TW: SWEARING, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, GRIEF
Grammarly edited this one guys :/ Many apologies I'm simply just very tired and have much to do.
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Like our spirits, the world outside was dark and cold with the wafting morning air. It was the only time of the day that was cool, before dawn, before first light. Even though the walls of the house kept the cold outside at bay it could do nothing against how cold we felt. Cold with nerves, cold with longing and worry. What if it goes wrong? What if it doesn't work?
It has to work.
Michael stirs in my arms and although I was fully dressed and ready to leave I lay with him in my bed. Michael was still in his pyjamas, yellow and brown striped pyjamas with a little bee on the chest pocket. Cosette cooed softly from where she was rooting on the wide window sill. I didn't miss the raven feathered friend roosting with her. She seemed rather taken with the crow and the crow seemed rather taken with her as well.
I am ready to leave whenever the others are. I can see them getting ready out the back of the house through the window. Horses nicker softly as they murmur quietly to one another and pack the saddlebags with supplies we would need on our journey. I catch the glint of an Ender Eye as Dream slips them into the small bag on his belt.
Fundy and Quackity had returned to L'Manburg to work on my plan and when we returned they'd tell us everything we need to know. They left yesterday with George and Sapnap in tow. Fundy seemed quiet, like he was thinking about something. I didn't pretend to not understand what it was, he was thinking about his Dad. About Wil. When I asked how he was feeling he said he didn't want to talk about it, so I left it there.
Michael's soft breathing and Cosette's coos are the only sounds in the room. I look out the window again at the group and the horses. I feel my heart do a little flip when I realise I won't be riding Spirit. She's been dead for a long time but the fact still was yet to hit me. Perhaps it's because I was gone when it happened, that I had forgotten her for the longest time and not processed any grief. I suppose not much has changed.
The creak of the door breaks my thought and I crane my neck and see Dream standing there silently. I knew we had to go, but I didn't want to leave Michael. I hold up two fingers, silently asking for more time and Dream nods understandingly and shuts the door again.
Michael stirs in my arms as the door clicks shut letting me know he's awake.
"Michael," I whisper to him. "I have to go now."
Michael opens his sweet brown eyes and looks at the window. He crinkles his snout and then looks back at me.
"But it's not morning yet, the sun isn't rising," he protests sleepily.
"It's just about to," I point to the horizon outside. It was still dark but the smallest peeks of light had started to tint the sky to a gradient of blue and yellow.
"But I'll miss you," I can't help but smile.
"I'll be back soon with Bee and Boo," I promise him. Michael seems unsatisfied and frowns.
"Can I say goodbye to them again?" Michael rubs his eyes and yawns. I knew although he needed more sleep, Tubbo and Ranboo would want to see him too.
"Alright," I sigh and sit up on the bed. Michael wraps his arms around my neck and I sit him on my waist and carry him down the stairs to the back verandah. As soon as I shut the door Tubbo turns and notices me holding Michael.
"What's wrong?" he asks looking between the two of us.
"Michael wants to say goodbye again," I smile as Tubbo visibly melts at my words. Tubbo comes over and takes Michael into a warm hug so I go over to the others. Niki is the first to notice me. She was staying behind with Puffy and Michael, the three of them would go with Lorelei and Myles to see Lian's village leaders.
"You better stay safe," she warns me and I chuckle wrapping her in a hug.
"You too Niki," I say back.
"Y/N," a small voice calls. I turn and see that Ranboo is now holding Michael and watching me with a knowing smile. Michael reaches out his arms and grabs at the air with his stubby fingers. I leave Niki and take Michael again who hugs me even tighter than before.
"You have to promise to come back," he pouts leaning back so I can look him in the eye. I make a face equally as serious.
"I will always come back as long as you're waiting for me rascal," I press a firm kiss on his forehead that makes Michael's facade crack like an egg as a sunny grin spreads on his face.
"Where's Dream?" he asks suddenly. I look around and then notice him packing the saddlebags on Percy. I had a feeling I would be riding Percy to the stronghold. Michael spots him too.
"Can you put me down?" he asks and I nod setting him down on the floor.
