Making and Losing memories
I had joined everyone back at the bon fire. But I sat by myself I didn't feel like talking to anyone. If I'm honest, I feel really bad about the way I spoke to Demi. All she does is try to help and keep me safe, and I'm nothing but a selfish fuckup. Why can't I be more like kirra? at this point Demi probably wouldn't even care if I disappeared. I wanted to be special to her but all I do is mess things up. I'm just not used to having someone looking over my shoulder and being so kind and loving towards me. Specially from a grown up. I decided I'd call it a night and I headed over to my tent, I got in and tried to fall asleep.
About an hour had passed and I still hadn't fallen asleep, I couldn't. I felt sick. I was so upset, and I'd left my blade back at camp in my room. but I needed it now, I needed to punish myself.
I heard lots of noise and everyone talking from outside. Everyone must be coming to bed for the night.
My tent unzipped and Maddie popped her head in "hey girl!" She shouted clicking on the fairy lights "hey!" Ava and Jess said crawling in after her.. "Oh hey guys" I mumbled sitting up "why'd you leave early?" Jess asked "yeh is everything okay?" Maddie asked looking at me concerned. I rolled my eyes at Maddie. I know she's just being sweet and caring but I hate that she knew my secret. "I just had a headache but I'm fine now" shrugged. "Good. because we're meeting up with the guys in an hour when everyone's asleep!" Jess whispered. Oh right, I'd forgot about that. We promised Jess we'd pull an all nighter "what's there to do around here?" I whispered back "I dont know, what's around here?" Jess said. Maddie opened maps on her phone to see what was around "hmmm. Looks like there's a star bucks!" She said "oo and a skate park!" Ava said pointing at her phone "Starbucks?" I said curiously "I've never been" the girls all looked at me with their mouths opened "are you kidding?" Jess shouted. Ava slapped her hand over Jess's mouth "shhhh"
"How far of a walk is it?" Ava asked "we HAVE to take Hayley to star bucks" "it's about.. 40-50 minutes. It's 10 minutes down the road from where the busses dropped us off" Maddie answered "how are we going to pay for it?" Jess asked. We all thought for a minute. I opened my mouth to suggest something but when I did Ava cut me off "we are not stealing money" she joked "I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say Joel has some from when we snuck outta camp and got smokes and lollies, remember?" I said "that's right! We found it on the way back" Ava squealed "wait what?" Maddie asked "while we were walking up to the servo a cop car drove past and we all dived into some bushes. We didn't realise until we got there that the money had fallen out of Joel's pockets. But we found it on the way back so we never spent it!" I exclaimed "then... how did you pay for the stuff?" Jess asked raising an eye brow at me. "Yeah how did you?" Ava asked I stared back at them all not sure what to say. "Uh. Guys that's not important right now. Let me call Joel" I mumbled picking up my phone and finding his contact. Luckily they didn't bring it up again.
Joel-hello?
Hayley- hey Joel it's hayley
J- oh hey, what's up?
H- Hey, remember when we went to the servo. At the start of camp, and you dropped all our money?
J- do you have to remind me?
H- but then we found it
J- yeh. I've still got it. It's in my wallet but not a lot of use right now.
H-no that's awesome! There's a Starbucks just under an hour from here and we all wanna go! So we'll need the money
J-awesome! That sounds great. We'll meet up with you guys in about an hour near the picnic tables?
H- done see you then
We ended the phone call. "Alright all set!" I giggled. We sat in our tent and waited for the hour to pass to make sure everyone was asleep so we didn't get caught. We gossiped and talked and I have to say. For once, I felt like a teenager. I felt like I had freedom almost like I was 'normal' gossiping and sneaking out meeting up with boys. I'll have to remember to write Amanda a thank you note for sending me here. I smiled to myself.
"Should we leave now?" Maddie whispered, Ava checked the time "yeah, let's go" she whispered. We quietly snuck out of our tent one by one and zipped it back up. We ran down to the beach and over to the picnic tables where the boys were already waiting for us. "Hey guys" they whispered walking over to us. "Hey" I waved to them "do you have the map up?" Ava asked Maddie "yup! We just follow the trail we came down on then pretty much a straight line" she said
"Yess let's go!" Tyler cheered.
