Inspired by Community S1E9: "Debate 109"
Piper POV
"Ah! Ow, ow!" Piper shouts, dabbing at her burning lap with some notebook paper. She should have listened to that voice in her head telling her to go with a cold brew coffee for this morning's study session.
Today started out great for her.
But you know who's been having an awful couple of mornings?
Annabeth Chase.
Granted, Piper's incredibly impressed that she's quit vaping cold turkey. Most people chew that nicotine gum or use patches or something, but not Annabeth. It's just as admirable as it is concerning.
So obviously Piper doesn't blame her when she shows up to the study session screaming about how somebody dumped her clean clothes on the laundry room floor and now she'll have to clean them again.
Piper chalks this outburst down to withdrawal and gives Annabeth the benefit of the doubt, even though this outburst scared the ever-living crap out of her, causing her coffee to singe her lap.
And Annabeth doesn't even bat an eye.
She's amazing.
Annabeth finally takes her seat around the corner from Piper. It's a fun juxtaposition, grouchy Annabeth to her left and sweet Frank to her right.
Speaking of being sweet: "Hey, your debate is this week, right? What time is that? I wanted to support the team," says Frank.
Ugh, he's so nice, it just makes Piper want to scream. "That means a lot to me, Frank! It's Thursday at one in the athletic center; room one-twelve, I think."
"That can't be it," says Percy. "That's where the pool is. I have swim practice at two."
Piper clicks her pen and then says, "Oh, well, let's hope I'm wrong. I'll double-check with my partner, Lacy."
"She got contact traced," says Annabeth. "We have a class together, and even though she's online she still participates. I swear it's like the voice of Zeus himself is speaking to us, it's that loud."
"Wait, so Lacy can't debate?" Piper asks. "Oh, shoot. This means I'm going to have to find a new partner."
It's just the stupid debate team, right? Well, wrong. Debate is the one thing Piper has that's completely unaffiliated with either of her parents. Here at New Rome Community College, she can make her own path, not follow the ones carved by her movie star dad or fashion designer mom.
And that path starts with obliterating her old high school rival, Drew Tanaka, in this weekend's debate against City College.
But she can't do that without Lacy, can she? Back at her all-girls boarding school, Piper was the debate team's hero. She was so good that she considered majoring in political science. College debate has to be a different game though. Besides, there's no way she'll be able to even compete without a partner.
Who can she draft to her team last minute? Piper scans the members of her study group one by one.
Frank and Hazel are sweet and likely to listen to all of Piper's instructions but too nervous to command any sort of attention from a moderator.
Percy has a swim team practice an hour after the competition starts. Plus, Piper can't really see him as the debate type.
Leo is fantastic, and Piper would love to work with him on another project sometime, but he'll be too distracting. They'll never get an argument prepared in time.
Annabeth is the obvious choice. She's a genius and she's terrifying enough to throw someone off their game. Their argument would be thorough, and they'd probably mop the floor on a good day. Emphasis on "on a good day." Annabeth is in no shape to debate now that she's suffering from nicotine withdrawal.
That leaves Jason. Admittedly, Piper thought he was the token douche in their friend group at first, and making fun of her ex-girlfriend Shel that one time didn't help his case, but he's proven himself to be a decent guy. He isn't as smart as Annabeth or as creative as Leo, but he could be a decent partner. Besides, he's majoring in classics and education. That probably means he's good at historical research, and Piper heard that the topic is going to be related to philosophy.
Jason pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Do you guys think I should quit Ultimate Frisbee?"
"Absolutely!" shouts Percy.
"For once, I agree with the idiot," grumbles Annabeth.
Jason seems taken aback. "Okay then..."
"You could fill in for Lacy this weekend. Try out debate club. You might like it," offers Piper.
"Me? Debate?" asks Jason.
Annabeth snorts.
"Okay, I think I speak for all of us when I ask—no—beg you to go hit your vape," says Percy. "Wow, I never thought I'd ask someone to do drugs."