Ranboo, Tubbo and I watch as Michael strides up to Dream and the tugs on the leg of his pants. Dream sees him and kneels down, I'd never seen the two of them more serious. Their conversation is curt and ends with Michael shaking Dream's much larger hand. Dream then points to Techno and Phil and Michael goes to them. Phil picks Michael up and the three start talking too.
"I wonder what's got Michael so serious," I say and Ranboo hums.
"I have a hunch that Michael wouldn't appreciate it if I told you," I chuckle at Ranboo's response. Of course Michael told his Dads his plan.
All too soon Dream calls me over and gives me a leg up onto Percy's back. I adjust my seat and give Percy a rub on his brown neck, it was going to be a long ride. I watch Michael as he tugs on Puffy's hand, she bends down and Michael whispers something in her ear. Her lips twitch up in a smirk and she nods to him and he grabs her hand with both of his.
"Michael wants to all to promise that you'll be safe," she says standing up. "And that you'll tell him everything." Niki moves to stand next to Michael resting her hand on his shoulder.
"We promise," Techno says back. I smile knowing that Techno understands how much his word means to Michael. The boy is visibly starstruck as his hero salutes his and sets off to lead our group to the beach.
We send waves over our shoulders to the three that grew smaller as the distance increased. I take one last look at Michael and then kick Percy into a canter to keep up with the others.
It's time to bring Tommy back.
We weave through the forests and hit the beach. We make it to the harder sand near the water and ask our horses to run faster. I found the rhythmic beating of hooves comforting and I let it distract me from my swirling thoughts. Although some of them were hard to ignore.
The niggling feeling that something would go horribly wrong was persistent. Most of all I wonder if the Goddess of Death would even care to listen to us. Yes, Techno and Phil will be there, but she owes them nothing. She may owe Phil an explanation but nothing more.
Why would she give back Tommy? Is that even something she can do? She's a Goddess of Death not of revival.
I snap myself away from my thoughts. I can't afford to think like that now.
I focus instead on the light that steadily grown brighter on the horizon. The sun rises over the ocean on our left, slow and golden. The colours grow into vibrant oranges and yellows that paint over the lightening blue canvas.
Tommy would have loved this. If Tommy was here he would have egged us all into a race to the end of the beach. He'd laugh and go as fast as he could and then whine about it when he lost inevitably to Techno since Carl is the fastest horse here. I smile at my imagination.
Soon, I told myself.
Soon.
~~~~ Fundy's P.O.V ~~~~
The stack of documents in front of me seems to stare me down but I couldn't care less about them. Pattering rain on the window was the only sound in the room beside the ticking of the clock mounted on the wall behind me. Thank fuck Quackity had left to deal with something, I don't need him on my tail right now. I feel one of my ears twitch agitatedly, I force back a growl and smooth them down with my hands and readjust my hat.
Nobody said anything. They're going to get Tommy back from the dead, and nobody so much as breathed Wilbur's name. Do they hate him that much? Most of the time I bend between the sides of hatred and... well whatever I felt before.
I never got along with Wilbur. Not since I was a little kid. Once he turned his back on me I turned my back too. Why should I pine after the affections of a man who couldn't give a shit. Then he comes back as a ghost and thinks he has the right to try and be a part of my life.
I push away from the desk and pace the space in front of it. I feel my tail flicking habitually behind me. I hated how everything physical about me gave away how I felt. I hate wearing my heart on my sleeve but no matter what I try I can't seem to rip it off.
Wilbur wasn't the same before he died. I know that, we all know that. But at the least he deserved a mention, some form of consideration. Y/N loved him and she came up with the plan, Phil is his dad and my grandpa. Phil only seemed to be concerned with Tommy just like everybody else.
Have they forgotten him?
Don't they think he deserves a second chance?
Foolish things, second chances. The hope that someone will change if you give them the opportunity to, but they don't think they did anything wrong. Second chances are a waste of time. So why do I feel like if Wilbur came back that he would be different? Why do I hope that maybe he'll want to be in my life even if I'm reluctant to let him in?
He wasn't always bad. He was only bad at the end. When I was a kid he was the best dad in the world.
The rain grows heavier and starts smacking against the window instead of tapping the glass gently like before. Like rain on rocks, I think. A melody pops into my mind and I groan not wanting to think about it.
