"Mom, it's me. I'm coming in."
I quickly dried my face with the hand towel that sat on the wooden bath caddy beside the chamomile-scented candle.
I smiled warmly as she entered. "What's wrong mom?"
"Nothing's wrong, my love," I said as she sat on the floor beside the tub.
"In all my life, that's the only lie you've ever told me."
My lips parted slightly, "Why'd you say that?"
"Your eyes. They're bloodshot red, and your hands are trembling like they always do when you cry." She rubbed my hand that rested on the edge of the tub softly. "What's wrong? You can tell me."
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes taking in a deep breath. I placed my other hand on hers and squeezed as I sat up.
I knew I'd have to have this conversation with her and Grey, I just never thought it'd all be on the same day. I was only barely coping with my feelings on the subject, and I just honestly didn't know how to speak about it.
God, everything about this was so frustrating.
"I don't want you to feel like I love you any less, nothing or anyone could ever change that because you're mine. My daughter..." I looked out of the bathroom door and smiled at grey who sat on my vanity chair as he packed my beauty supplies, "Our daughter," I smiled.
I'd love her for the rest of my life, and if there was an afterlife, I'd love her then too. I'd do anything for her, lose anyone but not her. If there was one person I'd remember if somehow, someday I'd lost my memory, it would be her. She's everything to me.
My reason.
"I don't know how long it's been, but...what I'm trying to say is, I want a baby."
"Why would I think you'd loved me any different? I know how much you love me, mom." She said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything you went through, but most of all I'm sorry you have to keep going through it."
"I don't even know how to talk to Grey about this. What is the sense of speaking or being sad about something I can't change?"
More tears followed and soon after she left to go pack.
Grey entered the bathroom and turned on the shower, "Care to join me, angel?"
"Yes please," I smiled.
He took my hand and helped me out of the tub. He wrapped his arm around my back, pulled me to his chest, and rubbed my cheek with his thumb.
My heart fluttered as I looked into his eyes.
"We'll get through this, together. I promise." He said and I nodded. He kissed my nose before we stepped into the shower.
We walked down the stairs to the cars, hand in hand. He opened my door and kissed me before he got in and drove off.
I turned around to Xile and the twins, "Are you sure you want to leave? Don't feel pressured to."
"Stop it, it wasn't even a question if we would or not. You know that." Kaia said.
"We have to make a stop first, okay?" Grey said and I nodded as I turned around and looked out of the window.
The sun had just gone down and the city lit up.
I raised my eyebrow as Grey pulled into his parent's driveway. As we got closer to the house, I saw Grey's mom sitting on the steps with her suitcases beside her.
"Carmen and your mom told her they were leaving, and she called me refusing to stay here with my dad." He said as he put the car in park.
Carmen and my mom drove with Emilio and Mariano while the twins and Xile refused to leave me.
Typical us. We were attached ever since we met each other and that would never change.
I got out of the car and opened her door for her. I chuckled when she turned and stuck a middle finger up at the house before she got in as Grey put her luggage in the trunk.
I was grateful that Giovanni didn't bother coming out. To be honest, I wasn't sure if he was home or not but knowing the type of man he is, if he was, he would've come out and refused to let his wife go.
We already had enough drama today; we didn't need to add to it.
So many emotions clouded my mind, but I kept it all in as I hummed to the music and held Grey's hand looking out at his beautiful country.
We stopped at a drive-through for food before we made our way to the airport.
When we arrive, Grey opened my door and took my handbag from my lap.
Milkshake in hand, I jumped out of the car, and he took my other hand as he led me to the plane.
After we ate, I fell asleep right away in Grey's arms. I kept my earphones in and my shades on the whole flight as I slept and when I did wake up, I made the effort not to get up from my seat no matter how uncomfortable it was.
I didn't want to engage in conversation with anyone. By now, everyone knew why we were going home, I was sure of it.
My family shared everything, and I didn't expect any less now.
Grey knew I was awake, or at least I thought he did. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear ever so often. Reminding me he had me every step of the way and that no matter what, his love would never falter, only grow.
I was upset with myself for many reasons, reasons I couldn't even begin to dissect.
"You can stop pretending now, everyone is gone, angel," Grey whispered.
I raised my head and kissed him softly. "I love you," I said against his lips.
"Not as much as I love you, darling."
I giggled as he tickled me on my stomach. I pushed his hand away and stood, "Will you ever stop tickling me?" I said grabbing my things.
"Nope." He said as he stood.
"Alia was right, you are annoying," I said, walking to the door.
"She said that?"
I laughed lightly as he followed behind me.
He lifted me suddenly and began down the stairs. I shook my head when he refused to let me down as Xile came up to us.
