Jungeun knows she's a patient person. As patient as they come. Well, usually.
"She still hasn't responded. I don't even think she read it." Jungeun sulks as she lies back in her bed, defeated. It's four pm, one hour since school ended and nearly forty minutes since Jungeun texted Jinsol. Sooyoung sits on Jungeun's desk chair, texting away and scoffing at Jungeun's whining. Who knew Jinsol would be the one to mess up someone else's composure? Sooyoung puts her phone aside, opting to fling a stray pencil from Jungeun's desk at the girl on her bed, receiving a loud 'ow!' in response.
"You need to chill. She's probably praying or some shit, or she's in the shower, or literally anything else." Sooyoung asserts. Jungeun sits up, glaring at the taller girl. That pencil hurt.
"Are you sure she's not like telling God I need to perish or something?" The real concern in Jungeun's tone makes Sooyoung groan loudly. For a straight A student, Jungeun is an idiot.
"No, dummy, she's not doing that. Trust me, she wouldn't tell God anything bad about you." That's suspicious, Jungeun thinks.
"And what does that mean?" Jungeun narrows her eyes at the older girl. Her and Sooyoung then have a stare-off, the serious tone getting broken in five seconds when Sooyoung smirks as Jungeun starts to crack, soon laughing at nothing. Staring contests are never meant to be serious, after all. But still, did she mean Jinsol would never speak bad about Jungeun or anyone in general? Damn that Sooyoung and her cryptic words. Both perk up at Sooyoung's phone vibrating on the desk. Jungeun observes as Sooyoung reads the message, eyebrows furrowing.
Law and Order: Meet me at Sandy's in like half an hour. Got something to tell you about Jinsol. Bring Jungeun at your own risk.
Sooyoung contains any emotion as to not raise suspicion. She knows she probably shouldn't bring Jungeun, even if Haseul thinks it's optional. What did Jinsol's crazy ass do this time?
"What's up?" Jungeun inquires, head in her palm, looking at Sooyoung with wide owl eyes.
"Nothing, nosy." Sooyoung teases Jungeun, grinning at the younger girl's pout. She gets up, tugging on her jacket. "Just some boring shit, my sister wants me to go to the store for her." Jungeun nods, soon getting up to walk Sooyoung out. Minutes later she's back in her room, sulking. What could Jinsol be doing? She knows the girl has a life, but her anxiety is eating her up. She wasn't wrong in what she said, but she knows Jinsol's emotions are... delicate. She hopes this doesn't destroy their relationship. She may not be on the best terms with Jinsol, or even know her very well, but... she wants Jinsol in her life. As much as she wants to keep texting Jinsol, she won't. She'll just wait as patiently as she can. Jungeun turns her TV on in an attempt to quiet down her boisterous thoughts.
-
"So you're telling me that once again, Jinsol freaked the fuck out so much that she bust her hands open but this time she told you that she's in love with Jungeun?" Sooyoung's tone is incredulous as she sits across from Haseul at the diner, watching the younger girl shovel fries into her mouth at an impressive rate.
"Mhm," Haseul finishes her food before continuing. She's not a heathen after all. "But she said it in a very Jinsol way of 'oh God says I should love her so I love her' or whatever." Haseul and Sooyoung are both devout catholics and both very gay. So of course know one when they see one. They've had a feeling about Jinsol for years, even if the other girl won't say it outright. Haseul loves Jinsol very much, but that girl has got to sort out whatever issues she has in a healthier way. The bathroom scene nearly gave her a heart attack. Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the thought of Jinsol denying her crush on Jungeun even more than she has been.
