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As dinner progressed, I couldn't shake off the feeling of being sidelined by my own mother. Shehryar, on the other hand, seemed to revel in every moment of my annoyance, basking in the attention my mother lavished upon him.
To add to the chaos, Chinku and Munni, our neighbors' kids, joined us for dinner. Chinku, all of 7 years old, surprisingly hit it off with Shehryar, much to my amazement. She had always been picky when it came to interacting with strangers, but here was Chinku, chatting away happily with Shehryar as if they had known each other for ages. Traitor! I thought we had a special bond - seems like she is trying to replace me with a disaster.
The tantalizing aroma of biryani filled the hall as Ammi served the food, momentarily distracting me from my frustrations. The sight of steaming hot biryani made my mouth water, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of hunger despite my annoyance.
Meanwhile, Shehryar engaged in playful banter with Chinku, making faces and cracking jokes that elicited giggles from the young girl. It was both endearing and exasperating to watch, knowing that Shehryar was effortlessly charming even when I was feeling overlooked.
Munni, on the other hand, seemed engrossed in her own thoughts, occasionally glancing at Shehryar with a curious expression. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her mind as she observed our dinner gathering.
As the conversation flowed and laughter filled the air, I tried to push aside my frustration and enjoy the company of my family and our little guests. After all, moments like these were rare and precious, and I didn't want to let my annoyance overshadow the warmth and joy of being together.
As I slid the bowl of salad towards Bhai jaan, I felt the sleeve of my hand ride up, inadvertently revealing the purple mark Shehryar's hold left on my skin. Bhai jaan's concerned gaze immediately locked onto the bruises, and he reached out to caress my head gently.
"Did Shehryar do this to you?" His voice was filled with a mixture of worry and anger as he spoke, his touch light yet probing. His slight contact with the stitches on my head caused me to wince involuntarily, and Bhai jaan's suspicion deepened. Perfect! He withdrew his hand immediately, his expression now more serious as he studied me intently. "Safa, remove your hijab," he urged gently, "We're at home, there are no outsiders here. You should be comfortable."
I hesitated for a moment as my eyes slowly moved to meet Shehryar's which was focused on me, his expression vague. Would it hurt to show some expression on your face? Gathering my resolve, I shook my head. "No, Bhai jaan," I replied softly, "I'm comfortable with my hijab."
I knew what was coming when his brow furrowed. His next question hung in the air, heavy with implications. "What happened to your head, Safa?" His voice was gentle yet firm, leaving no room for evasion. "I'm sure the occasional winces are not from your headache."
I felt trapped under his penetrating gaze. How could I explain the truth without causing a fight between him and Shehryar? The words caught in my throat, and I struggled to find a way to respond that would satisfy Bhai jaan's curiosity without causing any harm on Shehryar's way.
As my silence prolonged, Bhai jaan rose from his seat and stomped towards Shehryar, his shout echoing through the room, my heart pounded with fear and anticipation. His words rang out like a thunderclap, accusing Shehryar of harming me. "I told you not to lay a finger on my sister, you bastard!" His voice was a fierce growl, filled with protective fury.
Desperately, I looked to Abbu for support, but he too seemed engulfed in anger, his features etched with rage. Ammi remained silent, her eyes fixed on the unfolding scene, her expression unreadable.
Shehryar's eyes widened in shock as Bhai jaan advanced towards him, his arms raised as if ready to strike. Panic surged through me, threatening to overwhelm my senses. Then, in a moment of sheer desperation, I laughed – a forced, hollow sound that echoed in the tense silence of the room.
"Haha! Gotcha!" I exclaimed, my voice trembling with nerves. "It's just a prank, guys!" I connected my gaze with the confused pair of Shehryar's, "Hey, tell them the story. I didn't thought they'll actually believe this."
He kept watching me as it slowly registered in his mind that I'm saving him. Instead of getting along with me, he left me alone, "it was your plan, so you tell them."
