"I'm sorry... I know I have hurt you more than your words have hurt me."
Ang mga mata ko ay nakapako sa ilaw ng kabilang building. Siya nakatitig sa ceiling. We can't even look at each other. My eyes were hurting as if salt was poured on them.
"Pasensya rin kasi hindi ko na gustong makipagbalikan sa 'yo." Sa gilid ng mata ko, nakita ko si Marco na isinandal ang ulo sa backrest at tinabon ang mga kamay sa mukha niya.
"I didn't say that I want to get back together." I didn't know why I sounded firm. Maybe, I wanted to save my pride. Or maybe, somewhere along the line... that was the truth and I only want him to forgive me... Maybe.
"Oo nga naman." Mapakla siyang tumawa. "Pero ako, ayaw ko dahil takot na akong mahalin ka. Kapag masaya ka lang nandiyan, eh. Pero kapag nagagalit ka, kapag sumablay, kapag napagod, magkamali nang maliit... umaalis ka... Madali para sa 'yo na talikuran ang relasyon natin. Madali para sa 'yo ang talikuran ako."
"I'm sorry, Marco..." I felt weak that I needed to tighten my grip on my wine glass.
"Kailangan ko pa ng oras para mapatawad ka at pagkatiwalaan ka ulit, Zy." He was almost breathless.
I allowed myself to feel once again. I accepted the pain flourishing inside my chest. That's all I could do. Accept.
"Tama na sa pagsubok sa kakasalba sa iba. Unahin mo ang sarili mo. Your own emotions are drowning you... And you're allowing yourself to get drowned in it." Huminga siya nang malalim. "You have to save yourself... Kailangan mo ang sarili mo. Kailangan ka ng anak natin... Kailangan din kita."
"I am not... trying to save anybody," I told him in a small voice before sipping on my wine, hoping to gain courage to speak better.
"You are. You always think that by running away you will be able to save them from hurting more but let me tell you this, it doesn't work that way," he seriously said. Hinarap ko siya at nakita ko ang himlay ng mga mata niya. "Save yourself from drowning, please."
Somewhere along the line... I felt like he was right.
My lips began to quiver, feeling my stomach turn cold. A sudden rage of all my emotions felt overwhelming to handle. It was slowly sinking in that between the both of us... I was the one needed to be saved. I was the one... who needed him... more than he needed me.
If only I realized earlier that all this time that... maybe, I never lost my love for him... I was just drowning in my own emotions... then we would've been together up until now.
"Are you okay, amore?" A touch on my shoulder made me stop from walking. I realized I was already home and in front of Dad who looked so concerned.
I wanted to lie and say I was fine. But being called a liar had been eating at me, so I nodded slowly while biting my lip to keep my sobs at bay. They eventually got out of my mouth and I fell to the floor. I'm not certain why I was crying.
"Shh. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong. Come on. Pour your heart out to Dad, Lali..." Inalo niya ako.
"Ang bigat na..." That was all I could say. I sobbed repeatedly on the floor as my father wrapped his arms around me. Each sob, my chest feels heavier.
Matagal akong tumahan. Dad led me to the sofa on the balcony. I closed my eyes after drinking some water and let the wind dry my tears. Pinapakiramdaman ko ang sarili. Dad was just silent beside me, waiting for me to open up.
"Dad... did you love Mom?" I asked, my eyes still shut.
"I do," he answered in present tense.
"Is it even love when you made her cheat on her husband with you? Even though you knew it was wrong to lure her... you still did?" It was a genuine question.
"I loved your mom since we were in college. Nauna ako kaysa sa asawa niya. But we drifted apart. She fell out of love with me... but I remained in love with her. I made a mistake in luring her knowing she already has a family."
Nagmulat ako ng mata. To hear that shocked me. I never heard their story. I didn't know anything about my own parents.
"My love for her is strong, Lali. Not the kind of strong that should be stay. It's strong in such a way that it's supposed to leave before you completely drown."
Mapait akong tumawa. Why was people always mentioning 'drown.' Tama nga siguro. Nakakalunod ang emosyon. Nakakalito. Nakakabobo.
"What happened with Marco?"
"I don't exactly understand..." My laugh faded. "I don't know how to gain his trust again and make him realize that I have been true with my feelings before. Or maybe I thought I did my best in showing because I was giving. I mean... I never knew exactly how and what love should feel like... because I didn't grow up experiencing being loved by anyone, including you..."
