It's a rainy Sunday in September, everything seems so dull, so gray, so sad, and my heart is too. I spent the whole day lying in bed checking the phone every minute in the hope of receiving a message from her and having a thousand of bad thoughts in my head. But nothing, she seems to have disappeared. Yesterday, after exchanging phone numbers with Scarlett and saying goodbye, i saw her leave the library, i tried to chase her and scream her name but she didn't turn around.
I wrote her many messages but after viewing them she never replied.
Why is she doing this? What did i do to her?
Everything was going so well before yesterday, it seemed like another person next to Robbie and when Scarlett arrived she stayed all the time staring at me without ever opening her mouth.
"Hey boo, i made you a hot chocolate" Cassie says coming into the room and handing me the cup.
"Thanks Cas"
"No worries" she says lying next to me and kissing me softly on the head.
"She hasn't answered yet?" i shake my head
"I don't understand Cas, why is she doing this? Why did she disappear so suddenly? I also had to give her a ride to school tomorrow"
"People don't disappear without an explaination
y/n, something happened, tomorrow you'll talk to her and everything will work out" she says hugging me
"I hope so" i just say letting myself be devoured by bad thoughts.
Me:
I don't know what happened,
but i hope we can fix
it all tomorrow,
i don't want to lose you as a friend,
you are special to me Liz
even though we have only just met.
I miss you and love you.
Remember you're my little bear🤎
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This morning i woke up in a bad mood, i don't want to talk to anyone, except her. Cassie and i walk down the corridor until we arrive in front of the door of her classroom, Cassie looks at me to make sure i'm okay, she gently strokes my shoulder and i show a weak smile in response. I take a deep breath and then we walk into the class.
And there she is, beautiful as always, while she's busy writing something in a notebook.
She's wearing a simple white turtleneck sweater and a beige coat.
Lizzie's outfit:
At the sound of the door opening, she raises her head and turns towards us and it's at that moment that our eyes meet, she squares me and then looks away.
"Goodmorning Miss Olsen" Cassie says
"Goodmorning Cassie" she says cold, she doesn't even look at me even if i'm next to Cassie.
I go and sit in my seat, i perceive her gaze on me again, so i decide not to look at her, she analyzes my every single movement as if i'm the only existed in that room, when i decide to raise my head to look at her she looks away again.
After a while the class begins to fill up with people and the lesson begins. I pay little attention to what she explains because i'm busy thinking about her and the tension that seems to exist between us. All the time she did nothing but look at me and when i looked her, she looked away. When she passed between the desks touching mine, the air suddenly became heavy.
After the lesson, i wait for everyone to leave the class so that i can talk to her, Cassie gives me a reassuring look and then she goes out leaving me and Lizzie alone.
"You should go out too, i have another class in a few minutes" she says without even looking at me as she writing something down in her notebook.
"We need to talk"
"About what? The lesson that you have not followed?" she says coldly
"About us Liz"
"I'm Miss Olsen for you" she says looking at me this time, her eyes have turned a cold green
"Bullshit, can you tell me what the fuck happens? You haven't talked to me and answered my messages since yesterday, you're driving me crazy" i say going close to her
"Don't talk to me like that, i'm your teacher not your friend" she says, raising the tone of her voice a little bit
Something broke in me again.
"Oh right i'm just a student, that's what you tell everyone right? Because you don't even have the courage to say about our friendship" i say starting to get angry
"We can't be friends, it was a mistake, but i'm sure someone else will be happy to be friends with you"
"Are you talking about Scarlett? Seriously Liz? Is that why you've been acting like this since yesterday? Because did i talk to Scarlett?" ok now i'm so mad with her
"It didn't seem like you two just talked" she says accentuating the word
"If you hadn't gone with your mustachioed man you would have heard that we talked about her daughter Rosie, she told me how much she wants to be an actress and i asked her if she wanted to have her in one of my videos, but you are so blinded by your jealousy, not justified since we are not friends, that you have well thought of sending everything to fuck for no reason" i say raising my voice
"And you know what? maybe it's better this way, i don't want to be friend with a person who doesn't even recognize the value of our friendship, as if you're ashamed of me when you're with others. You know, i thought you were different Elizabeth, i thought i could trust you but you are like everyone else, like everyone who has left me, but i don't need you, i don't need anyone" i add out of breath and she stands still without saying a word.
Some guys start to coming to the class, she would like to say something but once again she doesn't have the courage to expose a relationship that is more than just a teacher-student relationship
"I hate you Elizabeth" i say taking my things and leaving with a broken heart.
____________________________________
LIZZIE'S POV
I don't deserve her, i don't deserve y/n. I was a stupid, it's all my fault, i don't even know why i was so jealous. I ruined the beginning of a beautiful friendship and most importantly i made her suffer.