I gritted my teeth at him, gulping down the annoyance. Did I really plan on lying to my family to save this man? I held up my wrist, displaying the purple mark of his fingers, my heart pounding in my chest as I willed them to believe my hastily fabricated story. "It's just a lipstick mark, see?" I declared, my tone as convincing as I could manage. "Shehryar didn't hurt me, I promise."
"remove it!" bhai challenged me.
"it's water and smudge proof, dummy!" lie fell like honey from my lips as I imagined myself punching Shehryar for making me lie to my family.
I watched anxiously as my family exchanged uncertain glances, their expressions a mixture of relief and suspicion. Bhai jaan's gaze bore into Shehryar, his eyes gleaming with unspoken threat. Even Chinku and Munni had their eyes narrowed at Shehryar.
Though I could sense that Bhai jaan was not entirely convinced by my lie, he chose not to pursue the matter further. With a deliberate air of nonchalance, he returned to his seat, as if nothing had happened. Yet, his eagle-like gaze remained fixed on Shehryar, a silent warning lurking in its depths.
As the tension in the room gradually dissipated, I breathed a silent sigh of relief, grateful that my hastily spun deception had managed to avert a potentially disastrous confrontation. Yet, beneath the surface, I couldn't shake the nagging sense of unease that lingered in the air, a silent reminder of the fragile balance upon which our family now teetered.
As the dinner concluded, Ammi's question caught me off guard, her concern a rare occurrence that left me feeling both touched and exasperated.
"Everything okay between you and Shehryar, right, beta?" Ammi's voice held a hint of worry, her eyes searching mine for reassurance.
I couldn't help but seize the opportunity to indulge in a bit of dramatics, relishing the attention from my mother that had been sorely lacking for so long.
"Of course, Ammi, everything's fine," I replied, my tone deliberately exaggerated as I basked in the warmth of her concern.
But when Ammi brought up her past grievances, accusing me of neglecting Shehryar, my irritation flared anew, "You should be more respectful towards Shehryar, Safa. He is your husband. Do you even have an idea of what your Dadi would have spoke of me if she saw you ignoring your husband like that. You are newly married, Safa, act like one." How was a newly married replaced bride like me supposed to behave, Ammi? I gulped the sudden urge to shout at Ammi. How could she possibly understand the complexities of my relationship with him?
"But why should I treat him any differently now?" I retorted, my voice rising with indignation. "He came to our home even before we were married. He doesn't need any special treatment."
"Back then, he was Zara's fiance and now, he is your husband. that's the difference. Get this into you thick head, girl!" she chastised me and I frowned at her.
She was exaggerating. I've nothing to do with the changes in my relation with him, I didn't want any of it.
"Now you are not that carefree girl. You are a married woman now and with marriage comes duty," As Ammi's words hung in the air, I felt a surge of frustration and anger rise within me. How could she still cling to such outdated notions of a wife's duties and obligations? I couldn't fathom why she was suddenly so concerned about my relationship with Shehryar.
"Duties of a wife?" I scoffed, my voice tinged with bitterness. "What about my rights as a person? What about my right to be treated with respect and consideration?"
Ammi's expression softened, her eyes filled with a mix of understanding and reproach. "Safa, you know I only want what's best for you," she said gently. "I understand that things were different before, but now Shehryar is your husband. You have a responsibility towards him, just as he has towards you."
I shook my head, my frustration bubbling over. "Responsibility? What about his responsibility towards me? What about his responsibility to treat me with kindness and respect?"
Ammi reached out to me, her hand resting gently on mine. "Safa, I know it's not easy," she said softly. "But marriage is about compromise and understanding. It's about finding a balance between your needs and the needs of your partner."
That's how a normal marriage should be, Ammi, not one like mine. I cannot be a dutiful wife to a person who is in love with my cousin."
"Safa, you are complicating your own life, don't ruin yourself."
Complicating? Whats there to complicate actually? Its already complicated, Ammi!!
I pulled my hand away, my eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, Ammi," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't do this right now."
