Your magic had to be the most temperamental thing you'd ever encountered. You'd spent countless hours trying to get it to do something, anything other than pull you towards the Gemstones. You didn't want to risk absorbing them, you didn't know how much one could affect you. While you couldn't deny that using magic was probably the coolest thing that had ever happened to you, as far as you could remember, it wasn't worth the risk. Not yet, anyway.
You often wondered if you'd be able to heal whatever illness would affect Viktor in the future if you were able to get enough magic, but you worried that by the time you had that kind of power you'd already be out of your mind. You had a hard time imagining willingly hurting anyone, but the Professor's warnings had been clear and you'd be a fool not to listen. Although, you had a feeling that if it came down to saving Viktor's life and potentially losing your mind, you'd take that risk. Maybe that thought should have scared you, but in a way, it provided you comfort. Whether or not they could figure out how to save his life through science, your magic would be a strong backup option.
However, as it stood, your magic was basically useless. In the few months you'd been there, it had done almost nothing. Sometimes you could feel it under your skin, like an electric zap that came from your chest, but you could never control it.
It was summer in Piltover, the warm air caressing your skin as the sun shone brightly from above. You were in the lab with Viktor, Sky was on an errand and Jayce was grabbing some tools from his family's forge.
There was a window cracked open, allowing a warm breeze to blow through, the scent of fresh-cut grass wafting through the lab. It was peaceful, you were reading a book on magic history, and Viktor was tinkering with a portion of the Hexgate. You had gotten lost in the pages and were only brought out of it when you realized Viktor was standing in front of you, a small potted cactus in hand.
You raised an eyebrow, "Are you decorating the lab? It could use a bit more life in here," You looked around, the drab silvery blue walls and desks making it seem sterile. Which you guess was the point of a lab, but you liked the idea of some plants sprucing up the place.
Viktor chuckled, "No," He placed the cactus down on the desk in front of you, "I had a theory, perhaps your magic would respond better to something living, something with an energy of its own."
You put your book down, staring at the cactus, "That... may work. I guess it can't hurt to give it a shot."
Viktor smiled, "I'll leave you to it."
He walked back to his desk, leaving you alone with the prickly plant. You wondered if maybe something without thorns would have been a better idea but you weren't about to complain. How hard could they be to pick out if you accidentally exploded it?
Emotions were the key to your magic, specifically strong ones. You knew this, but it was much harder to conjure them up naturally than it sounded.
It normally took Jayce a few hours to get to the forge and back and Sky would likely be gone all day so you had time. You put your hands on either side of the pot, trying to imagine a small flower sprouting out of the top. You pulled on happy memories, times you'd spent with Viktor, and your growing friendship with Sky. You thought of the Winter Solstice and the bracelet that now hung from your wrist, how close your face had been to Viktor's, and the way his arms felt as he pulled you in for a tight hug. You concentrated on those memories, trying to recreate the warm feeling in your chest. As the minutes ticked by you found yourself getting more and more agitated. You had really hoped it would work, it had been a promising theory, but it didn't seem to matter how much life the plant contained, your magic was simply too stubborn.
It had been an hour by the time you took your hands off the pot, clenching them into fists at your sides. You were beyond frustrated. It had been months since you'd done any magic, every attempt ended with nothing. It felt like a waste of time and energy and you were frankly sick of it. You didn't like feeling like a failure. What use were you if you couldn't do something as small as make a cactus bloom? How were you supposed to save your friends if you were as useless as this stupid plant?
You spiralled, your frustration building in your chest as your ears rang with white noise. Why couldn't you do anything right?
You let out an angry exhale, dropping your head onto the desk hard in your frustration. You didn't want to look at that cactus anymore, if it wasn't going to cooperate it could get the hell out of your sight.
That was when you felt it, the pull of magic in your chest, the white noise in your ears making sense as you glanced up in time to see your hands glow blue, the pot hovering in the same blue glow before being launched across the room and out the open window.