"Of course she did," Sooyoung takes a sip of her vanilla milkshake. Good stuff. "But I will say that Jungeun isn't too much better. Well, she's better in the sense that she knows she's gay and doesn't have a panic attack at the thought of another woman," she steals one of Haseul's fries, popping it in her mouth much to the dismay of the other girl. "But she's an idiot," Haseul cringes at Sooyoung talking with her mouth full. Thankfully, the older girl swallows before continuing. "And thinks that Jinsol straight up hates her. I know religion can trip someone up, but she has got to know another lesbian when she sees one, especially one that obsesses over her every day of every week." Haseul nods at Sooyoung's words, sipping her iced tea. "And Jungeun still hasn't gotten a text back from her. I haven't either." Sooyoung and Haseul share a sigh at the thought of their misguided Romeo and Juliet.
"We have work to do."
-
It's bright. That's the first thing Jinsol notices as she wakes up from a nap she didn't remember taking. She soon realizes that she isn't in her house. She's barefoot, clad in a flowing white dress. She can feel plush grass underneath her feet.
"Where am I?" She asks quietly to herself, or maybe to the open air. She walks around, taking in her surroundings. This wide, lush field stretches for miles, no end in sight. The sky is nearly cloudless, sun shining through the few that run through it. Jinsol feels like she's stuck in a renaissance painting. As she walks through the field, she absentmindedly puts a hand to her chest and panics soon after. Her cross isn't there. Wait, that's right. It broke. Haseul helped her out of the bathroom after she had... a moment. All because of- no, she can't worry about her right now. She needs to worry about how to get home.
After minutes of fruitless walking, Jinsol starts to get frustrated. Doing what she usually does when she's frustrated, she sinks to her knees, eyes closed and hands coming together to pray.
"God, I'm not quite sure where you have sent me. This must be a test, and I swear I'll follow it faithfully. I ask that you give me a sign, please lead me to what you want to show me, that's all I ask-" Jinsol interrupts her prayer as she opens her eyes, a sudden flood of light startling her. A beam of light emerged from the heavens, shining down onto the grass in front of her. Jinsol looks up.
Then, she gasps. There, before her, she sees an angel flying down. That angel is none other than Kim Jungeun.
Beautiful feathered white wings spawn from her back, just like how Jinsol pictured them to appear. Jungeun is glad in a pristine flowing white robe, mirroring Jinsol's dress. There's a hazy glow around her, signifying her otherworldliness. As Jungeun comes closer, Jinsol notices a detail that makes her heart race. Her own cross necklace adorns Jungeun's neck, undamaged and shining brilliantly. Jungeun lands softly, smiling down at Jinsol with her hand offered up for the older girl to take.
"Take my hand, Jinsol." Jinsol feels like she can't move. She's trembling. This isn't real, it definitely isn't. But... is this her prayer being answered? It feels too perfect, this dreamy, fantastical world and an even dreamier Kim Jungeun in front of her. So, she's an angel. Of course. Jungeun's previous wrongdoings and acts of rebellion were but an act, a test of Jinsol's own will. To prove that she'll stand firm in her belief. She would not have asked nor expected God for a reward, but it seems that he presented her with one. Jungeun is ethereal, more than usual. It brings tears to Jinsol's eyes. Her arm trembles as she raises it to meet Jungeun's. The angel's hand is impossibly soft, though her grip is firm as she pulls Jinsol up off of the ground.
They then stand face to face. Jungeun's eyes are so full of warmth, so full of love. Jinsol feels tears rolling down her cheeks as she's lost in Jungeun's gaze. The angel brings a hand to Jinsol's face, gently wiping away her tears. "Don't cry, Jinsol. It's alright." The angel coos. Jinsol melts under Jungeun's touch, overcome with emotion. Jungeun's hand caresses Jinsol's face. "Just remember- you don't have to be ashamed." That's the last thing the angel says as she leans in closer.
Jinsol feels a blazing, unfathomable, absolutely divine warmth exploding onto her lips.
-
Chaewon is used to hearing a bunch of different things coming from her older sister. She's heard Jinsol rambling on and on when she prays alone, she's heard Jinsol singing to herself at three am when she's trying to sleep, she's heard Jinsol talk to her stuffed animals as if they're her children.
But unholy screeching right after a nap is a new, very unpleasant sound.
