JAE ▪︎ POV
Ollie was blinking up at me with large, green eyes shining brighter then they had done this morning after the drama unfolded with his family, though they hadn't twinkled magically again like they had during our cuddles in bed. It was almost time for us all to depart from Evan's humble home and I was squeezing in as many cuddles as I could with the adorable toddler before we left.
He sat in my lap, more than content to be hugged and squished and kissed like a teddy bear and I took full advantage of his high tolerance, pulling on his pink little cheeks before kissing each round apple. He only gurgled behind his pacifier, his little fingers tangled in my hoodie as he clawed at my panda themed chest.
While I played with Ollie, Ezra walked around the room, folding little clothes and big clothes into bags, double checking he had everything, including the fresh diapers previously spilled out on the floor. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, worried about him, how he was feeling, what he was thinking. Ezra thought he was doing a fine job at holding himself together, but I saw the frown that tilted his lips and the darkness that shadowed his green eyes.
He wasn't the fun and loving man I had to myself yesterday and early this morning. No, he was the tired father, the defeated husband and the disowned son. I wanted to tell him that no one expected him to be okay, that he had every right to break down and heck, cry if he needed too. I'd be right there by his side. But I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to push him and risk upsetting him, even if my intentions came from love.
Instead, I watched over Ollie so that he could concentrate on packing away their belongings. My eyes lowered to the two year old and he was staring at his daddy too. As if he could pick up on Ezra's stress, a little hiccup got caught in the back of his throat, as though he was about to cry. Shit, we couldn't have that.
"Hey, Ollie, I know you're off doctor duty," I whispered softly against his ear and he listened dutifully. "But daddy could use a big kiss and a cuddle right now to make him feel better. Do you think you could help me do that?" I let the words linger excitedly and he was quick to nod, his little legs already shuffling over my thighs.
I stood up and let him go, watching as he waddled quickly over to a silent Ezra and raised his arms. Ezra smiled down at Ollie, lifting him without any hesitation, even dropping the straps in his hands and letting Ollie's bag of necessities fall to the bed. The smile that finally reached his eyes made my heart stutter and I knew then that he'd be fine. As long as he had Ollie, he'd remain strong enough to carry on, even without me around.
Ollie gripped Ezra's cheeks, his little fingers grazing prickly stubble, since Ezra hadn't bothered to shave after the fiasco this morning. He looked gorgeous, despite the tired tilt to his head. His hair was messy, his dark brown curls pushed back, though a few strands curled against his forehead. Ruggedly handsome and dangerous looking.
Ollie pressed a wet, open mouthed kiss on Ezra's lips, his large green eyes searching Ezra's face. He pecked once, twice and three times. "All better," he whispered and Ezra smiled, quickly wiping his twinkling eyes as he returned his son's kisses.
"Thank you baby," he hummed roughly before searching for me and holding out his hand. I went over to him, snuggling into his side and he wrapped his firm, muscular arm around my back, pulling me tightly into his warmth. I tilted my head back for a kiss too, a long, slow, lingering one that spoke more volumes than words.
I love you. I'm here for you. Everything will be okay.
"When's the next time I'll see you?" I asked, pulling away and darting my tongue out to skim along his damp bottom lip. I hated the question, not wanting to be apart, all too happy to remain in dreamland playing happy families with him. It irritated and unsettled me deep down in my gut that he was returning home where Renee waited for him with sharpened claws, instead of remaining by my side.
"I don't know, Jae," he sighed. "There's so much to do and we'll both be working but I'll try and make time, I will," he promised me, his eyes holding mine, his sincerity shining through. I nodded, taking deep breaths. It was all too easy to be selfish, to want to be around him all the time, naturally. But I found my own self control and pulled myself together with a grin.
"I have sick days left, I can take a day or two off to make our schedules snyc. If you need me to look after little one here anytime, let me know. Don't forget to call me - scratch that, I'll be calling you," I told him pointedly, making a phone with my hand, pinkie finger and thumb extended with a shake.
"I'll be sure to answer," he gave me a little chuckle and I grinned, patting his strong chest and puckering my lips for one last kiss. He responded, no questions asked, and I flicked my tongue affectionately against his.
Finally, a warm little hand clumsily smacked against my forehead and shoved. I pulled my head back, blinking at Ollie who was frowning as he tightened his short arms around Ezra's neck. My eyebrows shot up in surprise before I burst out laughing at the pouting baby boy.
"My daddy," he reminded me, green eyes narrowed, and Ezra's deep chuckles joined my laughter. I stepped back, holding up my hands in surrender. It was hilarious how alive he suddenly became when he was laying claim over Ezra, but I wasn't going to provoke a two year old, no matter how childish I really was deep down inside.
"Sorry, sorry," I grinned, looking around for my bags. "Take your daddy back, bubba. My bad. I need to get home anyway, I have work tonight."
"I'll drop you there."
The next ten minutes I spent helping Ezra put bags in the car and then I was being enthusiastically hugged by Evan while Ezra settled a protesting Ollie in his car seat. "Come visit again soon, don't be a stranger. Even without Ezra around, you're welcome here any time, darlin'." Evan squeezed me and I hugged him back just as tightly. He really was a great guy.