I grew up without a support system. It was difficult for me to understand feelings and what they should feel like. What if... what I was showing was only real to me because it was new to me, but it was far from it in reality?
"Ganito ba, Dad, kapag kinulang sa pagmamahal? Ang papansin at palaging may palusot, may rason sa lahat pero hindi naman concrete. Gawa-gawa lang. Ano iyon? Gusto ko ba magpahabol para makaranas ng saya? To sometimes feel... I'm important and they want me so bad to stay?" napatanong ako.
"I'm sorry, Lali..." Dad sounded so regretful. "I have never been there to shower you with affection-"
"It's all in the past, Dad! Bumawi ka naman kay Kie!" I laughed to ease the tension. I quickly wiped my tears that fell.
"It's not okay, amore." He caressed my cheek, shaking his head. "It affected you a lot, and you're not realizing that you are also slowly doubting the way you love..."
I bit my lip. "What if it's true that my way of showing my love was not... right?"
"There's no right way to love," he comforted. "The one on the receiving end of it, if they cannot feel your sincerity, then that's on them. Just because they doubted your love doesn't mean you didn't give your all and your love is unreal... They simply failed to appreciate the love you offered."
Umiling ako at napabuntong-hininga.
I'm at loss for where to begin saving myself. Maybe I should start by loving myself before giving another piece of my heart. My love is mine to give... And I shouldn't doubt how I show it.
Marco and I were civil. We only talk about Aqeila. Pagdating lang yata sa anak namin kami nag-uusap nang seryoso.
"Tomorrow, lunch, hatid," putol-putol na sabi ko pagkahatid kay Kie sa condo niya.
Aqeila has been switching houses. Kapag walang duty ang dad niya, naroon siya. Wala naman sinasabi si Kie. It seems like she enjoys different environment. Minsan, nagpupumulit na umuwi sa akin. Nasanay kasi na ako ang kasama matulog. But she needs to get use to being with her dad because I will not always be around her.
Madami akong pinagkaabalahan sa sumunod na araw. Ang pag-aayos sa kaso ni Ares. Sumaglit din ako sa bridal shower ni Esme dahil nasaktuhan na may trial ako kinahapunan. Nabisita rin ang lumang apartment. At syempre, ano ba pa? Work.
Napabuntong-hininga ako habang binabasa ang mga papel sa kamay ko. It was another felony case. Murder.
"Na naman," bulong ko sa sarili, disappointed na umiiling. I have been handling lots of murder case these past weeks. I do not understand why people manage to do this sin and not regret it.
Binaba ko ang papel sa coffee table bago kinuha ang phone dahil tumunog iyon.
From: Beaumont
it's my day-off
To: Beaumont
?
From: Beaumont
can i borrow Venice until tomorrow? i'll pick her up at your place in about half an hour
"Taray, ah." Nagtabon ako ng bibig habang humahagikgik. Tumigil din ako dahil... bakit ako tumatawa nang dahil sa kaniya?!
To: Beaumont
K
Binihisan ko si Kie noong pinili niyang yellow sun dress at inipitan na rin bago hinanda ang mga gamit niya, Hindi iyon marami since she has things in Marco's condo.
"Mishu, my love!" Lumuhod ako at hinaplos ang balahibo niya habang may nilalarong siyang ball tapos tumayo ako para lagayan ng cat food ang bowl niya near the door. As if she sensed it, she walked there slowly.
"Visitor?" Dad went to the intercom when it beeped. Paniguradong nasa baba na si Marco.
"Aqeila, my baby!" I hugged her tightly and shook her body a little, making her giggles fill our living room. "I love you! Momma loves you so much!" I kissed her on the cheeks repeatedly.
"I love you so much, Momma!" Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at siya naman ang humalik sa pisngi ko.
"Hello." Kie's head immediately snapped to the direction of the voice.
"Dada!" At iniwan na niya ako para sa ama niya. Naagawan na talaga ako! Natatawang sinalo siya ni Marco nang bigla siyang tumalon para magpabuhat. Bihis na bihis siya, naka-wax pa ang buhok.
"How's my little angel doing?" A giggled escaped Kie's mouth when Marco lift her in the air and when he brought her down, he kissed her nose.
"I'm fine, thank you." Para automated message si Kie sumagot.
