Amy stopped dead in her tracks and stiffened.
"I'm not ready!" she blurted out. Ricky stopped and looked at her with confusion. It took him a moment to process her outburst.
"I didn't mean like right this second, babe," he told her, his face still revealing his confusion about her startled reaction. He gently guided them to the couch and they sat down. Amy scooted away from him a little and hurt flashed in his eyes. Unfortunately, Amy missed it because she was staring down at her hands, which were twisting nervously in her lap. "Amy, look at me," he said gently. She glanced over at him from beneath her eyelashes and then back down at her lap. Ricky gave her a slightly annoyed look, which she also didn't see. "Will you just look at me, please?" Amy licked her lips and then shifted her body towards him as she looked him in the eye. Ricky arched an eyebrow questioningly. "You can come over you here you know; I don't bite." He gave her a mischievous smile. "Unless you want me too," he said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He got the reaction he was going for when Amy blushed and chuckled.
"Will you behave!" she exclaimed in a whisper, trying in vain to hide her embarrassment.
"I wanna talk about that too."
"What?"
"Why innuendos make you blush so much. I've already seen you naked. Remember?" Amy blushed a brighter shade of red and looked back down at her lap.
"That was before!" She hugged her legs to her chest.
"Before what?"
"I got pregnant." Ricky had no clue why Amy suddenly looked so nervous.
"Yeah. That's kinda how it works, babe." Amy groaned and hid her face. This conversation was turning into a train wreck. Ricky ran a hand through his hair and then pulled Amy against him; she squeaked with surprise at the sudden movement and looked up at him. "This conversation's not off to the best start. Can we start over?" Amy nodded.
"Okay." Ricky stared at her for several moments and Amy sat quietly, waiting for him to speak first.
"Remember when I told you I never stopped being attracted to you?" Amy nodded. "Well I've been having....inappropriate dreams about you on and off ever since the day we took John to the beach for the first time and I saw you in that bikini." Amy blushed as she remembered that day, breaking eye contact with Ricky as she remembered how she'd openly stared at him for a moment that day too. "And lately...." He let his voice trail off and Amy looked up at him, her face filled with curiosity. "I've been having them more frequently and," he paused to give her a smirk. "They're becoming more and more inappropriate." He gave her a pointed look and Amy understood what he was trying to tell her. She began to squirm so he'd let go of her and her reaction confused, and worried, him so he didn't let her go. "Amy, what's wrong?" Amy began fidgeting nervously but stopped squirming to get away from him.
"I'm not ready," she said again. Ricky sighed and kissed her temple.
"And I already told you I wasn't asking you to sleep with me tonight. What's really going on here, angel?" he asked gently, afraid he would somehow spook her again. Amy looked at him nervously.
"I'm scared," she admitted quietly. Ricky's brows shot up in surprise.
"Of sleeping with me?" Amy shook her head.
"Of losing you," she said, her voice wavering. Every protective bone in Ricky's body went on full alert. He kissed her lips gently.
"I'm not going anywhere, Amy. You know that." Amy broke eye contact and was silent for several moments. Ricky gently forced her to look him in the eye again. "What makes you think you're gonna lose me if we have sex?"
"Band camp." She looked downwards to break eye contact, unable to actually put her head down as Ricky was still holding her chin up with his thumb and forefinger. "And after." Ricky had no idea where Amy was going with that statement.
"You lost me, sweetheart." Amy sighed and snuggled into Ricky's side.
"You're more experienced than me," she said matter-of-factly, although with a note of sadness in her voice. Ricky hugged her to him.
"You knew that, Amy. I thought we were past all that," he said with sadness, resigned to the fact that occasionally his past would always come back to haunt him. Amy nodded.
"We are, it's just..."
"Just what?" He felt Amy take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Do you remember how I described what it was like for me that night?"
"Yeah."
"Well, ever since that night I wondered if it would be better the next time. That maybe I wouldn't be so nervous or uptight or whatever if I knew the guy better, we were in love and married. When I found out I was pregnant I was sure no guy would ever be interested in me again so I didn't have to worry about ever doing it again." Amy paused to sigh. "Then I fell in love with you and everything changed."
"Changed how?" he asked gently, stroking her hair.
"I realized I was physically attracted to you and that at some point I'd like to have sex with you. Again." Ricky smiled at this admission but his happiness quickly dissipated as he realized something.
"Why do you sound so sad about that then?"
"Because I'm not sex savvy." Ricky couldn't help himself and he laughed. Amy pulled away from him and frowned at his laughter. He leaned in and kissed her temple.
"I'm sorry, babe, but 'sex savvy'?" Amy crossed her arms and pouted slightly.
"It's as good a phrase as any. The truth is you're more experienced than I am when it comes to sex." Her irritated demeanor changed and she hugged herself. "I'm afraid I won't be good enough to keep you interested." The laughter drained from Ricky's face to be replaced by concern.
"What do you mean, Amy?" he asked worriedly. Amy once again hugged her legs to her chest and then rested her chin on her knees.
"I mean," she began without looking at him. "That I'm afraid the sex will be bad again because I don't know what I'm doing and then the way you see me will change and eventually you might break up with me to find someone you can have better sex with." Amy sighed again and a tear rolled down her cheek. Ricky quickly wiped it away and pulled her back into his arms.
"Amy, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Okay?" Amy nodded although she didn't look up at him. "I haven't had sex since you got back from New York." That got Amy's attention and she looked up at him with her brows furrowed.
"But we didn't start dating until the middle of August." Ricky nodded.