You gasped, clasping your hands over your mouth and standing up, your stool falling behind you. Viktor had caught the tail end of your magic and was staring out the window, awe written across his face. You ran over, peering out to the grounds below. The cactus had not survived the fall, its remains lay smashed across the cobblestone walkway. You were just thankful no one had been standing there, that would have caused quite the headache.
"You did it," Viktor smiled at you, bringing your gaze away from the window.
"I didn't mean to do that," You pointed out, biting your lip nervously. Someone could have been injured.
Viktor hummed thoughtfully, "Perhaps next time we keep the windows closed."
You huffed a laugh, "Maybe it'll get tossed at you next time."
"With my cat-like reflexes I am sure I'll be fine," He gave you a cheeky grin, eliciting a loud laugh from you.
"Or I could try using my magic on something that can't be used as a projectile," You offered, there was no sense in injuring one of the only friends you had.
Viktor nodded, "That may be a better idea."
Cactuses would have to be put to the side, you would keep trying your magic on smaller things. Until you mastered that, and you weren't sure if you ever would, you would take fewer risks. If anything you didn't love the idea of killing a bunch of houseplants, they would be much better suited as decorations.
The months flew by as you continued your work. You missed the warmth of summer, the windows were kept closed to keep the cool autumn air from chilling the lab. You'd started to wear more layers, opting for pants instead of shorts, a blazer over your uniform.
You spent most evenings with Viktor in the lab, you would work on your magic or continue your readings, and he would work on his Hextech projects. You would sometimes idly chat or Viktor would excitedly explain his newest breakthrough, but most of the time was spent in comfortable silence.
You'd stuck to small and light items to test your magic on, not wanting to risk another cactus incident. You'd yet to make anything happen, much to your annoyance. It was beyond frustrating to know you could do it but be completely unable to bring it to fruition.
"You can do it, Mila," Viktor encouraged one chilly evening, "Don't be so hard on yourself."
You sighed, "Sometimes I think the few times I've used magic have been a fluke. I can't make it ever do anything I want it to."
"It does seem to have a mind of its own," Viktor agreed, "And emotions tend to be temperamental to begin with, let alone when mixed with magic."
You often wonder if you would be having this many issues if you weren't a Motus Mage. You wouldn't have to worry about absorbing too much magic as it would always use itself up instead of staying stuck within you. You wished there were other mages in Piltover who could teach you, even if they weren't a Motus Mage they probably had some insight you were missing.
"I guess I'll just keep trying." You gave him a weak smile.
He nudged your arm with his elbow, "That's the spirit." He gave you a thumbs up as he returned to his seat.
You took a sip of your water, placing the glass back down on the desk as you turned your concentration back onto the paper in front of you. You took a deep breath, pulling on your positive feelings like you always did, doing your best to imagine the paper floating gently off the surface.
It didn't take long for that familiar frustrated feeling to take over, Viktor's kind encouragements only lasting for so long. You wanted to slam your hands on the desk, maybe even flip it, but you held yourself back. That wouldn't do you any good and you'd only end up embarrassing yourself. You compromised by letting your hands grip the desk, your knuckles turning white as you narrowed your eyes at the paper. At that point you almost wished it would burst into flames, anything but sit there motionless, taunting you with its smooth surface.
Without warning your chest tightened, your fingers flexing with blue energy as the cup beside the paper exploded, sending shards of glass shooting in all directions. You brought your hands up in front of your face, wincing as glass cut through your sleeves.
"Mila!" Viktor exclaimed from his seat across the room, hastily walking over to where you sat frozen, stunned at what you'd just done, "Are you alright?"
You blinked, face blank as you looked at your arms. The cuts weren't deep, no glass appeared to be embedded in your skin. Your blazer had taken the brunt of the damage and you would be needing another one.
"Yes," You said shakily, "I'm fine, I just wasn't expecting that to happen."
"Best to keep glass out of your range when practicing magic from now on, eh?" Viktor smiled gently.
"First the windows have to be closed, now no glass within reach, I might yet prove Heimerdinger right about how dangerous I am," You'd meant it to come out as a joke but it had fallen flat. You were upset and you had a hard time hiding it.