Piper shrugs and then returns her attention to Jason. "You'd be surprised how much research goes into a debate. Seems like your kind of thing."
"Alright, you're on, Pipes."
For some reason, she likes it when he calls her that. Usually, Piper finds nicknames condescending, but something about Jason is comfortable.
There's a silence among the group. Hazel and Jason seem to have a silent conversation, Frank drops his pencil under the table, and Annabeth starts tugging on a curl that fell from her ponytail.
"You know," says Leo. "I could help you give up your vaping addiction for good."
"I am not addicted," says Annabeth.
"Hey, sorry uh-"
"You know what, Valdez? Maybe my head won't hurt so much if I use your weird juju."
Well, that's going to be interesting. Piper wishes she could see it for herself, but she has to teach Jason how to debate.
✎✎✎
She should've picked Annabeth. Or Leo. Hell, or even Hazel. Anybody would have been better than Jason. Between his stuttering and his stupid notecards, he's more awkward than Piper could have possibly imagined. Granted, not everyone can be a casual debater like her, but does he have to be so sweaty?
Jason moves his arms around as he speaks, but his elbows are glued to his sides. He looks like a robot. "And therefore, my partner and I are going to argue that it is the self-interest of man which causes his immoral urges. In short, man is not, uh, good."
Mr. Brunner and Frank clap politely for Jason's opening statement.
What a snooze. Piper's pretty sure she saw somebody falling asleep by the time he finished, and on the bleachers nonetheless.
Jason trips over his shoelaces and almost falls into the swimming pool on his way back to his seat. Percy was actually wrong in assuming the debate wouldn't be held in the pool area.
"How did I do?" Jason whispers to Piper.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of it," she says.
Dean D steps up to the podium to introduce their opponents. "Up next, from City College, we have Ms. Tonka."
The amount of people from City College that drove out here to see a debate is absolutely absurd. The rowdy student section blasts air horns and bangs cowbells when Drew takes the podium.
"Have my babies, Drew!" a guy screams.
She blows a wicked evil kiss to her fans and begins to speak. "Hello, hello. My name is Drew Tanaka, and I can't wait to teach my opponents about why man is so totally inherently good."
"Woo!" somebody shouts.
Drew delivers her opening statement with the same silver tongue she had in high school. She's evil. Plain evil.
She's an evil woman.
Piper has an idea.
"Ms. Pippy no-last-name, your response?" Dean D calls her up to the podium.
Piper lowers the microphone so she can be heard. "Wonderful delivery from my opponent. I mean that sincerely." Drew may be the one with the silver tongue, but Piper has what you might call 'charmspeak.'
"For my defense, I'd like to cite a little song I know by... The Electric Light Orchestra."
Piper clears her throat. "You made a fool of me!"
She's not the best singer, but she's not the worst either. She used to do theater in middle school.
"C'mon!" She urges her audience to start clapping along. Frank and Mr. Brunner oblige, and so does Dean D, even though he's supposed to remain a neutral party.
"E-Evil woman!" Piper turns around to see if Jason's participating. They have to look like a team.
He isn't clapping.
Time to turn up the heat- full McLean style. Piper pulls out an air guitar and sings the riff. She's doing hair flips. Her small fan club is loving it.
Everything is going swimmingly, that is, until Percy Jackson and the swimming and diving team show up.
"Oh, hey, Piper! How's your debate going?" Percy asks.
Dean D steps up to the podium. "Seeing that this debate isn't ending anytime soon, we'll reconvene here tomorrow. Same time." Then through gritted teeth, he says to Piper, "I hope we can get it together by then."
The City College cheerleaders form a tunnel and Drew and her partner, who hasn't participated in this entire debate, run through.
Jason hops off the side of the stage, slips on a wet spot, and then falls into the pool.