"What the fuck are you screaming for?" Chaewon shouts at her sister as she comes stomping down the stairs to find Jinsol sitting up straight on the couch, touching her lips as though something's wrong with them. She ignores Chaewon's cursing for once as she starts rambling.
"Jungeun. Jungeun was here, where is she-" Yeah, Jinsol has gone off the deep end. Well, she wasn't far from it before. Chaewon thinks it's kind of funny as it is weird as hell, seeing Jinsol look around the room as if she's seen a ghost. Or the lack of one, apparently. Chaewon sits on the loveseat across from her sister.
"Slow down, psycho. What are you talking about?" Chaewon did think it was unusual that Jinsol was passed out on the couch after she got home, as she's usually super productive the minute she steps into the house. This takes unusual to new levels. Jinsol seems to have calmed down just a little.
"I was in a field with Jungeun and she was an angel and she kissed me and-" Jinsol's face turns bright red as she takes in her own words. Before she can scream again, Chaewon speaks.
"So you had a gay dream about Jungeun? I'm surprised this is the first." Chaewon narrowly dodges the pillow that's thrown at her head.
"It wasn't-" Jinsol's denial is promptly stopped in its tracks by her sister's icy glare. She looks to the floor. "Well... it was God telling me something.. I think."
"Yeah, telling you that you're gay as-" Jinsol glares back, telling Chaewon to not use any choice words. The younger girl continues on. "Ahem- it's telling you that you have a crush on Jungeun. Or some sort of romantic feelings for her. Well, anyone could've told you that." Jinsol stares at Chaewon in disbelief. A crush? No, surely it's not that. She just thinks Jungeun is beautiful, and she's an interesting person. She loves her as God wants her to love all people. But Jungeun does feel special to her, she'll admit. And there's a bigger problem with Chaewon's sentence. Before she can argue with Chaewon, her sister interrogates her further. "And what are you doing passed out on the couch right after school anyway? That's much more of my thing, not yours." That actually got Jinsol to smile a bit, Chaewon notes. But it's quickly wiped away when Jinsol starts explaining the events of the day, how she and Jungeun shared a nice moment in the morning before having their argument at lunch. Jinsol is a tad embarrassed to share the meltdown she had in the bathroom, but she knows that under her sister's cold, sassy exterior is a person who cares for her deeply. Chaewon feels like the only one that does, sometimes.
"I want to understand her, I do. But what she said felt like a slap in the face. She wasn't religious this whole time? What has she been doing, then?" Jinsol's tone is both melancholic and frustrated. Her hand feels around for her necklace, but she looks over to confirm that what's left of it sits on the end table next to the couch. She'll need a new chain for it. Chaewon's demeanor has shifted. Less playful, more serious. She speaks carefully to her sister.
"Not everyone who goes to a school like that is religious, you should know that," Jinsol does know that. Their parents accepted Chaewon's request to go to public school instead, as she's not religious in the slightest. Chaewon raises a finger, pointing at Jinsol as she continues with: "She did come to your bible study finally, you know. That counts for something, doesn't it?" Well, she's not wrong. But Jungeun only did it because-
"She only did it because of Sooyoung." Jinsol spits out bitterly. Chaewon raises an eyebrow. Jealousy, interesting. If there's a person other than Sooyoung who likes to push Jinsol's buttons, it's Chaewon.
"What, are you jealous of Sooyoung?" That did it. She sees Jinsol's scowl return to her face, the older girl crossing her arms with a huff.
"Why would I ever be jealous of Sooyoung?" Does she hear anything she just said in the past ten minutes? Chaewon explains her next points very carefully.
"Because she is now best friends with Jungeun, they probably hang out every day. I'm sure you've seen them together a lot. And she does seem to be the one who got her more interested in religion. I don't blame her for going after Sooyoung suggested it instead of you, have you ever stopped to think about how much you pestered her to go? And that you blow up on her for existing differently than you do? Seriously, other people have been so different from you in the past, what makes this so-" Chaewon stops her rant as she sees her sister crumble before her, head in her hands. Okay she feels a bit bad for what she's been saying, but it needed to be said. She gets up to sit on the couch next to Jinsol, rubbing her sister's back slowly. "It's alright, just breathe." Chaewon isn't the best at comforting, but she thinks it's working when she sees Jinsol's breathing stabilize.