He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze, "You're not dangerous, accidents happen. You don't think that Jayce and I have had our fair share of near misses with Hextech?"
You had been there for some of those near misses, they could have been much worse if it wasn't for their quick thinking and safety protocols, "When you put it that way..."
"You'll figure it out, I know you can," Viktor removed his hand from your shoulder, "Until then its a good thing we keep a fully stocked first aid kit on hand."
You laughed, his crooked smile always bringing you joy. How could you look at his face and not feel hopeful? You couldn't help but give in to his relentless optimism, "If you say so."
He nodded, mock seriousness on his face, "I do."
You worked hard to put that incident behind you. Your scars eventually healed and faded away, no longer serving as a physical reminder of your mistake.
Winter came around, a light dusting of snow quickly transforming into big fluffy piles that lined the edges of the Academy walkways. The snow was probably your favourite part, it created a jolly atmosphere, its bright colour lighting up the world at night. The cold was probably the worst part of the season, but there was something special about coming back inside to warm up after a walk through the chilly air.
On the weekends you enjoyed taking strolls through the courtyard, stopping to make designs in the snow with your boots. You enjoyed stomping a flower into the snow and then seeing it from your room.
It had recently snowed, your flower was gone once again under the fresh covering. You wrapped yourself up in your warmest attire, heading out into the cold with a cheery attitude. You wouldn't be out for long, just enough to enjoy the cold but not be overwhelmed by it.
You walked to your spot, creating the petals with your feet, ignoring the crunching of snow behind you as someone walked by. It wasn't until you felt something freezing and wet hit you on the back of your neck that you realized whoever had walked by had stopped behind you.
You jumped, a high-pitched squeal escaping you as you reached up to quickly brush the cold slush off your neck. A laugh rang out across the courtyard, its tone light and familiar. Viktor, that jerk, he had better aim than you would have expected, and you weren't about to let him get away with it.
You whirled around, finding Viktor standing across the walkway, leaning on his cane. He looked at you with a satisfied smirk, you itched to get rid of it.
You had planned to bend down and grab the biggest handful of snow you could, but your magic had other ideas. Your chest tightened and you panicked momentarily, you had no idea what was about to happen.
From behind Viktor a large pile of snow lifted up, your jaw-dropping as it hovered over his head. Viktor looked up, just in time for the magic to let go, the snow falling onto him and covering his exposed skin.
It was his turn to yelp, a sound you never thought you'd hear him make. You rushed over, looking around to find that no one else had been watching. You held back laughter as you reached gloved hands up to brush the snow out of his hair.
"I'm so sorry," A giggle escaped your throat.
He fixed you with a deadpan look, "No you aren't."
You shrugged, "You shouldn't start what you can't finish."
You stepped back, biting your bottom lip as you took in his rosy cheeks, a few snowflakes still resting in his long eyelashes. He was adorable and it made your heart beat faster. Damn him for looking so good after he'd been practically attacked by your magic.
"We should get you inside," You said, "As a truce, I'll offer you some warm sweet milk."
Viktor frowned, considering your suggestion, "I suppose that is a fair solution."
You brushed some snow off of his shoulders, mischief glinting in your eyes, "Unless you want to duke it out and see what else my magic throws at you."
Viktor chuckled, linking his arm with yours, "I have to say that sounds much less enjoyable."
You smiled up at him, "Sweet milk it is then."
Why your magic decided to work at that moment you had no idea. It seemed to act of its own accord, no matter what you were trying to do. You found the more you tried to bend it to your will, the more it backfired. It tended to work best when going off your instincts, which weren't always been the best. You supposed that it did line up with what you knew about Motus Mages, that their magic responded to instinct and strong emotion. You weren't sure if you would ever be able to make it do anything you wanted, it may always be a power struggle.
