Two nights before my parents death anniversary, I found myself unable to sleep.
It was an hour to midnight, and I'd been tossing and turning ever since I'd gotten to bed. I spent most of the time staring up at the darkness of my bedroom, occasionally listening to cars drive by outside. The silence in my head was too overwhelming, and I was afraid to go to bed because I knew I'd have dreams of them.
Two weeks had passed since the dinner. Julian came over multiple nights a week, but we didn't do anything except talk or spend time together because I didn't feel ready. Until I got better, mentally and physically, I wasn't ready to do anything.
Elise had gone with me to meet with the lawyer for emancipation. The experience had been nerve-wracking, but she'd pulled a few strings even though I hadn't done anything she'd asked, and made the process extremely simple for me.
The options for emancipation were limited without having a court order, but the state we lived in allowed emancipation simply by having parental or guardian consent. There were a few steps that would come after that, but it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would have been. Mostly because we were bending the rules to get what I wanted done.
I had to get Elijah to sign some documents and I couldn't build up the courage to do so. It meant that I'd have to tell him what I was doing, and the thought was sending my stomach into knots. I was putting that off for as long as possible.
Overall, everything had been ordinary. I had my low days and my high days. Mariam visited all the time and she stayed with me to get the simplest things done. She'd been right; talking about what I had to do to get better was easy, but actually doing it was difficult. Things weren't getting better, but they weren't getting worse either. It just seemed like my days were a horizontal line. Boring, monotonous and dull. I was becoming used to it.
Tomorrow, I also had to go to the pediatrician with Elijah because it had been the only available appointment and he'd refused to let me get out of it or go alone. What Mariam had said about my heart possibly weakening as time went on had left a huge impact on him, and he'd turned insanely protective afterwards. It was borderline psychotic at this point.
I wasn't let out of anyone's sight. I couldn't stay home alone. I couldn't skip meals. Sometimes, Elijah was so insane about it, I thought he'd force feed me if I didn't eat myself. Kaiden and Ethan were cautious, too, but they weren't as bad as Elijah.
It seemed like Caleb and I were being treated like we were glass these days.
I didn't complain about it though. I understood why since I'd thought about it from Elijah and Kaiden's perspective. Caleb and I were the youngest, so it was scaring him; not knowing what was going in our minds after everything that had happened.
I didn't know how much time passed as I stayed in my bed, but soon enough, midnight hit and my stomach began to tangle up as the day I dreaded the most out of the year loomed ahead.
I swallowed hard, still staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to talk to Ethan or be with him because I knew these three days were going to be the hardest on him, but he wasn't home. He'd left hours ago, claiming he had a party to attend, and I didn't doubt that. I knew he was probably getting blacked out or worse right now. All so he didn't have to remember what I currently was.
When I couldn't take it any longer, I dragged myself out of bed. Throwing my thinnest blanket around my shoulders, I trekked towards the door and slowly opened it.
Caleb's door was shut so I figured he was asleep. Kaiden's was too, but I knew that he also wasn't home, so I headed straight for the stairs.
I did a double take and paused at the bottom of them when I noticed Elijah in the living room, the coffee table in front of him covered with documents and files and cash. He glanced over when he noticed me, but didn't move to hide anything as I slowly trailed over to him. He simply looked back at what he was doing and began counting one stack.
"Can't sleep?" He asked casually, throwing one stack into a black duffel bag. I scanned the items on the table before taking a seat next to him, watching him work.
"No," I replied quietly. "What are you doing?"
"Counting."
"I can see that," I said, huffing. "But why? What's all the money for and the papers?"
"Plane tickets, new passports, and money for something I can't tell you about yet," he said calmly and then added,"Sophia's coming back."
My heart stopped.
"No."
Elijah didn't even look at me as he stuffed another stack into the bag. "You were right," he stated. "There's no point in hiding it anymore. The longer we wait, the worse it'll be. Kaiden will know the truth within the next week or so. Whenever she decides."
I blinked. "Whenever she decides?" I parroted.
He nodded. "I told her she can come back home whenever she wants. I rather not know."
Fear turned my veins to ice, creeping in slowly. Within the next week or so, Kaiden would know the truth. I recalled what Elijah had said – about seeing him at his worst. How none of us had. How Kaiden would try to kill him and Elijah wouldn't fight back.
"I'm scared," I blurted out and Elijah chuckled, glancing up at me as he zipped up the bag and threw it to the side.
