She blinks once, twice and the third time I feel is just for emphasis on either how stunned she is, or possibly how disinterested she is. Either way, the silence she allows to fill between us is thick, heavy and quite frankly, I have to gulp as I allow her time to gather her thoughts. She then runs her hands through her ginger hair mane as she takes in an audible deep breath before exhaling, glancing away for a good moment.
"I don't know whether to laugh and say I told you so, or hug you so tight because that idiot is literally the biggest idiot."
I sigh, glancing away from her and towards the open field of fat trees and evergreen bushes. The landscape is amazing, and quite frankly, I think my parents made the best decision moving here a few years ago — we have the best sunset. Sunrise, though, it's not exactly the best during winter. My room is always cold in the winter mornings.
What's nice is the neighbours get to share this view too. We could walk into that forest starting not too far from where Andrea and I have ourselves seated on the grass, but apparently it's advised we don't, just for the sake of our own safety and the lack of knowledge in regards to what may be lurking in the forest after sunset.
"I should also be mad at you that it took you two months to tell me this."
Andrea Bogdanov. My best friend and technically my mentor because for some reason, a lot of what she says makes sense. She's almost like an old woman in a young body. An old soul. And she stands out a lot; ginger hair she loves to keep in a bun or in curls, and her green eyes that just makes perfect sense. I once thought she was wearing contact lenses.
"Yah, I know, and I'm sorry. You were literally on holiday and I didn't want to bombard you with my own issues. I just thought it would be best for you to come back first before." I mutter, rubbing my thighs nervously.
"For the first day of uni? Your timing is off, bestie."
I sigh, lifting my eyes back at her. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."
She settles properly besides me as we look over at the landscape, as much as the large trees would allow us. "So... things have ended between you guys? Officially?"
"Yah."
We sit in comfortable silence, but I'm sure both of minds run miles per hour, busy with variety of thoughts hitting the mental wall per second. To be fair, she did tell me not to entertain him. She did tell me not to be with Banele, that he didn't seem that serious to be in a relationship. But when a week turned to a month, which turned to three months, I second guessed her worries and thought she was being overprotective.
Guess she was right. I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I have my own issues to deal with first, before I entertain another boy.
Another useless male.
I sigh, fingers grazing against the grass lightly as I wait for my friend to voice out her thoughts. Meanwhile, my mind takes me back to him, that boy I saw on New Years. The night he oh so gently begged to take me home. The night he literally forced his lips against mine. Yeah I did slap him across the face, and I made sure he felt it in his core.
"So he just... broke up with you? For no reason?"
"He said he didn't think him and I would last. That I was stubborn and I never listened to him, and I made his life difficult. Stubborn this, stubborn that. He blamed me for a lot." I glance at her. "It hurt, you know?"
"How come?"
I've been called stubborn for as long as I can remember, from the people close to me. Being called stubborn from others is just annoying and makes it seem as though I really am stubborn when in actuality... I am but I don't want to also admit it.
"Just... knowing I slept with him because he convinced me we'd be together, and a month after, he's telling me all of this. It just surprised me but it also hurt me. I was attached to him. I liked him so much. I still kind of do—"
"After what he did, you still like him?"
I sigh, pinching my eyes shut at the disbelief and disgust laced in her voice. "I know, I know, Andrea. But I was attached to him. I honestly had hopes and... I was stupid. Okay? I should have listened. Boys bring bad luck. I know that now."
"But how do you spend months with a person only for them to treat you like you never existed? And worse, he breaks up with you at a stupid New Year's party? He has no class, whatsoever, and I would have honestly slapped him across the face or something. You know men? They are only good for one thing and one thing only." She grabs hold of my hand to gain my attention. I lift my hooded eyes at her green ones and she frowns deeply. "Sleeping with them. That's all. You mingle, you mingle, and when he takes the bait, you sleep with him and dump him in the side of the road. You're too young to be worried about long term relationships, and guys our age could care less about that. You don't ever give any guy the impression that he has a chance. That's literally what I do."
"Really?" She eagerly nods. "But you're always in relationships."
"I mean, yeah... but obviously just to sleep around until I'm bored."
I chuckle, shaking my head before glancing away, noting the familiar afternoon birds take their flight across the orange sky. "I think I'll just take time to heal. I need to, anyway, considering I was really in a bad place a month ago."