With that, I turned and left the room, leaving behind a bewildered Ammi, her words echoing in my mind. Marriage was supposed to be a partnership, a union based on love and mutual respect. But as I stood alone in the hallway, I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow, I would lose myself in the process if I ever try to do any of those things. That's why despite being asked to be understanding with each other, I distanced myself from Shehryar. He loves Zara, he won't get his feelings involved when we get to know each other but that was not the case with me - I had never been with anyone and if I started to like his character, I'll be left to mourn over my unrequited love and that would be the last thing I want in my life.
As I ascended the stairs, the sound of laughter and chatter drifted down the hallway, drawing me towards the open door where Chinku, Munni, Bhai jaan, and Shehryar were engaged in conversation. Despite the tension that had lingered moments ago, they appeared at ease, as if the earlier conflict had never occurred.
Shehryar's smile greeted me, but I offered him no reciprocation, my mind still wrestling with my mother's words. Instead, my gaze hardened as it fell upon Chinku, perched comfortably on Shehryar's lap, playfully twirling his pen between her fingers. I couldn't shake the pang of jealousy that twisted in my gut at the sight of their easy rapport. It took me almost a month to get warm with me and with Shehryar she got connected like they were long lost friends
Suppressing the swell of emotion within me, I turned my attention to Munni, who approached me with a warm smile. Together, we made our way to my room, seeking solace in the familiar confines of my sanctuary.
"Are you okay, Safa?" Munni's voice was soft, filled with concern.
I offered her a weak smile, the weight of my emotions pressing down on me like a heavy burden. "I'm fine, just... overwhelmed, I guess."
"what about your head?" she asked, her face prying for answers still she looked calm as ever.
"head?" I feigned innocence as I tried to force a smile. When she kept looking with the same face, I gave in and filled her with every details from on how I got the stitches on my head. When she urged, I opened my hijab and she went behind me to check it. I was yet to see the stitches. "Ouch!" I winded when she poked me there.
"That's still fresh!" she shrugged her shoulders, coming before me. Glaring at her, I quickly wrapped the dupata back on my head, not wanting my lie to get caught."So, how's Jerry and Arya? Are they okay?"
I nodded, "I called both of them - they are doing well."
"Safa," she called for my attention. I hummed in response giving her my whole attention. "You know," Munni began, her voice thoughtful, "relationships are not easy. They require effort and understanding from both sides. Maybe jeeju just needs some time to adjust to this new phase of your relationship."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling uneasy at the unexpected words coming from her. She was only 16 years old, yet here she was, offering me relationship advice with a maturity far beyond her years. Was I good for anything? Instead of focusing on her words, I tried to divert my thoughts by silently acknowledging her maturity, a quality I certainly didn't possess at her age.
"I know it is hard to put effort when you know he loved someone else and that someone being your cousin but-" she paused, ensuring she had my full attention before continuing, "Allah put you in this condition. If he wanted, he could have put Zara in your place, but he didn't. This was what he wanted. I overheard Ammi and Abba talking about you being the girl Jeeju's family chose for him back then. Jeeju and Zara did convince his family against you as his bride, and still, here you are, as his legally wedded wife. That means, you were the one Allah planned for him, not Zara."
I swallowed hard at her words. Munni, don't put these ideas into my head. Please don't.
"And, the foolish you were praying to Allah to save Jeeju and Zara from the cunning girl, which happened to be you. You even forced me and Chinku to say Ameen to all your prayers!"
Her words transported me back to the tumultuous time when all the drama was unfolding – when Zara was a sobbing wreck, when I was too terrified to face Shehryar because of his intimidating glares, when I unknowingly prayed against myself. I shook my head at the memory of those days. All of our prayers seemed to go unanswered. I didn't know if it was me who came back into his life like a boomerang or if it was Him. Either way, one thing was clear – we ain't happy with each other. I doubted we ever would be.
He loved my cousin, and she loved him back. I stood on the sideline, unsure of my place between them.