"Scared for me?" He asked. He looked way too unbothered for my liking.
Yes. "For everyone," I replied, feeling a little faint. "He's gonna – he's gonna go insane." And he had just started healing. Just started getting past her death. Kaiden had been so calm these days. So good to everyone, and all of that would be destroyed.
Elijah stayed silent, but I knew he agreed as he leaned back against the couch. "You should get some sleep," he changed the topic. "You need to get up early."
I shook my head and inched closer to him. I grabbed his arm and picked it up, placing it around me as I rested my head on his shoulder. Elijah's arm tightened around me and he let me get comfortable. I thought that I could fall asleep like this.
"I can't. I'll have a nightmare."
"About them?" He didn't need to specify.
I nodded against his shoulder, fiddling with the silver ring on his finger. "Who gave you this?" I asked, studying the band.
"Olivia. A few years ago," he replied quietly. "If I take it off, it'll break her heart and there's already enough people doing that."
My head snapped up from his shoulder, but he kept his arm around me, staring at the ring himself. The realization clicked. "Because of the baby?"
He nodded, his gaze dark. "Her parents don't want anything to do with her because they're disappointed she's having a baby before marriage," he revealed, something like irritation in his voice as his voice hardened. "They won't let her see Mia anymore because they think she'll be a bad influence on her."
My jaw dropped.
"Mrs. Adler would do that?" I breathed. It didn't sound like their mother at all. Keeping her own daughters from seeing each other.
Elijah wrapped a strand of my hair around his finger. "I think they're just pissed the kid's mine," he said, sounding a little amused.
I rolled my eyes and leaned back into him. "Well, they're dumb then. I don't like them."
I twisted on the couch to face him and Elijah's arm dropped away from me. "Did you want a boy or a girl?" I knew it was a girl, but still.
"I don't want either."
"Right, I forgot," I lied and he smiled, but didn't say anything.
I studied him for a few moments, before something came to mind that I'd been wanting to say for a long time, yet had never felt ready.
"I'm sorry about what I said," I said gently and Elijah watched me impassively, waiting for an explanation as to what I was talking about. "About you being like Lucas. You're nothing alike and I didn't mean it. I was just mad and upset and tired. And I saw all of you sitting outside together and it reminded me of how alone I was in this family when I was little. It just – it just snapped something because I felt left out again. I'm sorry."
Elijah reached for me again and pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around my neck. I leaned my head on his shoulder, relaxing again. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he murmured against my hair. "I deserved it."
I shook my head, trying to make him let go so I could look at him, but he held on tight. "No, you didn't. All you've been trying to do is keep us safe. Lucas is a monster and I know you would never hurt Olivia like he hurt Elena," I said. I knew I was right.
Elijah's arm pulled me closer. "None of us deserve you," he said, kissing the crown of my head once. "Especially not me."
I let my eyes close as I rested my head against him again. "I know."
We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before I spoke again. "You know," I started quietly. "You don't need to put your life on hold for me. I'm doing better." He had been home more often now, just to keep an eye on me and Caleb.
"You're not," he said back and as if it was instinct, his arm tightened around me as if he was afraid to let go. "You don't see it, but all of us do."
"See what?" I asked, tracing my index finger over Mom's name tattooed on his wrist, before tracing mine. Elijah didn't respond and I glanced up.
"If you'd seen what Liv, Kaiden and I saw that night, you wouldn't be saying the same thing," he said quietly, his gaze staring off into the distance. I frowned, and tried to get out of his hold, but he was too strong. "You're not doing better, Izzy. You're getting weaker everyday."
I winced and looked away. "You don't need to say it like that."
"I know, I'm sorry but it's the truth," he continued gently, running his hand through my hair as I placed my head on his shoulder again. "It's harder for us to see you and Caleb like this. I know you're growing up, but you would understand if you had younger siblings. We can't help it."
I stayed silent, thinking about what he'd said. I knew it was different. I cared about them all and was terrified of something happening to anyone in my family, but I knew it was different being the older one.
"Do you miss them?" I asked after a long moment of silence passed. Elijah's hand halted in my hair. "Mom and Dad."
He stayed quiet for a few seconds, before finally responding. "I miss them when I don't know what to do."
I didn't respond so he explained. "With Liv and the baby. She has no one to help or guide her, and I know if Mom were here, she'd help. She loved her," Elijah said and I knew it was the truth. "Dad's a different story. I don't hate him, but I don't miss him."