We exchanged numbers and I gave Jeremiah a quick goodbye kiss on the cheek before slinking into the front passenger seat of Ezra's car. We'd see each other soon enough during our shift tonight and Evan was dropping him home.
Ezra spent a little while talking seriously with Evan, their bodies illuminated by the headlights of their running cars. I couldn't pick up on their conversation and had no intention of eaves dropping either, so I averted my gaze from the hugging brothers and made faces at Ollie through the rear view mirror instead. He giggled, poking his little pink tongue right back out at me.
Ezra dropped me at the front of my apartment twenty minutes later and I left him with more chaste kisses and lingering touches. He held me tightly and I stroked at his hair, letting his warmth overwhelm me in the chilly night air. "Later, mister Carter."
"Later, baby." Then he was gone and I felt like I was watching my family drive away in his sleek Range Rover. The feeling was absurd, but it didn't hurt any less. I snorted, internally giving my weak heart a good slap. Clinginess and pining was not a good look no matter how ridiculously sexy my man was or how stupidly cute his baby was. I needed to get a grip!
Determined not to feel the sadness wanting to take over my heart, I entered my apartment, unpacked my overnight bag, showered and changed into a black shirt and black skinny jeans for work. Then I was rushing right back out the door for my late night shift, already making plans to see Ezra again as I shifted my schedule around in my head. Seeing mom and dad first was top priority too.
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EZRA ▪︎ POV
Ollie was dead weight on my shoulder and I held on to him tightly with one hand, carrying our overnight bags with the other. All the lights inside the large house were on and my parent's car was parked outside the garage off the drive way. I thought about turning around and driving right back to Evan. This night was about to drag on even longer when I just wanted it to end.
I straightened up, sucked in a deep breath of determined air and readied myself for the next onslaught of hatred my family where obviously here to spew at me. Only this time, I was alone. Evan was with Jeremiah and Jae had gone home. I felt strong though, as if my fight this morning had only built up yet another wall around my mind and body, preparing me for their attacks. I was some where between pissed off, numb and totally exhausted.
I shoved my key into the lock on the front door, turned it and entered my home. It didn't feel like home, not the warmth, not the familiar walls and furniture, not even the sight of Ollie's belongings everywhere. From the dark grey stroller parked in the entry way to his little jackets hung up on the coat rack. It wasn't enough to make me feel that warmth of home, but it solidified the decision I'd made in the back of my mind to move out of this place.
I could hear voices in the living room which I ignored as though I was deaf, and headed right up the stairs to the second floor. I dropped our bags by my bedroom and then took Ollie into his. I gently lay my baby boy on the carpeted floor, undressed him as slowly and gently as I could. I changed his diaper, used a damp wet wipe to wash him down the best I could, creamed his delicate skin and dressed him in pyjamas.
I was just lifting him with the intent of putting him in his crib, his head lulling back as he breathed deeply, his dirty blonde eyelashes fluttering, when the nursery door opened. Renee appeared, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. "He's asleep," she stated the obvious and I grunted the affirmative, laying him down.
I tucked his bunny into his side, along with his pacifier just in case he woke up in the middle of the night and started searching for it. Then I kissed his forehead and stepped back. Renee walked around me, peering down into the crib. She too bent and kissed him, right over the same spot as myself and I felt uncomfortable watching her do so. When she looked up at me, I turned away, making my swift exit towards the door. She followed me, bare feet padding against the carpet as we emerged in the hall.
"What do you want?" I asked bluntly when I reached my door, turning around to meet her blue eyed stare, my face impassive. She sighed, rolling her eyes as though the question was stupid and I watched with irritation as she crossed her arms over her full chest defensively.
"Your parents are here and we need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about. I said what I had to say this morning. Don't you all have better things to do than keep me up all night? I'm tired Renee. I don't wanna hear it," I muttered, rubbing a hand against the short scruff of hair over my jaw.
"Come on Ezra, be an adult about this," she scoffed straightening her back and flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "It's important, so calm down would you and come down stairs."
I tensed, wanting to snap at her that I was fucking calm and that she needed to stop projecting this image of 'enraged bastard' on me like I was a fucking manikin in a shop window with a sign hanging over my head saying 'woman beater'. But obviously, I would be contradicting myself if I opened my mouth since I was indeed getting pissed off.
"Don't tell me what to do, I'm not your kid. And no, I won't be joining you for wine and a fucking chat. It's not important Renee. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow, I'll have divorce papers for you to sign and my lawyer's number. From then on, talk to her and not me." I tried to keep the heat out of my voice, but was semi-unsuccessful. It came out as more of a growl than a calm statement.
Renee's face turned pink and that malicious glare I'd come face to face with way too many times appeared like a shadow. She sneered, taking a step towards me. I stood my ground, looking down at her, using my towering height to swamp her. I wasn't ever one to intimidate people with my height but it worked a like a charm when I did. She faltered for just a second and I found sick satisfaction in it. She liked crying wolf but she knew it wouldn't be pretty if I decided to hurt her for real.