"You seem to be doing fine now. I mean, better, at least. Like, you wouldn't say you were at rock bottom, but since I am your best friend, I noticed something was off."
"Yeah... thanks for that, best friend." I smile at her. "Enough about me though, what about you? We didn't really get to catch up about the holidays. How was yours?"
"Oh, for the most part it was nice. We actually," she sighs and shrugs, "we went to a funeral in December. A close relative of ours passed away so we had to pay our respects."
I place my hand on hers to give some sort of comfort. "Sorry about that. What happened to her? Or him?"
"Him." She corrects. "He was sick for a couple of years. There was no cure so, we kind of expected him to die, just not this soon."
"How's the family?"
"Okay. They'll be fine. I think, they were devastated, but prepared as well. His siblings, though... they handled it really badly. It affected them a lot. They didn't necessarily prepare for his death because they believed he wouldn't die so soon."
I know how that feels. I know exactly how that feels.
"But either than that, my holiday was really nice. The family is doing okay. We're actually thinking of moving closer this side. My dad said it would be good for us, since there's an open field and forest. Our nightly walks would be a lot more comfortable." I watch as she moves a bit against the grass. "It makes sense."
Not bad of an idea. I've told her before that the forest is off limits at night for safety reasons, so I'm assuming their nightly jogs would be in the afternoons instead.
"Are you tired of where you currently live?"
"Not exactly. I think we just need space, so I like the idea of moving out."
I nod slowly. It does make sense. Moving this side is nice because it's spacious, in a sense that your whole backyard goes into the forest. It does cost money, and I remember when my father struggled just a bit to pay off the rest of the house before we felt like this was our new home. Nonetheless, it's a nice place to stay and isn't exactly far from university, too, or shopping malls. Maybe it would be cool that Andrea and I are somewhat neighbours.
"Well, all the best with moving out. You'll update me. Let me know if you need help moving your stuff or whatever."
"I will, of course." She smiles. "But are you excited?"
"For?"
"The new year? It means new opportunities, new hope. New assignments." She groans and rolls her eyes, meanwhile I giggle lightly. "New boys..."
"We're literally going to be seeing the same boys we saw last year and first year. Nothing new there."
"But, but! There are always new students, so that technically means new boys."
I shake my head as I glance at her. "Well, I am partially excited for this new year. I have a new year to change things around. Prepare myself to find a job for next year, say, if I decide not to do my honours. I also want to be more outgoing this year. We are literally turning twenty-three this year. We're literally fourth years. We are so old." She grins and nods, waving her hand with sass. "I feel like this year, we should go crazy." I pause in though before smirking. "As crazy as my father would allow me."
"I'm sure he'll finally allow you to start drinking." Andrea teases as she tugs strands of her hair behind her ears, and I scoff and shove her thigh. "Did you tell him that you and Banele broke up?"
"Did he know that Banele and I were even dating?" I pout. Andrea laughs, shaking her head as her eyes twinkle in the setting sun's light. "I'll convince him to let me go to a club this time. I did good making him say yes to me going to parties, so maybe this time, he'll say yes to a club. Or maybe... we should travel?"
"Your birthday is all the way in December. You have time to think about what you want to do, especially considering you didn't do anything last year. I know that I definitely want to go somewhere. Somewhere where there's a beach, maybe. The ocean. All blue. A place where we could take a bunch of nice Instagram pictures! Oh my word, maybe somewhere far?"
"I'll enjoy your birthday in the comfort of my room since I know my black father will definitely say no to me hopping on a plane and going somewhere where he won't have tabs on me."
It's her turn to scoff at me, now giving me an unimpressed look. "Then, I'll just kidnap you."
"He will literally freak out."
"He can freak out for a week, I guarantee you he won't die. Then you'll come back and then... I don't know, he'll ground you or something. I don't know what he'd do."
"Well, I can't exactly underestimate the anger of a black man, so I might just die in his hands." I pout playfully.
Andrea blinks at me for a moment, before her shoulders lift up a bit. She then gets to her feet and gazes down at me. "Well then, you'll be having the best time of your life before you die. I think it's a win-win situation."
I laugh, this time playfully slapping her thigh. She laughs back and takes steps away from me, headed towards my house. "Bathroom?"
She nods. "Bathroom. And snacks. And something to drink, I'm kind of thirsty. Do you want anything?"
I really like how comfortable she feels in my house, to offer me food as though she's the host of the house. I shake my head at her. "Nah, thanks. I'll come inside now, anyway. I think I just want to watch the sun set."