I nodded, understanding what he meant. "I still can't believe he cheated on her," I whispered, my throat locking up at the mere thought of that betrayal. I'd seen them as perfect my entire life, but I figured I'd had a vision that never truly existed. A false reality. "Why did Mom stay after that, Elijah? With him?"
I knew we still had other things to talk about. Such as the choices he'd made, especially ones that had hurt me instead of what his original intent was; to keep me safe. I wouldn't forget, but tomorrow was a fragile day, and I didn't want the tension that talk would cause. Someday, I'd bring all that up.
Elijah was contemplating the answer, and I was starting to become tired, so I shifted to lay my head down on his lap. Elijah finally spoke up, simultaneously bringing one of his hands up to run it through my hair. "She did it for us," he said quietly. "She wanted to pretend everything was okay for our sake." So we'd think we'd grown up in a happy family, when in reality, everything was a lie.
I didn't say anything in return and Elijah caught sight of my eyes beginning to close. "Go to sleep. I'll take you to your room when I'm done here."
He didn't need to say anything else because my lashes fluttered shut. His hand running through my hair helped me fall asleep within minutes.
***
Elijah and I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office. My stomach knotted up with nerves, and my leg bounced up and down every second.
He noticed, but didn't say anything about it. It seemed like a century passed before the nurse came out with a clipboard, and said my name. She said to come alone for the first half of the physical, and they'd call Elijah in when the doctor wanted to talk to him.
Anxiety settled in my stomach as the nurse gestured for me to sit on the examination table. She took my temperature, had me step on a scale to record my weight, and checked my height. The most nerve-wracking part was when she listened to my heart and lungs with the stethoscope. I stayed silent during it all, even though I noticed the frown on her lips when she listened to my heartbeat more times than they usually did whenever I had a check-up.
Dr. Martin came into the room when the pediatric nurse left after the basic examination. She was an old woman who asked me questions about how everything was going while she did her part of the physical. She mentioned how when I was eighteen, I wouldn't have to switch doctors because they took in patients until they turned twenty-one. The checkup passed by quickly, and I waited anxiously for Elijah to come in since she'd sent the nurse out to call him.
He came in and took a seat where they motioned him to. I avoided his gaze, even though I could see him watching me with concern. Dr. Martin's words were on a repetitive cycle in my head and my eyes stung with the implications. Mariam had been right. It was turning dangerous. The doctor had said the same thing, and now, she was going to tell Elijah.
I tuned the basic information out, but my attention shifted over to them when I realized she was starting to tell him about her concerns. She was being blunt, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling her that I didn't want him to know. But I didn't have a choice with this. Elijah would find out anyways.
"She's lost fifteen pounds since her last physical," Dr. Martin told him, a concerned frown marring her forehead as she studied the records on the computer she had placed in front of her. Elijah's head snapped towards me, and I quickly looked away. "Which wasn't too long ago."
I swallowed hard and she continued, pretending like I wasn't sitting right here. "At her height and age, she's below the weight she should be at," she continued gently and my stomach churned. "Dr. Khan contacted me with her concerns, which I'm sure she's informed you about, and I'm not going to lie to you," Dr. Martin said. "I'm worried."
I gritted my teeth at the obvious statement. Elijah stayed quiet, his face blank, but I felt him looking at me.
"Right now, her heart is fine," she started. "But if she continues to lose weight at this rate, if she continues to not eat as much as she's supposed to, there's a possibility of developing an abnormal heart rhythm. Her blood pressure can drop, her heart will slow down eventually. There's conditions that can come along with this. If it's unchecked or untreated, it can be extremely dangerous. I'm seeing signs I don't like."
I refused to look in Elijah's direction.
"What I'm trying to say is this can be stopped before this escalates for her health. Dr. Khan and I found a psychiatrist that I'm going to refer you to," she continued.
She told him the rest about how I needed to increase my daily intake of calories. About how I needed to start gaining back some weight and what to do from there. She handed him some documents that were records of today, before the physical was over. I tuned the rest of their conversation out, trying my best to swallow down the lump that had formed in my throat. More burdens. I'd placed more burdens on Elijah when he already seemed tired enough. I felt his eyes on me as we walked back to his car, but I refused to look back. I wanted the walls to swallow me whole so I could disappear.