✎✎✎
They have a lot to do before tomorrow if they're going to have any chance of taking down Drew. They're going to be pulling an all-nighter here in the library going through research and teaching Jason how to not be such a square.
Piper didn't even go back to her dorm room to change. She's still wearing her debate team uniform—a velvet purple blazer—and her hair is pulled up in a clip.
Since there wasn't time to get him a uniform, Jason is looking exceptionally stuffy in his sweater-tie combo. Piper knows a few things about fashion from her mom, and she knows that Jason Grace is a fashion disaster.
She bangs her head against the study room table. "I can't take any more stupid research! We need to think outside the box!"
"We didn't score any points today because you thought outside the box. C'mon, just read the book and take some notes," says Jason.
"Fine," says Piper. "But you could stand to loosen up yourself. What was with the robot act today?"
"You're really not in a good position to be picking on me."
"You didn't score on that opener. I didn't score on my rebuttal. We both have room for improvement."
Jason cocks an eyebrow. "So what do you recommend?"
Piper fills her arms with a stack of ancient philosophy books they're finished with and carries them into the library stacks. "Maybe we can help each other," she says. "I'm more of a talker than a researcher. You help me find some substantial speaking points and I'll help you with your presentation."
"I thought my presentation was alright," he says.
"Mmm..." Piper reaches to put a book back in its spot but struggles to reach high enough. "I think you just need to be a little more casual about it. It's almost like flirting. If you say the right stuff in just the right way, add a couple of gestures for emphasis, you can reel in the judges."
Jason takes the book from Piper, letting his hand gently graze her forearm in the process. He stares down at her. She can feel his hot breath against her ear, even with his paper mask as a barrier. He must be nervous. "Gestures like this?" he asks.
She shouldn't. This is a post-debate kind of thing to do.
But he's finally catching on; this is the kind of delivery she's talking about, although maybe not so... so sexual, but god, it's hella effective. This is really turning her on.
Piper clears her throat and pulls away from Jason's touch. She takes the next book—a collection of Aristotle lectures—and fills another gap in the bookshelf. "Yes, that's... that's sort of the idea," she says, trying not to let her voice waver.
"Great." He stretches his arm behind her, even though it would be much easier for them to just switch places, and retrieves a new book.
Piper fights to keep from shivering beneath his touch.
"This guy Hobbes... he thought man was pretty bad, huh?" he asks nonchalantly, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.
Does he even know what he's doing? This is ridiculous!
She tries to compose herself. "Yeah, let's take a look at that one..."
Have Jason's eyes always been so blue? They're like a clear sky. If she squints, she can see a gaggle of geese flying through them in a 'V' formation.
They're close, so close that wearing these masks is probably pointless, but Piper won't dare take hers off for fear of being yelled at by the librarian.
She's seen Jason without his mask once before when he bought her that apology coffee, but she was still pretty upset over her breakup with Shel. She'd been too distracted to pay attention to any of his features. What if he has like, a mustache or something, and Piper was so busy wallowing that she'd forgotten all about it?
Mostly, Piper wonders about the shape of his lips, and if he takes care of them, or if he lets them get chapped in the cold.
Either way, Piper kind of wants to know how they feel. Preferably against hers.
"Give him back! Give him back right now!"
"Help! Jason, Piper! Help me!" Leo shouts. He's weaving in and out of bookshelves carrying something that looks kind of like a thumb drive.
Oh, that's not a thumb drive.
That's a JUUL.
"I'm gonna kill you, Valdez!" Annabeth shouts, tearing Piper away from Jason and chasing Leo to the study table.
It's a showdown between the two of them. Leo's on one side of the table, clutching Annabeth's decked-out JUUL in his fist. He's panting loudly, and his mask has fallen below his nose.
Annabeth's on the other side of the table, giving Leo the scariest death glare Piper's ever seen in her life.
Annabeth lurches to one side of the table.
Leo lurches to the other.