It took about 30 minutes to get to the start of the trail where the bus had dropped us off. We followed the map on Maddi's phone and in no time, we were at the Starbucks, I had never gotten it before so I had no idea what to order. there was so many choices and confusing words. I wasn't familiar with a lot of the flavours but I ended up getting a pumpkin spice latte which was the same that Jess got and it was so good "Do you guys wanna sit here for a bit or start walking back?" Ava asked taking a sip of her pink drink. "We have all night, might as well sit here and enjoy our Starbucks" Ryan shrugged. We sat and chatted for almost 2 hours outside the Starbucks "I feel like such a rebel, I've never done anything like this before" Maddie giggled.
I checked the time on my phone. It was 2am "we should start heading back" I said standing up. "Yeh let's go" Joel agreed.
We walked back and laughed and joked and made some of the best memories and listened to each other's stories. When we got back to the beach we were relieved to see everyone was still in their tents asleep. "That was tiring" Jess sighed sitting on the sand "yeah I'm sweating" Ryan said sitting down next to her. They were right it was a hot summer night and we did just do a long walk. I looked over to the beautiful ocean, it was dark but the moon was reflecting off the water and the stars were the clearest I'd ever seen them before. I looked over at everyone else panting and sweating then took my top and pants off leaving me in my bra and underwear "what are you doing?" Joel asked "going for a swim" I smiled walking towards the water. when I got to where the waves were meeting the sand I took the rest of my clothes off and walked into the water until I couldn't touch the bottom. I'd always wanted to go skinny dipping. It wasn't long before everyone got over the initial shock and joined me, we swam and floated and just relaxed. I totally saw Ryan and Jess making out a few times. "Guys we better go back, the suns gonna rise in a hour or so" Maddi said swimming back to shore "yeh she's right" Tyler said following her. We got back to the shore and put our clothes back on. "This was such a fun night I wish it didn't have to end" I said "we'll be back next year! We'll do this every year" Maddie said putting a hand on my shoulder. I smiled at her But I knew I was never coming back.
We quietly went up to the bathrooms and said bye to the boys and we had a quick shower in the bathrooms. "Guys, I left my phone on the picnic table" Maddie grunted annoyed "that's okay it should still be there" Jess said drying her hair off "yeh let's just go down quickly and find it" I said slipping my shoes back on. We walked back down to the picnic table, it was really dark, it seemed darker then before. We were struggling to see. "Does anyone have their phone for a flashlight?" Ava asked? "No I left mine in the bathroom with my stuff" Jess whispered and I had left mine in the tent. We stumbled to the picnic tables "found it!" Maddie said holding up her phone,"okay good, let's go back now" I said turning to walk back up when suddenly there was a loud scream followed by a small thud. I didn't know who it was "Ava? Jess? Maddie?" I cried "are you okay?" "I'm okay" Jess said "where's Maddie?" Ava asked worried. I looked around and saw her on the ground "Maddie!" I cried running over to her, Ava and Jess not far behind me "I think she hit her head!" Jess cried. Ava leaned down and shook her "wake up! Wake up! Maddie wake up!" She shouted "go get Demi!" I ordered Jess "I'm going!" She cried running off to get Demi.
We tried throwing water on her lighting tapping her face but she wouldn't wake up, luckily she was breathing.
"What happened?" Demi asked concerned running over to us with Jess and a flash light "we don't know, we heard a scream and she was on the ground!" I cried. Demi looked around to investigate and pointed the flash light at a hole and a rock. "She must have tripped and hit her head on the rock" Demi said bending down and checking her over. Demi made a phone call to Nick then the hospital. "Is she going to be okay" Ava cried but Demi didn't answer she just looked panicked.