"I just want to be close to her." Jinsol's voice is small.
"Do you know why that is?" Chaewon asks gently. Jinsol stops to think, and then in a moment of clarity, the truth flows forth.
"She's so kind to everyone, Chae. She has this personality that's so down to earth, more than anyone I've ever known. Her smile is beautiful, her laugh even more so. I've only really gotten to experience them when in the presence of Soo, not just Jungeun alone. But I want that. I want to be able to hang out with her and make her laugh, make her smile. I want to make her happy, too." Jinsol's eyes are set straight ahead as she gets her feelings off of her chest. She thinks of Jungeun from her dream, and wonders what an actual kiss between them would feel like. Her necklace isn't there to stop her, so she balls her fist for just a moment before unclenching it. She then looks to Chaewon. "I think she's a special person, Chae. But..." Her tone is then somber. "I can't like her in that way."
Chaewon tries not to get angry. She and Yerim have been in a relationship for two years. They make each other happy, and she wouldn't trade waking up next to Yerim and all the happiness they've shared for anything in the world. When it comes to Jinsol and her knowledge of their relationship, that's where it gets complicated. She remembers first telling Jinsol about their relationship. Her sister acted like she didn't know what Chaewon meant by being intimate with Yerim, and she's always dismissed it as a very close friendship. She has never addressed them properly. Chaewon doesn't want to entertain the thought that her sister is a homophobe, but-
"Why? Why can't you? I've been to every single bible study you've held, and I haven't heard a single thing against homosexuality, Jinsol." Chaewon's aggression gets the better of her. She feels so much passion in regards to her own identity and loving her girlfriend, and she'll be damned if the one person she's supposed to trust the most can't accept them. Jinsol's expression is now pained, eyes shining with unshed tears.
"It's- it's not-" Jinsol gets choked up once again. This time Chaewon lets her sister process her own emotions without intervening. She watches Jinsol struggle to understand her own feelings. "It's not Him. He loves everybody, and so do I." There's a heavy pause. "It's them."
Then, Chaewon understands. The emptiness of their house becomes crushing. Their parents were... indifferent to Chaewon coming out. No opposition, but they didn't really care. No open support, either. Just went on with their lives. When they are home to see Chaewon with Yerim, they only greet the other girl and that's about it. Chaewon could understand that it may be different with Jinsol being the eldest of the two, having more responsibility to 'continue their lineage.' She can understand Jinsol's fear. But she can't bottle it up like this. It's hurting her.
"Jinsol, you can't hide behind religion because you're scared of telling the-" Jinsol slaps Chaewon across the face. The sound rings out across the room, followed by a deafening silence. Chaewon holds her face, glaring up at her sister.
"I'm not hiding, Chaewon," Jinsol's tone is cold as ice, her face stone. "I'm simply being responsible." Jinsol then rises from the couch, going to the kitchen. Moments later she returns with an ice pack. "Sorry..." she murmurs as she hands it to Chaewon, her face softening. Her younger sister looks up at her in pity as she takes the pack from Jinsol's hands.
"Whatever you say, Jinsol." Chaewon's tone is defeated, done with dealing with her sister's unstable emotions for the day. Jinsol takes that as her queue to disappear upstairs to her room. On the way up the stars, she checks her phone. One message from Jungeun, asking her to meet up and resolve their conflict. Her heart aches. She wants to see Jungeun as soon as she can, but she knows she needs some time to herself to settle down.
To: Kim Jungeun: I'm sorry I'm seeing this now. I'm also sorry for earlier, but I can't discuss it tonight. We'll talk at school. Have a good night.
Jinsol and Chaewon are in separate parts of the house for the night, though they're thinking the same thing.
Kim Jungeun wouldn't like a coward.