"Devil twins and I are driving back with Emilio and Mariano."
"Okay, be safe."
She began to walk away but stopped abruptly, "Wait, where are we going, back to the house or the penthouse."
"The house," I said and looked up to see Grey smiling. "Don't even start," I warned.
He put me down and took my hand. "Your mom is driving back with my mom and Carmen, so it's just us baby."
"Hm, I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that arrangement."
"Wow, would you look at that, you know me well."
When we got to the car, there was a blue raspberry arctic rush from dairy queen waiting for me.
I leaned over the center console and kissed him.
The ride home went faster than I thought it would. My face lit up as we pulled into the driveway. I was overly excited to be home. I'd come to love this house more than our penthouse and my family did as well.
When we were here, everyone could have their own space and more. We only had four rooms at our penthouse, whereas there were 10 rooms in the main house, and the three guest houses in the backyard had 3 bedrooms each. No houses were anywhere near us, and we were surrounded by the calming forest.
It was black, which I appreciated beyond measures, and it had everything I'd told Grey I wanted in my dream house. Guest houses for the family because we'd already agreed we'd live together forever. They had luxury of choosing whether they would live in the main house with us or in the guest houses when they wanted more privacy.
It was as if it was made just for us.
"Grey?" I asked as he opened my door.
"Yes, love?"
"When did you buy this house?"
He smirked and lifted me, avoiding the question.
"Tell me,"
"About two weeks after our first date. It took a while to find a property closest to your liking but being a billionaire has its perks. When I bought it, there was only one guest house, but I had my men get on the other two right away. And just like you wanted, I bought the land surrounding us as well, so we won't be having any neighbors." He nudged his nose with mine, "Did I do good baby?"
"Yes, yes you did. I love it," I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and whispered, "and I love you."
"I love you," he closed the car door and started making his way to the front door. "It was supposed to be a surprise after our wedding but like many things in life, it didn't go as planned."
"You were so sure we were going to get married?" I rolled my eyes.
"More than sure, we were made for each other." He placed me on my feet and handed me the house keys. "Go ahead, let us into our home, angel."
I tiptoed and kissed his cheek before turning around and opening the house door.
The familiar aroma I missed dearly enveloped me as we entered the house. Suitcases filled the foyer, some at the bottom of the stairs and others at the garage door leading into the house.
Mariano already had a bottle of liquor to his head as everyone sat in the living room.
I stepped into the living room and wrapped my arms around Xile from behind the couch. "You're tired, let's get you to bed."
She nodded and stood slowly. I took her hand and began up the stairs.
Grey and Emilio stood at the bottom of the stairs arguing about who'd take her suitcases upstairs. I shook my head as I opened her room door.
"My beautiful room, oh how I missed you." she rejoiced as she ran forward and jumped on her bed.
I moved over to her drawers and pulled out one of her nightgowns. I handed it to her, and she changed into it as I sat at the foot of her bed. When she was done, she sat beside me and placed a calming hand over mine. "You're going to get through this. Like you always do."
"I know baby, don't worry about me," I said running my hand through her hair. "I love you" I kissed her cheek and stood.
"Shut up," Grey said as he entered to room.
"You shut up," Emilio said as he entered behind him.
"Both of you shut up." I glared at them.
They rolled their eyes and placed her suitcases by her closet door.
Grey walked over and kissed her forehead, "Good night shortcake, I don't know how you deal with that dumbass."
She laughed as she pulled back the covers and climbed in. "Good night dad, I love you."
I smiled as he tucked her in. "I love you too mia figlia," (My daughter) he said as he ruffled her hair.
It was a struggle but eventually, I got Grey to leave Xile and Emilio alone in the room.
He laughed as we walked down the stairs and I was beginning to think he only did it to give himself a laugh and annoy the both of them. Maybe at first, he was against it, but along the way, he'd seen how happy they made each other.
I couldn't wait to get into our room. I loved the house in Italy but this one felt like home in ways the other could never compare. Grey and I's personality was almost, if not a mirror of each others and that's what made it even better.
Grey handed me my smaller suitcase and pushed our larger ones as we walked to our room at the other end of the house.
I opened our room door and smiled as I entered the room. In one swift movement, Grey turned me and picked me up, spinning us. We looked into each other's eyes and crashed our lips together. He walked forward and sat me on the bed. He pulled away from the kiss and caressed my cheek as he looked down at me.
His eyes were the most addicting sage tint I'd ever seen.
"I'm going to help Mariano carry our mom's and Carmen's things to the guest house. I'll be back soon okay"
I nodded and he kissed me one last time before he left.
I opened the closet door and took off my hoodie and leggings, leaving me in my sports bra and thong. I turned to the floor-to-ceiling mirror in the closet and stared at myself.