I see it in her eyes, while she tells me she hates me, struggles with herself to keep her tears from sliding down her face, the way her lips quiver. It's like a week ago, when i met her for the first time, while she was arguing with her ex-girlfriend, her eyes were just as dead as they are now. She's right, i'm like all the others who have made her suffer even if a few days ago i told her that i had never hurt her.
What she doesn't know is that yesterday i had a fight with Robbie, when we got home he started looking all over the house for the coat i gave to y/n, realizing it was mine. We started yelling at each other, for the first time in a long time i was in front of his eyes that are now always looking away. He told me that i couldn't be friends with a student of mine, that it was wrong, that i would risk my role as a teacher and also as an actress and i fell into his manipulation again. Here's what he does, he manipulates me, because he needs me, because i'm convenient for him and i'm a stupid lover who stays by his side even if he's not at mine.
I know, that's no excuse for how i just behaved with y/n, but the heart can't be controlled.
Fuck it all, i can't lose her, i feel the need to have her by my side.
After class i leave the classroom and look for her all over the school, ask around, until i find Cassie walking towards the campus.
"Cassie!" i scream and she turns around
"Miss Olsen, what do you want?" she says coldly
"Uhm i'm looking for y/n, could you tell me where she is?"
"To do what? Hurt her again? I had to spend over two hours getting her out of the bathroom, she was crying desperately because of you" she says crossing his arms
"I'm so sorry, i just want to fix it, it wasn't my intention to hurt her, i don't want to lose her Cassie. Please help me" she looks at me for a while
"She's in the gym, but try to hurt her again and Miss Olsen you will be a dead woman, i don't care how many F you want to put on my tests" she says threatening me
"Thank you" i smile to her and then run inside looking for Y/n.
I hear someone dribble, i step in the gym and find the school basketball team training. Among the girls i see y/n, does she play basketball? I decide to sit on one of the seats and stay and watch her. She's so focused, i notice every detail, from the tired breathing, to the tense muscles of her legs, the concentrated expression, the way she swallows, the way she licks her lips, the tight shirt that reveals her abs and strong arms.
God why can't i take my eyes off her?
After training i wait for all the girls to come out of the locker room so that y/n can remain alone, she was given the task of collecting the balls so she would take longer to change clothes.
After the last girl, i go to the locker room, find y/n turned from behind in bra, god her shoulders are so ... toned...
Elizabeth what the fuck are you saying?
I take a deep breath before speaking.
"So you play basketball" i say catching her off guard
She turns to look at me, there is no expression on her face, only two dead eyes, black as the night.
"What are you doing here?" even her voice seems dead
"I-i came to apologize" i say playing with my ring
"Well excuses accepted, now you can go"
"I want talk with you" i say closing to her
"And i want to go to my home so i'll can't to see you Elizabeth" she says, taking her things, she's about to leave but i stops her.
"Wait, stay here...please" i turn her towards me making our hips collide against each other. Our faces are so close and our eyes have inevitably stuck to each other. Our hearts beat fast.
"I don't want to lose you" i whisper
"You never had me Elizabeth, we are nothing"
"Bullshit, we are all that no one can ever be" i say
"I hate you Elizabeth, i hate you so much"
"No you love me baby and i love you too" i say showing a little smile
"Why do you do this?" she asks, now in a more relaxed voice
"Because you're important for me Y/n, i don't want to lose this friendship, i was a fool, i got jealous of Scarlett thinking that you preferred her to me and i trusted Robbie's words about how wrong a friendship between teacher and student is, but i don't care, i want to risk for you, for us. I'm sorry, i didn't want to make you suffer" i say lowering my head
"Hug me" i raise my head to look into her eyes
"I can't wait any longer, i need your hug" she adds and then shows a little smile
Without making me repeat it twice, i take her by the hips, pull her towards me and hug her tightly.
"Talk to me next time, i don't like fighting with you. And don't leave me anymore okay? I couldn't stand it" she says
"I promise"
"Good, becaus-" we hear voices coming from the gym
"Shit" she says and i start to panic
"Come with me" she takes my hand and drags me into a small storage room full of brooms and other things that the caretaker uses to clean the school
"Uhm we're a little tight here" i whisper
"I know but at least they don't see us" she says
Our bodies are against each other and i can't help but feel her abs on me.
"What? Why are you looking at me?" she asks and i swallow
"Uhm nothing it's just...y-you have so many abs" what the fuck am i saying?
i see her smirking.
"Do you want to touch them Elizabeth?" she whisper
"What? N-no, i-" i see her grabbing my hand and carrying it under her shirt.
Oh shit.
"So what do you think?" she says while she brings my hand up and down making me stroke her abs
"T-they are really h-hard" did i really just say that?
"Thanks, i don't usually get many compliments"
Then she comes close to my ear, brushing my earlobe with her lips, making me shiver
"Next time i'll let you touch something else" she whisper and then move her face away and see her smirk
My face is definitely on fire.