Ryan's POV
Thursday, May 6 – Charlotte, North Carolina
I called her. I asked if I could see her, or if she could come see me. It was only fitting. After all, there were plenty of things to discuss.
Where did we go from here? For just over a year, the world had seen that we were dating – but that was all a front. Now, what happened? Did we just break it off and go our separate ways – which I didn't want? Or do we just continue as if nothing happened, which I wanted?
I also wanted to tell her the truth. I told Chase the truth, broke both our hearts in the process but whether I will admit it or not, Alex was right that he deserved to know. He probably deserved to know weeks earlier. It seemed only fair that she knew that now.
Perhaps I wanted her for a sounding board, too. I hadn't talked to anybody about this – how could I talk to anybody frankly? There were only a few people that knew, and they didn't understand my perspective at all. At least with Isabelle, she got it because she was part of this mess from the beginning.
Seeing her on my doorstep, my breath hitched in my throat. I had never felt unsure or nervous around her, but here we were. Blame it on the new territory, no strings attached, unsure future and mixed feelings, but it felt honestly weird. There was also an odd sense of relief in the air, as if as soon that breath hitched, you could let go easily and know everything would be okay, almost freeing.
"I told him the truth, the whole truth," I finally spill out to her, the main reason as to why I had asked her to come over.
"And?" She questions, almost expecting me to tell her more details. I guess she deserved them after all.
"It went down as I expected. We're done." She needed to know that, I felt at least. I mean, that way she knows there's no strings attached and we can move forward together, as we both perhaps wished when this began.
"I'm sorry.." I could hear the heartbreak in her voice, but it was the opposite for me There was a new sense of hope as I looked into her eyes.
"Maybe it's okay. Maybe it's a good thing." I take a deep breath, allowing myself to look even deeper, just hoping I didn't regret this later on. "Isabelle, I love you."
"Do you really, truly love me?" Why do you think we did what we did? It's not like I'll go down with any person that walks into the room. "Are you really, truly set to move on?" There was the hitch in my breath, again. Sure, I loved Isabelle and had feelings for her, but I couldn't deny wondering how Chase was, wanting those nights we spent together back again. "Is that what you really, truly want? Or are you just saying that because you want to erase the pain of what happened?"
"I don't know..." was all I could manage to say in that moment, because maybe she was right. The thought of her allowed me to ignore the feelings for Chase, and maybe that was because I couldn't stand the pain of missing him. "To be honest, I don't know."
Damn it, why wasn't this easier? This was supposed to solve all my problems.
"We've had feelings for each other from the beginning – everybody hasn't denied that. I had them as soon as I laid eyes on you. I thought about a future together, what it would be like to just be with you. That night we spent together – more magical than I could have dreamed."
There was his eyes on my mind, and I could easily feel the sensation in my fingers I'd get from tracing every single feature of his.
"But it hurt when Chase told me I hurt him. It hurt when Chase told me that he didn't see a future with us. It hurt when Chase told me he didn't know if he could forgive me. We have so many moments from our time together, and so many more moments I wish we could continue building together. There's just something different when we're together and I don't know if I want to say goodbye without any regrets. What if we can add another chapter?"
I knew Chase was hurting, hence where the words came from that night. However, you don't throw away years of friendship, some time even deeper than most, so easily. If anybody could see themselves through. It was us – and perhaps I was willing to wait for all the time in the world.
"Remember what I told you?" She breaks the uncomfortable silence, and I take a deep breath. She had given a lot of advice over the years, and even advice through these past couple of months. How could I narrow it down right now? "You have to do what you feel is right. You have to think it over and make the hard decisions. What do you truly want, Ryan?"