The next day, Felicity sent a second friend request on Tabula. Livia hesitated a fraction and then accepted the request. She hoped she didn't regret this. Not five minutes later she got a direct message inviting her to go on a hike that weekend. Livia wanted to go. She didn't feel safe hiking alone and she might never find anyone else that wanted to go with her. Oliver wasn't the type and Whitney was away on the weekends. The weather would be perfect this weekend and with it being fall who knew when it would snow.
She accepted the invitation. Livia wasn't a hoping person but she hoped this didn't turn on her the way everything else in Caesarea did. With her being mocked or scorned or shunned.
Livia waited at the trailhead prepared with her TARP issue hiking boots--a gift from Justin Aurelius. She'd broken them in on several department training hikes. She smiled. That was a good memory of Caesarea. Livia sighed. She was supposed to stop missing random things about Caesarea by now.
She checked her pack. It had everything she needed: snacks, water, a rain poncho, sunscreen, and a first aid kit. A black SUV pulled into the lot and parked next to her car. Corvin climbed out and popped open the back. He handed Terrance a small pack, Felicity a small pack, and then grabbed his own, twice as large. Corvin grinned when he saw Livia.
"G'afternoon, Liv," he said.
She nodded.
Terrance sidled up to Livia. "How are you doing?"
She nodded. "Good."
"You didn't invite Oliver?" Felicity asked.
Livia frowned. "Was I supposed to?"
"We assumed you would," Terrance said.
"I didn't think he'd enjoy a hike so I didn't ask."
"We decided that even if his job is weird that we like him," Felicity said.
"You do?" Livia asked, confused.
"Yeah, we chatted him up after you left to go study," Terrance said. "Decent guy."
Livia agreed. "I thought so too."
Felicity laughed. "He asked us what happened with Arik."
Livia rolled her eyes. "Really?"
Terrance teased but gently. "I think Oliver likes you."
"Why don't you just tell him?" Felicity asked.
"It's hard to explain," Livia answered.
Terrance and Felicity exchanged a look.
Livia tensed. "What?" she snapped.
"We didn't realize it was complicated," Terrance shrugged.
Livia snorted. "Arik say that?"
"He said you were too different," Terrance said.
"Such bullsh--" Livia bit off her curse. She took a breath. "It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. Let's hike."
Corvin approached with a map. "Let's decide which trail to take first."
Livia's anger didn't disappear until they had started on the trail. They selected a trail they thought wouldn't be too hard. Felicity was nervous because hiking was out of her comfort zone. Corvin had to reassure her as they set out. Terrance took the lead and Felicity slipped in behind him. Livia waited for Corvin to go before her but he stared her down and gestured with a jerk of his chin.
So, he couldn't even use words, then? Livia huffed and went in front of him. She wanted to be in the rear so she wasn't stuck in more conversations about Arik. Thankfully, though, neither Felicity or Terrance brought the topic up. Instead, she listened to them talk about non-civ people they thought were hot in their classes.
Livia was quickly bored and occupied herself with studying the vegetation and looking for animals. They were being too loud to see anything good but she saw a few birds--a hawk flying overhead, and a couple of sparrows, even a black-billed magpie.
"Would you make out with Oliver?" Felicity asked.
Livia snapped back into the conversation. "What?"
Okay, she could have not sounded so...offended.
There was a beat of silence.
"So, you don't like him?" Terrance asked.
Livia answered. "Look, I told him I wasn't into dating right now and I meant it. So that'd be kind of cruel if I made out with him."
"So, say it's non-committal," Felicity said.
Livia laughed. "Right. Cause he'd take me seriously after that."
Corvin chuckled behind her.
Terrance took that as an opening. "What about you, Cor? Any hot girls catch your eye?"
"Not that I'm willing to talk about," he said.
"I think if you liked Oliver enough you'd date him," Felicity said looking back at Livia. "You must not click well even if he is a nice guy."
Livia sighed. "I am not interested in dating."
"Did you ever get together with anyone after Arik?" Terrance asked.
"No."
He made a thoughtful sound. "Interesting."
Oh, now she was being analyzed by a Rattus. That was never a good position to be in. Next thing Livia knew he'd either be spewing psychological advice or making drama-filled assumptions to spread to his friends. She almost groaned out loud. Who even knew what type of empath he was? The best defense was an offense.
"When was your last relationship, Terrance?" Livia asked.
He laughed. "You're feisty, Liv. I was together with an Aquila house girl until I came out here. We decided to break up instead of doing a long-distance relationship."