"I missed you," Marco said sweetly and kissed her forehead this time. "You look so beautiful today, love. Your dress suits you and wow, I love your hair clip!"
I pursed my lips as I watched him compliment our daughter about everything new he noticed on her. Kie put her hands on her cheeks and smiled at him, liking the compliments.
"Morning," he greeted me huskily. Inabot ko lang sa kaniya ang backpack ni Kie nang walang sinasabi.
"Be good with your daddy today, baby, okay?" I reminded Aqeila, tiptoeing to kiss her cheek again. Napahawak pa ako sa braso ni Marco para hindi mawalan ng balanse.
"See you," Marco bid goodbye as they walked away.
"Never," bulong ko.
Hapon ako nagtungong firm. I couldn't focus. As much as I try to forget Marco's words from that night, it just always plays in my mind.
'I love you so damn much but I don't want us to be together.'
"So Ica? Why exactly are you bothered? Mahal mo pa siya? Oo? Hindi? Or nagpapadala ka na naman? Umayos ka. Huwag kang tanga." I was talking to myself like crazy.
I distracted myself by proceeding with my work pero hindi pa rin epektibo at patuloy na binabagabag ng boses niya ang isipan ko.
'I cannot be that close to you again.'
"Then don't. Let's just communicate for Kie," I blurted out as if he was in front of me.
'You always have a way of hurting me with your lies.'
"Tangina ka, Marquenzo! Umalis ka nga sa utak ko. Siraulo ka!" Napagulo ako sa buhok ko, iritado.
Pinilit kong bumalik sa trabaho bago ako tuluyan maging baliw. Busy si Zion at ang mga ibang lawyers sa dami ng kliyente kaya gabi na nagsiuwian iyong iba. Nanatili lang ako.
"Lilipat ako rito! Ayaw ko na roon sa firm ko! Inaapi ako ng ibang lawyers! Porke't ba napanalo ko iyong malaking kaso dapat na akong pagdiskitahan? Talo pa nila iyong napakulong ko, eh!" Sabrina had no chill with her rant as she stride with heavy steps inside my office.
"Just don't mind them. Focus on your cases," I advised, still reading.
"Ah! Basta! Ayaw ko roon! Inaapi ako!" Naghubad siya ng coat at padabog na umupo sa sofa.
"Inaapi? I don't think so. Dustin just transferred there that's why you want to leave." Panlalaglag agad ang bungad ni Zion pagkapasok sa office ko, mukhang narinig ang rant ni Sab.
"Party!" Kasunod niya si Paige na malapad ang ngiti.
"What's wrong if Dustin's there, Sab? You have a boyfriend," I reminded before looking at Paige. "It's Thursday tomorrow. Work day. We can't party."
"Hindi naman magpapakalasing!" Paige defended.
"Mahal ko si Andre," Sab said in a sincere tone. Hindi ko tuloy alam saan ako magfo-focus sa kanilang dalawa!
"So if you love him, why would you leave your firm just because Dustin is there? What are you planning, adultery?" Paige joined the conversation, raising a brow and crossing her arms as if she was interrogating.
"Hindi kami kasal but no to adultery. I'm faithful and loyal." Sabrina rolled her eyes at Paige. They started arguing about adultery. Gosh, these family lawers! Umabot pa sila sa disbarment!
"Walang kasal! Walang adultery! Walang madi-disbar!" singit ko para tumahimik sila. "Huwag na kayo magjowa, leche! Pahamak sa buhay! Gulo n'yo!"
"Bitter woman," Zion teased me, loosening his necktie. Ngumiti ako nang peke at lumingon kay Sab.
"Pinagbabawalan ka ba ni Andre na makipagbonding kay Dustin? They literally met during our dinner last time so why would he do that?" parang tanga na sabi ko pero unti-unting may naisip. "Oh my gosh! Was he just acting kind, Sabrina?! Sinasaktan ka ba niya?!" Tinuro ko ang papel sa kaniya.
"Ica, you've been reading too many cases kaya ang layo na ng imaginations mo!" singhal kaagad ni Sab sabay kuha ng papel sa 'kin at pinalo sa ulo ko.
"Ouch!"
"One more, Sab, so she would finally realize that she's still indeed in love with her ex. She's bothered. Naririnig kong bumubulong mag-isa kanina." Zion smirked. Ang hilig nito manlaglag!