"Don't!" I was jolted from my thoughts by her sudden interruption. I looked up to see her staring back at me with intense brown eyes. "I know what you're thinking, and stop it right there. Zara is out of your life, Safa. She left us just like that. I know you still think something happened to her, but I heard from her father that she was busy on calls with some man before the wedding day and was very nervous about it. She even left a message for Jeeju before leaving him alone at their wedding."
I swallowed hard, processing her words. How could that be possible? Zara loved him deeply; she cried day and night for him! How could she possibly cheat on him? My thoughts took a sudden turn when I remembered the change in Zara's demeanor after receiving that phone call from that mysterious number. Could that be her boyfriend, as they said? Stop it, Safa. You don't have the right to assume anything wrong regarding her. You know nothing, so you better think nothing about it!
"Let's not talk about this," I sighed, not wanting to entertain any negative thoughts about Zara.
"I didn't want to speak ill of Zara, Safa, but I don't want you to waste your life lost in your what-ifs," Munni replied, her eyes darting to the wall clock, her expression startled. "11:30?" She furrowed, checking her phone screen and gasping at the sight of three missed calls from her mother and one from her father. "I'm leaving!" She stood abruptly and headed for the door. I furrowed my brow when she gazed at something, more likely someone, at the door, stupefied. I followed her gaze.
Shehryar?!
When did he arrive? How long had he been standing there? Did he overhear her advising me?
Standing in the doorway, he had Chinku in his arms, both of them staring at me as if I'm some strange creature. Munni mumbled a quick "Bye" to me and moved to Shehryar, taking Chinku into her arms without a word, before walking away from my sight just like that. Did she just leave me in an awkward position with him? Oh Allah, I have no idea what he heard or how much! Would he think I'm desperate to have a family with him? No way!
Okay, Safa. There's an easy way to handle this. Let's stop breathing. I had no idea what got into me, but I followed the ridiculous instruction from my inner voice. Not wanting to face him before I bid farewell to this world, I closed my eyes as well. I counted the seconds with my fingers, and by 36, I was out of breath. Good going! A little mo—
My eyes snapped open immediately when I heard his rich laughter. "You're something else!" I blinked as I watched him enter, still amused. Masha Allah! He looked handsome, his cheeks tinged with a shade resembling a delicious strawberry ice cream. Astagfirullah! This man is like a virus, affecting my whole system.
Shaking off my thoughts, I looked at him anxiously as he seemed on the verge of saying something but held back. Was he going to talk about returning to his home? Please, no. I can't survive there alone with him. Though I'm someone who enjoys solitude, the loneliness in his home is suffocating.
Unable to hold back, I asked, "What is it?"
He bit his cheek, examining my entire room with a thoughtful expression, as if searching for something. Was he looking for any speck of dust? If so, he could search a million times over, and there wouldn't be a trace, thanks to my Ammi's meticulous cleaning habits. Finally, he asked, "Is this where we're going to sleep?"
"Yes!" I replied nonchalantly, but his words caught me off guard. "We're staying?"
"If you want, we can return to our home though," he said, his voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty, hands casually sliding into his pockets.
Our?
"No-no. I was just asking," I quickly responded, trying to mask my surprise.
Looking up at the sky, I couldn't help but smile inwardly. Thank you, Allah! I'm staying here because of you. I missed my family a lot; I missed messing with them!
"It is my decision, not your God's," his tone was curt, almost defensive.
"It is not every day you make a good choice, and whenever you do, it's because he made you do so," I replied calmly, trying to diffuse the tension.
"So what about those times I don't make a good decision?"
"For your kind information, there is something called Shaytan also." I refrained myself from adding, 'Your distant cousin!' at the end.
"That was a mean way to call a person devil," he said, his hand moving to his chest, as if my words had struck a nerve.
Looking at his attire, a white t-shirt paired with a denim overshirt, I narrowed my eyes at him, "Will you be comfortable in them?"
He looked down at his attire, "No. I need to change."
I hadn't seen him take any clothes with us, so what would he wear then? "What will you wear?"
"Anything comfy!" he shrugged, a hint of playfulness in his voice. As if he read my mind, he said, "I'm sure you won't leave me uncomfortable in these clothes for night. Moreover, when you needed clothes, I gave you my most precious shirts without a word."