We were silent on the ride home, and as soon as his car pulled into the driveway, I raced out, not even bothering to shut the door as I barged into the house. Nobody else seemed home, so I made a beeline for my room, deciding that I'd spent the entire day in there. Even if it was the last thing I wanted to do because when I was alone with my thoughts, the worst and darkest ones rose to the surface.
I spent the day in bed, even when I heard cars pull into the driveway. I heard Ethan's voice, and Caleb's as evening arrived, but no one came to get me until eight p.m. hit.
Ethan barged into my room without knocking. I ignored him as I continued scrolling mindlessly through my phone, switching between apps without having anything to really do or check. My chest felt heavy from an invisible pressure that came back as it pleased.
"What's with the sad face?" he said bluntly as he strolled inside.
"You need to knock before you enter," I replied flatly, keeping all my attention on my phone as I laid on my stomach.
Ethan took a seat on my desk chair, and I glanced over to see him pick up a book I'd carelessly thrown on the surface. "Too much work," he muttered casually and I rolled my eyes. "What the fuck is this?" He asked, reading the summary. "Is this what you spend your free time doing?"
"Leave my things alone," I ordered as he picked up another one, turning it over as he spun in circles on my desk chair. "Ethan."
There was a book I'd thrown on there that I did not want him to see. If he flipped open any page, he'd see words that would immediately tell him what it was about.
"This is giving me Fifty Shades vibes," Ethan muttered, frowning as he read the synopsis on the back. "Don't tell me you read this shit."
I ignored him and dragged myself out of my bed before he had a chance to open it. I was about to yank it out of his hand, but he spun in the chair just in time to avoid me.
"I didn't know you could even read," I scoffed, moving around him to try and grab it out of his hand. Ethan laughed and stood up, lifting the book high up out of my reach. "Ethan," I snapped, trying to rip it out of his grasp. He held it above his head, his grey eyes glittering with amusement. "Stop being annoying."
"I'm not being annoying," he stated. "I just wanna see what it's about because obviously it's something you don't want me to see." The evil glint in his eyes told me otherwise.
"Why can't you leave me alone?" I whined, stomping my foot like a child as I grabbed his arm and tried to yank it down. I finally managed to, but he switched the book to his other hand. "This is why Caleb's my favorite brother."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't lie. I know I am."
"Nope," I clipped before trying to jump up to grab the book. He laughed again, and I took the chance to bring the heel of my foot down as hard as I could on his. The book slipped from his hands as he bent over in pain, cursing, and I caught it before it hit the ground.
"Why's your foot so fucking bony?" He hissed and I laughed, hiding the book when he was studying his foot to make sure it was still in one piece.
"Don't touch my stuff."
"Whatever," he scoffed and started for the door. I noticed how he limped a step, before straightening and bit back a laugh. "Elijah told me to get you for dinner. It's Chinese food, your favorite."
I perked up at that. "Did he get orange chicken?" I called out after his retreating form. Ethan shouted back a yes and I didn't bother grabbing my phone before I raced out after him. I wasn't hungry, but that never changed these days for me because my appetite had disappeared throughout the weeks. I'd make an exception tonight.
I reached downstairs and ignored Kaiden and Caleb sitting in the living room. Ethan made his way over to them, before he sprawled out across one couch, his attention shifting to the TV. I figured everyone else had already eaten, so I headed into the kitchen.
Grabbing a plate for myself, I served myself a little of everything from the island counter before setting it down on the table. I was walking to the fridge for a drink when Elijah walked in, a black duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
"Where are you going?" I asked. Elijah threw the bag on the table, and walked over to one of the cabinets.
"I'll be back tomorrow night," he replied, ignoring my question, and my heart sunk.
"But tomorrow's..." I trailed off, the words dying away. Elijah grabbed a set of house keys and threw them on top of the bag, before he turned towards me.
"I know," he said. "But I don't have a choice. There's some work I have to do."
I stared at him wordlessly for a few seconds. He realized I wasn't going to say anything, and turned back around to walk over to the duffel bag. I couldn't see what was inside as he quickly unzipped it.
"You're always home tomorrow," I whispered, feeling more worn down about this than I would've liked. "Ethan won't be home either starting tonight. We all know that. And Caleb told me that he's gonna spend the day with Elena tomorrow."
One day. I wanted us all to stay home together one day because it was the most difficult day out of the year, and I couldn't handle it alone. I knew I couldn't. Especially inside this house where everything had gone down. Their death anniversary was the one day I would admit out loud that I didn't want to be alone.