"'Na mo, Zion!" Kinuha ko kay Sab ang papel at nirolyo iyon para mas malakas ang impact sa pagtama sa ulo ni Zion. He just bursted out laughing. Nakichismis kaagad si Sab, while Paige started giving me advices!
Ayaw kong pumuntang club pero hinatak talaga nila ako! I made an excuse that I have a court hearing tomorrow but nilaglag na naman ako ni Zion at sinabing wala! 'Lang hiyang lalake 'to!
"I'm so dizzy but let's buy another bottle! On me!" I laughed drunkenly while holding onto the sofa to keep my balance. Hindi talaga ako malakas sa inuman! Hindi ko rin alam ilang bote na ang nainom namin.
"'To iyong tumanggi sa party pero willing mag-sponsor ng alak!" Tawang-tawa si Sab sa akin.
"Paige's kissing some guy," Zion informed casually. Dustin was beside him on the couch. They both had their dress shirt folded to their elbows while holding glasses.
"Hinayupak! Sabi niya hilahin daw siya kapag nagawa niya iyan! I'll be back!" Sabrina left us to save our friend.
"Kiss? May kissing scene si Paige? Sana ako rin!" I shouted before sitting beside Dustin. "Gusto mo mag-kiss?" tanong ko pa at tinusok ang mukha niya. I can see three of him!
"How drunk are you, woman?" Masungit niyang tinulak ang mukha ko.
"Five seconds! Walang malisya!" pinaglaban ko pa.
"Zychela, we're not in college anymore!" Dustin kept on laughing at my state. "And no. You're my friend. Your best friend's my ex."
"Hindi ka pa nakaka-move on, 'no?" Inasar ko siya. "Ako rin, 'di pala ako nag-move on sa ex ko!"
"Ah, there you go! She finally admitted. Alak lang pala katapat- Hey, don't cry!" Zion got rattled but he looked like he wanted to laugh when I started crying while laughing. Bahagya silang natawa pero tinapik ang balikat ko para pakalmahin.
"Huy! It's a prank! Mahal ko pa pala, guys! Parang tanga! Ang tanga ko! Ikaw rin, Dustin! Tanga ka! Mahal mo pa ex mo tapos ikaw iyong nang-iwan, right?! Shet, barkada nga tayo! Mga tanga! Bobo! Cheers nga tayo! Whoa!" Kinuha ko iyong shot glass at tinama sa hawak niyang baso bago diretsong ininom. "Shit! Ang pait! Parang pag-ibig!"
"May banat pa," Dustin sarcastically said.
Nahiga ako sa couch at pumikit, nakangiti habang ine-enjoy ang parang ulap na pakiramdam. Narinig ko ang pag-aagawan nila sa paghahatid sa akin. Dustin won the argument.
"Did you transfer? What happened to your penthouse?" Dustin looked confused when we stop at a different building na sinabi ko sa kaniya.
He was holding my waist to guide me in the halls. I was laughing with my eyes closed while pressing the doorbell of the unit repeatedly. Ang tagal!
"Ica, wrong unit? May lalake," Dustin whispered in my ear. I leaned my head on his shoulder before tapping his cheek and opening my eyes. It was still blurry!
"Ano ito?" Sumilip si Marco sa likod ng pinto, medyo basa pa ang buhok at laglag 'yon sa noo niya. He pushed it back using his fingers with a brow arched.
"Hello!" I let out a laugh, blinking to try and clear my vision.
"Oh." Dustin realized who he was. "Akala ko naman bahay mo, Ica!" Tumawa pa siya.
"Bakit? Anong balak mong gawin sa bahay niya?" Marco asked with a humorless smile while looking at me as if I betrayed him.
"It's not like that." Dustin remained calm.
"Akin na nga 'to." I squealed when Marco pulled me towards him. Muntikan pa akong madapa pero pinalupot niya kaagad ang braso sa baywang ko. Tumama ang buong mukha ko sa dibdib niya kaya nag-inarte ako kasi mas nahilo!
"We had a night out with our friends in a club. She said this location so I dropped her here because I thought she had a new condo."
"Hindi ko naalalang nagtanong ako," pambabara ni Marquenzo. He smelled so fresh! I suddenly bit his chest, making him curse in shock while I giggled and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him freeze.
"Marco, right?" I heard Dustin ask before his voice slowly faded in my ears.