"You don't wanna talk? Fine. Keep covering your ears like a little kid. But when shit blows up in your face don't tell me I didn't warn you. I won't be signing divorce papers, and neither will you. She reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled something out I couldn't quite see. Then she shoved it at my chest, forcing me to reach up and catch it.
"Stress isn't good for the baby, Ezra. Piss me off and I'll tell mom and dad it's yours." Then she sauntered down the hall, disappearing down the stairs, leaving me standing there, staring in horror at the pregnancy test she'd thrust at me. I dropped it quickly as though it was boiling.
What the actual fuck?!
When I finally broke out of the shock, I was after her, darting towards the stairs where she'd already made it to the bottom step. I shouldn't have done it, I shouldn't have grabbed her the way I did and run back up the stairs with her struggling against me. But I couldn't control myself. Luckily she didn't shout and I easily carried her right back up onto the second floor without my parents noticing.
I launched us both into the nearest door on the right, the family bathroom, and dropped her on her feet. She spun, lifting her hand to slap me but I grabbed her wrist and flung it away. "What the fuck are you going on about a baby?" I snarled lowly.
"I'm pregnant you fucking asshole," she hissed back, taking a step away from where I was blocking the door and her only exit. She didn't look scared though, more irritated than fearful. "What does it matter? Didn't you say it wasn't important yourself?"
"If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have told me," I retorted, trying to wrap my head around it all, my heart pounding. "Whose baby is it?"
"Maybe yours, it depends," she sat on the closed toilet lid with a small smile and a shrug. "Whatever are you talking about dear? It's your baby, you are after all my husband," she mockingly sang, blinking up at me and clasping her hands together like a bimbo.
"Don't fucking start, I'm being serious," I almost yelled at her, but managed to reign in the volume by clenching my teeth. "How could you let this happen? Jesus fucking Christ Renee, isn't Ollie being in the middle of this mess bad enough? Now you've gone and got yourself knocked up? Don't you ever care about anyone other than yourself?!"
She jumped to her feet like a rocket and stormed towards me, hands raised. I half expected her to take a swing at me, but she balled her fists and brought them down sharply by her sides. "Don't give me that bullshit! I live with a man whose determined to have nothing to do with me! My parents are breathing down my neck about their reputation and this mess of a family and I'm not allowed to go out and have fun like you do?! Of course I didn't go out looking to get pregnant! It was an accident! But don't make me feel shit for sleeping around when that's all you ever did for the past two years when I was at home taking care of your kid!"
Her face turned red with rage and she was panting, chest heaving with barely constrained emotion. "You're a hypocrite Ezra! While you're running around with your new boyfriend, hiding away from everything, I'm dealing with both our parents and now this fucking divorce on top of a new baby! I'm not thinking about anyone else? What about you?! Who are you thinking of?!"
I paused, trying to digest the words she'd just whisper-yelled at me, taken aback by the outburst. She was right, we'd both been sleeping around but she wasn't the only victim and she had brought this on all of us by refusing to let go in the first place. We wouldn't have had to sneak around behind each other's backs if she would just accept that this wasn't working anymore.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and think clearly, going back and forth arguing about whose fault it was would get us nowhere. "The baby's not mine, Renee, and telling our parents that it is, would just sink you into a deeper mess than you're already in. I still intend to divorce you, but I'm not such a piece of shit that I would purposely harm you or the baby. Just sign the papers, we'll do this civilly. Have you contacted the father?"
Renee stared at me for a second, seeming to deflate when she realised that I wasn't coming back at her with anger anymore. "Don't know who he is. Can't divorce you," was all she said shortly. I felt frustration make me tense. Why? Why? Why? Why? The question was haunting me, but I didn't ask. I wasn't prepared to go into it with her at half ten at night in the bathroom with my parents downstairs and my baby sleeping meters away.
I shouldn't have even been in there with her alone, not without a recording phone or anyone reliable around to witness our conversation. Sighing, I stepped back, towards the door before I fucked up even further. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put my hands on you. Tell mom and dad to leave, I won't speak to them. We can talk about this another time, Renee. Think about it. Think about the baby and avoid the stress. Sign the papers."
I left her standing there looking somewhat conflicted, that fierce mask slowly ebbing away. I hoped she'd be decent and listen for once, making this easier on all of us. Her being pregnant was somewhat of a vulnerability that could either benefit her case or bring her down. At least it was more proof that this marriage was up in flames... as long as she didn't tell everyone the baby was mine. It would take another two months before I could prove that it wasn't mine with a prenatal pregnancy test. That was time I wasn't willing to sacrifice trying to rebuttal more lies. I was sick of wasting time on this shit.
Retreating into my bedroom, I sank down on the mattress, closing my eyes. I needed to get myself ready for bed, but in that moment, my mind racing, I couldn't be bothered to move. It had been such a long day and my body felt weak and overloaded. I had a daunting task ahead of me starting tomorrow. From finding a new flat and visiting my attorney, to going into work.
Somehow I had to fit Jae and Ollie into it all and on top of that, try not to loose myself inside the chaos. I can do this. I will do this. I have to do this...
Ollie has a little brother or sister. What the fuck...
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