It was my sons wedding. I should be happy. He was marrying a fine, noble lady of a great House. But he didn't deserve her in the slightest. I could barely look at him. How did he turn out this way? Was it my fault? Was it Cercei's?
Before I believed that I was the one to blame for his state of mind, but now that I was free of Cercei's charm, I finally woke up. I saw the world for what it really was. I saw my family for who they really were. Cold blooded murderers. Of course Tyrion, Myrcella and Tommen were an exception. They were good, and pure. But for how long?
I had tried to get better, for my sake, for Audelia's sake. But it was hard. I had tried to cut the wine out completely, but when I tried to go to sleep, I saw her, smelled her, heard her. I could barely get a wink of sleep. Passing out drunk was the only way. Although then I woke up with a big headache, and an even stronger will to die. But there have been no news of Audelia's death, and even I have to admit, I had hope. Slim, but existent hope that she was alright.
"My Lord", greeted Sansa as she walked up to me. "How are you?".
"I should be asking you that, my lady. It is your family that is suffering, not mine", I reply, trying to act cheerful but I knew I did not look my best. I had bags under my eyes, and my hair was greying quickly with all the stress I was enduring. I had the beginnings of a beard, which only added to my dishevelled look.
"When you help me escape, come with me. We will find Audelia together. You are cracking without her, any person with eyes can see it", she whispered and I looked around frantically making sure nobody was around.
"I cannot", I argue.
"You cannot, or you are too much of a coward?", she asked and I raised an eyebrow at how straight forward she was. It was one of the traits of the Starks, I guessed. Audelia had it. I absolutely adored it. But when anybody else showed it, it made me more than uncomfortable.
"My lady-", I began but she interrupted me.
"You are breaking without her, yet you are not willing to do anything to get her back. That is pathetic, even for someone like you", sneered Sansa and walked away, followed by her handmaiden Shae, who was trying to hide her smirk.
I sighed, knowing that she was right. I was a coward, I was pathetic. I didn't even know Audelia that well. We spend one night together. Most of our conversations were to insult one another, yet I fell in love with her. Completely and hopelessly in love.
"Our son is getting married, why are you not smiling?", asked a voice from beside me, and I had to stop myself from slapping her.
"Your son, you mean. You have made it very clear that I am just his King's Guard, and uncle", I bite back and Cercei send me a look.
"What did the little bird want from you?", asked Cercei after a moment.
"Why are you asking? Jealous?", I reply, looking at all the gathered guests.
"Should I be? You haven't entered my chambers since the moment you got here. I know you had a little fling with the Stark whore, maybe even had some feelings but she is not coming back. Forget about her and move on. Please", said Cercei, looking at me genuinely but I did not meet her eyes.
"Is that it, your Grace? Or is there some other concerns you would like to share with me?", I ask, she scoffed, yet did not leave.
"She ruined you, Jaime. She probably never even loved you, she was only with you for the power, and the gold. She is a whore. And a traitor, just like her brother and father. It's a hidden family trait I guess", continued Cercei and I could no longer listen to her, so I just walked away. Leaving her standing alone.
Joffrey threw some coins at the musicians performing in front of him and they scattered away. I walked slowly through the different groups of people. As the King's Guard, I had to do my job and control that there was no immediate danger to the King, or the new Queen.
"Everyone! The Queen would like to say a few words!", announced Joffrey, sitting back down. Everyone cheered and awaited patiently for the words.
"We are so fortunate to enjoy this marvelous food and drink. Not all among us are so lucky. To thank the gods for bringing the recent to a just end, King Joffrey has decreed that the leftovers from our feast be given to the poorest in his city", announced Margaery, and everyone began clapping.
Joffrey would never do such a thing. I knew Margaery was behind it. Perhaps Joffrey marrying the Tyrell girl was not such a bad idea. She might be able to weigh out the bad.
Music started playing, people began to talk. It was a nice wedding so far. Perhaps I had misjudged some things. Maybe there are some positive sides to all of this.
Someone bumped into me, and I looked over seeing Petyr Baelish. Never liked him.
"Excuse me, Ser Jaime", he apologized.
"It's quite alright, Lord Baelish", I replied and we both looked back at the wedding.
"A shame what has happened to the Starks, wouldn't you say?", asked Petyr and I looked over at him. This felt like a trap.
"Yes", I agreed carefully treading this subject. I could not spill out some details by accident.
"No legitimate male Starks left, only female. Yet Sansa is a Lannister by marriage now, and Arya is nowhere to be found. Winterfell belongs to the Boltons", continued Baelish and I listened carefully, trying to see if this was a trap.
"Not for long, I imagine", said Baelish suddenly, making me look up.
"Why do you say that?", I asked curiously.