"Kaiden will be home," Elijah replied, sounding distracted as he slipped his phone out and started typing something on it. "He's staying with you. You won't be alone."
My jaw dropped at the way he was brushing it off so causally. Elijah noticed my silence and glanced over. He took in the shocked look I had on my face as I watched his every move and sighed, setting his phone down on the table.
"Izzy – " he began.
"No," I cut him off and slammed my glass down on the counter. He raised his eyebrows at the action, but didn't say anything. "You promised we'd visit them." He'd promised me a few nights ago that he'd visit the cemetery with me. After five years of being afraid to ask, I'd finally mustered up the courage because what had happened at Mariam's house had compelled me to. He'd said he'd do what I wanted him to do.
Elijah briefly closed his eyes. "I know I did, but what I have to do is important. I'll go with you the day after, I promise."
I stayed quiet, biting my tongue so I wouldn't say something I'd regret. Elijah noticed my silence and took a few steps towards me. I stayed unmoving as he cupped my face, forcing me to look up at him.
"I'm sorry," he repeated quietly. I stared up at him in defeated silence. "I know I promised, but it won't make a difference if we go the day after. I'll do anything you want after – "
I grabbed his wrists and wrenched them off my face, glowering up at him with watery eyes. "It does make a difference. They died tomorrow, not the day after. This isn't nothing, Elijah. I can't believe you don't get it." Maybe I was being irrational and angry for no reason, but I couldn't help it. Promise after promise was broken by him all because of what he claimed was more important. His work. Whatever that involved other than horrible crimes and hurting other people.
"Izzy – " He tried reaching for me again, but I shoved his wrists away. I ignored him entirely as I left the kitchen, avoiding the rest of my brothers' concerned stares as I marched up the stairs.
No one bothered me or came to get me for the rest of the night. I woke up once from a nightmare that left me in tears during the latest hours, but the house was dead silent and there was no one around, so I simply flipped over and coaxed myself back to sleep.
***
I spent most of the day of their death anniversary by myself.
It was a dull day in general. The weather didn't help. Every time I looked out the window, all I saw was grey clouds curtaining the sun, and an occasional rumble of thunder overhead. Occasional rain fell, but the showers never lasted more than a few minutes. Overall, it was a gloomy day that made me want to spend my entire morning in bed doing absolutely nothing.
I made myself breakfast, even if eating it left my stomach aching for hours. I'd taken what the doctors had said seriously, and the risks had scared me, so I was trying my best to help myself get better.
After that, I spent the rest of the day watching movies on the couch in the living room, my mind wandering to my parents every ten minutes. I couldn't focus on what I was watching. It served as background noise while my thoughts led me astray. Kaiden had come down occasionally, but it looked like he was busy most of the day upstairs. I didn't bother him. I didn't really feeling like talking in general. I was just glad he was home because if I were alone, all I knew I would picture was the windows shattering and Ethan grabbing me and the gun going off. All I would feel was the terror I thought I'd forgotten. It followed me around everywhere I went.
I was halfway through my third movie of the day when Kaiden finally came downstairs, lazily wearing black sweatpants and a grey hoodie with the hood up. "You eat?" He asked casually and I glanced over at him from where I was laying on the couch.
I nodded when he looked over, and he motioned for me to move my feet so he could take a seat. I complied and he let them fall on his lap as he took his spot.
"Can I ask you something?" I broke the comfortable silence between us and Kaiden looked away from his phone, nodding for me to go on. I kept my eyes on the TV. "Elijah told me he couldn't be home today because of work. He said it's not a choice. Is that true or did he leave because he doesn't wanna stay in this house tonight?"
I felt Kaiden's gaze on me, but he didn't speak for a long moment and I got my answer through the silence.
"It's just as hard for him as it is for Ethan."
I wasn't necessarily surprised, but the disappointment still left my heart sinking in my chest. I swallowed hard and tugged the blanket higher up my shoulders, saying nothing in response.
Kaiden continued. "There's always work for him to do," he said. "But tonight's could've waited. He left because he feels guilty staying home."
"Why?"
Kaiden sighed and glanced towards the TV screen, drumming his fingers on my bare ankles. "Because he thinks that if he'd been home that night, they'd still be alive. And even if things didn't go the way they did, at least Ethan would've been saved from the trauma." He didn't need to add why. Elijah would've forced Ethan to hide with us. He'd have taken his little brother's place.