Not to long after, the paramedics arrived. "What happened?" They asked walking up to us Demi explained the situation and Nick turned to us "you guys. Go back to your tent, Maddie will be fine she's in good hands try not to worry" he said. We were unsure as we really wanted to stay with Maddie and know everything as soon as we could but we just nodded our head and did as we were told "poor Maddie " I sighed "this is literally all my fault. If I wasn't such a sook and just slept in the tent we would've been sleeping and Maddie wouldn't have gotten hurt!" Jess yelled "it's not your fault what happened to Maddie. it was an accident. And we had the best night ever and made the best memories. Maddie wouldn't want you to blame yourself and remember how excited she was? To be doing something rebellious that she's never done before?" I said trying to make Jess feel better. I was only saying the truth and it seemed to have worked at least a little bit. We all sat in our tent. Ava tried to get some sleep but I don't think she got any. Before we knew it we heard everyone getting up. We came out of our tent and followed everyone out. I couldn't see Nick or Demi anywhere. I went up to Nancy and I asked her where they were and she said they were at the hospital with Maddie. I started feeling worried.
We sat through breakfast but none of us ate anything. "Look!" Ava shouted pointing behind me. I turned around to see Demi running over to us "girls, Maddie is awake. Do you want to come see her?" She asked "yes please!" Jess cried. We followed Demi to the car and headed to the hospital where Maddie was "so, can anyone tell me what you guys were doing on the beach at 5 in the morning?" Demi questioned but not taking her eyes off the road. I stayed silent "we got up during the night to all go to the bathroom together, and when we were in there Maddie realised she left her phone at the picnic tables where she had dinner. So we all walked down with her to get it!" Ava answered confidently "hmm. I'll believe it for now" Demi muttered.
We got to the hospital and Demi lead us up to where Maddie was. "Maddie! Your okay." We said running up to her. "Well mostly" a lady said walking in writing some stuff down on a clipboard "what do you mean?" I asked
"Maddie can't remember anything that happened the last 48 hours"the doctor broke the news to us. We all were shocked and stared at Maddie. "You really can't? You can't remember anything from last night?" Ava asked "...or the night before?" I asked nervously. "No, the last thing I remember is I think.. baking? With Nick" she answered. But that was before she saw me getting changed.. then that means.. that means she doesn't remember seeing me with out a shirt on, or about my self harm. She doesn't know! I looked over at Demi to see her looking at me too. I knew she was thinking the same thing. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so glad. "Well I'm really glad your okay Maddie, we all are" Demi said putting a hand on her shoulder "how long does she have to stay here?" Ava asked "just for a few more hours to monitor her but she'll be fine" the doctor smiled. "So, we won't be going back to the beach then? We're staying here with Maddie until she's discharged, right?" Jess said. Demi looked like she was thinking about it. "Yeh that's fine. We can wait here with Maddie" Demi smiled. I was happy to stay with Maddie but I hadn't seen Nathan since Demi interrupted us and I hadn't even gotten he's number! So I don't think I'll see him again. I started getting really upset thinking about that moment, and what I'd said to Demi and I had to leave the room so no one saw me crying "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" I said quickly before leaving.
I walked into the bathrooms and heard footsteps come in not long after "Hayley?" It was Demi. Of course. I came out of the cubical "what now?" I sighed "I'm sorry. Im sorry for being over protective and getting to involved. I promise I'll leave you alone and treat you like everyone else" she said. Treat me like everyone else? What does that mean? And I didn't want her to leave me alone. I wanted to be with her always. "Treat me like everyone else?" I questioned she looked at me and took a deep breath and leaned against the basin. "I care about you, a lot. I want to look out for you because I can tell no one ever has. I want to help you and be close with you I want you to trust me and talk to me. That's why I'm always giving you extra attention and checking on you all the time" she said quietly. I thought about what she'd said. I started to cry and Demi came over and pulled me into a hug "it's okay" she whispered stroking my hair trying to comfort me "I'm sorry I'm so mean to you. It's just- it's just that, no one has ever cared about me the way that you have and your so consistent and I don't know how to accept your help and love and it hurts me when I hurt you and- and-" I cried "Hayley. It's okay. I know. I understand, but I'm not going anywhere and I'm not going to give up on you" Demi said looking me in the eyes.
I believed her.