"I know about you and Lady Stark", said Petyr and I gulped. "I don't blame you, she is quite exquisite".
"Get to the point", I seethed, trying not to attract attention to us. Just the mention of Audelia made my heart ache, and fury spread across my veins.
"I know you care for her. She cares for you", he continued and I watched him carefully.
"What do you know?".
"She is alive. And well. She is with her aunt.", he finally said and I felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders.
"Oh thank the gods-", I uttered but Petyr stopped me.
"Yes. She is getting ready for a wedding much like this one", he continued and I looked up.
"What is that supposed to mean?", I ask alarmed.
"You and her were never meant to be. You are part of the King's Guard, in love with your sister, while she is a lady of noble blood, young and beautiful. Desired by everyone in the Seven Kingdoms. Yet she has expressed to me that she wishes to go home", he continued.
"Spit it out", I seethe as calmly as possible.
"She is getting married", he finally announces and the world stopped around me.
No, she couldn't.
Who would she possibly get married to?
Her brother, and mother just died.
Was it to.... No. She wouldn't. Would she?
"You will never marry her", I sneer and he turned to me.
"And neither will you", he replied, patting my shoulder and I had to contain myself from impaling him with my sword. "But it is not me she is marrying. I am marrying Lysa Arryn. I am a betrothed man, I would never betray my oaths. Unlike... some".
"Then who?", I ask, trying to stay calm. Too many people were around us.
"You really are the stupidest Lannister. She is getting married to a Bolton. Ramsay Bolton", he finally revealed and I watched him carefully.
"Take care", he said and walked away.
I looked after him in shock.
Audelia would never do such a thing. She would never marry a Bolton. Their men almost raped her, and cut off my hand. They almost raped Brienne for crying out loud. Locke was about to have a bear eat her alive if I didn't get back in time. The Boltons betrayed her brother, they killed him. She would never do such a thing. Unless she was forced.
"Dear brother, meet Ser Bronn of the Blackwater", said Tyrion as he neared me. I turned to him, and looked at the sellsword behind him. "He helped Audelia escape".
"Nice to meet you", said Bronn, and I shook his hand.
"He will be helping you train your left hand", announced Tyrion and I looked Bronn up and down.
"No offence, but I need to be able to fight like I used to, not kill someone in their sleep", I remark and Bronn raised an eyebrow.
"You really shouldn't mess with people who have two hands", said Bronn and it was my turn to look at him unimpressed.
"I still have my right hand", I reply.
"Plan on growing it back?", he asked sarcastically. Tyrion looked amused but cleared his throat when I looked down at him.
"Anyway. I do hope Bronn can help you", continued Tyrion. "Get acquainted".
Tyrion walked away towards the high table to sit next to Sansa. I turned around, looking at the crowd, but one question still bothered me.
"Why did you help her?", I ask, and Bronn looks up from a goblet of wine he just took from a passing servant.
"It's an unusual thing for a sellsword to risk his neck for someone they barely know. For free too", I continue and he nods, taking a sip of his wine.
"It is, I was surprised myself", he replied. "But I had overheard Ser Meryn talking with the Queen, sorry Queen Mother."
"What did they say?", I ask and he looked at me.
"Do you really want to know? They said something bad enough for me to want to risk my own neck, for a girl I barely know", he replied, chuckling into his goblet.
"What did they say?", I repeated my question and he sighed.
"The Queen Mother wanted Ser Meryn to visit Lady Stark in the night while she slept, and I think you know what would have happened. She would not have survived the night. I may be a sellsword but I do have a sense of what is right and wrong and cruel", explained Bronn and I looked over at Cercei who was watching me already. The King had a play playing, with little dwarves, reenacting the war of the five Kings.
Little cunt. I cannot believe he is related to me in any way.
"Thank you. You saved her life", I whispered as I looked at him.
"Oh I know", he replied, drinking his wine.
"Where should we meet for our training?", I asked, standing straighter. He was about to reply when I heard screams.
"Joffrey!", screamed Cercei as my son began to choke.
Everybody gasped as the King fell to the floor. I ran to him, pushing through people and crowds, not caring who was in my way. Finally I reached Cercei who was kneeling over the choking Joffrey. His face was purple, his normally blue eyes were red, and there was liquid streaming down from his nose and mouth as he tried and failed to take in a breath.
"Joffrey!", screamed Cercei, holding our son. Our firstborn.
Finally, he stopped moving. The world around me stopped.
I was there the moment he took his first breath in the world.
And I was there the moment he took his last.
Joffrey was dead. My baby boy was dead. Realization was hitting me hard across the face.
Everyone I love either dies, or I break their heart.
First my mother.
Then Audelia.
Now Joffrey.
Who was next?