"So you guys did stuff?" Dahlia asked a few days later when I finally saw her again. We were back in college and had a lesson in the morning but then we walked back to her house as we didn't have another lesson again until after lunch.
"Yeah, well I kinda did stuff to him," I replied. I didn't exactly give her the details, nor was I planning to, but I told her the gist of things.
"So, you did stuff to him, and he didn't do anything to you?"
"Yeah?" I said in a questioning way as I didn't get where she was coming from.
She sighed and looked away after she said, "It sounds a little familiar."
"Hey that's not fair," I argued. We were on her bed where I laid on my stomach with a pillow between my arms. "He offered, I just said no."
"You sure he didn't just like say it in a way that would make sure you said no?"
Did he? I don't think so. Surely not.
"I'm fairly certain he didn't. I mean it kinda started with him going to touch me anyway."
"Okay, if you say so."
"Do you not...like him?" I asked worried. I trusted Dahlia's opinion and if she didn't like him, I had to find out why and if it was just a misunderstanding. I wasn't sure how I could go forward without Dahlia's approval of him. She'd seen me with my heart broken only a few times but enough at the start of our friendship and by then I already wasn't seeing as many guys as I used to.
"No, I do. Just checking that he's treating you right, you know," she replied. Her hair was put into space buns making her look cute in contrast whith her big harsh eyeliner making her look more badass. "Anyway, so, your birthday's coming up! What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know."
I never really celebrated my birthday after my parents passed. There was just never anyone to spend the day with and almost every year that day just made me sad because I never really felt special or particularly loved. Last year was definitely one of the nicer birthdays. Dahlia and I were kind of friends at this point, so when I told her at lunch that it was my birthday, she took me out afterwards. I didn't have a fake ID so I couldn't go clubbing or anything, but we went to dinner and her mum got us alcohol that we drank in her room with old school songs from ABBA and Queen and various other artists. It was fun.
"Something like last year maybe, except I'll be 18 so we could actually go out to drink?" I suggested. "Shit, Ellie's not 18 yet though, so she wouldn't be able to come. I don't wanna leave her out."
"Oh, it's cool, she has a fake ID," Dahlia replied.
"She does?"
"Yeah."
"From where?"
Dahlia shrugged as I contemplated where sweet little Ellie got a fake from. Not that it even mattered anymore because I'll be 18 soon enough and wouldn't need a fake.
"So, clubbing with everyone then? It'll be a Friday so I don't think anyone would not wanna go. And then what do you wanna do during the day? We can skip college and hang out?" Dahlia said.
"Yeah, okay."
"Oh, unless you wanna hang out with your man instead?"
I smiled at hearing Roman be called mine. "Can't I hang out with both of you?"
"Absolutely," Dahlia said happily. Maybe she was worried I wouldn't want to see her as much now that we had all these other friends and I had a 'kind of' boyfriend, but as if I would ever abandon my best friend and the first person that was ever truly there for me. "Can I paint your nails?"
"Oh, sure." I'd been wearing my makeup more often now. It gave me more confidence these days than made me feel insecure, so it felt good to put on some eyeliner and mascara every now and then. Dahlia even gave me some highlighter that I would put in the inner corners of my eyes. Today it seemed like she wanted to put nail polish on me, but I thought it was cute and she was using this burnt orange colour that kind of matched my hair, so I liked how it looked.
——
Dahlia and I went back to college for lunch with everyone. I saw Roman talking to Keaton and Nate outside, but they got quiet when we came over choosing to stop whatever conversation they were having. Wonder what that was about?
"Hey," Roman greeted giving me a kiss.
"Hi," I said smiling back. I still felt giddy from that night I spent with him, even if it ended with a tough conversation, I still feel like it was perfect.
Keaton and Nate both gave us a funny look with a smirk on their faces before they followed Dahlia inside where Charlie and his friends (Arwyn, James, and Ollie) were waiting. Ellie and Naya were probably inside too.
"What was that about?" I asked Roman confused.
"What?" he asked back.
"Why were they looking at me weird?"
"Oh uh..." He looked a little sheepish and I figured he must have told them something. "Please don't be mad. I just told them that we kinda did stuff and now they're being all smug or whatever."
There was definitely a little part of me that felt annoyed about him telling his friends, but then I realised I would be the world's biggest hypocrite because I'd literally told Dahlia the same thing earlier that day.
"Oh, that's okay, as long as you didn't like give them any details," I said as Roman held one of my hands and was inspecting my newly painted nails. Did he like them?
"I didn't. I wouldn't," he said looking at me now. "I like your nails."