"I wish he told me that," I mumbled, taking a deep breath. "Instead of lying like always. I would have understood."
I understood with Ethan, I would have understood with Elijah. I wished they got that by now, but I had no control over that.
It seemed like a never-ending pattern. People realized too late that I'd understand if they'd told me the truth. Especially when it came to people's feelings. If Elijah had told me that he couldn't bring himself to stay home because of how he felt, I would've been content with him leaving. It was so exhausting, always been seen as someone who couldn't handle the truth. A part of me would admit I couldn't, but the truth was that I couldn't endure all the lies. All the half-truths.
"You'll stay home all night though, right?" I pressed for clarification because any other year, Kaiden would have been gone, too.
He nodded, picking up his phone again, distracted by the buzz. I watched as he frowned slightly, reading whatever was written on the screen.
"I'll be back," he murmured, distracted. I followed him with my eyes as he disappeared out of the room. A moment later, I heard the patio doors shut as he went out to take the phone call.
My attention drifted back over to the movie. Kaiden didn't come back in for a long time, and while I waited, the tiredness became to creep in again. It wasn't because of physical exertion, but because of boredom. The day had been dull and dark, so I was a different type of exhausted.
I ended up falling asleep on the couch.
When I woke up an hour after midnight, the house was dead silent. I dragged myself off the couch, and searched the entire house.
The silence proved one thing. Kaiden had lied. He wasn't home. He'd left me alone like everyone else had.
The hollow silence of the walls began to creep in as I stood in the center of the living room. It was so quiet in my head, I could hear my heart hammering against my chest as something like panic began to bubble up in my throat. The invisible rope around my neck began to tighten as I glanced around the dim room. I could hear every sound coming in from outside, and it only intensified the feeling of suffocation that crawled down my throat.
He'd left.
Everyone always left me behind. Sophia, Kaiden and Elijah. Caleb and Ethan. All of them had left because they were teams and I was alone. Mia had left. Mom and Dad had left. Sebastian had left. Sophia had left. Everyone had left.
When I really thought about it, everything I'd told Elijah had been true. I'd only admitted it recently for the first time, but the feeling always lingered in the back of my mind.
I only had myself. They had each other.
The loneliness took the form of a physical ache in my chest. It weighed me down as I slowly began walking towards the front door. I grabbed the thin jacket I'd hung up by the stairs and dragged my arms through it, before slipping my feet into a pair of white shoes.
A lump formed in my throat as I grabbed a spare set of house keys. I only hesitated a moment before I unlocked the door and pulled it open, not bothering to look back over my shoulder as I stepped outside.
The night was cool. Stars littered the sky, glittering through the darkness. It was silent out, the only sound audible being of the cars speeding by on the highways a few miles away, similar to ocean waves. A distant train sounded its horn as it passed through the heart of town, and a chilly breeze slithered through the air, rustling my loose hair.
I softly shut the front door behind me, before making my way down the front steps of the porch. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as I started moving for the road without casting a single glance back towards the dark house.
I huddled my arms around myself and started the walk alone in the dark with no true destination in mind. All I knew was that when I was lonely, I began to feel more empty that I ever had in my life. And when I felt empty, the water began to stream inside again and I began to drown. I didn't want to drown again. In any sense. Mentally or physically.
Somewhere along the way, it began to rain. But I didn't stop. I walked and walked and walked until I was miles away from the house that I told myself was home, but not a day passed where it didn't make me feel like a prisoner. A prisoner trapped within the walls that seemed to follow me everywhere they went, forcing me to choke on the memories that had left scars behind. The house held ghosts, and they never stopped haunting me. It had my parents.
I walked and walked and walked. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I had gotten lost.
And yet, I didn't stop.
***
Kaiden's POV
I parked my car on the street alongside the church. The graveyard was the first location that caught my attention, and I scanned the entire area, nothing but eerie silence creeping in over the entire ground.
It was pitch black, the only light came from a broken streetlight flickering near the ancient church that towered over the site. Trees covered the burial ground, and I almost considered turning around and driving away as I locked my car. Barren land surrounded the location for miles, nothing but trees surrounding both sides of the road that led here.
The people you consider your family are keeping you in the dark.
His words were on repeat in my mind ever since I'd received the phone call an hour ago. It was a torturous cycle that no matter how hard I tried to block out, had engraved itself into my mind. I knew I had to stay with Izzy, but he'd warned me that this was my only chance.