It wasn't until one spring night, years later, when you'd decided to absorb a second Gemstone that you found it started to obey you. It wanted to be used, and as long as it was something you had a strong emotional investment in, it listened. Numbing Viktor's pain as you slept was second nature at that point, your feelings for him fuelling your magic.
As you spent more time in the lab providing company for Viktor as he attempted to find ways to cure his illness, you had started to leave the window open once more. The fresh spring air wafted through the lab, brightening the otherwise depressing atmosphere. The smell of recently bloomed flowers was a comfort, it was proof that life continued, something you were desperately hoping would happen for Viktor.
You found yourself watching him often. The way his fingers twirled in the hair at the nape of his neck as he created little cowlicks, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and the soft sighs he made as he was lost deep in thought captivated you. You tried not to think about the chasm forming deep within you at the thought of never seeing him do those small actions again. You feared that if you didn't memorize those habits that they would fade from your memory, along with the happiness he brought you.
He'd fought so hard to get where he was, he deserved to be able to see his work through to the end. How cruel a world it must be to threaten him with death when everything he wanted was almost within his reach.
You couldn't imagine your life without him. You loved him more than you knew how to handle. His crooked smile and light laughter always made your stomach flutter and your heart squeeze. There wasn't anything more you wanted in this life than to spend it with him, in whatever capacity he allowed. You'd be his friend forever, if that's what he wanted. You'd hold your feelings back until they threatened to overwhelm you if it meant you could see him every day. You didn't want to give yourself hope that he felt the same way for you as you did for him, you weren't sure your broken heart would ever recover.
Your chest tightened as you looked at him. You wanted to tell him how much you loved him, how much you cared for him. He deserved to know that he meant the world to you, that you'd do anything he asked. You trusted him completely, and how could you not? He'd done nothing but be kind to you, protect your secrets, and encourage you to be more than you thought you could be. Without him, you didn't know where you'd be. If you were to lose him you didn't think you'd ever be the same. It was a good thing you'd do whatever it took to save him, even if it meant losing your mind. You hoped it wouldn't come to that, but you knew you would do what was necessary.
"Mila?" Viktor's accented voice brought you out of your reverie. He had turned in his stool, looking at you curiously, eyes darting from your face to the top of your head.
You blushed, he'd caught you staring at him, as if you could be any more obvious as to your affections for him.
He pointed to the top of his head and then towards you, "I think you have, eh, something in your hair."
As it turned out, you could be more obvious. Your magic had physically manifested your feelings for him in the shape of a flower crown, sprouting out from under your messy hair and sitting delicately upon the crown of your head. It was beautiful, red, yellow, and white roses adorning the green stems. The leaves forming little hearts as they crossed together, you may as well have had hearts in your eyes for how obvious that was.
You blushed deeper, snatching the crown of your head and tossing it behind the desk.
Good save.
You chuckled embarrassedly, rubbing your neck, an amused smile forming on Viktor's face.
"I think the smell of the flowers outside may have affected my magic," You tried to explain, not meeting his eyes. Your ability to lie had never been great and you hoped he didn't call you out on it.
"You should have kept it on, it complimented your eyes," Viktor said, turning around and going back to his work. If you could have blushed harder you would have.
It was a good thing for that second Gemstone that you couldn't get rid of it, you would have kicked it to the curb for that little stunt without hesitation. The last thing you needed was for your magic to reveal your feelings for Viktor before you were ready, not that you ever would be. If you were going to tell him it would be your choice, not by accident.
You glared at where you'd tossed the flower crown. Your magic better watch its back, you weren't about to let it win in this fight. You were sure you'd get the chance to tell him when the time came, and that would be much sooner than you had anticipated. It would cause you more pain than you ever thought imaginable and push you to lengths you never thought you'd go to.
Maybe your magic had been trying to warn you, maybe it was just following the course of your emotions. Either way, your anger at its decision to try to out your feelings would fade the moment you used it that night to numb Viktor's pain. Whatever else it did didn't matter. As long as you were there for Viktor, nothing could get between you.
A/N:
Thank you to @sociallyfrightened on Tumblr for the idea for the spring magic