They go back and forth like that for a little while longer until Leo's gaze trails onto the walls.
Piper follows it, taking note of the sign pointing towards the bathroom.
Oh no.
Leo takes off out the door, Annabeth hot on his tail.
"Give it back!"
"No! You said you wanted help quitting!"
"I changed my mind!"
Leo darts into the bathroom.
Just because she's curious, Piper leads Jason across the hall. Somebody's going to have to relay this to the study group later.
Leo crashes into a stall door and tosses Annabeth's JUUL into the toilet. He ceremoniously hits the flusher, and the roar of the water echoes off the bathroom walls.
"No!" Annabeth wails. "JUULius!" She kneels, defeated, tears streaming down her face. She's an ugly crier, Piper notes.
Leo washes his hands in the sink as if he didn't just take the one thing keeping Annabeth from murdering them all. "There. Better already."
"You!" Annabeth shouts. "You... you threw JUULius in the toilet!" She's back on her feet now.
"Yeah. You can't vape anymore. I cured your nicotine addiction," Leo says.
Annabeth grips Leo by the shirt. "You just made everything worse, you idiot!"
Piper's eyes dart between Leo and Annabeth as their argument progressively gets more heated.
Jason wipes the fog away from his glasses. Is he... avoiding eye contact with Piper?
"Jason..." Piper tests the waters. "Are you-"
"I'm going to kill you!" Annabeth screams.
Leo covers his ears. "I- I'll fix it! I'll fix it!"
Jason looks down towards—but not at—Piper. "We should probably go back to our-"
Heads turn as another toilet flushes and a stall door opens.
Percy steps out, hair still wet from swim practice. "Oh, hey guys." He whistles a tune that sounds suspiciously like "Evil Woman" as he washes his hands in the sink.
✎✎✎
Piper's never worked so hard in her life. For real, every time she debated in high school, she'd just spew bullcrap and everyone would fall for her charms.
But this is college. This is like the bridge between high school and the real world. She can't flop now.
"You ready?" Jason asks.
Piper can't see what's beneath his mask, but she's pretty sure there's a smile. She flashes her pink notecards in a fan. "Ready as I'll ever be. Thanks for helping me with this research stuff."
"Thanks for helping me with my presentation," says Jason. "How do I look? Not too professional?"
Piper cocks her head to the side. Something's a little... stuffy. She reaches for his collar and undoes the top two buttons on his purple dress shirt. Thank all things holy that she managed to convince him to lose the tie and the sweater!
"Perfect," she declares. Her hands linger near Jason's chest for just a second as she's reminded of yesterday's incident in the library. And no, not the part with Annabeth chasing Leo around like a maniac.
Would Jason have kissed her if not for them? And how does she feel about that? Piper just got out of a relationship, but she and Shel weren't serious or anything. Does Jason even like her like that? Piper's dealt with fakes before, people who didn't actually like her for her, but rather for her parents' money and prestige. It's part of the reason why she hasn't told anybody here about her family.
Could Jason have found out about all of that? There's no way; Piper's been doing a bang-up job keeping her secret.
But could a tall buff dude like Jason actually like Piper? She finds that theory a little far-fetched. Shel was realistic. Shel was a little crazy. Jason on the other hand is about as levelheaded as it gets, and totally not Piper's usual type.
"Hey, look! Dean D pulled out all the stops for us," says Jason.
Piper peeks through the doors. The student section is full; some people have to stand. Frank and Hazel are sharing a purple sign that says 'EVIL WOMAN' and Percy has a cowbell.
The door bursts open, almost knocking Piper to the ground. "Sorry!" says Leo. "I was just looking for Annabeth before the debate starts. I fixed JUULius Caesar." He holds out the little JUUL, which it seems he has, in fact, fixed. How it (he?) didn't get stuck in a pipe yesterday is beyond Piper.
"Look at you, Handyman!" says Jason.