The pads of my fingers trailed over my abdomen lightly and I immediately choked on a breath. I pushed out my tummy and turned to the side slightly. I cupped the bottom of my stomach with one hand and let the other rest below my breasts. I wanted this.
I wanted everything that came with pregnancy. As long as I got a healthy baby, I'd take anything.
I wanted it so bad I felt like I couldn't breathe just thinking about it.
The need was eating me from the inside out and I didn't know how long I'd be able to withstand it. I was slowly crumbling into the scared little girl I used to be.
And to be honest, I was beginning to think she never left.
I don't know how long I stayed there like that, a million thoughts of a life with a child I could never have running through my mind. It was only when Grey entered the closet that I was brought from my imagination.
"Those three are inseparable, they're already planning on moving into your mom's house together." He said looking down at his watch as he removed it.
His eyes roamed my body and his face fell instantly. He stood behind me and leaned down, burying his head in my neck as he moved his hands up and down my arms in a soothing motion.
"What do you think about going to the doctor, maybe we could get a second opinion."
Second opinion.
I'd never actually gone to the doctor for this in particular. I only took my father's and maids' word for it.
It might have been dumb of me, but I couldn't put myself through that pain again. What sense would it make when I already knew what the outcome would be?
Not getting pregnant with how many times Grey had cum inside me was only more confirmation that I had been doomed all those years ago.
"I didn't,"
"You didn't what?"
"I didn't go to the doctor for an examination."
"Why not?" he said as he looked at me through the mirror.
"I can't Grey, I already know what the answer will be. I won't put myself through that. I won't allow myself to get my hopes up...I just can't."
"Okay, okay baby," he said. I turned and buried my face into his chest. He ran his hand up and down my back, "Promise me you won't hide anything from me again. No matter what, we are one. Whatever you go through, we go through together."
I titled my head upwards and rested my chin on his chest. "I promise," I placed a hand on his nape and the other on his chest as he lifted me into his comforting arms.
He switched off the light in the closet and closed the closet door. He drew back the covers and laid me down on the bed. I fluffed our pillows just how we like as he removed his sweatpants. He walked over to the room door and put the lock on before turning off the lights. He climbed into bed and pulled me to his chest. Our legs tangled with each other's, and I basked in his scent as he massaged my scalp.
"Don't think anymore, just sleep," he whispered against my temple. "I love you, forever."
"I love you," I put my arm around him and held him closer as I fell asleep.
Cold and lonely.
A feeling I was familiar with more than i'd like to admit.
I lay on a hospital bed surrounded by haunting medical equipment.
My body, a million times heavier than I remembered. I lifted myself onto my elbows and squinted my eyes as I adjusted to the bright white light shining down on me in the dark room.
I looked down at the wetness that pooled between my legs. All I saw was red, red everywhere. I got off of the bed quickly. The cold floor prickled at my skin.
Towels on the floor, sheets on the bed filled with blood. It looked like a bloodbath. I panicked as I felt something warm dripping from my core. I was in so much pain and I didn't know why. I stumbled back and pressed my hand onto what felt like cold metal. It pierced my skin, and I lifted my hand immediately.
Blood covered my palm, not only from the cut I'd just gotten but from the tools already drenched in blood.
I felt sick from the sight of all the blood.
Something caught my attention in the corner of my eye. I wiped my hand against my dress as I stepped in its direction.
A scream tore through my throat as I saw the bloody baby, no more than 20 weeks laying on the metal table. A bloody blanket was thrown over it as if someone had just tossed it aside.
I got closer as I examined the no doubt, dead baby. I touched its feet and goosebumps covered my body as the bone-chilling coldness of its skin met mine.
Bile crawled up my throat and I gagged as I pressed my hand to my mouth and the other to my stomach.
My feet moved on autopilot as I screamed and ran out of the haunting room.
Darkness surrounded me, the only light coming from the dimly lit candles that decorated the hallway.
I ran down the stairs and flung open the large front doors to the creepy house as tears ran down my face. I choked on a sob as I ran down the stairs leading to the driveway.
"Grey!" I screamed as my feet pounded against the pavement. I screamed his name repeatedly as I ran non-stop.
I didn't know where I was or where I was going. I only knew I didn't belong here.
I needed to get out of here.
"Grey, help me!"
"Please!"
My legs gave out on me, and I fell onto my face as I reached the tall spikey gates.
I reached forward and grabbed onto one of the black metal pickets. I mustered all the strength I had left in me as I tried lifting myself.
I screamed as a large hand latched onto my ankle and pulled. My hand slipped free from the fence, and I screamed as I looked back at the tall and dark figure dragging me.
Someone...
Anyone...please.
"Grey!" I screamed with everything in me.