It was a song Wilbur would sing when it rained. I was such a whimpy kid, I couldn't sleep during storms. I was always worried lightning would strike the lake where Sally lived. The simple melody persisted and I couldn't help but remember one of the times Wilbur sang it to me. Guiltily, I let myself enjoy it.
Wilbur used to take me on adventures all the time as a kid. In reality, we barely went a few kilometres from the van. I was too weak to go far. One time we went further than usual and it started raining.
Wilbur dragged us into a cave to keep dry. I fretted as we watched the storm outside the cave. I don't know how long it had been but it was getting late and I was growing tireder by the second. Wilbur told me to sleep but I couldn't because of the thunder.
"Fundy, you need to sleep or else you'll be ill," Wilbur warned and sat me down in front of the little bag he had brought with us.
"But I don't want to!" I pouted and crossed my arms trying to look angry so I wouldn't look scared. Wilbur only sighed and lay me down so my head was on the bag. I dragged my legs across the dusty cave floor and pulled them into my chest.
I flinched as the thunder cracked sending vibrations through the ground that made me think the cave was about to collapse. I curled my tail between my legs and flattened my ears against my head, shutting my eyes tight and hoping it would be over soon.
I jumped again when Wilbur rested one of his massive hands over my shoulder and rubbed my arm gently. He hummed softly, the same song as he always did.
Kiss me once then kiss me twice then kiss me once again
It's been a long, long time.
That stupid song. A song he couldn't name and one I'd never heard anybody else sing.
Haven't felt like this my dear since can't remember when
It's been a long, long time.
Then he would hum. He would always hum and sometimes play his guitar too if he had it nearby. He could never remember the rest.
My dad was kind, the Wilbur who died wasn't my father. The real Wilbur is still alive somewhere. I know he is, people don't just disappear like that. Stupidly, I let myself dream for more. That if Wilbur came back I may be able to find Sally again. That if he was back he'd make up for lost time. That he mght give me guidence so I wouldn't feel so lost anymore.
I'd have someone to believe in again.
~~~~ Y/N's P.O.V ~~~~
Phil called this place the forest of giants, I could see why. We had slowed our horses despite the lack of undergrowth beneath the towering pillars of thick dark wood. As we walked Phil told me how he'd travelled through here before. It was the only forest he could fly through since the trees were so large they didn't grow close together. I imagined the roots of the trees, thicker than the stump of a regular oak, twisting around one another, creating air pockets and crevaces for all kinds of underground creatures.
The canopy was so dense scarcely any light seeped between the minute gaps left between the furry pine leaves. The podzol had been coated just as densely with pine leaves that had fallen to the ground and long turned brown, along with the odd pinecone. In a place like this, it was an effortless thing to feel insignificant. It was both comforting and stressful.
"How are you feeling?" a familiar voice snaps me from my daze. Dream has pulled up beside me with his horse.
"It's surreal that we're doing this," I shrug not knowing how to explain it all. I had repressed everything I was feeling. Focus on the task at hand, my feelings come second to Tommy.
"I don't think anybody can believe this is happening," he replies.
"Dream, what if we can't bring Tommy back?" I surprise myself with my question, I didn't mean to ask it. I had been thinking about it all day, all night, ever since I came up with the barest parts of my plan. What happens if this fails? What happens if I never get to see him again?
"I don't know," he mutters with honesty in his tone. I knew it wasn't a question he could answer, but I was still disapointed.
"Tommy doesn't even have a ghost. What if that means he's truly gone?" I mentally kick myself as my voice cracks. Suddenly, I was glad that my daze had put me a few paces behind the rest of the group.
"I know," is all he says. What else was there to say? What did I want him to say?
"What did Michael speak to you about?" I change the topic unashamedly. I knew Dream would rather talk about this too.
"Michael made me promise not to tell anybody," he winks cheekily at me. I feel something inside me smile knowing that he had left his mask on his belt for the time being. I sigh and roll my eyes feigning irritation.
"Well then we'll just have to make it home so I can ask him myself," I smirk and kick Percy into a trot.
Like Tommy would say, pog through the pain.
****
I had taken first watch for the night. We had chosen a small spot between two trees that seemed, by some miracle, bigger than the others. We built a decent fire and rolled out mats to sleep on for the night.
