doyeon
taehyun looked downright gorgeous.
his blue button-down made his black eyes pop, and the smile on his face made doyeon's cheeks feel hot. she breathed a few times to calm herself down before she turned tomato red and continued to walk down the stairs. she caught soobin's eyes and was shocked when she saw the wonder in his eyes.
doyeon knew how great the dress accentuated her slim waist that she worked so hard for in soccer, but she never felt as beautiful as when soobin looked at her like he was right now.
that thought shocked her out of her daze. she had made her way down the stairs, and she realised she couldn't look soobin in the face. her head was down and her cheeks red. she couldn't breathe properly. she almost forgot taehyun was there.
but when she looked at tae, she could tell that he didn't forget she was. she stopped just short of him, standing close enough so that she had to crane her neck to look into his eyes.
"you look absolutely stunning." he whispered.
"you don't look so bad yourself, handsome." she answered back quietly.
doyeon felt eyes on her. she tried desperately to not turn and look at the boy she knew was burning holes into the back of her head. she wanted to, but she forced herself to keep her own eyes locked onto tae's. he was there, looking extremely attractive, and he was the one taking her out.
"ready?" she asked, wanting to get out as quickly as possible.
"definitely. i've been waiting for this for a really long time." tae responded.
doyeon smiled genuinely. she had been too.
she cut her eyes to soobin one last time before they left. he was smiling wide. it was a mix of complete sadness and utter joy and pride. he winked as he caught doyeon's eye. she smiled back at him, feeling the warmth build in her heart.
taehyun opened the car door for her, smiling with his classic charming grin. doyeon smiled back at him, giddy with nerves and excitement. after he sat down in his own seat, he turned on the radio, knowing how important music was to her. she smiled with all of her heart. it meant so much that he cared enough to do that.
she sang quietly, but after much insistence on tae's part, she began to sing louder.
"you have such a beautiful voice." tae admitted, unashamed.
"please." she replied, doubtful. she meant it, too. her mom used to sing lullabies to little doyeon before kissing her on the forehead and wishing her goodnight in korean. no one could match her mother's voice. her voice was average at best.
"hey, i mean that. i love your voice." he said, eyes switching between her and the road. she smiled at him as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
but something felt wrong.
she ignored that feeling for the rest of the twenty minute drive. when they got to the restaurant, she was pleasantly surprised to see that he had reserved a table at a restaurant that she loved. she didn't think she had ever mentioned that to tae, so she didn't know how he knew. but she was excited.
he once again opened the car door for her and grabbed her hand. he was such a gentleman to her that she kept thinking "i don't deserve this".
the conversation never lacked the entire dinner. even though they had been friends for a while and knew a lot about each other, they never got stuck in a silence where there was nothing to say. they were both chatty and excited and willing to talk about anything.
doyeon insisted on paying for dinner because she knew how expensive the restaurant could be, but taehyun only let her pay for the piece of chocolate cake that they shared for dessert.
"it's the first date, dye. i want to pay." taehyun had said.
"어머." (oh my god) she replied. "let me pay for something!" doyeon demanded.
so, in the end, he had to let her pay for something.
he laughed when she rolled her eyes at his choice in what she paid for.
by the time they got back to doyeon's house, they were laughing so hard that they couldn't breathe. doyeon hadn't been so genuinely happy for a very long time.
they walked slowly toward the door to her house, delaying the inevitable.
"i had the best time with you tonight." tae said quietly, as if trying not to disturb the perfect moment they were having.
"i did, too."
"so is it too soon to ask you to go out with me again?" he asked, laughing.
"not at all. in fact, i have to insist." doyeon replied giggling.
"good. i was afraid you were going to break my poor heart." tae said.
doyeon smiled, but frowned quickly after. she couldn't help but wonder what was off about tonight, why she wasn't more excited for the next date they would have.
"what's wrong, angel?" he asked her.
"no, nothing. i'm just sad tonight is over." she partially lied. she was sad the night was over, but that wasn't the main reason.
"i know. me, too. but i'll see you on monday, yeah?" he asked.
doyeon nodded, a smile back on her face. taehyun reached down and slowly brought his lips to hers. it was soft and slow, just the way she liked it.
it was fairly short, however, because they were cut off in the middle of it by a door opening and an angry brother appearing.
"okay, okay. that's enough. say goodbye." yeonjun demanded.
"we are saying goodbye, jun." doyeon teased, in love with pressing his buttons.
tae chuckled lovingly. he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and bent down to her ear.