Come meet me at midnight. I'll tell you the truth.
I halted before I started walking up the path that led to the church. Spinning back around, I unlocked my car and grabbed the gun I'd brought with me. I tucked it under my jacket, and shut the door again.
I scanned my surroundings again, my footsteps slow as I tried to find him. I was standing at the church's entrance now, and I had a direct view of the graveyard from where I stood. I purposefully did my best to not look in that direction.
I was about to slip out my phone and call back, but a deep voice stopped me. I turned around to see him sitting on one of the chipped, brown benches alongside the carved path.
Lucas chuckled, his eyes glinting in the dark. He had one arm thrown casually over the back of the bench as he watched me. His other rested limply on his knee.
"I almost thought you were going to bail on me," he drawled, and I watched, every part of me tense as he grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He lit one, and took a long drag, keeping his eyes on me the entire time. "Well? Are you going to stand there all day?"
My jaw clenched. "Why'd you choose this place?" Where she was buried. He knew that. He'd been present.
Lucas held my gaze. "Because what I need to tell you has to do with who you think is buried here."
"I think?" I repeated, wondering if I'd made a mistake by coming.
Lucas nodded, and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "Elijah and you have always been close, haven't you?"
I stayed quiet, watching him warily.
Lucas took a long breath. "I'll take that as a yes. You and him have always been best friends. Just like Ethan and Caleb," he mused. "Would you believe that he's been lying to you all these years?"
"Lying about what?" I gritted out.
He stayed silent for a long moment, studying me. "Did you know that four years ago, after your parents died, Elijah signed an agreement with the chief of police?"
I frowned. "No." I knew he had connections with the police department, but I'd never known that he had ties with the chief himself. Elijah despised the police. Especially because there were two detectives now after his reckless ass that he hadn't managed to get rid of yet. I knew that was something he was also in the process of figuring out.
Lucas grinned. "A part of this agreement or deal was that Elijah and his men would do favors for the police department. Anything they asked – whether it was killing off men they hadn't managed to lock up, or sending people away for good so the department wouldn't have to deal with them. It was all tasks that the officers couldn't do to avoid ruining their precious reputation." Lucas mocked and laughed, leaning back. "Corruption's everywhere. It runs this damn city."
"What's your point?" I snapped.
Lucas sighed. "My point is it was a mutually beneficial agreement. Elijah did the favors they asked for under the radar, and in return, they stayed off his trail and did him favors once in a while."
"Favors like what?" I gritted out.
Lucas took another drag, before exhaling slowly. "Anything he asked, really. Whether it was supplying weapons he couldn't get access to, wiping away criminal records for some of his men, locking up rivals he spared, and..." His smile widened, his eyes gleamed. "Helping him stage a death by pretending they'd found the site of a car crash. Delivering the news as if it was real."
I scoffed. "What the fuck are you trying to get at?"
Lucas smiled darkly. "I'm trying to tell you that your brother's not who you think he is," he said. "I'm trying to tell you that he's outsmarted you for his own sake because that's who he really is. I admit, I've corrupted him with what I taught him over the years, but you can't deny the fact that some of the vile actions he commits are for his own sake. Deep down, Elijah likes the power he has, even if he says everything he does is for your family."
I stayed quiet, my jaw tightening to the point where it felt like the bone would snap. "Stop talking in fucking riddles and tell me why you called me here."
Lucas went quiet, before he gestured to the bench next to him. "Take a seat and I will."
I studied him warily, noticing the way his face had set in stone. My eyes flicked over to the empty seat beside him, before I glanced over my shoulder at my car parked on the street. A smarter part of my mind was telling me to turn around and walk away; to not trust what this piece of shit was saying, but a different part won out.
I hated admitting it, but what he was saying about Elijah had some truth to it. I'd seen him do terrible things, without an ounce of regret, and I noticed the way he liked the authority and control he'd gained through his actions. Elijah craved dominance because it was what he'd been taught. It had become a part of him.
I thought about the way Elijah and Izzy had run off the day I'd arrived back home after I'd mentioned the woman I'd seen. I thought about how Elijah was starting to push me away a little more everyday. I thought about the way Ethan couldn't look me in the eye on some days entirely, while on others, he disappeared completely.
I didn't say anything to them, but I noticed.
The people you consider your family are keeping you in the dark.
Without another look back, I chose Lucas.
***