Nearby I can hear our horses snorting and swishing their tails. Thanks to the cat and dog fur Phil had brought with us and tucked in the tree bark of surrounding giants, I was yet to see any mobs.
I should be watching our surroundings, but my eyes kept finding their way to Tubbo. He hadn't slept and instead stayed staring at the crackling fire; every now and again putting another log on it to keep it burning.
"Tubbo?" he hums but doesn't look at me.
"What's wrong?" It was a stupid question. One I could answer myself, but it's always more complicated than just a straight answer.
"What if we can't bring Tommy back?" He asks the same dreaded question that refused to leave my mind. What if this, what if that... What if anything to do with us not getting Tommy back, or getting him back and then something terrible happening afterwards.
"We're going to bring him back," this time my voice doesn't betray me. I need to be strong for Tubbo, Tommy meant the whole world to him. As did Michael and Ranboo, but "family" is different to "best friend".
"This goddess lady might not even be real and we could all die fighting an obsidian dragon," Tubbo's voice was monotone and his eyes were anything but. Tubbo had a habit of giving away exactly how he was feeling and then marching through it anyway. He was stronger than so many of us, not just mentally, but physically too.
"We won't die, we can't afford to think that way." I should take my own advice.
"I can't help it."
"I know." The two fo us are silent for a moment, both of us equally lost in thought. Finally, I make up my mind as to what to say although I'm not sure if it's the right thing.
"If we can't bring Tommy back then I will spend every waking moment I have avenging him," I turn my pain into concrete powder and my sadness into water. If we couldn't bring Tommy back we would still have Schlatt to deal with. I am more than happy to tear him apart in the most painful ways I can imagine after what he's done to us. To so many people.
"I'll be there with you," Tubbo says stoically.
What happened to us?
When we met we were so much younger in spirit. Even though Tommy and I were desperately worried about Tubbo there was something niave to all of us. We jumped on the back of Puffy's cart without hesitation, we bolted across rooftops and slept in barn lofts. We cracked jokes and laughed at each other and kept laughing when we found Wilbur.
We donned uniforms proudly and snuck drinks and chugged potions instead of waiting for our bodies to heal themselves. We ran through fire for one another and bared arms against the man I now call my lover.
I look over at Dream, his sweet sleeping face was decieving. An unknowing person wouldn't be able to guess the atrocities he's commited and the mind that lies under those boyish freckles and startling green eyes. The only trace of his stoney heart was the scar across his eye, and even that was handsome.
Dream had lost his whole family but even he seemed more light hearted then than he does now. Time had done something terrible to all of us. It was cruelest to Tubbo and Tommy, two boys who had barely experienced life forced into this world that belonged in a horror story.
If I could go back and stop the fire... If I could go back and save our families...
I don't know if I would. Because without our history, I wouldn't have Dream. Someone who was horribly twisted but deeper down did care about his actions and did care about other people. If he didn't care he wouldn't be here.
Without my history I certainly wouldn't have Ranboo. I notice his tail flick out the corner of my eye. My best friend, the person who got me through my lowest and never judged me once, never tried to solve my problems, he was there for me every single time and I know he'll continue to be there for me.
Without my history I may never have seen Techno again. My teacher, my older brother and now fellow god. I would never have met Tubbo and Tommy, my partners in crime. I would never have met Wilbur and for all his faults I still love him just as much as I love his brothers.
If there was one thing I could change, I would bring my parents back. I would bring Tommy back and I would find a way to help Wilbur. That's all I wish for. I know I'll never see my parents again, but Tommy deserves a second chance. So does the real Wilbur, but if he's not there then there's nothing I can do. I have to keep everybody safe, and Wilbur is just too much of a joker in a poker deck.
"We'll get Tommy back," I mutter to myself and return to my watch duties.
~~~~
HELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sorry for the break. Shit's been busy.
BUT GUYS I AM CURRENTLY PLANNING THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER OF FORGET ME NOT. IT'S SO WILD.
There are exactly 20 chapters left as long as I don't make any changes. I think 60 is a good place to stop seeing as I don't want to continue writing this forever and ever and ever. I do, however, have many ideas for more fanfiction in the future :D
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE AN AMAZING MORNING/DAY/EVENING/NIGHT <3 <3 <3
You are beautiful and loved and cool and funny and very poggers.
Stay hydrated and fed!