When I woke up, I didn't have a hammering nor nauseous feeling. In fact, I felt at peace. I looked at my clothes under the duvet and saw that I was wearing a cotton button down with some buttons left open, and underwear.
"Gising na ang Madam," rinig kong sabi ni Marco.
"Why am I here?" nagtatakang tanong ko at napalinga-linga. It was his room. "And did you dress me up?" sunod ko pang tanong.
"Dito ka umuwi, at ikaw ang nagbihis sa sarili mo," mahinahong sagot niya bago binuksan ang cabinet niya. May headphones pa siyang nakasabit sa leeg. I think nag-workout siya.
My gaze swept down his sweat-soaked chest as he pulled his sando from the back of his collar. His abs were a little more toned and his arms were a little bigger, so I assumed he was weightlifting more now.
"Pinagnanasaan mo na naman ako," sambit niya, hindi nakatingin sa akin.
"Hindi kaya!" tanggi ko, nag-iinit ang pisngi. "And 'na naman?' What?" I got alerted. Shet! May nagawa ako kagabi? Nasabi?!
Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay nang sumulyap sa 'kin saglit. He scoffed before letting out a light chuckle.
"Breakfast na." Iyon ang sinagot niya bago lumabas.
Nauna sila ni Kie pumuntang Bantangas for Esme and Echo's wedding. I followed the next day. Tomorrow pa ang kasal kaya hindi ako nagmadaling pumunta sa room para maghanda.
"Nice venue, ah..." Luminga ako sa paligid. I saw an empty basketball court near the end so I went there to sit down since kaharap noon ang beach. I want to watch the sunrise. Dinama ko lang ang simoy ng hangin at mapayapang sumimsim ng kapeng binili ko sa drive thru.
"Morning. Nandito ka na pala." Sinulyapan ko lang si Marquenzo na dumating, may dala-dalang bola at face towel. Naka jersey shorts at white shirt lang siya. "Tulog pa si Kie. Don't worry. Hindi ko iniwan mag-isa. Nandoon si Cali."
I nodded and swiftly drifted my gaze back to the beach. The tides were rogue. Every time they collided, the sound made my heart skip a beat. The sky was still grey, with a sliver of orange light peeking through. It was so peaceful.
"Bakit ang extra sungit natin today, Madam?" Marco teased with a small laugh, removing his shirt. "Pagod tayo sa work, hmm?"
"Yes. Stop talking," pagsusungit ko.
"Init ng ulo, ah."
I just rolled my eyes and watched him play alone in the court. Suddenly, I swiped my phone open to the camera app and angled it to take a photo of him while he jumped there.
It was against the light. He was only a silhouette against an orange backdrop. I took a snap in the exact moment he jumped.
"Pakunwari hindi ko nakitang pinicturan mo ako." Marco picked the ball up with an arrogant look plastered on his face.
"I wasn't even trying to hide," I told him the truth.
Kinuha ko ang t-shirt niya sa bench at nilukot iyon para gawing sandalan ng cellphone. I played the record button before placing my cup down and running towards him.
"Join ako." I showed him my hands.
"Catch." Tinapon niya agad ang bola sa akin at nagpamaywang gamit ang isang kamay. He used his other hand to point at the ring.
I tried to dribble it but of course, it was hard for me since my only experience in playing basket was during high school sa P.E. Labag pa sa loob iyon!
"Huy! Ginagawa mo?" Halong gulat at mangha ang ekspresyon niya nang muntik na 'kong madapa sa paghahabol ng bola sa sahig.
Natatawang pinulot ko iyon. I faced the ring and lifted my arms up. I pushed my hand with so much force and hoped for ball to go in. Ni hindi pa kumahalati iyon kaya tawang-tawa itong isa, nakahawak pa sa tiyan niya!
"Good job pa rin, Zy!"
He guided me in playing. Inaasar pa ako at minsan nilalagay pa ang isang kamay sa noo ko sabay angat ng bola sa ere para hindi ko maagaw sa kaniya. We were both casually laughing, feeling free.
"Questions tayo," aya ko at naupo sa semento, hinihingal.
"Game." He did a lay up and when it went in, he put both hands on the ring and hanged there like a monkey for a while before jumping down. I was amused because of his very high jump.
"Dapat pareho natin sasagutin ang mga tanong para naman hindi na tayo mag-isip ng maraming questions." We used to play this before when we're bored.