"goodnight, beautiful. thanks for being you." he whispered.
doyeon couldn't think of anything to say to that, and she didn't have to. taehyun kissed her cheek and walked back to his car, shooting her a wink when he opened the door. doyeon watched as he drove off. her heart was beating quickly as she went back inside.
yeonjun was sitting on the couch next to soobin, pouting about how he caught his sister making out with some guy. she plopped down next to him on the couch, hugging him tightly.
"i love you, junie." she said quietly. she felt an overwhelming sadness all of a sudden.
kim doyeon had been asked out plenty of times, but she had never been on an actual date with a boy that she really liked.
and her mom wasn't there to talk to her about it.
a few tears leaked out of her eyes, but she tried to hold them back. not only was soobin in the room, but also her brother didn't need to see how upset she was. she had hidden her crying sessions for a long time.
but yeonjun didn't let her hide this one.
"what's wrong, 여동생?" (little sister) he asked. doyeon saw soobin look over at her, suddenly his full attention on her.
"nothing, nothing." she replied.
"did he hurt you? i swear to god if he touched a hair on your head without your permission-" soobin began, but doyeon cut him off.
"no, no. he was great. it's just... mom, i guess." she said simply. she didn't really need to say much, she knew.
"oh, doyeon. 네가 그녀를 그리워하는 걸 알아. 그녀가 너에게 이런 짓을 해서 미안해." (i know you miss her. i'm sorry she did this to you.) yeonjun responded.
the familiar lilt of korean made her emotion so much stronger. her sadness took over her brain, and there were more than a few tears that leaked from her eyes. she hated being vulnerable, but at this point she had no choice.
she missed her mom. she was incredibly angry. how dare she do this to them? she was selfish, inconsiderate, and not the mother doyeon deserved.
but she also missed her terribly. they way her voice used to him lyrics to her favourite korean songs while she made the mos delicious foods and the feeling of her brushing doyeon's hair.
yeonjun understood what it felt like to lose a mother, but he didn't understand what it felt like to lose a best friend. but, then again, doyeon guessed that he did. yeonjun and their older brother, eunwoo, had been best friends. they played the same sports and, even though they were about three years apart, eunwoo had never tried to belittle his younger brother.
thinking about her oldest brother made her even more upset, as he had been such an important role model in her life. she missed him desperately.
"do you want me to go get something for you? ice cream? candy? what do you want?" yeonjun asked.
doyeon laughed.
"no, it's fine. i'm okay." she replied.
"nope. i'm getting you comfort food. i'll be right back. soobin... stay with her." he said, ending with a soft edge to his voice.
"of course." soobin replied instantly.
yeonjun left without another word. doyeon suddenly felt very awkward. she hated crying in front of anyone, let alone soobin.
soobin seemed to sense her unease, as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head in the crook of her neck. doyeon couldn't seem to hold back after he did that.
"it's okay, doyeon. 난 항상 여기 있을 거야." (i'll always be here.) soobin said.
"soob."
doyeon constantly found herself wondering why soobin spoke so much korean when he didn't have to. she had always been so afraid, but tonight, for some reason, she wasn't.
"why do you speak korean so much around me?" she asked.
soobin paused.
"i- i don't know. i guess... i know it's comforting to you. it's where you feel at home." he replied softly. doyeon's heart melted.
"just for me?" she asked astounded.
"for once, kim doyeon, understand that you deserve the world." soobin told her firmly. she looked down at her lap.
"you know, i don't really understand how that can be true." she said. she saw soobin shift a little, eager for her to open up. he didn't say a word.
"when my mom left, i blamed myself. i felt like i was a burden. my brothers were older and pretty much self-sufficient. but i was a complete mama's girl. you know how i was. i was too clingy. too needy." she continued.
soobin shook his head, and doyeon looked up into his eyes.
"and when my brother left, i felt the same. he left because my mom left. and then, all i could see was how many people wanted to leave me. whether or not i blamed myself, they didn't think i was worth staying and fighting. i guess that kinda took a toll on my self-esteem." she ended.
soobin locked eyes with her.
"they both made mistakes, but it had nothing to do with you. you are the only ray of sunshine in a dark world. you really do deserve the entire world. i know i would gladly give it to you." he promised.
"soob... i don't understand why you're saying this. it's sweet, and i really appreciate it. but i don't understand."
"it's easy yeon. you need to heart it."
doyeon didn't get to respond, as her dad walked in the house at that moment.
"hey, soobin. hey, 어린 소녀." (little girl) he said. he saw the tear stains and smeared mascara on her face and rushed toward her.
"왜 그래, 나의 도연아?" (what's wrong, my doyeon?) he asked.
"i'm okay now, 아빠. i was a little upset, but i'm good now." (dad) doyeon replied.
"promise?" her dad questioned.
"i promise." she verified.
he looked extremely unsure.