Now Livia felt guilty. "Sorry," she muttered. "That's no fun."
"Yeah, but it was time," Terrance said. "We weren't going to last. She was Patrician class and even though being related to Corvin raises my status I'm plebeian. Plebeian males never marry Patrician females."
"Why not?" Livia asked.
Felicity gasped. "You dated Arik. You had to have known that."
That had been a huge issue in why their relationship ended. Livia was one of the only Patrician class Taurus house members left. The rest of the house were Plebeians. Livia had never grown up with the class distinction and so she'd refused to abide by the rules that made the groups distinct.
"I disagree with it," Livia said. "It makes no sense. It's stupid."
There was silence.
Felicity asked, "So, you did...break all those rules on purpose?"
"Yep," Livia said.
Terrance sucked air into his cheeks. "Wow. Arik must have been...frustrated."
Looking back, Livia hadn't listened to his objections. That would have meant agreeing that they couldn't be together because of arbitrary societal rules. In Livia's mind, she had to prove to him she was willing to break the rules. Then, he'd believe they could stay together but Caesarea had won. Arik had abandoned her.
Except, Livia felt dishonest. She was giving them the impression that she was a rebel instead of an innocent victim of ignorance, but those moments she'd intentionally rebelled were rare. She acted vastly more out of ignorance than outright rebellion. So, she confessed.
"But...that was only some of the time. Like sitting with Arik when I wasn't supposed to at parades and things. I knew where I was supposed to sit. But if I had sat where I was supposed to...I...I didn't know what to do. There were expectations but I don't know what they were. I still don't understand all the rules about clothes? I experimented until people stopped reacting to what I wore. Who knows if they just got tired of talking about it or if I did something right..." Livia laughed.
Terrance stopped walking. "I can't even imagine how hard that was for you. People judge patricians so hard in Caesarea."
"Why didn't Arik teach you--" Felicity looked offended on Livia's behalf.
"There's too much he wouldn't know," Corvin said. "He's plebian and a non-resident. They only visit a few months during the summer."
"But he knew people who knew," Felicity said.
"Arik is not well connected enough," Corvin said. "It would have taken the Paterfamilias of Taurus house coming to one of the paterfamiliae of the other houses."
"Why didn't Gaius do that?" Felicity asked.
"We don't know," Corvin said, frustration laced his tone. "Gaius is not good at communicating. He doesn't want to be paterfamilias and it shows in everything he does."
Livia agreed with that. Hyrum tried and picked up a lot of Gaius' slack but sometimes his hands were tied.
"Hyrum tries..." Livia said.
"Hyrum has impressed the patrician class, even earned a lot of our respect but he can't make up for the negligence of his paterfamilias," Corvin said.
Livia sighed. "Hyrum is a saint. I would have given up a long time ago. Lucas thinks they'll break him. At first, I didn't agree. Now, I'm wondering how long it will take to happen. I know that I'm done."
"Wait, you're going Rogue?" Felicity asked.
Livia inhaled and thought about how to answer that. "No." But it wasn't a strong declaration. It wavered with uncertainty because Livia wondered how much difference there was between going non-resident and going rogue. Did one lead to the other? Arik managed to be non-resident but he had people in Caesarea--cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. They anchored him there. Livia had some kind co-workers and Hyrum. It hurt not to have a place in the world, to not have a community that would accept her.
"You're the only Patrician family left in Taurus house," Terrance said. "If you go..."
"The house will fall--" Corvin said.
"But...what does that mean?" Felicity asked. "We can't not have Taurus house--"
There was silence.
"Corvin?" Felicity insisted.
"I don't know," he said, softly. "We've talked about raising a plebeian family. It should be simple to do. But they all refuse. We've tried. They're proud of being plebeian and no one wants to deal with the carnage Orcus and Ancus Pius left in their wake."
"Butchers," Livia spat with disgust.
Twenty years ago the Taurus paterfamilias had gone rogue and his younger brother had taken up the reigns of the house. When the elder brother returned, he demanded the position back. The disagreement led to a violent battle that had left Taurus house hollowed out.
"There aren't enough suitable patrician men for all my sisters to marry, " Corvin said. "So, it is inevitable in our book that one of them will marry plebeian."
Livia stopped mid-step and turned to look at him. He had five sisters. Understandably, that was a lot of daughters to marry off but was the number of patricians that low? "Are there so few Patricians?"