Is he trying to guilt trip me? And also, he is right. He didn't utter a word back then except for nearly handicapping me.
Don't get angry, Safa. If he suddenly changes his mind, it'll be your loss only!
"Why are you talking like that, Shehryar?" I forced a sweet smile. "I'll arrange clothes for you. Don't even worry about such small things, okay?"
He smiled back, "Okay!"
Silently, I ran my eyes over his whole body, taking a quick measurement. I don't think my shirts will fit him, not even the oversized ones. He is very tall, 6 ft or more I guess, and my shirts would barely cover his torso despite me being 5'4. He had a well-built body along with his height, giving him a figure gigantic enough to rip my shirts apart.
I think Bhai's shirts would fit him. Finally!
I stood up from the bed, intending to move to Bhai's room. "I'll bring some shirts and pants of Bhai, you choose the one you like."
"That's not fair," his voice stopped me in my tracks. Arching my eyebrows, I turned to him as he continued, "I gave you my clothes on our wedding night when you had nothing to cover yourselves, not to your Bhai. So it's your responsibility to share your clothes with me." I frowned at him, but he added, "Moreover, your Bhai is short; his shirt won't even fit me."
Seriously? He thinks my shirts would fit him but not my Bhai's, who is 5'9? Is he playing with me or what?
Narrowing my eyes, I analyzed his face, and there was a huge smile he was trying to hide. "You know what, just walk around naked. I'm not going to waste my time arranging clothes for you!"
"I feel for your fantasy, butterfly. For now, I have clothes, but I promise we'll definitely work on your fantasy later," he smirked, moving to the door.
He had his clothes with him, and here I was in a dilemma, trying to arrange clothes for him so he doesn't change his mind about staying here.
Grabbing my pillows, I threw them at him, but his reflexes were too quick. He caught both pillows without even turning back. Does he have eyes in the back of his head? And then, without glancing at me, he threw them back at me—one of which I caught, and the other hit me straight in the face. As I rubbed my nose, I heard him chuckling as he left. He seriously does have eyes in the back of his head, I'm telling you!
Looking at my bookshelf, I grinned, "I'm back guys!" This was my heaven on Earth - my room. I missed everything here! Giggling at the thought of spending more time with my family and my room, I swung freely. But a strong hand caught mine, pausing my swing in the middle as my head crashed into Bhai's chest.
"Why so happy?" he asked, caressing my head, avoiding the area where I got stitches.
"I'm staying here, Bhai!" I replied with a wide grin. Connecting my palms with his, I swung us both in the air, increasing the speed, causing Bhai to scream.
"STOP!" I laughed watching him trying to balance himself. Bhai hates swinging and gets scared when it's with me. There was this instance where Bhai had fainted while swinging with me, earning me an earful from my Ammi while Abbu had a hard time controlling his laughter. Sitting me on the bed and seating himself beside me, he took my hand, which had a purple mark from Shehryar's finger. Cupping my cheek with his other hand, he asked, "How are the stitches on your head? Does it hurt bad?"
Munni!!!
I shook my head, and he raised the sleeve of my shirt, asking, "It's also from them, right?"
Not wanting him to go all protective big brother on Shehryar, I pinched his cheeks playfully. "I missed you, Bhai!"
"At least this marriage had some benefit - my sister recognized my place in her life," he said, adding a touch of melodrama to his words.
I rolled my eyes at his theatrics. "About the stitches in my head - keep it as a secret, okay?" I extended my pinky finger towards him. He met my gaze and nodded, locking our fingers.
"Promise," he affirmed. Glancing around the room at the bed and the sofa sets, he asked, "Ah. I forgot to ask - do you want to exchange rooms?"
I immediately declined, "Never."
Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, he trailed off, "I thought you two don't shar- ehh- never mind!" With a "Good night," he left the room.
Shehryar hadn't returned yet, so I decided to freshen up. Changing into a black and white striped pajama, I jumped onto my bed and hugged it, opening my arms and legs wide. "Oh my baby, I missed you!"