"Thanks, Dahlia painted them today. I like them too. And uhh Roman, I kinda told Dahlia that we did stuff too, but not any details! I wouldn't give details either."
"Okay, cool," he said with a brief kiss on my lips again. "Because that would just be embarrassing for me anyway. I don't want her to know how clueless and bad I am."
I chuckled at his silly response. "You are a little clueless but so is everyone at first. You're not bad though."
"Thanks babe."
We stared at each other for a bit all warmth and smiles despite the chilly air. I couldn't tell if Roman's ears were pink from the cold or from another blush forming on his face at the thought of us together. That was definitely why I could feel my face getting flushed.
We talked a little longer, me explaining my birthday plans a little. Roman seemed keen to skip college and spend the day with me just like Dahlia. Maybe I shouldn't be happy about them skipping class, but it felt kind of nice that they were doing it to be with me so, call me selfish, but I wasn't going to try and stop them. Roman also seemed to somewhat like the clubbing idea, though he didn't seem as enthusiastic as I thought he would be.
When we went inside and took our seats at the table, Dahlia said she told them about possibly going to a club. So, I asked everyone how they would feel about going to a gay club. If they were really uncomfortable with it, then I guess we could just go to a regular one.
"Oh, I'm down," Naya said which Ellie seemed to agree with.
"Will guys try to hit on me?" James asked.
"Maybe. I don't know. If you're anyone's type maybe," I replied.
"Well, I have to go for research purposes," Keaton said.
"What kind of research purposes? The fuck? Is this you coming out?" Nate asked.
"Nah, I'm still tryna see if gay guys find me hot," Keaton replied. Roman just smacked him round the head and called him an idiot.
"I mean I'm not exactly gonna say no," Arwyn said.
"Thanks," I said smiling at him. Roman seemed to choose that time to put his arm around my shoulder and pull me closer. I was starting to suspect he might have been a little jealous of Arwyn, or just possessive of me, knowing that Arwyn liked me. "Umm, if any of you are too uncomfortable though, I don't mind just going to a regular straight club."
"Nah mate. It's your birthday, we'll go where you want," Charlie said. There was a chorus of agreement and I actually felt more excited about my birthday now.
"You are okay with coming, yeah?" I asked Roman quietly when everyone went back to separate conversations as he hadn't said much.
"Yeah." He nodded his head, but his eyes just didn't match what he was saying.
"Are you sure? Because we don't have to."
"I'm sure, I'm just... a little nervous, I guess? Any kind of clubbing has always been a little out of my comfort zone," he replied.
"Why?" I asked making sure no one was paying attention to our conversation.
"Just, the first time I went, I was kind of getting with a girl and like one of her friends filmed it. We were making out but there was like some touching...she sent me the video the next day thinking I would like it I guess but I didn't so I got her to delete it and make sure her friend did too, though I can't actually be sure that she did. But yeah, I don't know I'm just a little paranoid now," Roman explained. My poor baby. I hate that someone had made him feel that way, and to video him without his consent... even if it was on the milder side, it was not okay.
"Oh, well I promise not to leave your side and I won't even try to kiss you so then no one can film anything," I suggested.
Roman chuckled. "Let's not go too far. I still want you to kiss me, but it would be nice if you stayed with me."
"Course."
We were smiling again and then we were kissing again, for at the most two seconds, before everyone started making disgusted and barfing noises around us. They weren't actually bothered, I don't think, just the light teasing of friends. We spent the rest of lunch planning out some things for my birthday like which gay club to go to, where we'd meet for pre-drinking, what time we should leave for the club, etc.
——
"You wanna sleep over at mine tonight?" Roman asked later when he walked me to class. He was done for the day and heading home right afterwards. I liked the way he had his pinkie finger wrapped around my own pinkie as we walked. It was like he was claiming me as his in the most subtle way he could, like he needed to touch me however possible.
"Sure, should I umm, should I be ready for anything spontaneous?" I asked. A curl fell into my face as someone jostled me from behind as they walked past. Our college was so big that the hallways were always crowded when people were hurrying to class. Roman gently took the curl and moved it away from my eyes.
"Maybe, if you want. I wanted to umm...well I just wanted to do what you did last time." He looked kind of nervous with his eyes downcast. Adorable.
"I'll come prepared, just in case."
"Okay. See ya later then."
He smiled and I smiled and then we kissed and parted and when class finished and I went home, got in the shower and got ready for later. I packed a bag with everything I would need making sure to include condoms and some lube, just in case. By the time Roman came to pick me up, I'd conjured up dozens of scenarios of us in bed and I couldn't wait to see which one came true.
~~~~~~~~~