming out his name, moaning out in pleasure and once again with a body shaking stiff you came on top of him - your ears ringing out as he continued to fuck you.

You couldn't hear him, you couldn't hear what he was asking you. Your brain was foggy, and you were in a daze as he continued to fuck you until he got himself off.

Jean moaned out your name, followed by a "fucking christ, hell." Your walls convulsed around him and he couldn't hold in back anymore. "Cumming." He was able to stutter out.

Since you were so dazed, you didn't realize what he said at first. But when his thrusts got shorter, less rhythmic you realized that he was done. He was finishing in you.

Your brain snapped so fast, and before he could let anything out inside of you - you lifted your hips and hopped off of him breathing erratically.

You hand slipped out of his t-shirt and grasping his cock you stroked it twice - getting your slick all over his palms and then Jean came.

He came all over his black t-shirt.

Inside you're so warm
Your eyes open up
To the sunrise

Jean moaned your name again, closing his eyes. You sank back down on his lap, your bare thighs touching the edge of his boxers. He was breathing heavier than you were, sitting far back in the drivers chair - head faced to the roof of his car. "Fuck." He breathed out again. "Shit." He laughed. "That felt.."

"Great." You finished for him.

Silence hung around you two for another moment or so. His eyes shot open, "I'm sorry I came that fast." And then he looked down, realizing where his release landed. "Oh fuck." He stared at his t-shirt.

You stared too.

Very definite white splotches speckled the fabric.

But instead of getting mad, he just began to laugh - and it ended up in him pulling you down into his chest - wrapping you in a bear hug of some sorts while chuckling in your ear. His body was warm, and his hug was comforting as he pulled you tight into his chest. His hands moved up and down your back, rubbing it softly in some sort of after care comfort. He wished he could tell you how much he cared for you, but even if he did confessing his feelings after he fucked you in his car was not how he really wanted to go about doing that.

You stood, soaking it all up, enjoying the warm of him. You could hear his heartbeat - it was fast. As was your own. Two two of you used this time to steady your breathing.

When he could form full sentences again he told you, "Next time, we should use a bed."

"Next time." You answered him back. Next time, there would be a next time. You wanted a next time. You both really wanted a next time. "Do you have napkins, or tissues to wipe that up?" You murmured into his neck.

He groaned. "No." And then you both began to laugh, not loudly - but soft little chuckles of amusement about the sticky situation that the both of you had found yourselves in. "I'll just grab a bunch when I go grab the pizza."

Your eyes grew with the mention of where you were, and what you were supposed to be doing. You froze.

"What's up, are you ok?" Jean noticed it right away, the way your body turned stiff. He pushed you up a bit.

"Jean, how long were we in here for?" You looked quickly at his dash, trying to gauge the time. You didn't know when you left though, so you weren't even sure.

The song changed then.

Padded by locks, the door knob singed
A rusty close to a doorknob hinge

Jean, having listened to this album a million times in the past, recognized the tune right away. And since he used this exact album to drive around town whenever he felt upset or unsettled - he knew the time stamps of each song on it. "Well we've been in the parking lot for about 25 minutes, and the ride over took 5. So 30 minutes."

"Jean, the pizza's have probably been done." You pointed across the lot at the pizza place.

He cocked his head, a smile dancing on his lips. "What happened to you don't care about cold pizza?"

"Well I do now!" You huffed, throwing your arms across your chest. "Us, well, that. It made me hungry."

He started laughing. Jean's face crinkled up at your declaration.

"Jean, this is so not funny. Connie is going to say something weird, how the hell are we going to explain it." His own face turned red at that, eyes widening as the two of you were blinded by the need to fuck one another in this very damn parking lot - and forgot about the two idiots left at home waiting for their lunch.

"Fuck."

"You grab the pizza, I call Connie." You told him, making a very quick plan.

The two of you moved quicker than when you were ridding yourself of clothes - the both of you were dressed and starting the beginning of you plan before the song playing even ended. Jean left the car, wiping up the bit of stain on his shirt, with the inside of his shirt and went inside to pay and get the pizzas.

You called Connie.

Connie yelled at you on the phone, him and Sasha whined about how long it was taking you. You told them the pizza place was busy, and that the pizza order overwhelmed them. They didn't seem to care, as they continued to complain to you about how they were now starving. Plus, they had been able to pick up and smoke once before you and Jean even got back.

When Jean approached the car again, you told them you were on your way back and hung up without even saying goodbye. Jean opened the door, threw the pizza's on your lap and sped off.

You were very thankful that they were still warm.

Jean didn't utter a word to you as he sped back, he just hummed along to the song. It was funny, this was his favorite on the album; Strings.

When you arrived back at the house, Jean did the fastest parallel park of his life and the two of you got out rushing inside. You ended up carrying the pizza's, he held open the door and made sure you didn't fall down the steps.

When you walked in, your two other friends - both who reeked - met you at the door. You handed off two of the pizza's to Sasha while Connie bearaded Jean about how long it took. The two of them argued in the doorway, as you and your friend put the food down in the kitchen. Sasha blabbing about how she could eat a horse, or two, she was so hungry.

Then you heard a girly shriek, a frill fangirl scream of pure excitement.

Then you heard a slam - and you and Sasha locked eyes and rushed back to the entryway of the house - where Jean had Connie pinned against the wall. His eyes full of fury.

Connie twisted his head, a menacing smile across his face. He looked at you, then his eyes looked between you, Jean, you, and Jean again and then finally he looked down - nodding at Jean's t-shirt.

Where he had forgotten to clean up his fucking cum stains.

Your eyes went wide, full body in shock, as once again Connie had found out you fucked in a way that didn't involve you or Jean directly telling him.

Sasha didn't get it right away. "What just happened?" She questioned him, cocking her head at Connie while Jean sent his friend a pleading glance.

Connie ignored him. "Sash - you owe me 5."

"I owe you 5?" She looked at you. "We made that bet this morning for if they went and fu-oh my god." She stared at you. She looked at your hair, she looked at your current state and it registered. "Dammit!" She sadly looked over at Connie, who was just released from his pinned position on the wall. "I owe you a 5."

A/N:

Sorry it took so long to post, had a lot of changes and a lot of edits to do. Hope i've fed team Jean.

Plus, I started writing a smol aki fic that I'm only gonna post on ao3 for now because I LOVE MY MALEWIFE.

Anyways...Thank u guys for getting RAM to 36K, crazy crazy concept. ily <3 especially those of you that just zoomed through this - thank you for giving RAM a chance.

See you next time!

-Erc