"My point is that our relationship's not about sex. If it were we would've had this discussion weeks ago." Amy bit her lip nervously, realizing he was right. "We're talking about it now because I want you to know that I'd like to sleep with you again, Amy. And again, and again, and again." Amy blushed at his admission and Ricky leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. "Sex with you won't be a one-time thing, Amy; it can't be because I love you too much.
"I'd like to sleep with you too, Ricky, I just....I'm not ready."
"Okay. And what do you think it would take for you to be ready, besides time?" Amy bit her lip nervously again for a moment.
"Promise you won't laugh?"
"Promise."
"My high school graduation? Maybe?" Ricky chuckled.
"You don't sound too sure about that," he told her with a smirk. Amy tucked some of her hair behind her right ear.
"It's just that I kinda figured I'd be married again before I did it again and I know we're not getting married any time soon. And while I don't wanna wait for forever to sleep with you again, I also don't wanna risk possibly becoming pregnant again while I'm still in high school. Does that make sense?" Ricky nodded in understanding and then smiled as the rest of her explanation registered.
"So you're saying you wanna marry me someday?" Amy blushed as she realized she'd admitted that. She opened her mouth to try and back track but Ricky wouldn't let her. "Oh no you don't, angel. You said we're not getting married anytime soon but that also means you've thought about it," he said triumphantly. "You wanna be my wife." Amy sighed with defeat.
"Okay, okay so I've thought about it."
"Wanna know a secret?" Amy looked at him expectantly.
"I've thought about us living together." Amy blushed and Ricky chuckled. "And at the time I wasn't thinking about sleeping with you. I was just thinking that if we lived together I'd be able to help you with John every night and also get to spend more time with you." Amy smiled at his thoughtfulness and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
"That's so sweet."
"Unfortunately I was talking to Dr. Fields about it and he reminded me that it might be awkward for you since we weren't romantically involved back then."
"Would you really want to live with me knowing I won't be ready to sleep with you anytime soon?" Amy asked curiously. Ricky sighed and pulled her tighter against him.
"Amy, I'd be perfectly happy living with you and not sleeping with you if it meant I'd get to spend more time with you. And sharing a bed with you would simply be a bonus." He kissed her temple and sighed. "In fact I'd trade just about anything to wake up next to you every morning like I did yesterday," he told her seriously.
"My parents would never go for that. They'd assume we'd start sleeping together, and I don't mean just sleeping in the same bed." Ricky sighed.
"I know." He smiled as a thought came to him. "But you'll be eighteen this summer." Amy looked at him quizzically. "That means you'll legally be an adult and they couldn't stop us from moving in together, even if they objected.
"Ricky," Amy scolded. "I'd still be in high school and my SUV's in my mom's name. Doing something to tick off my parents is a bad idea." Ricky huffed with defeat.
"Okay, okay." They stared into each other's eyes for several moments while Ricky absently played with Amy's hair. "Fine. But the second you graduate I want us to move in together."
"And start sleeping together too?" Amy asked nervously.
"No. We've waited this long we can wait until you're ready," he told her with a mischievous grin as a thought came to him. Amy looked at him skeptically.
"What?"
"Would you object to more make out sessions in the mean time?" Amy smiled back.
"Fine by me." She then leaned in to give him a kiss and punctuate her statement. They made out for a solid hour before deciding they just wanted to hold each other for a little while before they went to bed. Ricky shifted so his back was against the arm of the couch and placed his right leg on the floor. Amy sat with her back towards him and he wrapped her in his arms. She placed her hands over his and intertwined their fingers and they sat there simply enjoying being together, and ended up falling asleep that way.
They were awakened the next morning by John. John had woken up in his crib and looked around. Seeing his daddy's bed but no one in it, he decided to go in search of his mommy and daddy. John tossed his teddy bear over the side and then proceeded to climb out of his crib. Once he landed on the floor, he picked up his teddy and toddled over to the door. He was just barely tall enough to reach the doorknob and, standing on his tippy toes and using both hands, he was able to turn the knob. Once the door was open, John picked up his teddy and went to find his parents and found them asleep on the couch. He toddled over to them and patted Amy's arm.
"Mommy. Doos peas." Amy's eyes slowly opened and tried to locate the source of the sound she'd just heard, a sound that sounded a lot like her son. When her eyes landed on John she smiled for a split second before she shot out of Ricky's arms with alarm.
"John!" she exclaimed, scooping him up as she stood, causing Ricky to wake up in a panic.
"What's wrong!?" he exclaimed, slightly disoriented but aware of the fact he'd heard Amy cry out John's name with alarm. He saw Amy holding their son, who had a slightly startled look on his face as well. He shot up from the couch when he noticed the alarm on Amy's face. "What happened!?" Amy looked at Ricky.
"I woke up to the sound of John's voice and when I opened my eyes he was standing next to me!" Ricky was still slightly groggy and couldn't process exactly what she was saying.
"Huh?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes.
"Ricky! John climbed out of his crib!" Suddenly Ricky was wide awake.
"What!?"
"I know!" John couldn't understand what all the fuss was about so he simply made his request known again.
"Mommy, doos peas."
"Okay, baby, okay. Let's get you changed and dressed first, okay?" Amy headed back into the bedroom to put a clean diaper and clothes on John while Ricky plopped back on the couch and leaned back, processing what had just happened. Not the nicest way to wake up he mused as he stretched and headed into the kitchen to fill John's juice cup. Ricky started making breakfast while Amy finished getting John dressed and he thought about their discussion from last night. He smiled again at the knowledge that Amy had fantasized a future with him. With him. It wouldn't be too much longer before the three of them would be living together as a family; he just had to be patient. Well I waited this long to find my way back to her. I can wait a little longer. Besides he mused as he cut up oranges for the three of them. You're worth waiting for, Amy.