"Kung may balak ka mang-ungkat, huwag sobra, ah?"
"Light questions lang. Pampalipas oras." I smiled.
"Good. Hindi ako nakahanda ng tissue para ngayong araw, eh." He scrunched his nose as he chuckled.
"You first."
"Hmm." Tumakbo siya papunta sa bola at nang nakuha, nag-dribble habang nakatingin sa akin. "Your favorite asset of mine and why?"
"Eyes," I replied surely. He raised a brow, waiting for the reason. "It's just... deep. Expressive. Attractive. Alluring, even. I always get lost in it and it gives me this light feeling. I can't explain the feeling..." Tumawa ako nang mahina, malayo ang tingin. "I also like the color. It's dark, like chocolate. I love chocolates so much."
Nilingon ko siya at agad nagtama ang mga mata namin. He licked his lips before swallowing and turning around as he running around the court again.
"Smile. I love your smile so much. It's the best." It was his turn. He chuckled when he faced me. "Sabi ko dapat may rason pero wala akong maisip na konkreto. Basta gusto ko lang. Gusto ko lang makita ang ngiti mo palagi. Gusto kong mapangiti ka palagi. It's priceless. Nakakahawa. Kapag nakangiti ka, wala nakangiti na rin ako."
I hid my smile through protruding lips. He noticed it and a smirk immediately formed on his lips.
"My favorite color?" Light question. I also wanted to know if he remembered my favorites. "Yours is cerulean."
"Lavender sa 'yo," sagot naman niya. "Paboritong ulam? Sa 'yo lahat ng pasta."
"Ulam," ulit ko para maging klaro.
"Ulam naman sa 'yo ang pasta," pakikipaglaban niya naman.
"Fine!" Umirap ako. "Adobong squid ang fave mo. Hmm... favorite drink? Like general, alak or coffee. Basta drink."
"Blueberry latte made by yours truly ang paborito mo, Madam. Kung alak, gin watermelon. Made by yours truly pa rin." Nagkibit siya ng balikat, nagyayabang. "Hay nako! Ang bilis lang niyan, eh!"
Hinintay niya ang sagot ko. Napatingin ako sa langit para isipin iyong pangalan ng paboritong kape niya.
"Hindi mo alam?!" rinig ko ang reklamo niya.
"I can't remember the name! Wait a minute!" Tinapat ko ang isang kamay sa harap ng mukha niya.
"Wala. Nagtampo na ako."
"Arte mo." Napaismid ako. "Basta it's coffee, Marquenzo! Coffee na brown na sobrang pait but it's not americano! Basta mapait!"
Sumimangot siya. "Coffee na brown na mapait. Amp. 'Di alam paborito ko..." Bumubulong-bulong siya.
Pinokpok ko ang ulo saglit. "Ah! Robusta! See, I know!" proud na sabi ko.
"Oh, next na. One thing you hate about me?
"Pride." Hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na sabihin iyon. Tumaas kaagad ang kilay niya, mukhang hindi tanggap iyon. "See! You always want things to go your way!" I pointed at him.
"Ikaw rin kaya. Sige, pride mo na rin ayaw ko," ganti niya.
"Mature!" Inismiran ko siya bago tinapik ang baba ko gamit ang daliri. "Something you miss?" I asked curiously.
"Iyong dating ikaw." My brows raised with utter surprise. I got taken aback by that. Dating ako? Ano ba ako ngayon sa mga mata niya?
"Why? What has changed with me?" I honestly do not see it. I still feel like the old me.
"Law school Ica? Damn, girl, she's so loud. So persistent. Puro biro, banat, hampas, utos. 'Maki, gawan mo 'ko kape.' 'Maki, napakatagal mo naman!' 'Maki, gusto ko na lang maging kamote!' 'Maki, may palaka!' Maki, ganito. Maki ganiyan..." He chuckled, nodding like he remembered yesterday's memories.
Natawa ako nang marahan. Inisa-isa pa talaga.
"Malaya, masaya, palangiti. Ang kulit-kulit niya! She was like a paradise with lots of wonders... She's all over the place."
I pursed my lips, wanting to listen more.
"Prosecutor Ica?" His laugh slowly faded as he looked at me with sad eyes. "I never see her smile... I never hear her laugh so loud at her own joke until she rolls on the carpet... I don't feel like she's happy."