"We're directly related to most of them," Corvin said. "Which makes a large percentage unsuitable. The patricians of Taurus house slaughtered each other. Hyrum married a plebeian and so did Gaius. Your brother Lucas is the only Taurus patrician left. Rattus house produced more females than males in this generation. Factor in ages, temperament, politics, personality differences and it won't happen. We've been staring down the reality for a long time."
Terrance added, "Yeah. When Hyrum married a plebian the Rattus house patrician women were furious. They thought he should feel obligated to look at them first because they have no other choice."
Corvin sighed. "Yeah, I've been on the receiving end of that ire multiple times. It's pretty much made me swear off dating any of them."
Terrance laughed at this. "Corvin, more than half of them are already your exes! That ship has sailed."
"Fine, sworn off dating them again," Corvin insisted.
Livia stayed silent but she didn't like the catty Rattus house clique either. She'd started referring to them as the malevolence of maidens to Hyrum. She'd expected to be scolded about that but he'd nodded in silent agreement, even adopted the nickname himself.
Felicity laughed. "That seems to be your Modus Operandi. You sure you can follow through on that?"
Livia was glad Corvin was behind her and couldn't see her facial expression. This reputation Corvin had developed was part of the reason her closest Caesarean friend Bella Aurelius wouldn't stop trying to get back together with him. Bella was Justin's oldest daughter and she'd been dumped by Corvin for about a month when Livia came to stay with them. Bella was crazy about Corvin and was convinced he'd take her back eventually.
Corvin had offered to get back together with Bella if she gave up the job that Corvin didn't like. Livia had been livid when she heard this. No boyfriend had the right to dictate where or how his girlfriend earned a living as long as it was respectable work. Livia had spent many a night talking Bella out of giving up the job that she loved and was good at to win Corvin back. Livia had pointed out how controlling it was that Corvin would even ask that. This was the main reason her opinion of him had fallen to such lows. He shouldn't need to make his girlfriend economically insecure to enjoy a relationship with her.
"It's been ages since I've been with anyone, Felicity," Corvin said. "So, I wouldn't say my dating life has a modus operandi."
Livia detected irritation in his voice and her anxiety triggered. Corvin seldom expressed emotion in his voice so he must be upset. She suddenly wasn't that pleased to have an irate Corvin at her back. Livia knew it was irrational but her mind started to play through escape scenarios. The next time he tilted his arrogant chin at her she was going to ignore him and take the rear position she'd wanted in the first place. Then she wouldn't be in this ridiculous situation.
Terrance executed a topic change. "Did you guys hear that the library is extending the hours it's open?"
"I did hear that," Felicity said. "Are you going to take advantage of being able to go in at 6 am, Corvin?"
Livia felt whiplash at the friendly way Felicity addressed Corvin. It was like she had no concept of the fact that she'd infuriated him three seconds ago.
Corvin laughed. "I might but I'm pretty sure Terrance won't."
Livia frowned. Wait, he was teasing Terrance now? So, he wasn't angry? Why was Corvin so confusing?
"No, way. I don't get out of bed before eight," Terrance said.
"I will," Felicity confessed. "Mornings are the worst. I get so lonely in my apartment. It will be nice to have a place to go to."
Livia's attention focused on Felicity because that sounded like a serious problem. Livia waited for Felicity to elaborate but the conversation moved forward without addressing it. Felicity didn't seem to mind. It wasn't like Terrance or Corvin were insensitive; it seemed like they'd already discussed it. Livia felt on the outside of their emotional closeness. The random chatting continued until they reached an overlook on the trail.
Livia found a place to sit with a nice view away from the others. She let out a sigh of relief and frustration. Maybe Whitney was wrong about this. Things were the same here as in Caesarea. Livia would always be on the outside of a group. A wave of sadness passed through her and instead of shrugging it off, Livia let it pass through her. The fresh air and the quiet space around her allowed her to do that.
Then Terrance came and sat down next to her. "Hey."
Livia barely managed to keep from jumping to her feet in surprise.
"Hey now," Terrance spoke, soothingly. "I'm only here to chat."
"About what?" she asked.
He considered her with concerned eyes. "Are you okay?"
Livia looked away from him. "I'm fine."
"You got scared back there," he said.
Oh no, was he an adnotator like Tavian? Adnotators could perceive other emotions by looking at them. Livia tried to remember if Terrance had looked back at her. Maybe he was an Olfactator--an empath that could sense emotions by smell. Livia had heard fear was an especially potent stench. "It doesn't matter," Livia said.
"It does matter," Terrance insisted. "What spooked you?"