Andrea just gives me a thumbs up and turns around before heading to the building. Meanwhile, I gladly appreciate the fact that between the both of us, she's the one who has a lovely female body. Curves, hips, a booty that I've seen first hand grab the attention of males, and lovely breasts. I've never actually seen her boobs beyond a bra, but the cleavage speaks for itself, I guess.
I turn back to the setting sun over the trees, breathing in the summer's afternoon air. More bird take their flight in the sky, with a few alerting the rest that they're heading out. Or maybe they are saying goodbye? I don't know.
I didn't see him today. Banele. I thought I would, considering it's the first day of fourth year and I was bound to see him, but he didn't show up. It wasn't strange, because I know him as somebody who loves skipping school, but his friends showed up. He's usually with his friends. They saw me, they acknowledged me, but that was it. No one said anything, no one asked anything. That made me curious. Of course, Andrea asked where he was, and that's when I told her I'd inform her about everything after school. It ended there. A part of me was worried, but a bigger part of me repeated his words to me.
I'm not his responsibility, so I guess it means he's not mine either.
I did see him, though. The stranger from New Year's. Or, at least I think I did. It was in the morning, when the whole university had orientation on the field to accommodate the amount of students. I happened to be gazing over at the different faces, familiar faces, smiling here and there at a few people who looked way different than the previous year, when I saw him. Or, I think I did. No, I know I did. I didn't hallucinate it. I saw him not too far. He was with two guys, more or less the same height as him. They both had blond hair, and he stood out like a sore thumb because he has black hair. I think he wore all black, which was something else that made him stand out, contrasting the vibrant colours the other two wore.
It was him. I didn't get to see his face properly, but something about him just convinced me it was him. It was him. I recognised the side of his face considering I was staring at his side profile that night.
That begged to ask, what the hell was he doing here? Did I never recognise him before? Was he a new student in my year? Why was he there, standing as part of the students having orientation, like me?
Urgh, and I stared like I did that night. I shot daggers into the side of his head because I remembered the audacity he found that night, to kiss me right after I cried because of another boy. I stared so hard, that it seemed like he knew. One moment, he was staring ahead like most of us, looking over at the Head of the university, the lecturers who stood in front as well, introducing themselves to the first years. Suddenly, his head slowly started moving towards my direction, as if he was aware somebody was staring and he just needed to find out who it was. As soon as his eyes started surfing through the different heads, I tuned my head away, lifting my hand to cover the side of my face. I know he's seen the side of my face that night, so of course he would have recognized me as well, not?
That was the last I saw him today. For some reason, that alone made me second guess seeing him, or maybe mistaking him for somebody else. Every fiber in me hoped and still hopes it was somebody else.
I scoff, shaking my head to bring myself back to reality. "That stupid jerk." I blink at the sky, noticing the sun is now behind those tall trees, and the sky is now a light blue, moments away from darkening for the night.
I jolt in surprise when I hear a howling. It's long, loud, proud. It's coming directly from the forest. Now, those fat trees are covering miles of land, so I can not see a thing. Is that somebody's dog? Why would they let their dogs roam loosely into the forest? How many times have we been warned not to roam into the forest after sunset?
I stand to my feet, mindlessly dusting my pants as I stare at the forest. I don't know if I am worried or fearful. The poor dog.
I yelp when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Andrea looks at me with an eyebrow up, eyes scanning my body cautiously. "Make noise when you approach me! You can't just sneak up on me."
"My bad, my bad." She takes hold of my hand. She does that when she is either concerned or physical-contact deprived. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I just... the sun has set, so..."
She nods and then nudges her head, releasing my hand. "I was about to say, I think it's best you head inside now, since it has set." Humming in agreement, I then start walking towards the house, sparing her a glance and then fully coming to a stop when I see her just standing there, staring at the forest. She seems a bit tense.
"Andrea?"
"Yep. Coming." She turns to me with a smile. "Let's watch Singles Inferno. I heard it's real good."
Even despite looking at her curiously, I smile and nod. "Deal."
As soon as we are inside, I close the backyard balcony door, making sure to lock it. My eyes gaze over at the forest and the darkening sky, squinting for a moment before deciding to close the curtains. I then glance at Andrea who watches me. She's literally standing at most five steps away from me.
"Good?"
I nod and smile. "Perfect."
Strange.