"You look like a handicapped spider," came the snarky remark. I raised my head to see Shehryar holding his phone, the click sound of the camera confirming he had just taken a photo.
"Delete it now!" I demanded, sitting up and pointing at him.
"What picture, butterfly?" he teased, playing with his phone.
What's with his new obsession with butterflies?
"The picture you just took!" I insisted, my tone firm.
With an offended look, he showed me the selfie of him he had taken just now. "Why should I delete my picture from my phone just because you said so?"
Oh!
Seeing my reaction, he added, "The world doesn't revolve around you, butterfly!"
Thanks for the reminder!
"Are we going to share the bed?" he dropped the bomb, and I stood up immediately. Bhai's question suddenly struck me - he was referring to the absence of a couch, and I hadn't even considered it. I opened my mouth to suggest a solution, but no words came. After a month of marriage, we hadn't shared a room, let alone a bed, and the thought of having to share with him made me nervous. Perhaps sensing my dilemma, he suggested, "Just give me a blanket. I can adjust on the floor - it looks pretty inviting to me." I scrutinized his face, and he seemed genuinely okay with the idea.If that's what you want, who am I to deny!
"It's settled then. You use the floor, I use the bed," I nodded in agreement and hopped down from the bed. Retrieving three thick blankets from the closet, I handed them to him. With that, I reclaimed my spot on the bed - just me and my bed once more.
As I watched him spread the blankets on the floor, a pang of guilt crept into my thoughts. Was I being cruel? Would Allah be displeased with me? I shook off the thoughts, huffing at my own uncertainty. Stepping off the bed, I stood on his makeshift bed on the floor. "Let me help you," I offered, rolling up the blanket and tossing it into the wardrobe. I'll set it properly tomorrow morning. Turning to face his questioning gaze, I shrugged, "I'm sure my bed could fit both of us."
"Are you sure?" he asked, uncertainty flickering in his eyes.
"Hmm," I affirmed.
"Fine." He took out his phone and directed my attention to the screen. "What do you think about the cute little spidy?"
Observing the picture, I realized I did indeed resemble a spider in my lying position with only my head raised and the pajama design, minus the extra legs. My curly hair standing in aattention only added to the effect. If it had been anyone else's picture, I might have found it cute, but this was me, and I couldn't bring myself to call it cute. Edging closer to him, I warned, "Delete it now!"
"Like this?" he teased, uploading it to his drive and raising the phone out of my reach when I tried to snatch it. He called me a spider, so I acted like one, leaping at him and causing us both to tumble onto the bed. I ended up on top of him, and suddenly, my mouth went dry at our proximity. I gulped nervously, our closeness drawing my attention away from the phone. Our eyes met, and I found myself lost in the depth of his gaze. Neither of us blinked, and I could feel my heart racing as the moment stretched on.
Then, a knock on the door shattered the moment. "Safa, are you okay? What was that sound of falling?" Bhai jaan's concerned voice rang out.
Panicked, I quickly moved away from Shehryar and turned my back to him, calling out to Bhai, "Nothing, Bhai. I jumped onto the bed!"
In response, Bhai gave the door a solid kick. As the other side of the bed dipped, I clenched my eyes shut, silently reciting my adhkar before sleep. Neither of us spoke, and I felt embarrassed even breathing loudly in his presence. Why had I jumped on him like that? He wasn't Bhai! And now, we were sharing a bed - what if he thought I was trying to cling to him? Would he make a move, misunderstanding my intentions? And he had heard Munni's advice. Don't worry, Safa, there's nothing to be worried about for now. He's a gentleman - he won't cross boundaries, and neither will you. Also, remember, he was in love with Zara - he won't forget her soon. So it's safe for you.
But what if he thought I was Zara and t--
"SHUT DOWN RIGHT NOW!" I mentally scolded myself.
"Excuse me?" I heard him, and I immediately closed my eyes tight.
Again, It was just me and my bed, plus one.
ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･◕.♡｡ﾟ✿ °
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