Leo beams. "I haven't tested it yet, but I crunched the numbers, and there's not that big of a chance of it blowing up!"
"That's... that's great..." Jason trails off.
"Hey, Chase and that girl that won't tell anyone what her last name is! Get out there and earn this place some funding," Dean D says upon opening the door.
Piper gives Jason's hand a quick squeeze. "You got this!"
"My last name is Grace..." Jason mutters. He takes the door from the dean and holds it open for Piper. Normally, she'd be livid at the sexist implications of that action, but something tells her that Jason's just doing this favor out of the goodness of his heart. Wow, he's got a good heart.
Piper and Jason shake hands with Drew and her teammate and then take their seats while Dean D gives a recap of yesterday's events.
Most of the debate is a blur, just some back and forth between her and Jason and Drew, no renditions of Electric Light Orchestra songs this time. Piper isn't going to want to recount any of this to anyone who isn't here; it's not interesting in the slightest. Granted, she's proud of her reference to Lord of The Flies, and Jason looks really sexy when he compliments one of the judges and then tells her it was for his own selfish gain. Piper doesn't like to get controversial, but she does find herself at one point screaming about how tacos are sandwiches.
Then during one of Jason's arguments, he's offering evidence from Hobbes and looking cute doing it when Drew just throws herself at him.
Like, she stands up, starts running, pretends to slip over a wet spot from the pool, and then falls over.
She would have face-planted in front of everybody had Jason not caught her in time.
Is it weird for Piper to wish it were her in his arms? His muscles are probably the size of her head. It's from all of that Ultimate Frisbee he plays. Maybe he shouldn't quit the team.
"Are you alright?" Jason asks. His electric blue eyes are scarcely visible through his fogged-up glasses.
"See?" Drew asks, addressing the audience. "I'm his opponent, but he caught me! Man! Is! Good!"
The audience begins to clap, including a few students from New Rome.
It's a bold move, perhaps even bolder than singing "Evil Woman" in a professional setting.
But Piper has an even bolder move. Without even considering the social consequences of her strategy, she jumps out of her seat and runs toward Jason. In a completely different way than Drew, she throws herself at him.
Instead of falling, however, she grips the collar of his shirt, yanks his mask below his chin, hesitates for a second when she notices the little scar intersecting his lip, and kisses him.
It's a kiss with intent, a purely strategic move, although her slight attraction to him is an added bonus.
He kisses back when the surprise settles in. Piper should assume that he's caught on to her plan and is playing his part, but there's a small part of her that wants to believe he's kissing her back just because he likes her.
Piper deepens the kiss as much as she can without Frenching Jason in front of everyone and then there's a thud as Drew hits the ground—just what she's been waiting for.
She pulls away from Jason and adjusts her mask. "He dropped Drew because he's horny! Man is evil!"
There's a stunned silence over the crowd. Mouths hang open. Percy holds a drumstick against his cowbell, frozen in place.
Leo, of course, saves the day. "Ha, ha, woman it's a cryin' shame... But you ain't got nobody else to blame!" he sings.
Percy bangs his cowbell. Hazel and Frank and the others join in. "E-Evil woman!"
Piper glances at Jason, looking for some sort of guidance.
He just shrugs and plays the air guitar on the riffs.
"I knew you kids would pull through!" says Dean D. He hands a little trophy with a bowling ball on it to Piper.
"Woo!" she hollers and holds her repurposed trophy up in the air.
She's really proud of herself for putting actual work into something and helping someone else get better at that same thing, and then for winning that thing.
She's also proud of Annabeth for quitting vaping too, she supposes. Annabeth says that anytime she picks up her JUUL she just thinks about toilet water and Percy: two things she doesn't want anywhere near her lips.
As for Piper, whom this story is really about, she's not sure what's going to become of her and Jason. He might be interested, but she can't help but remember the no-dating rule they'd made. Maybe Piper should just go with the flow and have fun. Yeah, that's what she'll do.