Livia didn't know how to answer. Rattus were hard to deal with sometimes. It wasn't like you could lie and say they misread your reactions and if you did they got offended.
"I thought Corvin was mad," Livia confessed.
Terrace's expression flashed with confusion. "About what?"
"About Felicity's comment..."
Terrance looked thoughtful. "Oh, right, he was annoyed. That scared you?"
Livia looked away, trying to indicate she wasn't interested in elaborating but he waited. Rattus were so irritating.
"Your silence is saying volumes," Terrance said.
"Can we not have this conversation, please?" Livia snapped. "Some of us aren't interested in dissecting every single emotion we feel."
Terrace's face flashed with hurt. "Some of us would prefer not to experience others' emotions but we don't have a choice. So, excuse me for doing the responsible and humane thing by checking in with you."
Livia sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. She'd insulted him. He made a move to stand. "Wait," Livia said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"What did you mean to do then?" he asked.
"I'm...afraid of everyone," Livia confessed.
"Yeah?" Terrance settled back in. "If we're going to interact a lot. That's helpful to know."
Livia sighed. "I guess."
"Is there any way we can make things easier on you?" Terrance asked.
Livia met his gaze. "What are you going to do? Rewrite my history?"
Terrance blew his breath out. "I guess that's fair. But will you give us a chance to get to know you?"
"That's what I'm doing right now, isn't it?" Livia asked.
Terrance grinned. "I'm glad you came."
"Are you?" Livia asked.
"Yeah, Felicity needs people," Terrance looked back at her.
Livia followed his gaze. Felicity was sitting on a rock above Corvin talking a mile a minute. Corvin sat on his haunches and listened to everything she said. He didn't seem to be holding any hard feelings from earlier.
"It's her first time leaving home," Terrance said. "And she's alone. She was too afraid to request a non-civ roommate. She's extremely homesick and Corvin and I spend a lot of time with her but sometimes a woman needs another woman."
Livia studied Terrance's face. He had ridiculous purple hair but his concern for Felicity was genuine.
He turned and caught Livia studying him. He didn't seem to be bothered by that. "Why don't you go chat with her a bit? I'll call Corvin over here and give you some space to get to know each other."
Livia wanted to, but she hesitated. She couldn't hide her fear from him. "You sure she'd want to talk to me? People don't like me--"
Terrance rose to his feet. "Cor, come here, I got a question. I'll send Liv over to chat Felicity up."
So, Livia and Corvin traded places, Livia didn't look at him as they crossed paths.
Livia sat crossed-legged in the spot Corvin left. "Hey."
Felicity smiled stiffly. "How are you?"
"Better than I've been," Livia said. "You?"
Felicity gave a heavy sigh and toyed with her shoelace. "I miss my family."
Livia nodded.
"Do you miss yours?" she asked.
"A little," Livia answered.
"I miss mine so bad it hurts," Felicity put a hand over her heart. "I don't know how I'm going to make it all semester."
"Why not visit?" Livia asked.
"We're planning to," she said.
"When?" Livia asked.
"Fall Festival," Felicity said. "Will you come back with us?"
Livia frowned. "I don't know."
"I hope you do," Felicity said.
Livia took a deep breath. "You don't have a roommate."
Felicity shook her head sadly. "No."
Livia smiled. "Well, I met my roommate's lizard before I met her--"
Felicity gasped. "What?"
So then Livia told her all about Ares. It was becoming her favorite story to tell. Felicity laughed in all the right places. Livia cheered up as Felicity told her about the pets she'd had growing up. It was a nice conversation and Livia was surprised when Terrance and Corvin approached.
"We should head back down the trail," Corvin said, his eyes lingered on Livia.
Livia glared at Terrance. What had he told him? Corvin took the lead on the way down and Livia took the rear so she could avoid him. Livia thought she had escaped interacting with Corvin when he interrupted her before she slipped into her car.
He was alone. Terrance and Felicity were in his car. Livia's heart rate sped up. Would he be angry with her?
"Terrance mentioned I offended you?"
Livia snorted. That was the wrong word. "Offended?"
Corvin's head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed as if he were trying to sort out a puzzle.
"What did I do, Liv? You're angry with me. Let's work it out."
"I'm not angry with you," she snapped.
"Then why are you acting like it?" he asked.
"I'm not angry. I never told Terrance I was angry. You misunderstood somehow."
"What did I misunderstand?" he asked.
"I gotta run, Corvin," Livia said, cutting the conversation short. "See you later."
Livia got in her car and drove away.