"go to bed, dad. you've had a lot of late nights and early mornings. we have to wake up tomorrow for church. go to bed. i'm fine." she promised.
"okay. if you're sure. i don't want to-"
"dad!" she exclaimed.
"okay, okay." he relinquished his fight.
doyeon watched him climb the stairs groggily, knowing it was a good decision to demand for him to go to bed. he had been looking far too tired lately.
"you're worried about him." soobin stated, bringing doyeon's attention back to him.
"yeah. i am." she said, glancing back toward the stairs.
"he's worried about you." he stated,
"what?"
"he's been asking me and your brother to keep an eye on you. he's scared you're not okay." soobin explained.
doyeon paused.
"do you think i'm not okay?" she asked.
"i think you've tricked yourself into believing you are."
there was a pause.
doyeon tried to tell herself that he was wrong. that she was truly fine. but there were a million things in her life that felt like they were crushing her. most days, she couldn't breathe properly.
"you're right." she said.
soobin was silent.
"i'm not okay. and i think that's fine. i'm tired of feeling like i have to be... happy all the time." she continued.
"you're right. it's normal to not be feeling great all of the time. but you never tell anyone anything. you hold it all inside. that's not healthy." he explained kindly.
"i don't know who to talk to." she admitted softly.
"yeon... you can always talk to me. i would feel privileged to sit and listen to you whenever you need to vent." he told her.
she noticed that he always seemed to be on edge of telling her something. she just didn't know what.
"thanks, soob. maybe i'll take you up on that." she smiled.
yeonjun walked in a second later, and doyeon looked over to where he stood. but soobin never took his eyes off of her. he made her feel so incredibly special.
"alright. i brought you chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, those gummy bears you like, and a bunch of gatorade. you know, to re-hydrate." yeonjun told her.
she laughed, amused at how concerned he was.
"thanks, junie. i'm okay right now."
"either way, we're having a movie night tonight. any movies you want." he stated.
doyeon felt more loved than ever before.
-----
they ended up watching a bunch of random rom-com movies that doyeon had seen millions of times but could never get enough of.
yeonjun was asleep by the end of the first one. soobin, though obviously tired, claimed to have never been more wide awake. he stayed up through all three.
when the third was over, they both were too tired to move. they fell asleep on the couch, smiles on their faces and legs touching.
-----
when doyeon woke up, she was shocked to find an arm around her waist and felt someone breathing on her collarbone. she smiled nonetheless and cuddled back into whoever was holding her.
in the back of her mind, she knew who it was.
but she couldn't seem to care.
when she woke up the next time, she was alone. and strangely cold.
she got up quickly to the smell of breakfast being cooked. she walked into the kitchen, smiling when she saw yeonjun and soobin making pancakes and french toast. her two favourites.
"my two favourite cooks making my favourite meal. am i in heaven?" she joked.
soobin turned immediately, smile bright on his face.
"i hope not. then we'd all be dead." he teased. he looked positively joyful. there was a light in his eyes that doyeon didn't see all too often.
"what's up with him?" she asked her brother.
yeonjun smirked.
"love." he said simply.
doyeon felt like a ton of bricks had hit her all at once. her heart sank, and suddenly she felt like she was going to throw up.
she rushed out of the kitchen and into her room.
she clutched her chest, her heart hurting for no reason. she shook it off, pulling out her phone to ask some of her friends if they wanted to hang out. she saw she got a text from tae a few minutes ago, asking if he could come over. doyeon agreed immediately, hoping he'd clear her out of her funk. she walked back out into the kitchen, sitting herself on a counter near where the boys were cooking.
"taehyun is coming over for breakfast before we have to leave for church." she announced. soobin stopped moving.
"what?" he asked in a low voice.
"i invited him. and you need to learn to get along if he's going to be my boyfriend." she said.
"boyfriend?" soobin asked.
"not officially. yet. but it will happen soon. and i want all of my favourite boys to get along."
"fuck no. i'm leaving." soobin told her.
"soob!" she exclaimed.
"what?" he asked harshly.
"please. stay." she pleaded.
there was a long pause.
"fine." he agreed, walking back into the kitchen. "but he's not coming to church with us." he demanded.
doyeon nodded, not even thinking about him coming with them. soobin had come to church with them for years. he wasn't deeply religious, but it brought comfort to his mother. soobin never liked the church his family went to, so he went with the kim family.
doyeon liked her church. she, kinda like soobin, wasn't deeply religious, but she was religious, and her family had gone to church since she was born. she liked god and all of the saints she prayed to daily. church was a sacred space to her, and it wasn't easy for her to let new people to come with them.
"go easy on him." yeonjun told her.
but why?
why was he so sensitive when it came to taehyun?
and why was he. so damn mercurial?