Napangiti rin ako bigla. I realized that a part of me have indeed changed. He noticed things about me that I failed to notice.
"I love both versions of her... but I wish her happiness stayed with her."
"Hindi ba pwedeng nag-mature lang kaya 'di na gumugulong sa carpet, Marquenzo?" My eyes were forming little tears so I laughed to get rid of it.
Napaismid siya bago tumawa at tumakbo-takbo na ulit sa court, binabaling ang atensyon. Sinabihan niya rin akong sumagot.
"Ginataan na luto mo ang miss ko." Iyon na lang ang sinagot ko. Masyado nang malalim ang kaniya.
"Lutuan kita mamaya."
"Yey!" I clapped my hands. "Takot ka bang mamatay?" tapon ko sa sunod na tanong. I suddenly remember my death threats from enemies. Never-ending.
"Bakit? May nagbabalak bang pumatay sa akin?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay nang sumulyap.
I shrugged. "Blank question."
"Time will come that I'll die. Pero tulad ng sabi ko sa 'yo noon, mamatay ako, pero hindi pa ngayon. Hindi ko pa kayo iiwan ni Kie."
"Ako kasi dati hindi talaga ako takot. Parang if mamatay, ano pa ba'ng choice ko? Hindi naman kasi malalaman if time mo na. You'll just leave. You can't dictate when. Death just... happens." I sighed. "Pero ngayon, I just badly want to live until forever because of Aqeila. She's my everything. I don't want to leave her."
"Same, my love." He shoot the ball. I secretly smiled, liking the way he called me. It felt nice to hear that.
"Unforgettable day?"
"All days I've spent with you," he smoothly answered.
"Be specific..." Tumikhim pa ako, nararamdaman ang kalabog sa dibdib ko.
"Really can't pick. I love all simple days I had with you." He shoot the ball for the last time before he sat beside me, placing his hands on his knees.
Sweat was rolling down his face and body. I pushed myself up and ran to the bleacher. Pinatay ko ang video bago kinuha ang face towel niya, along with my cup of coffee. It was already cold.
He glanced at me when I damp the towel on his temple. Hinayaan lang niya akong gawin iyon para sa kaniya habang hinuhuli ang mga mata ko.
"Wala akong water but I have coffee. Cold na nga lang," turo ko sa cup na nakalapag sa tapat namin.
Pagkakuha niya ng kape, natahimik kami. I smiled at him when I was done wiping his sweat and then I placed the phone in front of us to take another video. I hugged my legs as I watched the sun rise. Bumaling din siya roon.
"Ganito tayo noon." He spoke without looking at me. "Nanunuod tayo ng sunrise sa labas ng apartment tapos share lang ng kape."
"We're so stupid, 'no? Pwede naman tig-isa ng coffee!" I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Walang fancy dates pero may home dates. Ginagawan kita ng latte habang ikaw naman nagra-rant tungkol sa araw mo. May movie pa sa background pero walang nanunuod."
Pareho kaming tumawa nang mahina. Tama.
"We always have gifts for each other. You always give me lavender roses while I give you designer things, even when you said don't do so. Sorry ka! Mahal ako magmahal!" My laugh increased a bit.
"Ikaw? Sagutin mo rin, uy!" Siniko pa niya ako kaya napasinghap ako at napatukod ng kamay sa semento. Hinampas ko siya nang naka-recover kaya bahagya siyang natawa.
"A lot din," amin ko. Ang hirap pala mamili. "Bataan will always be something that is stuck to me. Such simple day."
"Para sa 'yo lang itong sunod na tanong..." He paused, hesitant. I gave him an encouraging look so he'd continue. "Minsan ba nagsisi ka na iniwan mo ako?" The level of the his voice went low like he didn't want to know my answer.
"Yes," I answered in a heartbeat, which made a hint of smile form on his lips. "One thing you want to say to me?"
Natigilan siya at tumitig sa 'kin, unti-unting lumalapad ang ngiti. His eyes were laced with contentment and peacefulness. He took my hand and kissed the back of it.
"I want to say loving you is my best decision. And thank you... Thank for being my almost, Zychela." His tone was the most sincere I have ever heard it be.
My lips parted and my heart sunk for some concrete reason.
'My almost.'
For him... He appeared to have stopped writing words on the pages of our story.
For me, it feels like for the second time... we ended.